Rebound (20 page)

“
I don’t offer these
things lightly. It isn’t that I’m trying to keep you or control
you. I want to share these things with you because I absolutely
know that you aren’t the type of woman to use me for my money or
for what I can provide. I want to give you these things because you
deserve them. You’ve brought me more happiness in these couple of
days than I’ve ever had. I can’t define what this is, but I don’t
want to lose it, so if I can make it easy for you for one week, I
would only be giving you a fraction of what you’ve given
me.”

Knowing that I may never hear those
words again impelled me to lean in and give him a kiss. I needed to
touch him, touching his chin. I felt an electrical surge course
through my body from his kiss. At that moment, I knew I would never
get over him, and that is what frightened me most.

“
My new favorite thing
about you, your beard. It broke top five. Thank you. I appreciate
your words. I’ll try to accept and I’ll try to stop
resisting.”

“
Good. Off to work.” He
peeled out of the parking spot.

Before he dropped me off at the front of the
building, he informed me that he will pick me up after my class at
about 7:15 p.m. We gave each other a heated kiss. I tore myself out
of the car and waved goodbye. I ran into the building with tears
threatening to burst from my eyes. Where the hell did this emotion
come from? I felt a mixture of elation and emptiness. I tried to
pull myself together before retrieving the keys from the service
desk.

I kept busy, preventing a break down
because so much had transpired between us in such a short time.
Matt wasn’t giving me enough space to process our connection. If I
had a chance to be alone with my thoughts, and not during work
hours, I could start feeling more comfortable about the speed in
which we are becoming a couple. I couldn’t even call it that. We
hadn’t expressed exclusivity. He was saying the right things and
offering the very best. I didn’t want to get caught up in a
fantasy.

I got into a groove of working,
suppressing my thoughts about him when my stomach began to growl.
It was 1 p.m. My scheduled tour would be at three. I had no
walk-ins, and none of the staff peered in for a chat. Seeing me
with my head down, analyzing reports must’ve steered them
clear.

It was time to take a break. I got up
and told Larry at the front desk that I was taking my thirty minute
lunch break. I remembered that I had no lunch with me. I grabbed my
purse and thought I should check to see if Chelsea wanted to take a
break with me. I walked by her office. Luckily, she was
in.

“
Hi, Lovey.” I knocked on
the door. Chelsea looked up and smiled.

“
Hi, Sweetie. How are
you?”

“
Good. I’m hoping you can
spare thirty minutes for lunch. My treat. Please.”

“
I already ate, but I’ll
take a coffee.”

“
Great! Are you able to go
now?”

“
Sure.” She collected her
things and closed her door.

“
Maybe I can get a salad
at the café. How are you?” I asked postponing my conversation. I
wanted her advice as to how to proceed with Matt. We walked toward
the gym’s front entrance, proceeding to the café.

“
I’m surprised you didn’t
pack your lunch. That’s not like you.”

“
I spent last night with
Matt. I didn’t make anything to bring today. I was kind of
busy.”

“
Mhmm. I bet you were. So
how’s it going?”

We arrived at the café and it was
moderately busy. I found a salad and took Chelsea’s coffee order.
Chelsea grabbed the next available table. After standing in line
for an eternity, I was able to order and pay. I brought the salad
to the table waiting for the latte and Chelz’s coffee to be ready.
Chelz grabbed our coffees so I could eat my salad without losing
time.

“
To answer your question .
. .” I took a deep breath trying to formulate the story. “I feel
like it’s developing too fast. We had a great time Saturday. We had
great sex. He took me home and I thought, okay, I’ll see him
someday. He picked me up the next morning at an ungodly hour, left
tons of voicemails and texts, and . . .” I took another moment to
compose how much I could say without sounding ungrateful. “He
picked me up from work last night. He washed my clothes. These are
yesterday’s clothes that he washed, dried and folded. He bathed me.
He brushed my teeth. He tucked me in bed. He bought me soy milk.
Fuck, Chelz. He’s done more in this short time . . .”

“
Than Ben ever did for
you, right?” She filled in the blank correctly.

“
Yep. That isn’t even half
of it. He wants me to spend the week with him until he goes away on
business. He wants me to stay at his place while he’s away. He
wants me to have access to his Rover. His goddamn Rover, Chelz. It
costs more than I’ve made in two years. He said he trusts me. He
wants to keep me safe. He wants to know that I’m in his home for
when he comes back. I think I even rattled that shit out
verbatim.”

“
That’s all great stuff.
What’s the problem?”

“
The problem is I only
expected this to be a one night stand. A simple fuck. A really,
really good fuck, but just one fuck. And now, I think I’m falling
in love with him.”

“
Oh, Sweetie. You can’t
expect to have a one night stand with a man who knows the results
of your last pap smear.” Chelsea said with a giggle. I laughed. She
always brought levity to my seriousness. “What do you want? Because
it seems to me that you’ve found someone that wants to give you all
the things you deserve. What does he want in return that you aren’t
willing to give freely? What do you need him to prove so that you
accept this?”

“
First, I need a crystal
ball to tell me that this is all going to be okay. He said that
I’ve brought him more joy in these few days than he’s ever had. I
guess that’s all he’s expecting. My time and affection, which I’m
willing to give, but what if that isn’t enough? What if in the
future, I’m not enough and I still think he’s everything? What do I
do when he breaks my heart?”

“
Like Ben. Was Ben
enough?”

“
I thought he was, but
this . . . this is too good to be true.”

“
Comparing the two, which
is never a good thing because they are two different animals, which
one fucked your brains out?”

I coughed my latte. “Chelz! That
shouldn’t be the measure of what is best for me.”

“
Sorry, I just really want
to know. That Doctor looks like he can make you come by looking at
you. Okay, I love Dougie. He’s the best thing for me, but even when
we were courting, he never washed my clothes, bathed me, and tucked
me into bed.”

“
You forgot brushing my
teeth.”

“
Not all men do those
things, and those actions don’t matter to every woman. It’s
obviously important to you because you feel pampered. You were
never pampered. You did the pampering of Ben. You need a man who
will indulge you. Enjoy this. Stop questioning. You don’t have to
move in with him. Think of it as just a convenient offer. You
aren’t giving up your place. You’re gaining more than you’re
losing.”

“
Is it too soon to feel
this way about a man?”

“
Are you asking if it’s
too soon to fall in love with a man because you just met him or too
soon after your divorce?”

“
Both?”

“
Can we really put a time
line on falling in love? It just happens. We either fuck it up by
running away or we push forward and work hard at it. He seems worth
the work.”

“
But I don’t know him. He
doesn’t know me.”

“
That will come. You’ll
learn about each other and grow together. If you two grow apart,
like you and Ben, you’ve had a great time and you’ll find love
again. It seems you’ve already have.”

“
We should get back.” I
said, standing and clearing up my salad, which I barely touched.
I’ll save in the fridge and eat it before my Burlesque
class.

I wasn’t quite cheered up. She asked a
lot more questions, which I reflected on. I concluded that I just
needed to see this through, enjoy myself, and make up for years of
sexual frustration. I won’t allow myself to change my conviction of
maintaining my independence. If he wanted to be exclusive, which I
already am, I would do so faithfully. I have no plans of seeing
anyone else. After four days of bliss, how could anyone else
compare to him?

***

We arrived at my apartment. I’d hoped
that there wouldn’t be a parking spot, leave him double park to
wait for me outside, and I’d run upstairs to pick up a couple of
outfits for the next two days. Fate was against me because there
was a parking spot right in front of the three storied house. He
easily glided the Range Rover into the spot. Before he went around
the car to open the door for me as is his custom, I exited the
vehicle with my house keys in hand to unlock the front door. I
opened up my mail box and retrieved my mail. He stepped up behind
me and put his hands on my hips. A small shiver went down my back
as I opened up the front door. I loved his touch, wishing it were
skin on skin.

“
Just a word of warning,
my place is super small. Both of us may not fit in simultaneously,
so please be forewarned.”

“
So noted.” He smiled. But
even his smile couldn’t take away the nerves of him seeing my
modest place. In comparison to his place, mine was a hovel. “How
long have you lived here?” He asked as we walked up the three
stories.

“
Over a year. I found this
place after six months of living at the Inn. Alice and Ross didn’t
want me to move to this area. It’s not a bad neighborhood, but
they’d hoped I would have an easier commute into the city. Taking a
bus to the train is a lot. But this place is inexpensive and the
community is quiet. They gave me some of the Inn’s old furniture
when they renovated some of the rooms. My landlady lives on the
first level. She’s very sweet. My neighbors are young
professionals, so there aren’t any wild parties happening.” We
arrived at my door in the back of the building. I unlocked the door
and switched on the light. “Do come in.” I curtsied.

He entered and I noted that he looked
around the small space. I’d painted the entire place white and a
lot of green accessories for a give a pop of color. I don’t have a
lot of extra accessories, pictures or art hanging on the walls or
on the furniture. The necessities were in the small space: a twin
bed; nightstand with library books, alarm clock and small lamp; a
tall armoire for clothing storage; a tall dresser; a small,
foldable round table and two folding chairs for eating.

“
I would give you a tour,
but what you see is what you get. I won’t be long.”

“
Take your time. It’s a
nice place.” He stood in the middle of the room with his hands on
his hips, taking in the surroundings.

I went to my armoire and grabbed my
leather weekend bag, purchased as a splurge from a local discount
store, and put it on the bed with it unzipped and opened. I grabbed
a few mid length skirts, a few tops, and a couple of dresses from
the same armoire. I took them off the hangers and folded them,
laying them on the bed to be packed. I pulled two pairs of flat
shoes from underneath the armoire and laid them on the bottom of
the bag. I walked over to the dresser and pulled out a few bras and
matching panties, resisting the urge to smell them. In another
drawer, I grabbed a couple of t-shirts and yoga pants. I folded and
neatly packed in the bag.

The quiet was palpable as I entered
the bathroom to get my toiletries, combs, and an extra pack of my
birth control for the new month. My period was due on the day he
was to travel out of the country. I expected it to be over when he
returned on Sunday afternoon. When I exited, I saw him
contemplating the apartment, which is not enough square footage to
deeply consider. I didn’t have personal pictures up or any artwork.
I never planned on living in this apartment for very long, and
personalizing it further made me feel like I settled into
complacency.

“
What are those feathers
hanging over your bed?” He pointed to my burlesque fans, which were
placed over the twin sized bed that was parallel to the wall. I
decorated the bed as a day bed with a plush comforter, pillows, and
a throw. The fans hung lush and full of long, white feathers with
rhinestones decorating the handles. They looked like angel wings.
My face flushed with the question, but figured I should answer
honestly.

“
Those are my burlesque
fans. I used them when I danced in Vegas. They were given to me by
one of the veteran dancers who taught me everything I know.” I
answered, hoping that he didn’t judge me too harshly for my past.
In my opinion, it’s never too soon to be honest with that
information. I’m sure he realized I had experience dancing
exotically when he watched me at the club. However, he never asked,
but then again, we’ve been busy with other activities.

“
You danced in Vegas?” He
asked with incredulity in his voice, hand on his hips and the other
stroking the stubble on his chiseled chin. I walked to the bag and
inserted my toiletry bag into the weekender, I took a deep breath
and went for it.