Rebuild (Love & Beyond #1) (22 page)

“Hey, watch it! Yes I didn’t approve, but I knew how much you meant to him. I’ve never seen him this happy, not even once, he must be devastated and what happened the other night, where he took a hit for you and now you’re running away from him the next day? That’s low even for you. I told you not to hurt him and what girl in her right mind, walks away from him? Do you know how many women, would kill just to get his attention? You nut case.”

“Hey! Don’t you dare throw all these accusations at me, you have no idea. For your information, I left because it’s what’s best for him; he's better protected with me not there. Yes, other girls would kill to be with him, but ask yourself this, is that genuine? Not for his money at all? So don’t you give me crap about that shit! Now go back to your brother and stay the fuck away from mine.” I gaze at her with fury, waiting for her to either run to attack me, or either get up in my face. Adam interrupts.

“Hold up girls! Julie, ignore Danni she’s high on emotions right now; she’s had a rough time you should understand. Danni! Calm down before you give yourself a heart attack, shall we go and talk in private?” I understand Adam is trying to be peace maker, but he’s just making me even more pissed at him. How dare he let that bitch talk to me like that? This is far too much for one person to deal with; I can’t wait to escape it all. I walk with him into the kitchen, where he goes and puts the kettle on. I go sit on the black marble work top, hoping this is just some really bad TV show. Unfortunately, it’s reality. Adam distracts me from my thoughts asking. “Would you like a hot chocolate, like our dad use to make?” I smile, as I’m getting the flash back from when we were kids and our fathers face, with his half smile. He did the same one, our Adam has.

“Do you remember how?”

“Of course I do! Remember, when dad passed away and how devastated you were? We couldn’t get you to talk at all; you would sit in your room in complete silence. That’s when I thought I’d try the sit down alone talk with you and make the hot chocolate as dad use too. It worked; it was the only way I got you out of that depression. I would make it for you every night, around about seven; an we’d sit and chat for ages. It was the only way to keep you calm. So I couldn’t forget even if I tried, as it sentimental.” He scrunches his mouth up towards his nose, trying to make a mushy face, that’s hilarious. I grin as I start remembering all the times we sat down with our hot chocolates and having long chats.

“Yeah, I loved it and then we grew older and drifted. Suppose you needed it though, as after dad died and mum was forever touring and basically didn’t return home, you were the one left to look after us. It was a big burden to have. I appreciated it, every day.” He nods and passes me my hot chocolate; I can tell he doesn’t want to talk about that. With the tip of my tongue, I lick a bit of the thick, soft cream and go in for the swig, mmm heaven, just like I remember. “That’s perfect, thank you.”

“So come on Danni! Speak to me, what’s going on in that head of yours? Tell me why you’ve walked away from Jared?”

“Well the other night when it all went down, he got really hurt; all because he was with me and Dillon didn’t like that. Now that wouldn’t have happened if he never knew me, so now I have all this guilt inside screaming at me and I just don’t want it anymore.”

“What else is it? And don’t say nothing, as I can tell your withholding information from me. You always twitch your right eye, when you’re not being completely honest. So come on, I want to know the full story.”

“Ok! Well Dillon got hold of Jared’s journal and he basically told me what it was all about. He said he had secrets he doesn’t want me knowing, I don’t know what they are. Also he said, Jared loves me more than words can say and he can see having a life with me, settling down and getting married, having kids.” I look to the ground, because every time I say this, it kills me. Adam breaks the silence and looks at me puzzled.

“What’s wrong with that? I mean that’s something every woman wants, for their man to want all that with them.” I’ve kept this to myself for so long now, the only reason I told Jared was because I needed to explain, but I don’t like telling people this, as wanting kids is something I’ve always dreamt about since I was little. A little girl, I could dress up in all the cutest girly clothes, all the stuff you teach your little girl. So the fact I can’t have one, is heartbreaking. So that’s why I’ve never really spoke about this. So in a low tone I finally come out with it.

“Adam, I can’t have kids.” Saying it out loud, makes me crumble and I burst into tears. It’s the first time I’ve told a family member, as I knew once I told them, the situation would be more realistic and I’ve fought for it to stay a myth. I couldn’t handle the reality of the matter; if I didn’t admit to myself, then it couldn’t be real. But that’s the denial in me because this is real and there’s nothing I can do about it. The tears are flowing; it’s a never ending monsoon.

“Awe Danni, why didn’t you tell me? Come here.” He wraps his arms around me for comfort, as I carry on talking to him through the tears.

“That’s why I can’t be with him, he wants children and that’s the one thing I can’t give him. I’m damaged.”

“You’re not damaged, Danni! Don’t say that.” He holds me close until I start to calm down and I eventually move from him and wipe the tears with the back of my hand so I can say.

“Adam, I need your help.”

“Sure, whatever you need.”

“I need to get away from here; I need some clothes, a car and somewhere to go. I’m alright for money like you said. I can go and stay in a hotel somewhere far from here, but I need you to go and get me some clothes from Andi’s. I can’t go to Jared’s house as it’s a crime scene. I would go myself but there are paparazzi everywhere, it’s why I need to leave tonight. Please Adam?”

“Yeah! Sure I will, but don’t go to a hotel; there is a better place you can go. Do you remember the lake house; were we use to go when we were kids, with mum and dad? It’s pretty far out, so no one will be able to find you there. Once dad past he left it to us in his will, they never sold it. I go there from time to time to clear my head, I’ve not been in a while, but you should go there, it’ll be perfect. There is a little village near by which has a few shops, a place to eat, have a few drinks, it’s really pleasant go there.”

“That would be great, thank you. Listen, you can’t tell anyone where I am, less chance I’ll be found by the media or anyone for that matter.” He nods in agreement and grabs his keys from the corner shelf and heads straight out to get it all sorted for me. Now all I have to do is wait patiently and I can finally get away.

         Chapter Eighteen

I’m just arriving at the lake house; it was a three hour journey. It’s late, but that’s my own fault, I didn’t leave till seven. I head towards the door and go put the key into the key hole, which is full of cob webs were no one has used it for a while. Once I’m through the door, I look for a switch hoping there is some electric in this place. Thankfully there is, as a dim light appears and lights the room. I inspect the room with my eyes, there’s a beautiful fire place with a white fluffy rug laid in front of it. I use to sit there with my hot chocolate and our dog bongo; he was such an amazing dog. On top of the fire place, there is a family picture that were all in, including mum, which was rare. I only look about five, we all look so happy
.
I go and explore the rest of the house.

I come to the bedrooms and walk into the main room which was my parents. It’s dusty, puffs of dust rise of the floor with each step I take. We have not used this house or this room for years. Looking around the room, I'm struck by memories of my parents. I remember these flower covers, my dad hated them but my mother just adored them. My dad would always give in to my mum and this thought makes me smile.

As I go towards their bed side table, where there is a picture of them both kissing, awe, isn't that sweet. I think to myself picking up the photo and wiping my finger over the glass, a tear drops onto the frame and I quickly begin looking elsewhere. There is also a pipe, my dad never used it; he wanted it to wind mum up and thought it looked cool. I trace my finger across it and reminisce about my parents, our home and the lives we had before.

I leave their room and head to what used to be my room. Opening the door, I smile to see it was still pink as ever, with my single bed, pink and white, with my heart covers. My childhood monkey, his name was Chimpy, sat proudly on top of my bed. I used to have him with me everywhere, then I left him here the last time we came, I was so gutted. That’s when we got home, my brother went and bought me a new teddy, but it was a tiger instead and he told me that this one is much better, because he makes the bad things go away, so I’m protected. I use to be scared of everything, like spiders, any type of bugs and the monsters under my bed. My room is not that dusty, maybe when Adam comes here from time to time he cleaned, well apart from the parents’ room; he must have not brought himself to it.

I sit on my bed for a while remembering all the times we spent here, back when life was simple. It’s like the whole house is alive with memories from our past, with the laughter, the games, I just smile to myself. Tomorrow, I will stock the cupboards up, give the house a good clean and then maybe try and chop some logs for the fire. Wouldn’t have a clue how to, never done it before, but I’m going to give it ago. I jump as my leg starts to vibrate, that must be my mobile. I grab it out from my pocket and notice it’s an email from Jared; do I want to read this? Here we go.

[email protected]
:
Danni, I’m sorry for telling you to get out, please forgive me? I was hurt and the pain meds were in my system. If it is time you want, then I will give it to you. I understand you want to be alone to figure yourself out. I would advise you to go and see a physiologist; you’ve been through so much. I know that your scars run deep and I only want what’s best for you, I don’t love you any less. In fact, I care for you deeply. I won’t contact you again; I will wait for you to contact me. Please take care Miss Shaw. Remember, No fear. I hope that you find what you’re looking for.

Forever yours,

J.

Oh, Jared! He’s such an amazing person. As much as I want to email back, I really shouldn’t. I’ll just say thanks.

[email protected]
:
Thanks!

Always yours!

D.

I put my phone away and dig out some pyjamas ready for bed. Once I’m in the covers, I lay back trying to forget all recent activities, if only it was that easy.

The next day, I get up at the crack of dawn, I couldn’t sleep properly last night, I was quite restless. I kept having those bloody nightmares over and over. Well do you count them as nightmares, as it actually happened? Never mind! Time for coffee and a bowl of honey hoops, which I brought with me. They’ll do until I nip the shops to stock the cupboards up. I head over to sit at our wooden table, for something quite old; it’s in good condition, apart from the three engravings that are carved into the corner.

A.S

A.S

D.S

1995

Huh? I’ve never noticed that Andi and Adam have the same initials, how can I not notice that? Talk about, a blonde moment. Well obviously not anymore though, as she married now. I remember we all got a right telling of for this. I was too young to touch his pen knife back then, so Adam did mine for me. I can’t help but giggle at the thought of this. Great times! Talking of Adam, I promised I’d call him at least once a day just so he knows I’m fine. It’s rather mad as he’s not shown this concern in ages.

Once I’ve finished, I don’t just wait around, I get stuck into cleaning. There was food in the cupboards, years out of date. One was 2010 where in 2014 come on that’s just dirty. You think Adam would have sorted all of this, lazy ass. As I turn around to head towards the door I let out a scorching scream. Oh my god, oh my god, ewe that’s huge, black and hairy, it’s going to get me. That’s one fucking huge spider. I jump on the chair shouting.

“Oh my god, someone help me, I’ve got a phobia of these creatures, and they’re evil.”
Why are you shouting Danni? You’re in the middle of nowhere, so no one can hear you, idiot
. My, self conscious is saying to me. Thanks self conscious, love you two. I swear, my inner self is a bitch sometimes.

Right, Danni! Be brave it’s only a spider, scroll around to find something to kill it with. There’s an old hard back cook book, which should do the trick. Right you bugger, you’re going to get it, I throw the book at the spider and another scream leaves my mouth as it started to run. That’s worse and now I’ve got to find the spider, I can’t stay in a house with a big spider lurking around wanting vengeance on me. Right, Danni! You’re sounding like a crazy person, let’s just grab your bag and run out, hopefully it’ll disappear out the house. I grab my coat and bag and run for the door.

It didn’t take long to find the village; it was only a twenty minute drive. I’m still edgy when it comes to driving, as I only past my test a few months ago. This place is quite charming, old fashioned Victoria time’s buildings. People look pretty friendly as well, saying hello to everyone they see. You can tell it’s a small village, where everyone knows each other.

I come across a little corner cafe with a sign in the window saying ‘help wanted’ I’m here for a while, I might as well make the most of it and apply for the job, it’ll keep me busy. I’ll give it a few days first, so I’ve got the chance to settle in. I’ll go in anyway, the bacon smells good and I want a coffee. Hopefully I won’t get recognised from the news. The inside of this place is adorable, little vintage white tables and chairs, vase of flowers on each table and all around. Even the wall paper is white with flowers on them. Beautiful! I head towards the counter where an old lady stands; she must be in her late fifties, early sixties. White fine hair wrinkled skin and blue eyes; she looks like she has a kind soul. She welcomes me in such a pleasant manner.

“Welcome dear, what can I get you?”

“Hi, could I have a coffee with a bacon roll please?”

“Of course you can, dear.” She goes and puts the bacon on and switches the coffee machine on. I love the smell of fresh ground coffee. She looks back towards me and sheds me a half warm smile. “You’re new around here aren’t you? I’ve not seen you around, are you visiting relatives?”

“Yes I am, not sure how long for, but for now; I plan on staying for a while. I’m Danni.” I pass my hand over to her and introduce myself, as she grabs it.

“It’s nice to meet you, Danni; I’m Diana. So where about are you staying?”

“I’m actually staying at my family’s lake house, in the forest; we use to come here every year when we were kids.”

“Oh right, I know that place, the family was lovely. Especially their dad, he would always help me when I needed some D.I.Y done. A remarkable man! That brings a smile to my face her talking of my dad like that. It makes me even more proud of him.

“Yeah, that was him! He was amazing.”

“So which one are you? The tom boy, who was always getting herself in trouble? Or are you the girly girl, who was shy?”

“Ha-ha the tom boy was my sister, I was the good one.”

“I’ve not seen you in years, what a beautiful young lady you turned out to be. You and that boy, what was his name? That’s it, Carl. You use to play with my daughter Elizabeth.”

She turns the television up as the news comes on and the events of the other night, is all over it. I hide my head into my coffee mug and pull my hood over my head, hoping she doesn’t notice. Damn it, she notices, as she looking back and forth from the news to me. She tried so quietly to whisper to herself.

“Oh my, that’s terrible.” Kindly, she turns it off; I shed her, a small thank you smile and nod my head, hoping she understands not to mention it to anyone. Sympathetically, she nods back to say don’t worry. She goes and grabs a cream cake and hands it to me. “Here, have a cream cake! It’s on the house. Something tells me you’re in need of comfort food.”

“Thank you, Diana.” Once I’ve finished, I stay for a while longer for a chat, were she’s telling me lots of stories, from when I was younger with my family. It’s mad how when you grow up, you forget so much. She’s invited me over one night to dine with her and the family. I felt uncomfortable, but I couldn’t say no, it would be rude. Who knows, it could be fun.

                                                 *****

Right, let’s give this ago. I grab the axe and whack the log; it makes me jump as the log went flying off to the right. Oh crap, was that supposed to happen? I’ll go grab it. You are kidding me? It didn’t even spilt, suppose getting the edge doesn’t work. I laugh at my stupidity, I should try that again, but I best call my brother and see if he can tell me what I’m doing wrong.

              “Hey, Adam! I need your help, I’m trying to chop logs for the fire place, but it’s not working very well. I whacked it, but I got the edge, I’m guessing I’m not supposed to do that?” Instead of saying, hi Danni! How are you? All I get is laughing, what a jerk.

“You, you’re trying to chop logs? That is hilarious, I wish I could see. Give me a minute to stop laughing. I can picture you breaking a nail and freaking out.” I swear, I’m going to kill him.

“Adam, I’m not that bad! It’s only a bit heavy. I can do it without breaking a nail, you ass.”

“Ok, how did you have your hands?”

“Why does that matter? Never mind, I had both hands at the end of the handle. Is that not right?”

“No, it’s not! Bless yeah, you need to have one on top of the handle and one at the bottom. You’ll have a good grip, better accuracy and more strength to swing. Go give it ago, but keep me on the line so I can hear, this is going to be funny.”

“Seriously? Fine! I’ll put you on speaker. Right Adam, can you hear me?”

“Yeah! Go after three.” I do as I’m told and position my hands ready, but he’s distracting me by shouting through the phone.

“Watch you don’t break a nail, Danni.” One, two and three, woo I did it, victory dance. Someone high five me! Damn, no one here.

“Adam, phone five me.”

“Ha-ha, phone five! You did it then?”

“Yeah, couldn’t you hear me?”

“Yeah, it was hard not to with your shouting high five. Right, Danni! I’ve got to go; I’m off to see Andi.”

“How’s she doing?”

“She doing well, she’s still shocked. They want her to stay in hospital a little while longer, just to keep a close eye on her and the babies.”

“Have you told them I’ve left?”

“I have, but I’ve not said where you went. She was pretty pissed about you leaving.”

“That’s understandable. Have you heard how Jared’s doing?”

“He checked himself out, the doctors advised him not to, but obviously he didn’t care to listen. No one has heard from him since! Not even his sister.”

“Oh, right. He emailed me last night; he didn’t share that information, what an idiot. All he said was that I should go and seek professional help.”

“Seriously? What a dick! He has no right saying that to you, you’re not a nut job and you don’t need to see anyone, especially if you’re uncomfortable. Plus, that would be your decision, not his, the prick.”

“Adam, it’s ok, I wasn’t offended; he’s just looking out for me. Plus, you shouldn’t say that about the girl you’re dating, brother.

“Where not dating, we’ve just been out a few times. I refuse to talk to you about this, it’s far too weird. Bye baby sis and relax, no worrying, no stressing, you didn’t go there for that.”

“Ok bro, I will! All though, I was thinking, running off to the middle of a forest just after a crazy person caught up with me, was not a bright idea. I’m forever looking over my shoulder, in fear someone is going to jump out at me.”

“You’ll be fine; I doubt he’d get that far with two holes in his knees, thanks to you. So if you feel scared, just think of that. Plus, I’ve got a feeling you’ve got someone watching over you. Ring me tonight or I’ll ring you and check in, bye.” What does he mean, someone watching over me? That’s not made me feel any better, if anything it makes me feel worse. Forget it, I best get back to chopping logs, otherwise I’ll be freezing tonight.