Recaptured Dreams (14 page)

Now as she stood next to the window, the sun pouring over her pale skin, Xavier couldn’t help but think of how she’d looked beneath him just a couple nights before. The doubt in her beautiful eyes made him weak. His heart clenched painfully in his chest, and he wondered how he would ever get what he’d always wanted. Needed.

Love had brought him here, to her parents’ house in an affluent neighborhood south of Kensington Palace. Once again, he hadn’t found a trace of Sophia Montel, only her parents, so this was his last stop—and his last hope. He hadn’t even expected to get past the threshold of dear old Katherine’s house. She’d met him with frost when he’d introduced himself and probably would have slammed the door in his face yet again if Sophia hadn’t come down the stairs.

But he had come here for answers, and he wasn’t leaving without them. It didn’t matter how striking Sophia looked standing next to the window as the light framed her face. It didn’t matter that the very sight of her churned his insides. And it surely didn’t matter that he was in love with her.

“Xavier,” Sophia said quietly, disrupting his thoughts. Her voice sang in his ears.

During his roaming thoughts of her, he had absentmindedly taken several steps in her direction, and now they were just breaths apart. Garnering all his will, he looked away from her face, seeing the hint of sadness there just before he did. He turned, took several strides in the opposite direction, and then twisted back around.

He stared at her innocent eyes, her quivering lips, and fought the impulse to drag her to him and plunder her mouth savagely. That would get him nowhere.

“Care to explain?” he asked.

Sophia gaped at him. “Explain?”

“Or do I not even get the pleasure of an explanation?”

Sophia placed a hand to her head. “I’m sorry…what?”

“Well, ‘sorry’ is a good place to start.” Xavier crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels. “Just tell me—do you make a habit of taking a man to bed only to leave him in the middle of the night? Or was it just me?”

She flinched as if he’d slapped her. Her face flushed red, and she moved toward him. “How dare you—”

Within seconds he was inches from her, taking hold of her arms.

“How dare I what? Care about you enough to crawl to the ends of the earth for you?” He squeezed her arms, and Sophia gasped for air but didn’t struggle as she looked up into his eyes. “Care enough to hold you in my arms for a night, only to find them empty in the morning?” He released her and spun about. “Care enough to be crushed when you left?”

He strode toward the window. Her footsteps trailed behind, and she put a hand on his shoulder. He dragged in an irritated breath.

“You left me, Sophia. Not once, not twice…but three times.” He turned back around to face her. “I need to know if you care. If I matter to you at all.”

Her brow furrowed. “
Three
times?” Her hand fluttered to her head. Her fingers laced between her silken hairs as she rubbed her scalp. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, a glisten of tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. “I don’t understand. But I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He clasped a hand around her arm and gently tugged her toward him. It took everything he had not to silence her with a kiss. She wouldn’t want that. The tremble to her voice, the hesitation of her posture—she was afraid. He hoped not of him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but from where I’m standing, that’s what it looks like.” He took in several deep breaths. “Surely it’s not a game, traipsing around and breaking people’s hearts, is it? Because that’s not the Sophia I remember. That’s not the Sophia I held in my arms when we were younger. It’s not the Sophia I used to love.”

Her face paled at least four shades. “Loved?”

“Yes, I did.” Always would, but her surprised expression made him pause from saying just that. “Why do you look so stunned?”

“Because I…you, me.” She shook her head, the color continuing to drain from her face. “It’s just. Bloody hell. I don’t know where to start.” A tear slid down her cheek, followed by another.

“Don’t—Jesus,” Xavier said as he eyed her face. “Are you crying?”

Sophia twisted free of his grasp and backed away as far as the wall would let her. Xavier reached out, but she recoiled again.

“I want to explain it.” She was panting, struggling for air. “I
need
to explain it. But I don’t know if you’ll understand.”

“Try me.”

“I can’t. I thought I could. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I’m not ready for you.”

His heart almost stopped. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She pressed an unsteady hand to her head. “I didn’t know that what happened a few nights ago would turn into this.” She made a fluttering gesture with her hand. “I didn’t know that being with you would make me remember.”

“Remember what?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. I can’t think straight. I know I feel bad for walking out on you.”

He stepped toward her, needing to touch her. To reassure her. “But how do you feel about me?”

She looked down. “I don’t know,” she said, barely above a whisper.

His shoulders slumped. That wasn’t the answer he’d wanted to hear. He reached out for her again. “Sophia.”

“Don’t,” she said as she held up her hand.

“Just tell me how you feel.”

“I can’t.” She maneuvered around him and headed for the door. Wiping her face free of the tears, she looked over her shoulder once more. “I’m sorry, but I need to be alone.”

Sophia ran out of the sitting room and out the front door, passing by Anne Marie in her haste.

Chapter Eleven

X
AVIER
S
LID
D
OWN
I
NTO
the leather wingback chair. He rubbed his hands over his face and looked up at Anne Marie. She casually leaned against the doorjamb, her eyes accusing.

“What the devil did you say to her to make her run out like that?”

Shaking his head, Xavier fuddled with putting the words together. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just came to—” he blew out a rough breath “—to figure out what her deal is.”

Anne Marie crossed her arms. “What her deal is?”

“Yeah.” His voice rose. “Why she ran out on me two nights ago. Why she ran away from me at the OXO party.” He stood up and paced as he ran his long fingers through his hair. “And why she left me ten years ago without any explanations.” Xavier stopped in front of Anne Marie and looked at her with wild eyes. “I spent years thinking about the day I would see her again.”

He turned away, trying to hide the anguish on his face. “But now she acts like I’m a stranger. All I want is her, and I don’t know why I’m being pushed away.”

Anne Marie touched his arm. “How much do you know about her past?”

“Very little,” he admitted. And that stung. “We were seventeen when we met in America. She was on vacation with her family in the Hamptons. I was just a regular kid working at the main beach in East Hampton. That’s where we met.” He paused and smiled at the memory of her in her red bikini. Her hair had been long and falling over her shoulders as she walked along the shoreline with a friend. “After we met, we were inseparable. I loved her, and I was sure she loved me. Her mother didn’t approve because I didn’t come from wealth, but that didn’t matter to Sophia. We were each other’s first.” He glanced at Anne Marie and felt embarrassed. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“No,” she said as she wrapped her slender fingers around his arm. “It’s nice to know something about her past, because she doesn’t remember it.”

Xavier stiffened. “What do you mean she doesn’t remember it?”

Anne Marie stepped back, crossing her arms. “She didn’t tell you?”

Every muscle in his body went rigid as he fought to keep calm. “Tell me what, exactly?”

She pushed her hair back out of her face, not meeting his eyes. Finally, she spoke. “Well, I think it’s best if she tells you the story, but I’ll tell you this: Sophia doesn’t have any memory earlier than the age of seventeen. Everything before then is gone.”

Xavier blinked rapidly, the realization choking him. Anne Marie’s eyes went wide as he paced the room again.

Now it all made sense. He’d been so obsessed with seeing her again—with
being
with her again—he’d missed the obvious signs. Sure, she’d shared an attraction with him, but she’d shielded herself because she thought he was a random fling.

Damn.

Blood coursed through his veins, making him light-headed as he made a third lap around the room.

When he’d found Sophia, he’d been so busy worrying about himself and his feelings he hadn’t asked her anything about herself. He’d been so blinded by her presence, he hadn’t even thought to ask the simplest of questions:
How have you been? What have you been up to all this time? Did you miss me?

Or even the toughest but most important of questions:
Did you give birth to our child? Have you had to raise it on your own?

It was ridiculously simple, and he’d done nothing but screw it up.

Yet she’d come to him that night of the charity auction. She’d enveloped him like a protective cocoon. That night had seemed so easy for her, like she’d never been with anyone else and only wanted to be with him. But if she truly didn’t remember him…

He stopped pacing and frowned.

If she didn’t remember him, then she must have felt bad about having a one-night stand and had left out of shame.

He took several deep breaths, trying to keep his head from imploding. “She doesn’t remember anything from her past? No people? No places? Nothing?”

“I’m afraid not.” Anne Marie tucked her hands into the pockets of her linen pants. “Sophia’s been chasing her memories for the better part of a decade, never getting any closer than she was the day before.”

His gut churned. What was he going to do now?

Anne Marie tilted her head and regarded him carefully. “She’s got a connection to you, you know. I think she realized that the first time she saw you, but she didn’t know what it was. And you seem to have a deep connection with her. Why not help her fill in the gaps?”

That gave Xavier a shred of hope. He could help her recall the past, what they had lost, and start over. They could build the life he’d been dreaming about for all those years.

A sliver of hesitation crept in, however. There was a chance she would remember him, but what if that wasn’t enough? He could reach his heart out to her only to have her slam it back in his face once she realized he wasn’t what she wanted in the end. After all, they were still two worlds apart. And…

Who was he kidding? She couldn’t hurt him any more than he already had been.

With his nerves settling, Xavier looked Anne Marie in the eye. Her confident smile gave him even more courage. “Maybe you’re right. Do you know where she would run off to?”

“She’s probably wandering round Kensington Gardens. She always goes there to clear her thoughts when she’s upset.”

Xavier headed for the door.

“Oh…Xavier,” Anne Marie said before he could walk out. “Thank you.”

Xavier shook his head. “No, thank you.”

Kensington Gardens was several blocks over from Sophia’s house. It surrounded the sprawling palace complex that housed a number of British royalty. The palace and its immediate grounds had undergone extensive renovation in preparation for the recent Summer Olympics, enhancing the lush gardens with manicured topiaries, a wildflower meadow, more walking paths, and a new shop and café drawing tourists to everything Kensington had to offer. Now with the Olympics long gone and spring tourism yet to descend upon London, Sophia could breeze through the place that made her feel at ease.

Thankfully, her favorite spot had remained untouched during the renovations: the Sunken Garden. The relatively intimate area was enclosed with tall hedges, and Sophia made her way through its arched arbor and down stone steps, stopping at the very edge of the central pond. Though the grass remained green and daffodils and crocuses had already begun to sprout elsewhere on the grounds, late winter rendered the trees and terraced flowerbeds bordering the water there largely leafless and brown. No blooming bushes, no trees and flowering shrubs bursting with fragrance. But Sophia could close her eyes and picture it. And even without the color wheel of blossoms, the soothing gurgle of the pond was still magnificent. It held three fountains, each continuously shooting sprays of dancing water into the air. The water splashed as it fell back to earth, causing the otherwise serene pond to ripple.