Recipe for Kisses (17 page)

B
en couldn’t believe he was willingly putting himself through the torture of a weekend at a kids’ summer camp. Sure, it was beautiful in the mountains west of Denver. They were only an hour out of the city, but it felt like another world up here. From the hillsides of pine trees and aspen groves to the craggy peaks jutting up in the distance, the drive toward camp was a huge change from the city. The blue sky seemed wider and brighter as they drove up the mountain pass and turned off the paved highway.

Abby and Zach had been so excited to go they’d downloaded the packing list from the camp’s website as soon as they returned home and even convinced Harry to take them shopping for supplies. Ben’s grouchy, hard-nosed father had spent his day off in the upscale camping equipment store near downtown trolling the aisles for backpacks, sleeping bags, bug repellent, and the other gear the kids had insisted they needed for the weekend.

Of course, Ben had provided his credit card for the trip yet had been surprised when they brought home bags of gear for him as well. But he’d refused to wear the wide-brimmed hat Abby insisted he needed for days in the bright Colorado sun.

“Do you know how much stronger the UV rays are at altitude?” she’d asked and while her concern was sweet, he’d stick with his Rockies ball cap.

As they drove the dirt road that led to the camp, he absorbed some of their excitement, or maybe it was simply the thought of being with Chloe again. He wanted to set aside his visit with Cory and all the problems between them to simply concentrate on the way she made him feel.

She’d gone up a day early with Sam, and the time away from her had made him restless and itchy, like his skin had shrunk around him. Alone in his bed, he’d tossed and turned, and it was more than a physical need. Being with Chloe calmed him in a way that made him long just to see her again.

Then he did. She stood outside a log cabin as they approached, wearing denim shorts rolled above her knee and a simple white T-shirt that framed her sweet curves. As she lifted a hand to wave, Ben glanced at Abby.

“I texted her,” the girl said with a glimmer of a smile. “Don’t act like you aren’t dying to see her. You’ve been a crabass all morning.”

“Language,” Zach called from the backseat.

“Maybe I’m grumpy because my idea of a perfect weekend isn’t dealing with bugs and kids.” He frowned at her. “Trust me, you and your brother are enough.”

“Fine.” Abby sniffed. “You can just drop us off and leave. We’ll be fine for the weekend.”

Something like panic flashed in Ben, because maybe they didn’t need him the way he needed them.

“Uncle Ben has to stay.” Zach lifted himself to meet Ben’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “You’re an official teacher. That’s a big deal.”

Ben smiled at the note of pride threading through his nephew’s words. How had his brother not been able to get his life on track when these two were depending on him? “I’m staying,” he told both kids. “And I’m nervous, not grumpy.” He slowed the Range Rover as he drove over a deep rut in the driveway.

“About camping?” Zach asked.

“About teaching the cooking class,” Ben explained. “I’ve never done something like that before.”

“But you take over restaurant kitchens all the time,” Abby countered. “You yell and scream, but you don’t get nervous.”

“I do, but I don’t show it on camera. Kids are different. I doubt they care about my reputation or temper. They expect me to be a good teacher. I don’t want to let them down.”
I don’t want to let you down
, he thought silently.

As if she could read his mind, Abby flashed a reassuring smile. “You’ll be great. Zach and I will ooh and aah over the food.”

“Even if it sucks,” Zach added then quickly said, “I know—language.” The boy rolled down his window and shouted a greeting to Chloe.

When Ben parked the car, both kids hopped out and ran over for a big hug. He wasn’t the only one who’d been missing her.

“Nice place,” he said as he ambled over, trying to appear cooler than he felt.

She gave him a brilliant grin that he felt all the way to his toes. Damn, he had it bad for this woman. “I’m glad you three are here. It’s a great group of kids this week.” She ruffled Zach’s hair. “Lots of boys your age. They’re starting at the archery range in about an hour.”

“Awesome.” Zach pumped his fist in the air. “Can I go check it out?”

“Unload first,” Ben told him and clicked the button to open the tailgate.

As they pulled out the gear, a teenage boy approached from one of the gravel paths. Ben heard Abby suck in a breath and looked a little closer. The kid was probably her age or a year older. He had tanned skin and floppy blond hair bleached by the summer sun. He was several inches shorter than Ben and still on the thin side, but long-limbed in a way that made it seem like he’d fill out in a few years. He wore sagging board shorts, a Bryce Hollow T-shirt, and aviator sunglasses.

“Hey, Ms. Daniels,” he called as he got closer. “Are these your friends?”

“Hi, Jake.” She drew the teen forward. “Zach and Abby, this is Jake Masterson. He’s one of the counselors for the boys’ cabin this summer. Zach, you’ll be in Jake’s group for the weekend.”

“Nice backpack,” Jake told the boy, earning a huge smile from Zach.

“Abby,” Chloe continued, “Jake will be doing your tour and initial orientation. The girls are on a hike this morning so he’ll get you squared away and make introductions at lunch.”

When his niece just stared, Ben elbowed her. “Earth to Abby . . .”

“Great,” she stammered. “That’s great. Fine. Wonderful.”

If the kid noticed Abby’s nerves, he didn’t make a big deal of it. “Want some help with your stuff?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said, her voice a squeak. Ben saw her shoot Chloe a look when Jake reached into the back of the SUV. Shepherding a girl through her teenage years was going to be more difficult than anything he’d faced in a kitchen.

Jake introduced himself to Ben, shook his hand, and then led Zach and Abby up the steps of the main cabin. When they’d disappeared into the building, Chloe turned to him. “Don’t worry. Jake’s a great kid. He’s been coming to the camp since Sam opened it. I trust him completely.”

“I don’t trust any teenage boy,” Ben said, setting the rest of his gear on the ground next to the Range Rover. “I know what he’s thinking.”

Chloe gave a small laugh. “Just because you got into trouble, doesn’t mean all boys are going to.”

“I’ll be keeping an eye on him just the same.” He slammed shut the rear access then turned to find Chloe standing right behind him.

“It’s cute how protective you are of her,” she said and reached up to brush a gentle kiss over his mouth. Her lips were soft and he smelled her normal scent mixed with sunscreen and a little sweat—the combination making the need banked inside him flare to life.

In one movement, he picked her up and stepped to the far side of the SUV. Pressing her back to the passenger door, he deepened the kiss at the same time he wedged a knee between her legs, balancing her so his hands were free to skim under her T-shirt and up her warm, bare skin.

She moaned softly, melting against him. Her mouth was as hungry and demanding as he felt, and it was several seconds before he could force himself to break away. “You missed me,” he whispered, setting her gently to the ground but keeping his hold on her arms as her knees seemed to give a little.

The look she gave him as she nodded was so adorably flustered, he wanted to pull her to him once again.

“It’s probably not a good idea for anyone to find us out here.”

That comment must have registered with her because she jumped away from him. “No.” She glanced to either side of the Range Rover then blew out a breath when she verified they were still alone. “You can’t do that,” she said, poking him in the chest.

“What? Say hello to you?”

“Kiss me until I forget everything but you.”

He grinned at that admission. “I like kissing you, Chloe.”

She straightened her shirt and readjusted the ponytail knotted at the back of her head. Ben’s own knees went weak at the sight of the pale slip of skin between her shirt and shorts, which was the only explanation for what he said next. “I missed you, too. A lot.”

She stilled, meeting his eyes as if trying to decide if that was the truth or if he was feeding her a line. He shuttered his gaze, not wanting to reveal how much she’d wormed her way in, as if by osmosis, and how it was difficult to imagine his life without her in it. He couldn’t let her see that, because this was temporary. They’d agreed and he knew, in theory, it was the best thing for both of them.

But he hated the feeling that he’d disappointed her, the thin press of her lips as if she’d determined that his words were just part of the game they were playing. It didn’t feel like a game to him, and it wasn’t a casual summer fling. It felt real, which was scarier than anything else.

“They’re only words,” she said into the awkward silence hanging between them. “I know they don’t mean anything, and I don’t want them to.” Her chin jutted out, like she’d issued a challenge, and he waited for the relief he knew should come. But instead frustration built inside him, reckless and hot, making him want to kiss the stupid lie right off her lips.

Except what if it wasn’t a lie? What if he was the only one who needed more? Maybe what Chloe meant when she’d said she’d missed him was that she missed the sex. The chemistry that circled like a tempest whenever they were together. How could it truly be anything more with the end date stamped on their time together?

“Good,” he said, feeding her his own particular brand of bullshit. He was so jumbled by all the new emotions coursing through him that he grabbed on to what felt familiar—being a jerk. Ben might not like the Beast nickname, but there was no doubt he’d earned it. “Because this isn’t real. Don’t pin any hopes on me, Chloe. I’ve been a jackass for so long, it’s about the only thing I do well anymore.”

Her eyes clouded even more, with hurt and unspoken recriminations. But before she could answer, he grabbed his gear from the ground and loaded it onto his back.

“I can show you where to go,” she said quietly behind him.

“No need.” He threw the words over his shoulder, ignoring the searing pain they caused in his chest. “I can find my own way, sweetheart. It’s how it works for me.”

C
HAPTER THIRTEEN

C
hloe zipped up her fleece jacket later that night, curling the edges of the blanket she sat on around her legs. It always cooled off in the mountains at night, and despite the warmth coming from the bonfire, the breeze off the lake seeped into her bones.

No one else seemed bothered by the temperature, so maybe the way she felt had more to do with Ben’s attitude since he’d arrived at camp. Despite kissing her like he wanted her as much as she did him, since then he’d avoided her. There hadn’t been one glance, one clandestine touch. He’d sat with Zach and the boys’ group during dinner, and she’d even seen him giving opinions on nail polish colors with Abby and the other girls. But he’d pretended like she didn’t exist, even as he joked with Sam and the other supervisors. The more he engaged with everyone except her, the more Chloe felt her heart cave in on itself.

She’d wanted him to deny what she’d said about him not meaning the words he spoke. Now she had to admit she’d hit the nail exactly on the head. Their relationship was nothing more than a fling, a bit of mindless fun made more intense by their competition over the toy store. Ben thrived on competition, and bedding her had just been one more way he’d wanted to prove that he could get the best of her.

There was no doubt she’d given him her best. Parts of her she hadn’t known existed had been unearthed by him, dug out like a precious stone and polished to perfection in his arms. But it was fool’s gold, she realized, and once again, Chloe had been the biggest fool.

She jumped when someone tapped her on the shoulder then relaxed as Abby folded her thin frame next to Chloe on the blanket. “How was your first day?” she asked, scooting over to give the girl more room.

“How can I have grown up in Colorado and never been to a place like this?” Abby sighed. “It’s beautiful here, and everyone is nice. At my school, people think it’s weird that I don’t ski or climb fourteeners or go white-water rafting in the summer. No one at camp cares.”

Chloe nodded. “All of the counselors are former campers, so many of them remember what it’s like to spend your life in the city.”

“A couple of the girls live in our neighborhood and invited me to hang out once camp ends.”

“That’s great, sweetie.”

“Do you think Ben will let me switch schools this fall?”

Chloe couldn’t imagine that Ben had thought far enough ahead to consider what he or the kids would be doing when school started again. “He wants what’s best for you, so I’m sure he’ll at least be willing to discuss options.”

After a moment, Abby rested her head on Chloe’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“What did I do?”

“You gave me a chance after I wrecked your store when Zach took those marbles. You could have called the cops or made Ben give you a bunch of money to repay the damage.”

“You’ve more than worked off your debt,” Chloe said, slipping an arm around the girl. “And everyone deserves another chance.”

“Did you purposely ask Jake to show me around camp?”

Chloe breathed a soft laugh. “I didn’t, but he’s a nice boy.”

“And cute.”

“There’s that.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” Abby said quietly. “He asked me to hang out after the kids go to bed tonight. Do you think he likes me?”

“I think he’d be silly not to like you. But you’re young, Abby, and Sam has rules about the counselors. I hope Jake wants to get to know you better, but if he tries anything else—”

“Like making out with me behind a Range Rover?”

Chloe stiffened.

“It’s ok,” Abby said quickly. “No one else saw anything. I left my headphones in the car so I came back out and . . .”

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that. It didn’t . . . it doesn’t . . . there’s nothing going on between your uncle and me.”

“He’s not really my—”

“Enough with that,” Chloe said, lifting a hand. “Harry and Ben are your family, whether you like it or not.”

Abby made a face. “I guess I like it,” she admitted after a moment. “Except for Harry running around in his boxers.”

“No doubt,” Chloe agreed.

“I like you and Ben together, too. He’s nicer since he met you. Calmer.”

“I think that has more to do with you and your brother than me. Regardless of Ben and me, you’re young and need to take things slowly with any boy you like.” She leaned closer and pushed Abby’s bangs out of her eyes. “I hope your mother told you this, but in case she didn’t, I want you to know that you have value, Abby. As a person and a woman. Value and power. Hold on to those things and surround yourself with friends who respect who you are inside. Especially boyfriends. You deserve to be treated like the amazing girl you are. But you have to believe that before anyone else will.”

Abby’s gaze shifted to her lap then back to Chloe. “I don’t think Mom realized that for herself, and she sure never mentioned it to me. She had some bad boyfriends, you know?”

“I can imagine,” Chloe told her, “But I’m sure she wanted something better for you.”

“Do you believe you deserve a good boyfriend?”

“I’m trying,” Chloe whispered with a half smile. “It’s taken a long time for me, and I’ve made some big mistakes.”

“Ben isn’t one of them,” Abby said with the innocent conviction of the inexperienced.

Chloe just smiled, then Sam announced it was time for the campers to head to their cabins. Abby gave Chloe a quick hug then scrambled to her feet. “I’ve got to help round up the girls.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, sweetie.”

Chloe stood as the campers disappeared down the path toward the cabins. She helped collect trash and extra blankets and made sure the fire was extinguished before making her way toward the main lodge building where she was staying with Sam.

She walked slowly, allowing the others to get well in front of her. Tonight she wasn’t in the mood for making conversation and wrapped her arms around herself as she ambled down the path. Pulling in deep breaths, she tried to enjoy the quiet of the night and let the fresh smell of pine soothe her.

A hand reached out from the darkness, pulling her into the shadows of a copse of fir trees a few hundred feet from her cabin. It was a testament to how far she’d come in the past few weeks that she didn’t panic or scream. Or maybe it was that she immediately recognized Ben’s scent and the heat that always radiated from his body. As he pulled her against his chest, flashes of sensation zinged along her spine. It was so easy to lose herself in this man, to forget everything else but her response to him.

But she pushed away when he lowered his mouth to hers, the words she’d just said to Abby ringing in her ears.
I deserve more
, she thought to herself, and if Ben couldn’t give it to her, she was going to claim it without him in her life.

“No more,” she breathed, her lungs constricting along with her heart.

“You’re cutting me off?” She could hardly make out his face in the darkness, but the hurt and disbelief in his tone were clear.

“This was always meant to have an end date, Ben. Don’t pretend it was any other way, especially since you’ve been avoiding me all night.”

“Maybe I’m not the one pretending,” he suggested, the words soft but harsh, slicing across her heart.

“I can’t play games. I don’t have it in me. I thought—”

“Damn it, Chloe,” he yelled, and she heard some creature rustle in the dark underbrush around them. She took a step away, but Ben followed her. “I’m sorry,” he said, making his voice calmer. “This isn’t a game for me. I want more.” As her eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight, she saw that his eyes were shining with emotion. Her body reacted even as her skin went cold.

She didn’t want to see that look in his eyes, didn’t want him to draw her in, snaking past all the defenses she’d built to protect herself after having her identity shredded to bits. “I want to be the kind of man who deserves you. But you have to give me a chance.”

“What happens at the end of the month?”

“You get the store or I do. Either way I want to be with you.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I’ll give you the store if that’s what it takes. I want to be with you. I want to take care of you.”

Chloe sucked in a breath as if he’d slapped her. He couldn’t know what those words meant, how her mother had always told her she was the type of woman who needed someone to take care of her. That had been her mom’s biggest dream—mostly because after struggling for years as a single mother, she’d wanted a different life for Chloe.

She wished her mom were still alive so she could ask whether it was simply overprotectiveness or if Judy believed something was intrinsically lacking in Chloe that made her unable to fend for herself. Even Jonathan had used those words after he’d hit her. “Let me make it better, baby,” he’d crooned as he pressed ice or a wet cloth to her scrapes and bruises. “Let me take care of you.”

Ben was innocent of the pain and shame that she’d had heaped on her in her past, but he also reminded her why she’d walled herself off for so long. No one in her life had believed Chloe could handle things on her own, could make a decision. Even if the toy store wasn’t her ultimate dream in life, she controlled things there. Yes, it was small scale, and the consequences were minuscule in comparison to her previous counseling work. But it was safe and easy and she’d created it on her own.

Her body longed to lean into Ben, to let him wrap her in his bulk and strength until she forgot everything else. But that wouldn’t fix what was broken inside her. The parts that had only recently started to mend back together. If anything, she would put herself at risk for splintering again, and this time—with this man—she wasn’t sure if she’d ever recover from that kind of pain.

“No,” she whispered, her voice sounding hollow in her own ears. “It won’t work.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do, Ben. I’ve learned to take care of myself, and that’s what I’m doing. It’s what I have to do.” She whirled away, stumbling back to the path, her flashlight making bobbing ribbons of light on the dirt trail. But even though she was doing this to protect herself, her heart felt like it was breaking anyway.

“D
oes anyone recognize this?” Ben held up a bouquet of green leafy herbs in front of the group of kids standing around the perimeter of the large work island in the camp’s commercial kitchen the next morning.

“Lettuce,” the boy standing next to Zach called out.

Ben smiled and shook his head. The kid had guessed lettuce for every green food Ben had asked them to identify. “It’s actually basil, which is an herb best known for seasoning tomato sauce and making pesto. It likes all the sun we get in Colorado, and you can even plant it in a pot.” He pointed to the neat rows of basil plants on the far counter. “I’ve got a little basil for each of you to take home at the end of the week. Today we’re going to try it in a homemade pasta sauce and pesto pretzel twists I made this morning.” He glanced at Sam, who was standing behind him at the front of the kitchen.

“Nice work, chef,” she said, “I’m impressed. You should be proud of yourself.”

He thought about throwing out a pithy retort but settled for, “Thank you.” He
was
proud of himself. This past hour in the kitchen and the prep work that had gone into it made him feel good in the same way cooking dinner for his family did.

“Any questions while we plate the food?” Sam asked the kids.

“Have you ever beaten anyone up on your show?”

“No.” Ben shook his head.

“Even after they turned off the camera? Remember that time the chef in New Jersey threw a plate of food at you? You were so mad they had to beep out half of the episode. You made him cry.”

Ben cringed, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. “I remember.” What he also remembered was discovering the chef, who also owned the restaurant where the show was filming, had a little girl with a congenital heart defect. His marriage was in shambles and he was struggling to pay the bills both at home and his restaurant so had taken to cutting corners in the kitchen to save money.

“Nothing happened off camera,” he told the kids. Actually, what had happened off camera was that Ben had given the man a check to cover the surgery his daughter needed. That had been the beginning of the end of him wanting to live up to his Beast reputation. It was when it dawned on him, much too late, that he wasn’t the only one with a past that had screwed him up or with things he was trying to work through. He glanced at Chloe, who stood in the back corner watching the class.

He’d been so angry at her rejection last night that his first impulse was to leave camp entirely, to head back to Denver and down to one of the trendy bars he’d avoided since he’d been in town. There was an almost irresistible urge to lose himself in alcohol and his celebrity status, and to seek out the bullshit hangers-on he knew would be waiting for him. The camp was too quiet, with time for him to think and reflect on why he wasn’t enough for her.

As he’d stalked back toward his cabin, car keys jingling in his hand, he’d gotten a glimpse of Zach and some of the other boys through the window of the cabin. They were having a major-league pillow fight and the pure joy on his nephew’s face had stopped him in his tracks. Although Abby did most of the caregiving, it dawned on Ben that Zach, as much as he seemed unaffected by the circumstances of his life, probably had never had a simple sleepover or time to hang out with friends. Bryce Hollow was truly the first time the kid could have fun without worrying about what was coming next in life.