Recipe for Kisses (21 page)

Abby moved in his arms, taking a step away from him to look at Chloe. “Would he have killed Tamara?”

Chloe seemed to consider her answer. “I don’t think that was his plan, but sometimes when people lose control like that, they do bad things.”

“The guy had a knife, Uncle Ben.” Zach tipped up his head, but Ben continued to stare at Chloe. “He grabbed me when I walked into the store.”

Now Ben did look at Zach. “That man held you at knifepoint?”

Zach nodded. “Until Chloe put the karate moves on him.”

“It was from my self-defense classes,” she murmured, but Ben barely heard her.

Ben hugged Zach to him once more. “If anything had happened to you,” he said, feeling emotion rage inside him even as he kept his voice calm. “To either of you . . .” He smoothed the heavy bangs off Abby’s forehead. “It’s my job to protect you both. I promised Cory, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“We’re ok.”

“Because of Chloe’s ka-ra-te,” Zach said again. “Show Uncle Ben your moves, Chloe.”

“I think your uncle has seen them already,” Karen said dryly.

“It should never have gone down like this.” Ben kept a hand on each of the kids but spoke to Chloe.

“I know,” she whispered, and he was at once both horrified and furious. The two emotions warred within him, struggling and churning until one finally overcame the other.

She moved closer to him as his desire, worry, and frustration coalesced. “I’m sorry,” she said. “We’d prepared for—”

“There’s no excuse,” he yelled, and her mouth clamped shut. He let go of the kids and shoved them back as anger overtook him.

Karen stepped closer, but Chloe waved her away. Brave woman.

She was going to face him on her own. Stupid woman.

He hadn’t felt this out of control in years. What he really wanted was to find Tamara’s ex-boyfriend and annihilate him. “This is not a shelter for abused women,” he roared, “although that’s how you treat it. It’s a fucking toy store, Chloe. A place where families with children gather.”

“I know,” she murmured, and the sound of her voice, sad and broken, made another wave of outrage pulse through him.

“You don’t know.” The words came tumbling forth like a landslide. “You’re too afraid to live so you’ve holed yourself up here, pretending to make a difference to people, but it’s nothing. This whole thing is nothing.”

“Ben, stop. You’re being mean.” He felt Abby’s small hand on his arm but shook her off.

He was worse than mean. He was a man with a black soul. The accusations his critics had leveled at him over the years, the words he’d been called—beast, monster, bastard—flooded his brain. He was each of those things in this moment, because he was lashing out at the one person who’d wanted more from him and for him. He accused her of being afraid, but it was his own fear that made the nasty words keep pouring forth. “You put them in danger.” He continued to bellow the words, unable to stop. “Every person in this store.”

Chloe swiped one hand across her cheeks and he saw the cuts and scrapes on her knuckles. She’d been hurt. It was more than just a threat. The man had hurt her, and it could have been worse. Ben should have been here. He’d let his pride and ego get in the way of taking care of Abby and Zach. In that moment, the anger inside him swooped and turned, almost knocking him over with its force. He wasn’t mad at Chloe, he was furious with himself for failing the people he loved.

“Now wait just a minute.” Karen stepped forward, tugging on her heavy braid, her gaze wary but blazing. “You don’t know how much Chloe has helped us.”

“He’s right.” Chloe put a hand on the older woman’s shoulder. “You don’t need to defend me, Karen.”

“He isn’t—” the older woman began, but Chloe shook her head.

“This is a toy store, not a community service center.” Chloe spoke to Karen, who shook her head and stormed to the front of the store. Standing alone, Chloe turned her gaze to Ben. It was cold and blank. He’d done that. He’d stripped the emotion from her. He’d ruined her, like he contaminated everything around him. “Abby and Zach, thank you for everything you’ve done for The Toy Chest these last few weeks. It has been such a blessing to have you here, and I can’t say enough how sorry I am that it’s ending this way.”

“It’s not ending,” Zach argued. “Uncle Ben, tell her you’re sorry for being a jerk. Make this better.”

“He’s protecting you,” Chloe said quietly, “the best way he knows how.” She looked at Abby. “I
will
make this right.”

Ben heard his niece suck in a breath but didn’t understand the significance of what Chloe had just said to her. But he certainly understood the significance of his tirade.

Shit.

Why was he so messed up that he couldn’t separate his emotions and allow himself to feel anything except anger?

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to stave the panic eating away at him. Panic that he’d irrevocably screwed up the best thing that had ever happened in his life.

“No.” Chloe held up a hand. “You don’t get to speak anymore.” A tremble ran through her and she swallowed, straightening her shoulders. “I’m doing the best I can, Ben. I’m trying to make my life better, different than it was before. Maybe it’s not a total success. You’re right, I’m scared, and when that happens I hide away. But I would never put Zach and Abby or any of the women who work for me in danger. Bad things happen, and we move through them the best way we can.”

She gave him the slightest smile, a hint of a curve at the corner of her mouth, and it made his gut clench. “If this afternoon had one good thing come from it, it’s that I get who you are now. I know what it’s like to be so filled with rage that it consumes you. When Jimmy grabbed Zach, I wanted to hurt him.” She grimaced. “To kill him, even. Nothing else mattered. And maybe that anger fueled me, but I won’t let it control my life. Mine or anyone else’s.”

“Chloe.”

“You should go now.” She said the words without inflection. “Take the kids home and take care of them, Ben. You’re a better person than you believe, and they need you to be that man.”

A dull roar filled his head, and he wanted to rewind the past few minutes. Hell, he’d like a do-over of half his life. But she turned and walked to the front of the store before he’d even taken another breath.

“You really fucked that up.” Abby stared at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

He couldn’t deny it and didn’t bother to mention her language.

“Let’s go,” he said and started for the door.

Zach hung back. “Are we going to see Chloe again?” His big eyes filled with tears. “You hurt her feelings, Uncle Ben. It wasn’t nice.”

“I’m not a nice guy,” Ben muttered. He opened the door and motioned Zach out into the afternoon sunlight. “There was never any question about that, buddy.”

“What about the store? Did she win the bet? It’s almost the end of the month. What’s going to happen to The Toy Chest?”

“We’ll figure it out, Zach. If the toy store is so important to—”

“Screw the bet,” Abby muttered. “You can’t let her keep this place.”

Ben opened the door of the Range Rover and watched Zach climb in before turning to Abby. “You spent the last few weeks working to make sure she had the money to do exactly that.”

She bit down on her lower lip. “That was before I talked to Cory.”

Oh, no. He’d asked his brother to keep quiet about his history with Stan Butterfield and The Toy Chest until he could resolve the situation. Clearly, Cory had given Abby an earful. “What did he say, Abby? How much does he know?”

“He flipped out,” Abby said quietly. “He dropped the phone, but it didn’t hang up right away. I could hear him screaming and things breaking. I think he’s in trouble, Ben.”

Ben grabbed the girl’s thin shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I came to talk to Chloe. I . . . I . . .”

“What?” His tone was sharper than he meant it to be.

“I was afraid to tell you.”

The huge pit in Ben’s stomach opened like a gaping cavern. So many things he’d messed up, and so many people being hurt because of it.

“Get in the car.”

“I’m sorry,” she said on a sob and started around the front of the SUV.

He caught her wrist before she got far and wrapped his arms around her. “This is not your fault,” he whispered as she crumpled into him, her breath hitching. “None of it. We’re going to figure out how to make it all right. I’ll make it all right.”

He said the words with conviction, even though he was afraid it was one more promise he’d never be able to keep.

C
HAPTER SEVENTEEN

O
n Sunday morning of the July Fourth weekend, Chloe dipped her toes in the water of the lake at Bryce Hollow Camp. It was alpine cold; her feet went practically numb on contact. Earlier she’d watched the campers partake in the traditional final-morning swim. The air couldn’t have been more than seventy degrees, with the water temperature a few degrees lower. The kids’ enthusiasm for the freezing lake was impressive, and she’d happily stood on the shore to hand out towels when they were finished. Although Sam jumped in along with the campers every week, Chloe had never managed it during any of her many visits.

She hadn’t bothered to pack her suit for this trip. Hell, she hadn’t packed anything. Just flipped the “Closed” sign on the store, given Mr. Rogers an extra scoop of food, and pointed her car west. The drive out of Denver and into the foothills had calmed her, but by the time she’d pulled into the darkened camp, exhaustion from the day’s events had caught up to her.

For all of Sam’s sarcasm, she was better at taking care of people than almost anyone Chloe knew. Without asking questions, Sam gave her a clean pair of pajamas and tucked her into bed in the tiny fishing cabin. Chloe appreciated the time to think about what she was going to do next, even as memories of being with Ben at camp continued to engulf her.

Even with two full days of hiding out at camp, she still hadn’t figured it out. Her emotions remained as jumbled as her plans for the future. The threat of violence at her store and Ben’s subsequent tirade had stripped away the last of her barricades, leaving her wondering how to correct the course of her life. She had no answers, but as footsteps echoed on the dock behind her, Chloe knew her quiet musings were at an end.

“You had a good group of kids this week,” she said as Sam sank down next to her.

“They always are.” Sam wore loose sweatpants and a fleece sweatshirt, her long blond hair tucked under a knit cap.

“You’re dressed for the first snow instead of a beautiful summer day.”

Sam laughed. “It takes me a few hours to warm up after the morning swim.” She gave an involuntary shiver. “At some point, I’m going to need to put myself on towel duty. I’m too old for the polar bear plunge.”

“You love it. When does the next group arrive?”

“Day after tomorrow. The staff has the night off. They’re heading to Evergreen for the fireworks, and we’ll start turning things over tomorrow.”

“Sorry if I’m keeping you from a night on the town.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be than here.” Sam scooted closer, nudging her hip against Chloe’s. “Kendall called this morning. She’s worried about you.”

“How much press has the story gotten?” Chloe asked.

“Enough. The interview with the mother has been picked up nationally. According to Ken, the most popular headline is ‘Tragedy Avoided in Neighborhood Toy Store.’ Tamara gave her side of things and the director of the Safehouse shelter has given a statement. A few of the reports are focusing on whether it was right to hire women with histories of abuse, but most stories are calling you a hero.”

“I’m not a hero. Not even close.”

“Kendall wants to know if you’ve thought any more about letting her interview you?”

That had been one of the millions of things going through Chloe’s mind this morning. “If I do, I’ll have to talk about my story and why The Toy Chest means so much to me.”

“That’s a good thing, Chloe. It’s time.”

“I wanted to forget that part of my life, Sam. To leave it behind for a fresh start.”

“You have, but everything that’s happened before now is a part of you.”

Chloe shook her head. “I haven’t left it behind or dealt with it. I ignored what Jonathan did to me—not the physical violence—but everything else that went with it. I’ve been counseling these women, pushing them to take chances without expecting anything of myself.”

“What you do is import—”

“I’m hiding away. Hiding behind my fear. Yes, I love The Toy Chest, but it’s not truly my dream. It never has been. Maybe that’s why, until this summer, I was just scraping by. My focus has always been on the women, not on selling toys.”

“But you’ve made it work, Chloe. You’ve helped give those women back their confidence and, in many ways, their lives.”

“Because I’m too afraid of living my own.”

“I think you’ve been doing quite a bit of living this summer.”

Chloe risked a glance at Sam and saw her friend smiling.

“It’s over.”

“Then he’s a bigger jackass than he acts like on TV. He really liked you, Chloe. I could tell.”

“He’s not an ass . . . exactly.” Chloe was sick of the way her mind reeled and tumbled around her feelings for Ben. “But he’s not the right man for me.”

“Because he’s not an ass?”

Sam asked the question innocently enough, but Chloe pushed her anyway. “There are two sides here. You’re supposed to be on mine.”

“I am, sweetie.”

Chloe stood, the emotions shooting through her making her unable to sit still. She paced a few feet toward shore then back again. “There’s so much anger in him.”

“From what I understand, he’s working on that.”

“But what if it’s not enough, Sam? What if I fall in love with him and he hurts me?”

“I think you’re already in love with him.”

Chloe covered her face with her hands and let out a low groan. “That’s even worse. I’m such an idiot.”

“No.” Sam’s voice was firm. “You’re not.”

Chloe felt like a fool. Not just for falling in love with Ben but because she’d allowed fear to rule her life at the same time she expected more from the people around her. She lifted her face to the bright sunshine and the vast blue expanse of the Colorado sky. A hawk glided over the treetops toward the lake then swooped down, executing a brisk dive toward the water. The bird plucked a fish out of the placid stillness of the lake before rocketing back up and disappearing into the trees. That’s what Chloe wanted, to dive in and grab what she wanted from life. Without fear holding her back.

“It’s a big weekend in Denver,” Sam said after a few moments.

“The Highlands Family Festival to celebrate July Fourth,” Chloe agreed with a nod.

“All the work you’ve done to prepare the store . . .”

“I’ve just flushed down the toilet by coming here instead.”

“What about the money for the lease?”

Chloe took a breath then whispered, “I’m closing the store.” She walked forward to the edge of the dock.

“I can help,” Sam offered immediately.

“It’s not about the money,” Chloe said, shaking her head. “Ben needs that space.”

“He doesn’t seem to care about opening a restaurant there.”

“It’s not for him. He made a promise to his brother. Ben feels like he failed Cory when they were kids, and somehow turning that space into something new is going to make up for the past. I may not agree, but Abby asked me to help her make things right. This is how I’m going to do it.”

“It isn’t fair.”

“But it’s right. Not just for them, Sam. For me, too. The Toy Chest has served its purpose for me. The store taught me that I have more to give. Now it’s time for me to risk more of myself. To believe in me again, or maybe for the first time ever.” She glanced toward the main camp. “Is anyone around right now?”

“No. They all drove into town for the afternoon.”

Chloe stripped off her T-shirt then shimmied out of her shorts. “I’m going swimming.”

Sam laughed. “Are you sure? You hate being cold.”

“Not as much as I hate being afraid.”

“Do you want company?”

A shiver rippled through Chloe as the breeze danced across her bare skin. But at the same time the sun was warm, and there was something liberating about looking over the clear lake that made her feel like this was the start of something new and good for her. “I think I can manage it.”

Sam stood and slung an arm around Chloe’s shoulder for a quick hug. “Then I’m going to run back to camp and grab some towels. Trust me, you’ll need them.”

Chloe waited until Sam had disappeared into the trees, walked to the edge of the dock, and then leapt into the air. For a second she was weightless, then she hit the water, the cold temperature stealing her breath at the same time it seemed to wash away all of her other worries and doubts.

She surfaced with a whoop, slicking her hair away from her face as she trod water. Her teeth already chattered, but she forced herself to swim toward the middle of the lake, each stroke reminding her that she was stronger than she believed. The rippling of the water and her own breathing were the only things that filled her mind. She’d come to Denver for a new start, and this moment was another one.

Yes, the things Ben had said to her hurt. But they’d also been true. She’d lived with fear as a companion for too long.

Now was the time to shed the rest of her baggage and start fresh. Her teeth started chattering louder and she turned, swimming back to the dock. Warm up first, and then start fresh.

B
en let himself into the darkened house late Monday night, exhausted from a long day in Las Vegas. He’d called Michael on Friday night after the fiasco at Chloe’s store to say he was interested in James Wyatt’s restaurant deal. His agent had wasted no time in setting up a meeting, so Ben had flown to Las Vegas early this morning on Wyatt’s private jet. Access to the plane was one of his stipulations for the deal, so that he could get back to Colorado when he needed to for Abby and Zach.

He hadn’t discussed it with the kids, but he wasn’t moving them to Vegas. Denver was their home, and even though Harry was cranky, they’d be better off with him than as part of Ben’s crazy-busy life preparing to open a restaurant of the caliber Wyatt had planned. There was also the unspoken fact that Ben was afraid he’d screw them up if he stayed. Just like he’d messed up things with Chloe. In a way he couldn’t repair, even though he’d tried. He’d called and texted her early Saturday morning, but she hadn’t answered either. He didn’t blame her. As he played over in his head the horrible things he’d said to her and the look of devastation in her eyes, he couldn’t imagine that she’d ever want to speak with him again.

The thought made a fresh dose of pain shoot through him. He’d been desperate enough to try to track her down, both at her house and the store. Even though he didn’t deserve her, he needed her to understand that he hadn’t meant the things he’d said. But no one answered at her house and the store was closed, even though that meant she was losing sales during the busy neighborhood festival over the holiday weekend.

As the details had emerged from both Abby and Zach, Ben had realized how truly out of line he’d been. Chloe had saved not only Zach, but also most likely all of the people in the store that day. And he’d berated her for it. One more reason he knew he had to leave Denver. He was poison to the people he cared about, and he didn’t want to spend another moment hurting her or his niece and nephew.

He started for the steps then noticed a faint blue light coming from the family room. His father sat slumped in his recliner in front of the muted television. Harry’s rhythmic snoring the only sound filling the room.

“Dad, what are you doing down here?” Ben nudged his father’s ankle.

Harry let out a snort then startled awake, his eyes blinking owlishly in the dark room. “You’re home.”

“It’s after midnight. Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I was waiting up for you.”

“About fifteen years too late to keep me out of trouble.”

“I’m still your father, and we need to talk.” Harry sat up in his chair.

“Can it wait until morning? I’m beat.”

Ben turned to go without waiting for an answer.

“Sit your ass down.” His father’s booming voice stopped Ben in his tracks.

“Christ, Dad.” Ben dropped onto the couch, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “You’re going to wake the kids.”

“I took them to see your brother this afternoon. Got the warden to approve it on short notice.” Harry crossed his arms over his chest, as if daring Ben to react.

Ben couldn’t have kept his temper in check at that news if he’d wanted to. “Why?” he asked through clenched teeth. “Cory was adamant that they not visit him in prison. You know he didn’t want Zach or Abby seeing him like that.”

“He’s Zach’s father and the closest thing Abby has to one.” Harry pointed at Ben. “Although you’ve got way more paternal instincts than I would have guessed, Benny. You’re good for those kids.”

“I’m not, but I know enough to respect Cory’s wishes.”

“That’s bullshit.” Harry waved away Ben’s words with a flip of his hand. “Your brother has made a lot of bad choices in his life, and he hasn’t taken responsibility for most of them. Sure it’s humiliating for your kid to see you in prison. Too damn bad. He shouldn’t have gotten himself there in the first place. After what Abby heard over the phone, those kids needed to see for themselves that he was ok.” Harry flipped on the lamp on the end table and turned off the television. “Plus your brother needed to hear that his vendetta against The Toy Chest is hurting innocent people.”

Ben sucked in a breath. “You know why he hates that place.”

“I know why he hated Stan Butterfield, and while the man was a jerk, Cory made his own bed by the damage he caused to the store.”