Red Dirt Diary 2 (5 page)

I tried to do it properly, but I got totally tangled up in my own feet. I just kept limping like I was a war veteran with shrapnel embedded
in my leg. Mat was furious and said I wasn't taking my bridesmaid duties seriously.

It was all very, very depressing.

At least Sophie and Peter will be home tomorrow.

Tuesday, 19 December

They are home at last!

Mrs O'Donnell dropped them off just after Wes, Fez and I got home on the bus.

I told Gavin that Mat was looking forward to seeing him, and he asked, ‘Who?' Mat will be devastated when I tell her.

Wes and Fez celebrated the grand homecoming by teaching Peter their latest stunts on the trampoline. Sophie and I cooked dinner.

When Mum and Dad came in at eight for a break from harvesting, we all sat down together and ate lamb chops, mashed potatoes and peas, and steamed golden syrup pudding with custard made from fresh eggs. It was just perfect.

Mum showed Sophie and Peter the invitation to Miss McKenzie's engagement party. Peter said James Welsh-Pearson sounds like the name of a wrestling manoeuvre. He grabbed Dad in a headlock and pulled his arm back to demonstrate.
Dad's eyes nearly popped out of his head and his shoulder popped out of its socket. Mr Sweeney had to come and pop it back in before Dad could go out on the harvester again. Dad bellowed like a bull getting branded.

Wes and Fez thought it looked as cool as anything. They are in their bedroom right now, wrestling and trying to pull each other's arms out of their sockets.

Sophie, Petal and I are sitting on my bed as I write this. Sophie is looking at my bridesmaid scrapbook. I think she feels a bit left out. I'd gladly swap places with her.

Wednesday, 20 December

Mat made me practise the bridesmaid's walk again today. I got so tangled up in my own feet that I tripped over and sprained my ankle. Now I'm limping like a war veteran
all the time!

Petal the copy cat limped along behind me for the rest of the day. Mat said my duck can do the bridesmaid's walk better than me.

That
was hurtful.

Did the big end-of-year school clean-up after lunch. Found seven dead mice in the store room. They turned up again at home, hanging from our Christmas tree. Mum threw them out the lounge-room window. Doris and Mildred ate them.

Sophie and I spent the evening writing Christmas cards. Sophie has forty-seven cards finished, sealed in envelopes together with thousands of tiny silver stars, ready to hand out.

I didn't get very far. I tore up thirteen cards trying to write the proper words for Miss McKenzie. Somehow ‘Merry Christmas. You are making a huge mistake!' or ‘Seasons greetings. Why don't you tell James Welsh-Pearson to take a long walk off a short pier?' doesn't seem to be in the spirit of the festive season.

Thursday, 21 December

Last day of school today. We had the best school Christmas party ever. Mr Cluff must have hidden hundreds of candy canes for the treasure hunt. I was one of the losers and I found eight. Miss McKenzie, Nick and Gary taught us all their Scottish Christmas fling to the bagpipes, and Davo and Mr Cluff raced each other on Davo's BMX track. Davo won because Mr Cluff's
trousers got caught in the chain and he crashed into a gumtree.

Mrs Whittington brought over a yellow tea cosy for Gabby and four enormous steamed golden syrup puddings for us all to eat.

‘Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Day!' she said over and over again.

Lucy ran rabbit races where we all got our own bunny with a number painted on its back. Banjo's rabbit was first over the line, but it got disqualified because it kept on running and disappeared into the state forest.

We all gathered around the tank stand for Banjo's end-of-year poetry recital. He had some ripper poems about the circus, crew cuts and squashed salami sandwiches, but the best of all was his poem about giant zucchinis. Sam was moved to tears by it!

Right at the end of the day, Harry Wilson set off in his aeroplane for Greenland. He was wearing all his warmest winter clothes because, even though it was a stinking hot 39
^o
C here at the Bake, he knew it would be well below zero in Greenland.

Harry kissed Miss McKenzie goodbye and wished her a happy Christmas. He shook Mr Cluff's hand and Mr Cluff wished him Godspeed.
He climbed into his plane, put on his orange stack hat, his flying goggles and his mum's yellow rubber gloves and waved goodbye. Ben, Tom, Gary, Jack, Davo and Ned pushed the plane as fast as they could across the playground until the wings fell off and Harry fell through the bottom of the fuselage. Tom and Gary stumbled on over Harry, and Ben fell on top of him.

Harry was pretty disappointed. His bottom lip began to wobble, but he didn't cry. He said he should have stuck with his original plan of travelling to Greenland by hot air balloon. Mr Cluff said not to worry, there was always next year.

The only damper on the day was when Mat turned all mature while we were waiting for the bus. She gave Miss McKenzie a hug and one of
those daft air kisses — the ones where you put your cheek about five centimetres away from the other person's cheek, pucker your lips like you've been sucking a lemon and go ‘
Mwaah
!'

WHAT'S THE POINT???

I was pretty sad to be saying goodbye to Miss McKenzie, but I suppose I'll see her again in six days' time at the engagement party.

Mr Cluff looked kind of sad at all the goodbyes too. Don't know why. You'd think he'd be glad to get rid of Wes and Fez for a while.

Anyway, now I'm home and on holidays. Petal is snuggled up beside me in bed and Sophie is flicking through my bridesmaid book again. She told me she likes the pink raw silk in the style with the shoestring straps and A-line skirt, but for all I understand she could just have said something very rude about the Bolivian President's pet armadillo, Frederico, having bad breath! Wedding, wedding, wedding … yackety, yackety, yack … blah, blah, blah …

Friday, 22 December

Mum took Sophie and me to Dubbo today. We went Christmas shopping and ate out for lunch — a girls' celebration of Mum's birthday. Sophie
and I had two iced chocolates each, even though Sophie pretended she was on a diet, and Mum had a glass of champagne.

We were having a great day until Mum said we had to go shopping for dresses for Miss McKenzie's engagement party. I nearly vomited — and believe me, there's a lot that can come up after chicken ricotta rolls, baked potatoes and two iced chocolates.

Sophie was beside herself with excitement and must have tried on 600 dresses that all looked exactly the same before she found the perfect one. I chose the first decent dress I saw — blue with no frills or ribbons or flowers. Mum said it looked lovely on me and insisted on buying a blue headband and white patent leather shoes. Who does she think I am? Matilda Jane the Mature or something? (Patent, by the way, is the mysterious, mature, fashion word for shiny. Go figure!)

Wes and Fez have been trying to learn how to juggle all day. The fruit bowl is full of squashed pears and apples.

Saturday, 23 December

Got up early to do Christmas cooking with Mum and Sophie. We made two dozen fruit
mince tarts, a pavlova, a slab of rocky road and a plum pudding the size of an overgrown wombat. Sadly, someone left the back screen door unlatched. Gertrude charged in and ate half the mince tarts and the whole plum pudding. She was as fat as a bloated blue whale.

I don't suppose it really matters. Christmas is going to be a quiet one this year because Dad is racing to finish harvest in time for Miss McKenzie's engagement party. It will just be us for lunch, then over to the Sweeneys' for Christmas drinks in the evening.

Went to the Country Women's Association Christmas party this afternoon. Mat ran up to Sophie squealing and gave her not one, but THREE air kisses. Who does that girl think she is? A French movie star or something?

Even worse, Sophie gave three air kisses back to Mat. Good grief!

Sophie and Mat went feral talking about Miss McKenzie's wedding, rolling their eyes and fanning their faces. I got dizzy just watching them, so I went outside with Grace
and Lynette. We took a whole plate of chocolate crackles up in the melaleuca tree and played Truth or Dare. I dared Grace to go inside and nick a whole chocolate cake for us to eat. She came back with a chocolate cake and a cream sponge.

I got such a tummy ache. When I came home I lay down on my bed and moaned. Petal lay down beside me and whined. She's such a copy cat.

Sunday, 24 December

Sophie and I spent the morning delivering sandwiches and tea to Mum, Dad and Peter out on the trucks and the harvester. Couldn't take them any apples. They're all bruised and rotting in the chook bucket.

Things sure are looking great with the harvest. Good crops are like gold!

After lunch Mum asked us to wrap the Christmas presents. Sophie wrapped mine and I wrapped hers so we didn't find out what we were getting. Mum must be exhausted from being so busy throughout harvesting, because she has bought Wes and Fez a book called
Chemistry at Home
. Dangerous! I stuck it right at the back of the presents, halfway in behind the dresser, so hopefully they won't find it.

Wes, Fez, Sophie and I had our own Christmas Eve tea. Mum, Dad and Peter decided they'd work all night long to finish harvesting the final paddocks.

We spread a picnic out under the peppercorn tree, with chicken sandwiches, lemonade, mince tarts, a pavlova with strawberries and cream and rocky road. Sophie and I had made sandwiches for the pigs out of stale bread and peanut butter, but they decided they liked our food better. By the time we'd dragged them away, there was lemonade and a bit of rocky road for our tea.

Wes and Fez are tucked up in bed now, thank goodness. Sophie and I told them Santa wouldn't come if they weren't asleep by nine o'clock.

Sophie is braiding my hair as I write this and then I have promised to braid hers. I hope she has an instruction book!

Monday, 25 December, Christmas Day

Merry Christmas!

Goodwill to all men … but not to naughty boys like Wes and Fez.

Mum, Dad and Peter got in at 4 am and slept until 11 am. In the meantime, Wes and Fez opened their presents (and most of Dad's and
Peter's!) and exploded white muck all over their bedroom walls and ceiling. Who knew bicarb soda and vinegar could be so explosive when mixed together and sealed in snap-lock bags? That chemistry book was a
huge
mistake!

Sophie and I cooked bacon and eggs for everyone's brunch and Mum and Dad fell asleep for the rest of the day. I suppose it's been a long, tiring harvest.

Sophie, Peter, Wes, Fez and I tried to play this quiz game Mum and Dad gave me called ‘Brains Galore', but it sort of fell flat. Wes, Fez and Peter haven't got enough brains between the three of them to fill a peanut shell, let alone provide any
real
competition in a game where you have to have lots of brains. So it was a pretty quiet day, except for when Mildred and Doris got into a fight over a chocolate bickie while we were coaxing them onto the truck to take them to the Sweeneys'.