Red Hot Touch (22 page)

The secret to delivering slaps that feel pleasurable rather than
painful is to cup your hand so you’re hitting with less surface area and keep your hand relaxed while slapping. While the rump is your most obvious bull’s-eye, the inner thighs, soles of the feet, chest/breasts, and even a woman’s mons pubis are all respectable targets. Just be sure to steer clear of the kidneys (the area above the buttocks) and, of course, his family jewels. Start with light slaps and rub the area between smacks, which will cut down on the sting and create a more sensual vibe. If you up the intensity, gauge your partner’s reaction closely. You can either focus on spanking and save sex for later, switch back and forth, or spank and shag simultaneously. For the last option, you’ll find that doggy-style sex is ideal since your partner’s rump is right in front of you, although you can also reach around during missionary or woman-on-top lovemaking to pat that posterior.

Lights, Camera, Action! How to Pull Off an Oscar-worthy
Role-Playing Scenario

To many the prospect of role-playing feels ridiculous rather than arousing. Reserve judgment until you try it, though, and you may soon change your tune. Take on a new persona and suddenly you’ve got carte blanche to do or say things the “real” you wouldn’t dream of. If, for example, you’re usually a go-with-the-flow kinda gal, playing “the boss” to your partner’s “employee” gives you permission to switch gears into ball-busting mode. Or if you’re a guy who is usually calling the shots in bed, playing “patient” to your partner’s “nurse” can snap you into subservience. And no, you don’t need elaborate costumes or a script’s worth of lines, just a quick discussion with your partner about the parameters is all that’s needed to get things rolling. So, if you’re up for an escape from your usual patterns, consider finding a role-playing plot you like and give it a go.

In the following paragraphs we have outlined a few scenarios you might want to try, as well as described how to pull them off. All require their own unique breed of handiwork, and each experience may be a hit on your arousal charts.

Doctor/patient:
The patient makes an appointment claiming to be suffering from a mysterious ailment; the doctor (or nurse) performs a hands-on, hot ’n’ heavy exam to pinpoint exactly where the patient’s “ache” is coming from. You can perform a “breast exam” where you palpate the tissue or explore areas below the belt, closely gauging your partner’s reaction and asking how it feels. Once your hands have found the spot that most needs your medical attention, go ahead and provide the cure. Orgasms, after all, are good for your health.

Stripper/client:
The client purchases a lap dance and sits back to enjoy the show. The stripper starts gyrating, slowly peeling off layers of clothing, stroking, squeezing, and gently slapping his/her own hot spots—and the client’s—along the way. To be an even bigger tease, establish a No Touching Allowed rule for clientele (although in this case maybe rules are meant to be broken?).

First date duo:
Even if you two have been together for years, pretend you’ve only just met. Make out in the car or on your couch, but say you aren’t willing to go all the way. By taking the intercourse card out of the equation, you bring your foreplay skills—largely conducted using your hands—to the forefront and are forced to get creative with all kinds of manual moves. While holding hands, trace a circle in your partner’s palm with your thumb to steam things up. Or, if your hands are wandering under your “date’s” shirt, caress the chest
or, on a woman, brush your fingertips over the silky material of her bra. Let your hands snake up the inner thigh and caress over the undies … or under them.

Masseuse or masseur/client:
The client books an appointment for a rubdown, describing exactly which areas are most “sore” and in need of a little TLC. The masseuse/masseur promises to work out
all
the kinks … and maybe even throw in a “happy ending” to boot.

CONCLUSION

I
f you began this book thinking
Honestly, how much of an asset can your hands really be in bed?
, we hope by now we have convinced you that if you give your hands a chance, they will surprise, astound, and amaze you and your partner. Try even just a few of the techniques in these pages and the proof will be palpable: In bed you’ll hear more moaning, have deeper, longer-lasting, and more frequent orgasms, and suddenly find a zillion excuses to sneak off and do it again … and again. Your hands can lift your sex life to incredible heights because that’s what they’re
designed
to do. What’s more, if you take the time to really look at your lover’s body as well as your own, you will realize that there is no better, more beautiful canvas on which your hands can work their magic.

There are two things above all else that we hope you take away from this book. The first is that it doesn’t really matter whether you can perform these techniques on your partner to a tee. All that really matters is that you two touch, period, as often as possible, in bed and out of bed. Hold hands during movies. Give him a hug when you
scoot past him in the kitchen. And if she’s had a hard day at work, treat her to a shoulder rub. These tiny gestures of affection will keep the passion alive between you so that by the time you do head to bed, all kinds of cool, crazy things may happen.

The second thing we hope you take away from this book is this: that as nice as it feels to kick back and get pampered by someone who cares about you,
giving
pleasure can be even more satisfying than receiving it. In today’s sexual landscape, that may sound as corny as the pickup lines being bandied about in bars. But it’s true. And
giving
is what your hands do best. They stick money into the March of Dimes canister, put food on the table come dinnertime, and even type sweet e-mails like “Had an amazing time last night—how about a repeat on Friday?”

Using your hands to their full potential means always keeping an eye out for the good they can accomplish. Do that and you’re well on your way to a better relationship, and a better sex life.

The larger heart, the kindlier hand!

—ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writing this book has been an amazing experience that would have never happened without the guidance of the following people:

First and foremost, a huge thank you goes to Douglas Stewart, our agent at Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc., whose enthusiasm and unflappable attitude made our first foray into book publishing a joy from beginning to end.

Warmest thanks also go to our mentors and colleagues Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. and Kenneth Ray Stubbs. Their pioneering work in the field of sexological bodywork and erotic massage has proven invaluable for this field. They’ve taught us so much over the years and are incredible friends we feel blessed to know.

Thank you to Scott D. Bahlmann for additional uncircumcised techniques, Jeffrey Raymond for helping us with new techniques and for many days of being a guinea pig for practice (we know you didn’t mind), Destin Gerek for an interesting night of photographs for the illustrations in this book, and to Jim Perry for your love and support—you really are family to us.

Special and heartfelt thanks to Ian Ferguson, whose support helped dreams come true, and to Kurtis Bliss and Lawrence Lanoff, two fellow visionaries and artists who have supported this project in numerous, uncountable ways. To all people everywhere living a life of embodiment and peaceful sexual exploration, you are all pioneers; our gratitude goes out with full force to each of you.

APPENDIX

This book is a small glimpse of all that we have to offer. We teach all over the United States and abroad; for a complete schedule of workshops and lectures or for more information please visit our Web site at
www.touchingdeeply.com
.

To purchase Jon and Jaiya’s DVDs and sign up for their free newsletter, go to
www.newworldsexeducation.com
.

To contact Jaiya and find out more information about her, go to
www.missjaiya.com
.

For more information about Jon or to contact him, go to
www.tantrabodies.com
.

You can watch the techniques in this book in the comfort of your own home through streaming video at
www.redhottouch.tv
.

You can enjoy streaming video demonstrations of many of the pleasurable teachings in this book at the New School of Erotic Touch. This school is the best online resource to help you learn vulva, penis, and anal massage. Go to
www.eroticmassage.com
.

If you are considering becoming a teacher of erotic massage, we recommend that you earn a Sexological Bodywork certification through the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. We learned a lot taking this professional, California-approved training. We sometimes coteach this course with Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. For more information, visit
www.sexologicalbodywork.com
.

Kenneth Ray Stubbs is a pioneer of erotic massage for couples and has contributed a body of books and DVDs on enhancing lovemaking. For more information about him or to view his works, visit
www.secretgardenpublishing.com
.

We have also extensively trained and practiced the Ipsalu Tantra Kriya Yoga path. For more information about Ipsalu Tantra and to view their workshop schedule, visit
www.tantrabliss.com
.

To buy condoms (including female condoms), go to
www.undercovercondoms.com
.

For a great selection of gloves that you can use during your massage and anal play (vinyl or nitrile), visit
www.massagewarehouse.com
.

For a full selection of sex toys and personal lubricants, go to
www.goodvibes.com
or
www.toysinbabeland.com
.

For homeopathic personal lubricants for those with sensitive skin or allergies, visit
www.sympathical.com
.

Coconut oil is our favorite massage oil and lube. We’ve tried many coconut oils, but not all are created equal. Here’s where you can get our favorite:
www.nutiva.com
.

RECOMMENDED READING AND VIEWING

Chia, Mantak, and Douglas Abrams.
The Multi-orgasmic Man.
HarperCollins, 2002.

Chia, Mantak, Maneewan Chia, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams.
The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know.
HarperOne, 2002.

Chia, Mantak, and William U. Wei.
Sexual Reflexology: Activating the Taoist Points of Love.
Destiny Books, 2003.

Chopra, M.D., Deepak.
Deepak Chopra: Kama Sutra.
Virgin Books, 2006.

Lai, Hsi.
The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress: Secrets of the Female Taoist Masters.
Destiny Books, 2001.

Natale, Frank.
Mastering Alive Relationships.
T.N.I., 1990.

Saraswati, Sunyata, and Bodhi Avinasha.
The Jewel in the Lotus / The Tantric Path to Higher Consciousness.
Ipsalu Publishing, 2002.

Schulte, Christa.
Tantra for Women: A Guide for Lesbian, Bi, Hetero, and Solo Lovers.
Hunter House, 2005. Stubbs, Kenneth Ray.
Erotic Massage: The Tantric Touch of Love.
Tarcher, 1999.

_________.
Femme a Femme Erotic Massage.
(DVD) Secret Garden Publishing, 2007.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Jaiya and Jon Hanauer are certified sexological bodyworkers with certificates from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. They are members of the Association for Sexual Energy Professionals (ASEP) and the Association for Certified Sexological Bodyworkers (ACSB). Together they have worked with hundreds of individuals and couples, conducting group workshops across the country and abroad on the power of touch. They are certified sex educators and Tantra teachers and practitioners; Jaiya has also been trained and practiced as a licensed massage therapist for close to ten years. Jaiya and Jon have been teaching together as a couple since 2001 and currently live in Los Angeles, where they have founded the New World Sex Education Production Company.

Julie Jeffries is a writer and editor living in Brooklyn, New York. She has worked for
Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Glamour, Redbook, Stuff
,
Match.com
, and other publications. She has covered a range of topics, including dating, relationships, sex, health, personal finance, news, and entertainment.

PUBLISHED BY BROADWAY BOOKS

Copyright © 2008 by Toby Media, Jessica Kinzbach, and Jon Hanauer

All Rights Reserved

Published in the United States by Broadway Books, an imprint of The Doubleday Broadway
Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.