Redeeming Love (31 page)

She looked at him. “What do you want me to feel?”

“Forget what I want. What goes on inside you?”

She knew he would wait until she answered, and she knew he would know if she lied. “I don’t really feel anything, I guess.”

Frowning, he kept touching her face. He loved the feel of her soft, smooth skin. “When I touch you, my whole body comes alive. I feel the warmth all through me. I can’t even describe how wonderful it feels when we make love.”

She looked away again. Did he have to talk about it?

“We’ve got to find a way to help you like it just as much as I do,” he said, and lay back beside her again.

“Does it matter that much? Why should it matter at all whether I feel anything or not?”

“It matters to me. The pleasure is meant to be shared.” Michael put his arm around her. “Come here. Just let me hold you.”

She turned to nestle her head against his shoulder and relaxed. She put her arm across his broad chest. He was so warm and solid. “I don’t know why it bothers you,” she said. It never bothered anyone else what she thought or felt, just as long as she did what she was supposed to do.

“It bothers me because I love you.”

Maybe he just didn’t understand the facts of life. Maybe he was function-ing under some illusion. “Women aren’t supposed to really enjoy sex, Michael. It’s all an act.”

“Did someone tell you that?”

“A few.”

“A man or woman?”

“Both.”

“Well, I know that’s not the way the Lord intended it to be.”

She laughed derisively. “God? You’re so naive. Sex is the great original sin. He threw Adam and Eve right out of the Garden because of it.”

So she did know something about the Bible. Probably from her mother.

And she had her theology twisted. “Sex had nothing to do with why they 216

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were cast out. Eve’s sin was trying to
be
God. That’s why she wanted the apple, so she would know all and be like the Lord. She was deceived. Adam was weak and went along with what she said rather than follow what God had told him.”

Angel drew away slightly and stared up again. She wished she hadn’t brought up the subject. “Whatever you say. You’re the expert.”

He smiled. “I studied the Scripture before we were together that first time.”

She glanced at him in surprise. “Your Bible told you what to do?”

He laughed. “Knowing
what
to do wasn’t the problem. It was the
how
I worried about. Song of Solomon told me a man and woman’s passion is intended to be mutual.” His smile dissolved and he looked troubled. “A shared blessing.”

Angel moved out of his embrace and looked up at the stars. It made her uncomfortable when he started talking about God. The great I AM hovering and watching her. Mama said God could see everything, even when the lantern was extinguished, even when you were in bed with someone. She said God even knew what you were thinking. The great “spy in the sky”, eavesdropping on her every thought.

Angel shivered. The vast darkness of the night sky frightened her. Every sound seemed amplified and ominous. There really wasn’t anyone up there, was there? It was all in Mama’s head. It was all in Michael’s.

Wasn’t it?

“You’re shaking. Are you cold?”

“I’m not used to sleeping in the open.”

Michael drew her closer and pointed out Orion’s belt, the Big Dipper, and Pegasus. Angel listened to the deep resonance of his voice. He was not uneasy with the darkness or the sounds, and after a while, in his arms, she wasn’t either. Long after he slept, she lay awake looking at the pictures he had drawn in the night sky, but it was God she dared not contemplate.

They set off just past dawn the next morning. As they came down out of the foothills, the grass was a brilliant green from the fall rains. Massive oak trees 217

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dotted the landscape. A stage came up the hill, horses in full gallop. Michael leaned protectively toward Angel as it roared past, splattering mud up as it went.

As they reached the outskirts of Sacramento, Angel was amazed at what she saw. A year ago she had traveled through a swarming tent-and-clapboard settlement with the Duchess, Mai Ling, and Lucky. Now it was a booming metropolis with a look of permanence. Streets were thronged with wagons and men on foot. Some men looked prosperous in their suits while others appeared to have just arrived from the goldfields, packs and shovels on their hunched backs. There were even some women in dark linsey-woolsey dresses and woolen capes. A few had children with them.

As Michael drove down a wide street, Angel saw a grand hotel front, two eateries, half a dozen saloons, a barber shop with men standing in line outside, and a real estate office. On the next block were a construction company and a haberdashery with a display of denim pants, heavy overcoats, and wide-brimmed hats. To Angel’s left stood a miner’s variety store, a theater, and an assayer’s office. On the other was a two-story building advertising bailing and barbed wire, nails and horse shoes. More mining supply shops and a seed store followed, flanked by a wagon-wheel and barrel warehouse.

An apothecary advertising plasters had more than a dozen men lined up on the boardwalk.

Another stage rolled by, kicking up more mud.

“Paul said Joseph was down near the river,” Michael said, turning down another street. “Makes it easier for him to get his merchandise from the ships coming up the American from San Francisco.”

Michael saw how the men noticed Angel all along the drive through town. She was a rare gem in a city of mud. They would stop and stare, some thinking to remove their hats despite the rain that had begun. Angel sat beside him, back straight, head up, completely unaware. Reaching back over the seat, Michael got the blanket. “Wrap yourself in this. It’ll keep you dry and warm.” She unbent enough to glance at him, but he saw the uneasiness in her expression as she put the blanket around her shoulders.

Angel saw ships’ masts ahead of them. Michael turned up a street that ran along the river. Hochschild’s store, which was next door to a big saloon, 218

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was twice the size of his mercantile in Pair-a-Dice. The sign over the door boasted, “Everything under the sun.” Michael drove the wagon up front and set the brake. Jumping down, he came around and lifted Angel from the high seat, carrying her across the mud to the boardwalk.

Two young men came out of the mercantile. They stopped talking when they saw her. Whipping their hats off, both stared like poleaxed mules, neither noticing Michael stomping the mud off his boots. When he glanced over, he smiled and took her arm. “If you gentlemen will excuse us.” They stammered apologies and moved out of the doorway.

Spotting a Franklin stove near the back of the store, Angel told Michael she would get warm while he conducted his business. She glanced to where Joseph was, up a ladder, taking canned goods from a high shelf and dropping them to an assistant who boxed them for a waiting customer. She noticed the two young men come back inside the store as Michael wove his way past several tables displaying tools, household goods, jackets, and boots to reach the counter.

“What sort of grocer are you? Not a potato in the place.”

Joseph looked down with a start, then grinned broadly from his perch.

“Michael!” He came down the ladder with quick agility and extended his hand. Ordering his assistant to finish the order, he took Michael aside. He glanced once in her direction and then looked again with obvious surprise.

Michael turned and looked back at her with a smile and said something to Joseph as he winked at her.

Looking away, she stood as close to the stove as she could. One of the young men came over to stand with her. She ignored him, but she could feel him staring at her. The other joined him. She drew her shawl more tightly around herself and gave them both a cold look, hoping they’d take the hint and leave her alone. They looked thin, their coats patched.

“I’m Percy,” one said. He was smooth cheeked like the other, but his skin was darkly tanned. “I just got back from the Tuolumne. Sorry to be staring, ma’am, but it’s been a month of Sundays since I’ve seen a lady.” He nodded toward his companion. “This is my partner, Ferguson.”

Angel looked at Ferguson, and he blushed. She rubbed her arm, trying to ease the chill, and wished they would go away. She didn’t care who they 219

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were, where they came from, or what they had been doing. Her silence was meant to discourage them, but Percy took it as encouragement and talked about his home in Pennsylvania, the two sisters, three younger brothers, and mama and papa he had left behind.

“I’ve been writing and telling them how good the land is,” he said.

“They’re thinking of coming out and bringing Ferguson’s family with ’em.”

Michael was coming toward them, his expression inscrutable. Angel was afraid he might think she was drumming up business. He put his hand beneath her arm possessively but smiled. Percy introduced himself and Ferguson again. “Hope you don’t mind us talking to your wife, sir.”

“Not at all, but I was about to offer you both some work helping me unload my wagon.” They accepted with alacrity, and Angel was relieved to see the back of them. She glanced up at Michael to judge his mood. He smiled. “They were harmless and lonely,” he said. “If they’d been looking at you like a piece of meat, I might have felt like busting some heads. But they weren’t, were they?”

“No.” She gave a faint, mocking laugh. “One said it was a long time since he had seen a
lady.”

“Well, you are a married lady.” He nodded toward some tables. “Joseph has some cloth I want you to look over. Pick what you like.” He led her between tables stacked with mining gear and stopped at one piled high with bolts of cloth. “Enough for three dresses.” He went to help the boys unload.

Thinking what Michael might like, she selected one of dark gray linsey-woolsey and another of brown. When he came back, he didn’t look pleased by her selections. “Just because Tess wore brown and black, doesn’t mean you have to.” He cast the bolts onto another table and yanked a bolt of light blue linsey-woolsey from the bottom. “This would suit you better.”

“It’s more expensive.”

“We can afford it.” He took out another bolt of light rust and a muted yellow plaid to match. Next he pulled out a forest green and a flower-patterned gingham. Joseph brought out two more bolts of flowered cotton.

“I just got these. More on the way. I’m stocking up as I can. Husbands are bringing their wives and children now.” He nodded and smiled at her.

“Hello, Angel. It’s a pleasure seeing you again. I’ve got a box of buttons, a 220

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bolt of white lawn, and two of red flannel, too, if you’re interested in taking a look.”

“We are,” Michael said. “She needs wool stockings, boots, gloves, and a good coat.” Joseph went off to see to it. Michael took up a bolt of blue-and-white gingham. “What do you think of this for curtains?”

“It would be pretty,” she said and watched him stack it with the other bolts of cloth. Joseph came back with the buttons and gave them to her to make selections. “How long will it take you to get us a stove?” Michael asked.

“Got a shipment coming in anytime. Tell me how big a stove you want, and I’ll hold it for you.”

Michael gave him the dimensions, and Angel put her hand on his arm.

“Michael, it’s too big,” she whispered. “Besides, we’ve got the fireplace.”

“A stove’s more efficient and doesn’t burn as much wood. It’ll keep the cabin warm through the night.”

“But how much is it?”

“Don’t argue with him, Angel. At the price he’s asking for his potatoes and carrots, he can afford a stove.”

“As long as you don’t mark up your stoves the way you mark up your vegetables,” she retorted.

The men laughed. “Maybe I ought to let my wife do the bargaining,”

Michael said. When he said he wanted a set of dishes, Angel went back to stand by the Franklin stove. If he meant to spend every penny he had to his name, it was none of her business.

Joseph asked them to stay for supper and insisted they spend the night in his own quarters. It was the least he could do after emptying Michael’s coffers. “There’s not a hotel room to be had in the whole township, what with the men coming down out of the mountains to winter here,” Joseph said, ushering them upstairs. “Besides, it’s been a long time since you and I have had a conversation.” He slapped Michael on the back.

The upstairs apartment was well furnished and comfortable. “I bought everything for next to nothing. Fellow from the East came sailing in loaded to the beam with Chippendale and fancy sofas, thinking he was going to outfit the new millionaires in their mansions. He also had a ton of mosquito 221

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netting and enough Panama hats to last the population along the isthmus a decade.” He welcomed them into a neat parlor that overlooked the river. A Mexican cook served a savory meal of roast beef and potatoes on elegant china. Joseph poured a fine imported tea for them. Even the knives, forks, and spoons were silver.