Redemption (31 page)

“Guillaume?”
I cry out again.

“I’m alone, I’m scared, and I need you.”
I want to curl into a ball.

I hear it then, but it’s so far away.
“Aude?”

I cling to it. My name. That one word, reverberating in my head. A beacon of hope shinning so brightly. I reach out to grasp at it.

“Guillaume, I need help.”

“But … you can’t be talking to me. You’re dead.”

Dead? I can’t be dead. I don’t know what happens when you die but this isn’t it.

“I’m not dead, but I think I will be very soon if I can’t find what I’m looking for.”

“I don’t know what to do,”
he answers.

I don’t know what he should do either, but I need him there.

“Hold me, and keep talking to me. Whatever you do, please keep talking to me. I need … I need someone to come back to.”

I return to my search with more motivation this time.

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything, tell me about you, tell me about me … but first, please tell me that Garnier is okay.”

I pause. This couldn’t have been for nothing. I shouldn’t have asked that question. I realize that now, because if he’s not okay than this is all for nothing.

“Garnier is in excellent condition. I don’t know how you did it, Aude.”

Relief rushes through me. I push back another corner of cobwebs, but there is nothing there.

“This isn’t for nothing then,”
I say.

Another dark corner with nothing in it.

Guillaume is quiet for a bit and I remember how alone I am. I can’t do this. I want to curl into a ball and—a ball. I must find the ball. I must loosen its string, untangle it, and let it go free.

“Aude?”

My heart soars.
“Guillaume?”

“You need to wake. I don’t think you have much time.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I know you can figure it out. You’ve done so much more than anyone ever thought possible.”

“But the voices were helping me and now they aren’t there.”

“Maybe you need to listen harder, Aude.”

“I don’t think I can do it.”
I crouch down. I want to roll into a tight ball. A ball. Something nags at me. An answer lies in what I’m feeling right now.

“I can’t lose you.”

“I know how you loved Marguerite and lost her. But if I die it wouldn’t be the same … ”

I can give up. Wouldn’t that be so much easier than the struggling? It’s nice here, comforting. Though, if I die, I wouldn’t hear Guillaume’s voice anymore, would I?

He’s not saying anything. Maybe it’s happened. Maybe I’m dead now.

“Aude … ”
Even in my head I can tell his voice is rough.
“You’re right on one point, it wouldn’t be the same. It would be so much worse. I was never in love with Marguerite. I was infatuated with the concept of being in love.”

“Oh.”

Something insides me swells up. If he was not in love with Marguerite, could I be better than second best?

“I didn’t think I was able to love. I don’t deserve it. But regardless, I love you.”

I want to answer him and tell him that I love him too, but I can’t say anything because something is pulsing and flashing and it’s taking all of my attention. I make the connection now. The thing I almost understood earlier when I wanted to give up. The more despair I feel the smaller this ball of essence inside of me becomes. But now I glow with his love and I feel hope. The ball grows and grows inside of me until it’s swirling around like it was before I’d given it all away to Garnier.

I feel. I’m being delicately cradled in someone’s arms. I know they are Guillaume’s. I can smell him, a smell that’s become comfortingly familiar. His smell is musky and the faint cigarette odor doesn’t bother me anymore.

I open my eyes.

“You’re a mess,” I tell him.

He laughs; it’s almost more like a bark, short and rough. A relief of tension.

“Let’s bring you home,” he says.

“No way! My mom would freak if she saw me like this.”

“I meant my home. I think we should get out of here.”

His eyes are intense on mine. He’s trying to shelter me from something. I look over his shoulder. A body lies on the ground in a puddle of blood. Too much blood.

“What happened?” I have to ask.

“He did it to himself.”

I know why. The despair was so strong when my essence was wound tightly … I hadn’t even left him that much when I healed Garnier.

“I did this to him.” My words are soft, as if the reality of what I’ve done won’t hit me as long as I keep it quiet.

He grabs my chin and forces me to look away and into his eyes.

“Listen, Aude, with these types of thoughts, you’ll make yourself crazy with guilt. I know, I have been there. But these guys were going to do this to
you
, you defended yourself.”

“I feel sick.” It’s too much power. How can I handle this control over life and death?

“Let me take you home. We will take care of you.”

The idea of being taken care of almost sounds nice, comforting. I’m tempted to give in, but I can’t totally let go of my control. I can’t give myself over to him, can I? It snaps me out of it. I know I haven’t finished thinking about what I can do, what I’ve done, but self-pity isn’t my scene. I sit up. The room spins a little but I easily regain my balance.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting up.” I force a grin.

“You’re in no condition to. You almost died.”

“And now I’m alive and well. What? Do you not have any faith in my abilities?”

“You were seriously injured, you have … ” He searches me with his eyes. “You had some serious injuries, I’m sure of it.”

I laugh at him and stand up slowly, because my words are more confident than I feel.

“I healed myself … ” I’m not sure how I did it, but he didn’t need to know
that
.

He stands next to me.

Maybe I can compromise and let go of some of my control. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?”

I smile at him, because if I’m going to admit this to him, I’m going to be confident about it. I’m not going to be the damsel in distress who swoons after a rescue from her prince.

“For loving me back,” I tell him. It should be enough. He should understand how I feel.

He does. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. His lips press tightly against mine and this time I don’t pull away—there is nothing on this earth that could pull me away. One hand is pressed on my back while the other gently brushes my hair. My arms wrap around his neck. I like them there; they fit. He pulls away long enough to whisper in my ear. Time stops. I feel breathless, dizzy. My legs are shaky. Maybe I’m not above swooning after all.

He catches me.

“You’ve convinced me that you’re tough, Aude,” he whispers. “Let me take you home now.”

49

Guillaume

I helped Aude to my car and went around to the driver’s side to let myself in. That time away from her felt like the longest fifteen seconds of my life. A lot could happen in fifteen seconds; she could stop breathing. It was such a wonderful and amazing thing that she was even alive. She shouldn’t be alive after what she did.

I sank into my seat and checked on her. She was definitely breathing. She smiled at me, actually. And I smiled back. How could I do anything else? Suddenly, life was wonderful. If life is what you would call what I had been going through until this moment.

I reached to her and grabbed her hand. For the time being, I was content—no, not content, I was downright happy. This happiness wasn’t something I deserved—I knew that. But always having been a selfish creature, it was not surprising that I decided to relish it, to enjoy it for what it was while it lasted. I was no fool. I understood better than most that nothing lasted forever, except for those like us.

“I don’t want to age anymore.” Her voice was shaky, but it showed that she must have been thinking along the same lines as me.

“Really? Because I think it would be a shame to grow old without you,” I told her.

“But you don’t age, do you? I mean, if you aged you would be, like, so old now.”

I laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I guess I should tell you Vincent’s story.” I kept my eyes on the road because I didn’t want her to see the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth.

“Vincent’s story?”

“Well, I guess it’s the story of Vincent and Marie, actually. It’s a love story.” I allowed the smile to overtake me this time and I faced her. “Now, I know you’re not into love stories, but I think you’ll like this one, Aude. I hope you will like it.” My smile wavered. She gave me no reason to doubt her feeling. The problem was that self-doubt was second nature to me by then.

“I’m not against love stories,” she protested.

“Really, they’re not overrated then?”

She laughed. A small, embarrassed laugh.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted.

“Well, I don’t think this one is. You see, when Vincent met Marie, they were both eleven years old—well, Vincent was actually much older but he looked eleven, and at that time, he had always more or less acted that age. But even then, he knew that he didn’t want to be left behind when she grew up. Marie was an essentialist, a witch like you. Well, maybe not like you. I doubt there is anyone like you out there.”

She smiled and shook her head slightly. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip as she looked at me.

“Vincent didn’t want to be left behind?”

“Yeah, so he simply aged with her. We’ve seen Vincent as old as sixty-five years of age.”

“But if you guys can age, why wouldn’t you do it more often?”

“It’s not easy. It takes a lot of essence to do that.”

“How did Vincent do it?”

“Well, the essentialist and gargoyle relationship is more than simply a protector and protected relationship. A special bond can be formed between them. With this bond, they more or less share essence.”

“How so?” The smirk on her face made me think she was thinking of something entirely different.

“Nothing like that. Well, actually maybe, but it isn’t what I meant. It’s about the essence … ”

“Oh, right,” she smiled then. “Well, it’s actually a good thing that I’m a freak then.”

“I wouldn’t say a freak.”

She laughed. “I’m supernatural. I define that as freaky.” She paused, and then squeezed my hand again before continuing. “You would do that for me? You would age with me?”

“Without a second thought. There’s more to Vincent and Marie’s love story, though.”

“Oh?”

“You see they lived happily ever after, he aged, and had a daughter they named Alice.”

“Wait. He had a daughter? You guys can … you know, have children?”

“When in this form, we’re pretty much completely human. Alice was a sweet girl, who grew up to be a wonderful woman. This woman had two children … though we had always thought she’d had only one.”

“Marguerite and Audrée?” she asked.

I nodded.

“But that would mean that Vincent … ”

I nodded again.

“That’s why Vincent welcomed me to the family. He’s like my great-great-great-grandfather?”

“One
great
too many, but yes, you have the right idea.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I know it’s a lot all at once.”

She nodded. “It is, so maybe we can concentrate on what I want to hear over and over and over again.”

“What’s that?” I asked hoping she was thinking along the same lines I was.

“You know, those three little words … ”

“I love you?”

“Yes, I like those words,” she said.

“See, you’re turning into a romantic after all.”

She laughed. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” she agreed, still laughing.

“Oh. I need to call my mom,” she hesitated. “I guess I’ll tell her I’m staying over at Lucy’s.”

I parked the car at my apartment building and turned to face her. Using both my hands, I brought her hair back behind her ears and then leaned in on her and placed my lips on hers. She threw her arms around my neck and returned the kiss, her lips soft against mine. The urgency that had hit us last time was gone now. It was long, soft, and lingering. The sort of kiss I wanted to be lost in for the rest of eternity. Suddenly the rest of her life didn’t seem to be long enough.