Redemption (Forgiven Series) (33 page)

“
My
fault?
My
fault? If it hadn’t been for that asshole you have up on a pedestal she’d never have been hurt in the first place,” I shouted, giving him a little shove.

As if sensing my next move, Caleb grabbed my arms and held them behind me, while Ms. Pierce stepped in between me and her ex-husband.

“Richard, don’t be ridiculous, he’s half your age,” she said wearily. “Not forgetting the fact that Josh is the one that found her and got her help in time.” The tears started to well up in her eyes.

“He,” he yelled, pointing directly at me, “is the one that caused her to take the drugs in the first place. If she had just stayed with Ryan, none of this would have happened.”

I tried to struggle from Caleb’s hold. But it was no use. Even with the rage I felt, he was still strong enough to hold me back.

“Are you fucking kidding me? That bastard cheated on your daughter and then threw her to the floor, injuring her arm. I love her and am completely faithful to her, yet
I’m
the asshole?” I shouted.

Un-fucking-believable

“That was just a mistake on Ryan’s part. You on the other hand, are nothing but trouble,” he accused, taking a step towards me.

I opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off when Ms. Pierce entered the fight.

“Oh, so that’s what we’re calling it now? A
mistake
? How many mistakes did you make with me, Richard?” she asked sarcastically. Turning away from him she said, “I think it’s time you left.”

“She’s my daughter too,” Mr. Pierce snarled.

Ms. Pierce spun on her heel to face him, so much rage written in her features that I stopped fighting Caleb’s hold and waited to see what would happen next.

“You call what you did being a father?” she snapped, advancing on him. “The only time you
pretended
to be a father was when it was beneficial to you. Other than that, all you did was send presents in an attempt to buy her love. Well you know what, Lauren’s smarter than that. She knows she’s just a pawn to you,” she yelled, letting what seemed like years of pent up aggression go. “I’ll say it again, Lauren won’t want to see you, so I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Mr. Pierce was shocked into silence, but still looked reluctant to go.

“I’ll call you when she wakes up, but I’ll let her decide if she wants to see you.”

Mr. Pierce nodded and turned for the door. When he was fully through the door, Caleb finally let me go.

“Sorry, man,” he said.

I nodded as Ms. Pierce put her hand on my arm to get my attention. “Don’t listen to him, Josh. He has a warped sense of what is right and wrong in this world. You are a wonderful man, and very good for Lauren.” She quickly swiped the tears from her eyes and moved to the counter for a tissue.

She didn’t know how wrong she was. I may not have led Lauren down this path but knowing where it could possibly lead, I couldn’t follow her to the end.

I sat back down in the chair with Caleb and Angie taking a spot on either side of me.

Just waiting.

What seemed like hours later, the nurse came out to let us know that Lauren was awake and that two of us could go back and see her.

The thought of seeing her now, so broken and vulnerable, wasn’t something I was ready to face. Was I really strong enough to tell her goodbye while she was so weak? It wasn’t like it was really a choice though. I had to. I just wasn’t strong enough to stick around.

Trying to buy myself some more time, I looked over to Angie and Morgan. “Either of you want to go back first?”

Seeing Caleb watching me, I dropped my head into my hands. I felt someone sit down beside me and wrap an arm around my shoulders. Without looking up I knew it was him.

“Josh, I know this is hard. It just about killed me to walk into Angie’s hospital room last year.”

I still didn’t look up, so he continued. “You have to remember that she’s alive and she needs you.”

That brought my head up, because it was the one thing I couldn’t give her. “Caleb—”

He patted me on the back. “Just go see her.”

I nodded but the indecision was still warring inside of me. But Ms. Pierce and I were the first to go back and I still had no idea what I was going to say to her.

Fuck.

What the hell was I going to say to her?

The moment I woke up I knew something was wrong. The harsh light above hurt my eyes and I quickly squeezed them closed, the tears that formed behind my eyelids overflowing to fall down my cheeks. As I began to focus on my surroundings, my senses were assaulted by a number of things. A potent antiseptic smell burned my nostrils, and a loud beeping sound came from somewhere to my left. Pushing the heel of my hands down, I tried to sit up. The material beneath my hands felt scratchy and stiff and made my skin itch. Blinking the moisture away from my eyelashes, I opened my eyes slowly for a second time and was just taking in the plain sterile surroundings when a nurse walked through the door.

“Oh, good, Lauren, you’re awake,” she said cheerily. “My name is Joan. How are you feeling?

“Fine, a little tired.”

She came over and began checking the monitors. “That’s to be expected.”

When she didn’t offer any other information, I asked the question that had bothered me since I opened my eyes. “What am I doing here?”

“That’s normal. Do you remember anything?”

I started to shake my head when a memory of Josh walking out the door popped into my mind. I tried to think beyond that, but it was all I could remember. “I remember my boyfriend and I having a fight, and him walking out,” I said, leaving out why we’d been fighting in the first place.

“Well, there’s a cute young man out in the waiting room, along with your mom and some other friends,” she said, continuing to check my vitals.

Josh? The last thing I remembered was taking another pill to try and numb the pain of our fight.

“You sit tight, I’m going to go get the doctor and your mom. She’s been worried sick about you,” she said, patting my arm in comfort.

“Okay,” I agreed quietly, still very confused about what had happened. I tried to remember something—anything—that might give me a clue. All I kept coming back to was Josh leaving, and me going to my bedroom and looking for the pills to calm myself down. I remembered heading to the living room to lie down on the couch, then…

After that everything went blank.

It was an impossible task, but my mind was still searching for clues when the door to my room opened and in came a doctor, followed behind by my mom and Josh. Looking at the face I loved the more than anything made my blood run cold. His drawn and haggard appearance made it clear that whatever had happened was pretty bad.

“Hello, Lauren, I’m Dr. Weaver,” the doctor said, taking a small flashlight out of her pocket and shining it in my eyes. “I want to ask you a few questions about last night. Do you want me to have everyone step out for a moment?”

I shook my head, my eyes still trained on Josh. Dr. Weaver nodded before continuing. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?”

Last Night?

“Umm, no. How long have I been out?” I asked nervously.

Mom rushed over and took hold of my right hand, since my left hand had an IV running through it. “Sweetheart, what were you thinking?”

“Mom, I have no idea what happened,” I admitted.

“I think I can shed some light as to why you don’t remember anything,” Dr. Weaver said. “It’s completely normal for people not to remember anything once the drugs start moving through their system.”

Drugs?
As in plural?

My eyes snapped to Josh, who stood silently, his face unreadable. “But I only took one. It’s never caused me to black out before.”

“Why were you taking them at all?” my mother snapped. For the first time since she’d stepped into the room, I actually
saw
my mom. The eyes that usually sparkled were dull and lifeless, and her cheeks were pinched and blotchy. She looked tired, upset…
older
.

“Ms. Pierce,” Dr. Weaver said, placing a hand on my mom’s shoulder. “We need to calm down. I know you’re upset, but we need to do this one step at a time.” Dr. Weaver turned back to me. “Lauren, let me get this straight, you only remember taking
one
pill?”

“Yes, that’s all I ever take at one time,” I admitted, stealing a quick glance at Josh to see his reaction to all of this. He was watching me closely, but his face still hadn’t changed.

Dr. Weaver called my name, drawing my attention back to her. “How many pills were left in the bottle?”

“I don’t know… about five or six?” I guessed.

Dr. Weaver looked over at Josh and then back to me. “When your friends found you, the bottle was empty.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Empty?” I whispered. That wasn’t possible, how could it have been empty? Unless…

“Oh my God!”

I looked back to Josh and instead of his blank mask, his eyes displayed such sadness. Josh was so strong and blunt that it pretty much broke me to think that I might have broken him.

Dr. Weaver and my mom started to discuss what the next steps were, but I interrupted their conversation.

“Excuse me, can I talk to Josh alone for a moment?” I asked timidly, afraid of what the conversation might hold. My mom looked back and forth between us. She must have recognized how badly we needed to talk, because she nodded.

“How about we give them some privacy and finish this conversation outside, Dr. Weaver,” Mom suggested.

“All right,” Dr. Weaver agreed. “We’ll be right outside, but if you need anything, you can use the call button by the bed.” With that, they left the room, leaving me alone with Josh for the first time since he’d walked out my door.

“Josh—” I started, but he put his hand up to stop me.

“Lauren, please, let me go first. You really need to hear what I have to say.”

Oh God, he called me Lauren. Whatever he was about to say, I had a feeling it was going to break me. But I nodded allowing him to continue. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and took hold of my hand. “Lauren, you know that I care about you, right?” Once again I nodded, too scared of what he was going to say to do anything else. “I know that you need to get help, but… I-I-I don’t think I can do this with you.”

“Josh—”

“Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be,” he said sadly, and a lump formed in my throat and my vision blurred. “I’m not strong enough to help you through this, and you deserve someone who can be there for you. I thought I might have been, but then I saw you lying on the ground unconscious and I realized that no matter how hard I tried, the fear of you heading back down this path someday is too great for me. I can’t live the life my mother chose. I’m sorry.”

Before I had a chance to say anything, he was up on his feet, kissing me on the top of my head and walking out the door.

What had I done? That was the second time he’d left because of my stupidity. The tears ran, unchecked, down my face. It wasn’t as if I could blame him either because he was right—I needed help. I understood his fear of the unknown. How could I ask him to walk that path with me? He’d grown up with this crap.

There was a soft knock at the door and Angie peeked her head inside. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” I mumbled, trying to wipe away the tears.

Cautiously she stepped inside. “I figured you could use some company,” she offered.

“He left, didn’t he?” I asked miserably.

“Yes, but Caleb went after him. I’m not sure what Caleb will be able to do though.” With the briefest of glances down, she returned her gaze to mine. “Lauren, what were you thinking?”

Shaking my head because my tears were clogging my throat, I replied, “I don’t know. I just wanted everything to be back to normal.”

She sat in the chair to my left. I felt so empty inside. I had let everyone down. It was no longer limited to the softball team. No, my actions had brought this nightmare down on everyone I knew and loved. And what had it cost me? It cost
me everything
. I needed to find a way to relieve the pain.

“I know that look,” Angie said, startling me.