Redesigned (31 page)

Her chin trembles, and she grabs my hand. “I’ve only done a handful of things I’m proud of. One of them is giving birth to you. The other is the day I set you free. When I made you choose, I took your security blanket away. Even if it meant I’d probably lose you forever. When you went to college, it was sink or swim, and I knew you were too goddamned stubborn to sink.”

I start crying, my shoulders shaking with my sobs. “I didn’t know.” I can’t see her through my tears. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t know.”

She pats my hand. “You weren’t
supposed
to know. Not this soon.” Her words come in rasps, and after she replaces the mask, it takes her longer than before. “When I found out I was dying, I had to tell you. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t love you.” She lifts my chin and stares into my eyes.

“I’m proud of you.”

I struggle to catch my breath.

“You’re a beautiful, strong woman, and you deserve the life you want, Caroline.” She pauses, giving me a moment to digest that she’s called me by my full first name and not the nickname she knows I hate. “Fight for the life you want.”

I nod.

She pats my face. “That’s my good girl.” She closes her eyes, and I’m scared she’s passed away, but her monitors are still beeping and flashing.

After several minutes, the nurse comes in behind me and rests her hand on my shoulder. “She’s sleeping. It looks like she’s said what she was desperate to tell you and wore herself out. If you want to stay with her for a little bit, you’re welcome to.”

“Thank you,” I say, not bothering to hide my tears.

“Now that she’s made her peace, it probably won’t be long now.”

I nod.

I watch my mother sleep, still stunned by her revelation. How could I know that my greatest heartache was her greatest gift? She’s right. Back in my sophomore year, I’d struggled with a couple of classes and had moments when I considered dropping out, but the fact I had nowhere to go ensured I stayed. Would I have stayed if I thought I could come home? I’d like to think I would, but now I’m not so sure.

I’m exhausted, but I’m not ready to leave her yet. I lay my cheek on the mattress and close my eyes.

Someone pats my shoulder, and I blink, disoriented.

The nurse smiles at me. “You fell asleep. I hate to disturb you, but we have to do a procedure.

We’ll let you come back in about an hour.”

I stand and leave the room, emotionally and physically drained. I just need to rest my head somewhere and pull myself together. When I open the doors to the waiting room, I’m not prepared for the person I find on the other side.

Reed.

My heart leaps into my throat.

Reed sits next to my father, and when he sees me, he stands, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he waits for me to make the first move.

I run my hand through my tangled hair. “What … how did you know where I was?”

“Scarlett.” He steps forward, and I see his bruised and swollen left eye.

“What happened to your face?”

He gives me a wry smirk. “Tucker.”

I smile, despite myself.

“I need to talk to you, Caroline. I need to explain.”

I want to tell him that I don’t want an explanation, but my mother’s secret has taught me that things aren’t always what they seem. I need to hear him out. I owe him that. And if I don’t like what I hear, I can tell him goodbye. “Okay.”

He releases a breath. “Thank you.”

“My mother’s having a procedure, and they say it will take an hour. That’s all you get.”

He nods.

“Dad, I’ll be back.”

“I like this guy,” my dad says, pointing his thumb at Reed. “Give him a chance.”

I shake my head as I start to walk down the hall, not waiting for Reed. I keep going until I spot a coffee vending machine. Reed steps in front of me and gets two cups.

When he hands me mine, I refuse to look into his face, and continue down the hall, looking for somewhere private to talk. We come to the cafeteria, and I find a table in the dimly lit room. It’s three in the morning and the food line is closed. We’ll be alone.

I sit in a chair and take a sip of what has to be the world’s worst coffee while I wait for him to start talking.

“How are you doing?” he asks.

I snort. “I’m doing great, Reed. Best night of my life.”

He inhales and scrubs his face with his hands, but pulls them away when he rubs his eye.

“Did Tucker really punch you?”

He nods, looking down at his cup. “He knew that I’d upset you.”

“How in the world did you even see him to get punched?”

“I needed to find you, and you wouldn’t answer your cell phone. So I called Scarlett and begged her to tell me where you were. I said if she wouldn’t tell me on the phone, that I’d come over. Tucker got on the phone and told me if I came over he’d punch me.”

“And you went anyway?” I ask, incredulous.

“I needed to find you, Caroline.” He rubs his forehead then looks at me. “I’d ask you why you didn’t ask me to come with you, but I know why. What I want to know is, if we hadn’t had our argument tonight, would you have told me? Would you have asked me to come?”

“Yes.”

He nods, and turns his cup in his hand. “I fucked up, Caroline.”

I don’t say anything.

He leans his forearms on the table. Taking a deep breath, his eyes fill with pain. “I told you that this isn’t my story to tell, but Lexi gave me permission.” Reed swallows. “Last year, Lexi was a freshman at a small private college out east. Very private. Very expensive. But it turns out that expensive tuition doesn’t mean that it’s safe.”

He takes a sip of his coffee, then puts the cup down. His face contorts with disgust. “A guy at her school became infatuated with her.”

My chest tightens with dread.

“It started off with little things. Notes, small gifts, secret-admirer kind of things always left anonymously outside her dorm room door or on her usual seat in classes. It was obvious the bastard knew her schedule.” His voice breaks. “Lexi never told us. She said she didn’t want to overreact. But then things started showing up in her dorm room. Campus security changed the locks and assured Lexi she was safe.”

He swallows and blinks back his tears. “Her roommate was out one night, and the guy showed up.” Reed looks into my eyes. “He raped her, Caroline. My baby sister was raped.”

“Oh, God, Reed, I’m so sorry.” No wonder he’s so overprotective of her. I feel like an ass.

“The worst part is he got away with it. His family is prestigious and has deep pockets. It was his word against Lexi’s.”

I reach across the table and loop my fingers over his. He takes a deep breath and clings to my hand.

“Needless to say, Lexi was a mess. It was the middle of the spring semester so my parents forced her to go home. The fact the guy was still there, and the fact she’s the daughter of John Monroe, made going back to school a security issue. They were also worried about a scandal, that it would somehow come back that Lexi had brought it on herself.” His mouth presses into a line and anger hardens his face. “My parents wanted her to give up college for a year or two and wait for everything to die down, but that devastated her even more. Her entire life had been derailed because of one psycho. I couldn’t let that happen.”

I’m not surprised he refused to stand back and let his sister suffer.

“I convinced my parents to let Lexi go back to school if I went with her. She could live with me in an apartment off campus. They refused until we agreed to change our last names. They didn’t want the press to find out where we were. Pendergraft is my maternal grandmother’s maiden name. And Southern is a respected university, but it’s hidden in the middle of Tennessee. I thought we could get lost here.”

“But by the end of last spring, you surely had been accepted into a postgrad program. Where were you going to go?”

“Stanford.”

“Where Dr. Knuth’s at. You gave up your dream for your sister?”

He looks incredulous. “Lexi is far more important than a degree from Stanford.”

I sit back in my seat and close my eyes. “I’m an idiot.”

He leans across the table, and lifts my hand to his mouth. “No, Caroline. No. You had every right to be upset. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you sooner.”

I look at my hand cradled in his. This is still Reed. My Reed. His last name shouldn’t matter. If I let his family affect how I feel about him, how is that any different than if my background influenced Reed? He didn’t keep his identity from me because he was ashamed of where he came from. He did it to protect his sister. But if he went to those lengths to protect her, what else would he do?

“You knew about Brandon’s criminal record and his father.”

He stiffens slightly but looks unapologetic. “I saw him talking to Lexi after you left that night at the bar. I had him investigated.”

“That’s how you knew about the rapes on campus. You checked into it before you came here.”

“And when I found out you were walking across campus in the middle of the night, I flipped out.”

I grin. “I noticed.”

His grip on my hand tightens. “God, Caroline. It was hard enough watching Lexi go through that.

I can’t stomach the idea of it happening to you.”

“Even back then? We’d only reached our agreement that day.”

“I was attached to you already. Besides, I told you, I knew you were
the one
. The more I’m with you, the more I know I was right.”

“And what about the woman you went out with in those photos?”

“Amelia and I broke up last year. There’s nothing there. What we had was more about convenience. I never felt a fraction of what I feel with you with her.”

One part doesn’t make sense. “What about the fashion show? If you two were trying to stay hidden, why would you do something so public?”

“Lexi.” He grimaces. “The night at Scarlett’s party, she saw us together and quizzed me about you. You’d mentioned the fashion show, and I told her about it.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “She sensed the chemistry between us and called the chancellor and told him she was a representative of the Monroe Foundation and wanted the foundation to partner with the apparel department for the fashion show. She was trying to get closer to you so she could convince you what a great guy I was. When our parents found out, they were livid, but they couldn’t back out and disgrace the foundation. So they agreed, as long as I was the committee chair so I could keep an eye on Lexi.”

“So you were cranky because you didn’t want to be there.”

“That and I was frustrated after our near-kiss in the club.”

“And you were at the club because of Lexi?”

“She likes to have fun. I endured it for her. The only reason I went to Scarlett’s party was because Lexi had been cooped up with no social life. That was her first outing since her attack, so I wanted to be with her and make sure she handled it okay. I figured Scarlett’s party would be a good first step. And then I met you.” His mouth twists into an ironic smile. “So the next week, she said she wanted to meet some friends at a club. I told her she could go, but I went kind of as her bodyguard and sat at a table close by, there if she needed me. I know it sounds paranoid—”

I shake my head. “No, Reed. It sounds totally understandable. And very sweet. She’s lucky to have you.”

“I hated going at the time, but now I’m grateful. I’m not sure we’d be together if I hadn’t almost kissed you that night.”

“And what about us?” I ask. “What now?”

His fingers stroke the back of my hand. “That’s your call, Caroline. I’m yours, no matter what my last name is. But I’m going to be a college professor, and I’d like to live on my own salary when I get out of school. I’d prefer not to use my parents’ money and deal with the strings that come along with it.” He looks into my eyes. “Can you live with that?”

“Reed, when I thought you were going to be a college professor with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans, I told you I wanted to be with you. Why would that change?”

“Because now you know about the money.”

“It was never about the money. It was about the security. I don’t want my future children to go to bed hungry or have to endure the ridicule I faced.”

“I think you know me well enough to know I’d never let that happen. You told me so earlier tonight. I’d work three jobs if I had to, to provide for my family.”

“I know.”

He laces his fingers with mine and looks into my eyes. “I’ve told you everything, Caroline. I love you, and I don’t want to live without you. Tell me what I need to do to make this right.”

I shake my head. “Nothing.”

Panic floods his face. “Caroline, please.”

“Reed, there’s nothing to be done because I forgive you. I understand why you did what you did.

I just wish you had trusted me sooner.”

Relief washes over his face. “I had to make sure Lexi was okay with me telling you. That’s why I wanted to wait for her. I wanted her to tell you herself. I’m sorry.” He pauses. “So are we good?”

“No more secrets?”

“None.”

“Then we’re good.”

He stands and walks around the table, lifting me from my seat. His mouth lowers to mine and I expect his kiss to have some urgency. Instead, it tastes of contentment and peace.

And it’s exactly what I need.

“You look exhausted, Caroline. Let’s go back to the waiting room and you can stretch out on the loveseat there.”

I laugh. “I believe
stretch out
and
loveseat
are an oxymoron.”

“You need to try to get some rest, Caroline.” I understand his bossiness now. It’s his need to protect me. He couldn’t protect Lexi, so he’s even more determined to do everything he can to protect the people he loves.