Rejoice (23 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

The reception was in full swing, but so far—other than a quick wave—Ashley had avoided Landon.

She’d seen him, of course. Seen him the moment he walked into the church. And despite her determination to make their time together at this wedding nothing more than a passing hello, her eyes had betrayed her.

No one needed to hand her a mirror for her to know that much.

The love that passed from her eyes to his in those first moments was something she had no control over. He looked amazing, dressed in the same blue shirt and black slacks he’d worn the day he’d proposed to her. And as their eyes held during the ceremony, she wondered a hundred questions. Whether he’d worn the suit on purpose, and whether he’d known that by coming in at the last minute she would have no choice but to see him, feel his presence like a tangible force in the room.

But then, midway through Reagan’s and Luke’s vows, Landon had mouthed something, spoken something meant for her eyes alone, and in an instant she realized what was happening. By letting herself get lost in his eyes, she had given him too much of the truth, too clear a picture of how much she still loved him.

And though she couldn’t read his words, she didn’t have to. No matter that he’d made a commitment to the fire department, the things he would’ve said to her in that moment were no different than what he’d said to her the last time they were together.

They could work it out; they could find a way; they could be together.

Everything she wanted him to say, everything she wanted to believe.

But it wasn’t going to happen, because Ashley wasn’t going to let it. Rehashing the reasons would do nothing but make her sad and frustrated, and that wasn’t how she wanted to spend her time tonight. It was Christmas Eve, after all. Her brother was married to Reagan, and before time pulled them from the moment and propelled them into the new year and all its uncertainty, Ashley wanted to celebrate.

From the moment she entered the decorated reception hall, she made herself busy. Reagan’s mother had hired a caterer to serve dinner, and each table was bedecked in Christmas red and white, with a pinecone centerpiece. At one end of the room was a dance floor and a deejay, who was, at the moment, playing something soft and instrumental.

Ashley found Anne Decker talking to one of the caterers. She came up beside her and tapped her shoulder. “Can I help?”

“Everything’s done.” Reagan’s mother smiled. “But I’d like you to meet my friends.” She led Ashley to a table of women, most of whom attended her church. Ashley went gladly. Anything to delay coming face-to-face with Landon.

“We’ve heard a lot about you.” One of the women smiled at her. “You helped Reagan and Luke find their way back together.”

The conversation continued and when it slowed, Ashley caught a glimpse of Landon off her right shoulder. She turned left and practically bumped into Brooke and Kari and Erin. The sisters talked about highlights from the wedding, how their father had walked Reagan down the aisle with the same kind of pride Reagan’s father would have if he’d been alive.

After half an hour, Reagan’s mother took the microphone from a podium at the front of the room and asked people to find a table. “Dinner will be served in a few minutes, and then we’ll dance.”

People made their way to the round tables, and Ashley scanned the room. She hadn’t seen Cole in several minutes, but suddenly she heard his voice, high and animated. Her eyes followed the sound, and sure enough, he was kneeling in the chair next to Landon, his arms wrapped around Landon’s neck.

Ashley drew a long breath and headed toward them.

“Mom!” Cole called out to her long before she reached the table. “Look who’s here!”

She hadn’t told him Landon might attend the wedding. With the distance between them lately, Ashley hadn’t been sure he would come. “Yes, buddy.” She met Landon’s eyes and tried to hide her feelings with a smile. “Isn’t that great?”

“It’s the best news ever!” He slid onto his bottom and reached for Landon’s hand. “Come on, Mom. Sit down.”

Ashley wanted to sit next to Landon, but instead she took the chair on the other side of Cole. Every few seconds she reminded herself of the truth. Nothing could come from letting her heart loose on a night like this. She turned her attention to Landon. Her tone was light as she smiled at him. “We keep meeting up at weddings.”

“Yes.” Landon’s grin was slow and easy. Not the desperate look he’d had earlier during the ceremony. “Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”

Cole was watching them, listening, his head turning from Landon to Ashley and back again. He tugged on Landon’s sleeve. “Hayley’s here.”

Something softened in Landon’s eyes. “I know, pal. She looks good.”

“That’s what I think.” Cole lowered his voice as if he wanted to add something private. “But Maddie says she’s different.” His tone grew loud again. “She can’t swim anymore.”

“Maybe one day.” Landon gave Cole a sideways hug and kissed the top of his head.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Dinner arrived then, and they ate amidst small talk and reflections of the wedding. Through every minute of it, Ashley had to remind herself to stay seated, to not get up and move closer to Landon, where she would finally be close enough to smell him, to breathe in the reality of his presence.

When the meal was over, Reagan’s mother used the microphone again and invited them to gather around the cake table.

Cole was on his feet instantly. “Can I go, Mom? Please? Maddie’s up there.”

Landon brought his face down alongside Cole’s and batted his eyelashes at Ashley. “Yeah, Mom, Maddie’s up there.”

“Fine.” She was laughing before she could stop herself, before she could remind her heart not to reengage, at least not beyond a surface level. “Go get a good spot.”

Cole was gone before she finished her sentence, and Ashley raised a single eyebrow at Landon. “Aren’t you going to join him?”

Until then Landon had been trying to match the easy banter she’d established when she sat down. But now he met her eyes and held them. “I don’t want cake, Ash.”

“Oh.” Her heart rate doubled. “Okay.”

He pointed to the empty chair between them. “Think Cole would mind if I took his chair?”

“Actually . . .” She glanced at Cole, lost in the crowd of people ready to watch Luke and Reagan cut their cake. “I think he’ll be a while.”

Landon smiled and in one fluid motion he slid into the chair beside her. The attention of the wedding guests was completely focused on the cake table, so both of them turned their attention toward the newlyweds. As they did, Landon’s arm brushed against hers and stayed that way. She was wearing a sleeveless black dress, one with long, elegant lines and a skirt that fell just above her ankles. Even through his suit jacket she could feel his warmth against her bare arm.

“You look amazing, Ash.” He kept his gaze straight ahead, but his voice was different, the pretense stripped away.

For a moment she held her breath, searching for a way to keep things simple. But the idea was as unrealistic as asking herself not to breathe. “You, too.”

The big moment had arrived, and together Luke and Reagan eased a white-handled knife into a cake covered with baby roses.

Landon eased a bit closer. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No.” They both still faced forward, pretending to be caught up in the wedding-cake drama. “I had people to visit.”

“Oh.” A slow chuckle sounded from deep in his chest. “Okay.”

This time she turned her head and met his eyes. “What?”

“Come on, Ash. I know what you’re doing, and can I tell you something?”

Her heart pounded in her throat, but she said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

“You don’t have to worry, Ashley. We’ve already made our choices about the future. But tonight . . .”

His eyes held hers and she felt every bit of her resistance falling away.

“Tonight let’s not pretend we don’t care, okay? That’s too much work.” The corners of his mouth lifted and a sparkle lit his eyes. “Especially on Christmas Eve.”

In the background, the cake-cutting moment had passed. The deejay switched the music to something slower and called Luke and Reagan to the dance floor. Ashley and Landon watched the wedding couple dance, but Ashley could think only of Landon’s last words:
“Let’s not pretend we don’t care, okay?”

When the song ended, the deejay played another slow song and invited the guests to join Luke and Reagan on the dance floor. Landon stood and held his hand out to her. “Come on, Ash. Dance with me . . . please.”

Ashley looked at him and felt herself getting lost. And in that moment, she knew it was too late. It was Christmas Eve, her brother’s wedding reception. No matter how hard she worked at it, she couldn’t pretend she didn’t love Landon. She didn’t want to pretend. Not for one minute more.

“On one condition.”

Landon eased his fingers around hers, working his thumb along the back of her hand. “Anything.”

“We can’t talk about tomorrow.”

In all the years they’d known each other, Ashley had only slow-danced with Landon one other time—at Kari and Ryan’s wedding. And then only for one song, since they’d been too busy talking to spend time on the dance floor. But now he led her to a spot several feet from the deejay and turned to face her. For a moment they froze and she would’ve given anything to undo the facts so she could enjoy the dance.

He put one hand around her waist and took her fingers with his other hand. He swayed slowly, more intent on her than the music. For a minute they did nothing more than move subtly across the floor and stare at each other, searching for scraps of yesterday.

Toward the end of the song, Landon slowed to a near stop. “Okay . . . you know it’s coming.”

“What?” She had her other hand around his waist, and she drew an inch closer so she could hear him above the music. Her emotions were as varied as the Manhattan skyline.

“The question.” He gave her a lazy grin, the one she’d seen a hundred times in her dreams.

“What question?” She was playing with him, feeding off his teasing tone, praying they could keep it light until the clock struck midnight and her glass slippers disappeared.

He blinked and the silliness faded from his eyes. “Do you miss me, Ash?”

She clenched her teeth to keep from pulling him close, from drawing him near and kissing him right here in front of the other wedding guests.
Resist him,
she told herself.
It can’t go anywhere
. But in light of his question, she had to answer, had to let him know the obvious. “With every breath, Landon.”

His feet kept moving to the slow beat, but he squinted at her hair. Then with careful hands, he ran his fingers down the side of her head. “You have the most beautiful hair.” He raised his brow. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

She held her breath to keep from giggling, but it didn’t work. The laughter built within her and escaped in a burst that left them both chuckling as they sauntered off the floor. “You sound more like Irvel than Irvel does.” She bopped him on the head and took the seat beside him at their table.

Cole was dancing with Maddie, staying close to Reagan and Luke. Every now and then he’d look at Ashley and Landon and wave at them from across the room. In turn, they’d wave back and keep talking.

“So tell me, how
are
Irvel and the gang?”

“Good.” Ashley was grateful for the laughter between them. It meant they were making the best of the situation without working themselves back to a place that would hurt too much to leave. “I’m worried about Irvel. She’s slower these days. Talking to Hank as though he’s standing beside her half the time.”

Landon shrugged. “I can relate.”

“What?” Ashley grinned, refusing to let the conversation grow deep again. “You talk to Hank, too?”

“Okay.” He chuckled, and his head dropped a bit. “You got me. I talk to Hank all the time.”

They laughed again, and when the music changed to a faster beat, he took her hand and the two of them spent the next half hour dancing with Ashley’s sisters and the bride and groom.

When the reception ended, everyone made their way to the street and a line of cabs. Ashley hung back with Landon, together but apart, not sure how to say good-bye with everyone clustered around.

“When do you leave?” Landon leaned close, obviously aware that this might be it, their last night together for a very long time.

“Saturday.” Ashley wore her long wool coat, but still she was cold. The snow was falling again, and she allowed herself the luxury of standing closer to him, their bodies touching as they talked. Her mother and Erin and Sam, even Luke and Reagan had already returned to the hotel. Only her father and Brooke remained, working to buckle Hayley and Maddie into the cab while Cole hopped about on the sidewalk.

“Ash . . .” He waited. His breath hung in the air like a wisp of smoke.

She looked up at him, unaware of anything but his nearness. “I have to go.”

“Not yet.” His eyes held hers, and he angled in so he was partially facing her. “I’ll take you home.”

“I . . . Landon . . . what about Cole?”

At almost the same instant, Brooke called out from the cab. “Ashley, I’ve got Cole.” She motioned to him. “Come on, buddy. You can go back with Aunt Brooke.”

“Are you sure?” Ashley’s heart was beating so hard she expected it to affect her voice. If she were smart she’d go now, take Cole by the hand and join Brooke, her father, and the girls in the cab. But she couldn’t do it, couldn’t leave Landon standing there no matter what her common sense tried to say. “Okay, Brooke. I won’t be late.”

She smiled at Ashley. “I’m not worried. You have a key, right?”

“Right.” Ashley took a few steps closer to the cab. “Cole, be good for Aunt Brooke, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.” He skipped over and hugged Landon. “Are you coming to the hotel, Landon? Maybe we can watch a movie.”

Ashley watched Landon’s struggle, how the muscles in his jaw flinched. “Hey, Cole, jump up here for a minute.”

Cole backed up a few feet and took a running leap into Landon’s arms. “Can you, Landon? Can you come back with us?”