Relativity (16 page)

I really don’t want to do this but I have to protect my best friend. I look around the parking lot, conspiratorially. “Okay, I was lying. When everybody is gone, I’m taking Tate back to the room. I didn’t even tell Natalie that you got us a room because I wanted to be alone with him. Please don’t tell her or she’ll be so pissed at me,” I force out.

Greer claps her hands and jumps up and down. “I’m kind of starting to like you,” she says, and now I feel really sick.

Knox just stares at me for what feels like forever, disappointment like a mist all around him. In that moment, I know that I’ve lost him for good and part of me hates Natalie for it.

His eyes narrow and in an icy tone I wouldn’t have thought him capable of he says, “You owe me two hundred dollars for the room.”

“Let’s get some dinner, beautiful,” he says, clasping his arm around Greer’s waist, ushering her into the hotel. Neither of them so much as glance back at me.

I collapse onto a bench in a flower garden tucked away on the side of the hotel and watch my classmates slowly start their procession home and still I wait. I’m not exactly sure what I’m waiting for but I just can’t seem to leave. It is up to fate whether Knox runs into Natalie and Cale or even Tate. I’ve done all I can to protect my best friend from herself including sacrificing the man I love.

Finally, Tate emerges with two girls and I watch them all leave in his truck. I breathe a little easier knowing Knox won’t run into him and question why we aren’t together. I make my way to the shuttle and give the driver my address. The only thing that helps me keep it together is knowing that when I get home I’ll bury myself under my covers and call Mom’s voicemail to tell her about the whole night.

The next day, I’m carefully hanging up my prom dress when Natalie bursts into my room. I’ve been anxious all day wondering if by some miniscule chance Knox and Natalie ran into each other at the hotel. I realized later that he could have spotted her car and know that I lied. Part of me wanted him to find out so he knew I wasn’t really with Tate.

Even though I really don’t want to confront Nat about Cale I can’t stand by and let her destroy her life like this. There will never be a perfect time for this conversation but today is as good a day as any.

“My parents are getting divorced,” she blurts out. The red ringing her brown eyes that I assumed were compliments of a late night with Cale are actually from crying. Tears slip over her lids again and rush down her cheeks. Last night is forgotten as I scoop her into the tightest hug I can manage.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, smoothing her hair back, letting her cry. After a minute or so, she gently pulls out of the hug and starts explaining.

“Apparently, they haven’t loved each other for a long time and feel that they would be better off splitting up,” she sobs.

“Did they say anything about an affair?” I ask, remembering Natalie’s suspicions. I can’t help but notice a parallel between Nat’s parents and her extracurricular activities.

She wipes her tears violently on the sleeve of her shirt. “Oh, they spouted some bullshit about how it isn’t because anybody was cheating, but they just realized they would be happier without each other.”

“I’m sorry, Nat,” I say, because it’s the only thing I can think of. It’s weird to think that someday Mr. Parsons might have a girlfriend. Maybe he and Dad could double date. The thought makes me shiver.

“I know he’s fucking somebody and I’m going to find out who the bitch is. She isn’t going to destroy my family and get away with it,” she says, her voice filled with hate. I can’t help but wonder what Cale’s wife would do to her if she found out about their relationship.

“Maybe they’re telling the truth,” I say, attempting to defuse her. I can tell by the crazy look in her eyes that she isn’t going to be detoured though.

“You can’t just fuck with somebody’s life like this,” she wails, burying her face in one of my pillows. I rub her back, consolingly, trying to calm her down.

“We’ll get it figured out, Nat. I promise.”

I feel like a fucking fraud as I watch Natalie drive away. I swore to her that everything would be alright when nothing is all right. She’s in love with a married man, her dad is probably having an affair, her mother is emotionally checked out, and her best friend is in love with her brother.

Needing time away from drama, I settle in to spend the afternoon with Dad. I fix tomato soup and cheese toasties and we have a picnic on the floor in front of the television. Mom used to love eating like this. I fight not to drown by the wave of grief that just struck me blindly.

“You’re getting to be a pretty good cook,” Dad teases, flipping his sandwich from the soggy side to the burnt side, not quite sure where to start.

“You don’t look like you’re starving to me,” I tease, even though I actually have started to notice how much Dad’s belly has shrank in the last month.

“So, how was prom? King and queen, pretty fancy stuff,” he comments, smiling, then tears off a bite of sandwich and chokes it down with a spoonful of soup.

“It was fun,” I minimalize. I don’t go into how the whole queen thing was just because I’m a half-orphan now and even teenagers feel empathy occasionally.

“Tate seems nice. Please tell me that Mom gave you the birds and the bees talk already,” he says, only half-jokingly.

I cover my face with my hands, embarrassed. If he only knew the things his little girl had done with an older man. I remember how immature I felt next to Knox and Greer last night and I realize for the first time that Knox couldn’t have felt the same pleasure I did since I’m such an inexperienced lover compared to him. A new layer of despair cloaks me like a blanket.

“The headstone is going to be placed next week,” Dad blurts out.

I drop my hands, surprised. “You went back without me?”

“I just felt like it was too much for you. You’re already dealing with so much. Besides, we had already talked about what we wanted and that’s what I got.”

“But you shouldn’t have had to go by yourself,” I say, feeling guilty.

He turns away from me and mumbles something I can’t quite hear.

“What?” I ask.

He stuffs his mouth full of sandwich then answers, “Karen went with me.”

Something that feels like lava starts pooling near my stomach. I can feel it snake its way up my esophagus. I choke it down like I’m swallowing a basketball. Knox and Greer, Natalie and Cale, now Dad and Karen. I steady myself, spooning soup into my mouth until I can get a handle on my emotions. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and throw this bowl of soup across the room so it smashes against the wall and leaves a giant red stain. But I don’t.

“I’m glad she could help you,” I mutter, every nerve in my body on edge.

We spend the next two hours in silence, staring at the television. I don’t think either one of us could tell what the movie we just watched was about because we were lost in our own worlds. I retreat to my bedroom for the night, crawl under my covers, and dial Mom’s number. I tell her all about how much I love Knox, what a mess Natalie is making of her life, and how much I miss her. I leave out the part about my suspicions that Dad has a girlfriend already. I have to time my conversations, or conversation snippets I should say, just right so her voicemail doesn’t cut me off before I can tell her how much I love her. I fall asleep before it is even dark outside.

******

It has been two weeks since prom, which means it has been two weeks since I’ve spoken to Knox, with the exception of restaurant talk. I thought I’d be detoxed of wanting him by now but if anything my desire has gotten worse. It doesn’t help knowing that he spends every night with Greer doing things to her body that I’d give anything to let him do to mine.

It’s also been two weeks since Dad told me that Karen helped pick out my mother’s gravestone. I haven’t said a word about how much it upset me but I’m pretty sure he can pick up on the tension between us now. Then again, maybe not, considering he pretty much just passes out in his recliner the minute he gets home from work these days.

It has also been two weeks since I realized that my best friend is having an affair with a married man. I have tried to bring it up a million times but I just can’t find the words. She flits around Mozzarella like she is on cloud nine completely oblivious to the fact that her world is going to come crashing down hard very soon when Cale’s wife finds out about them. Meanwhile, she is still stringing Connor along, using him as an alibi to throw anyone off her betrayal.

Two weeks have passed since I could have been honest with Tate and told him that I’m in love with someone else or that I just didn’t have the energy for a relationship but I’ve continued to let him saddle up to the counter at work every night and wait for me to get off so that he can drive me home.

I know how horrible it is to lead him on but when Greer started waiting for Knox every night, I just couldn’t let Knox win. I need him to think I’m over him. I can’t let him know that he still owns me.

“Can you take my shift tonight?” Natalie begs, pulling me back to reality.

“Why?” I ask, biting into an apple. If she expects me to cover for her every time she hooks up with Cale, she better at least start coming clean.

“It’s only one hour early,” she points out.

I think about telling her that I know all about the damage that can be done in one hour. I could live a lifetime if I had just one more hour alone with Knox. Which, if I took the shift, I would have an hour alone with him but not the kind of hour I’m thinking about.

“You could get off an hour earlier to be with your sweetie pie,” she says, trying to sweeten the deal.

I spy Tate across the quad, hesitating when he sees me. I hold my hand up in a pathetic attempt at a wave. He smiles shyly, putting his head down as he makes his way toward us.

“Shut up with that shit. He’s on his way over,” I say, wiping my mouth.

She rolls her eyes at me then ditches her salad and buries her nose in her phone. I have an insane urge to rip it out of her hands to see the disgusting texts messages that I know Cale must be sending her but I manage to control myself.

“Hello, ladies. Is it okay if I bust in on your party?” He is teasing but I detect a nervousness in his voice. Maybe he isn’t so clueless after all.

“We’d be honored, king,” Natalie says, not looking up from her phone. “Where’s my man?”

I’m so stunned by Natalie’s comment that I have to turn my head so Tate doesn’t notice my disgusted look.

“Coach grabbed him to help move some stuff. He’ll be out soon,” Tate assures her.

“So, you and Connor are like an item?” I ask, sarcasm dripping from my voice. Our eyes lock and she knows that I know.

“I like him a lot,” she says timidly, dropping her eyes.

“I think that’s really sweet. You guys make a cute couple. Maybe you’ll get married,” I ramble, knowing I’m out of control.

“Stop it,” she hisses through gritted teeth.

“Why don’t
you
stop it?” I practically bark.

Tate’s eyes are huge saucers ricocheting back and forth between Natalie and I as he shoves half of a folded slice of pizza in his mouth.

“Will you work for me or not?” she asks hatefully, standing up and grabbing her stuff.

“Of course, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to help young love out.” I know I’m being such a bitch, possibly even the c word, not that I can bring myself to say that one. But I can’t help it. I’ve got too much bottled up and I can’t talk to anyone about any of it.

I can’t tell anyone about Natalie and Cale. I can’t tell anyone about Knox. And I don’t want to tell anyone about Dad and Karen. I’m bubbling over with secrets and I felt like if I didn’t lash out at Natalie then I would boil over.

She huffs off, giving me a terrified look over her shoulder. She’s afraid I’m going to rat her out, which I would never do, but hopefully it will be enough to make her end this toxic relationship.

“Holy cat fight,” Tate teases, finishing off his pizza.

“Shit. We never fight,” I say, burying my head in my hands. The last person on earth that I want to be alienating is Natalie. I really just want to tell her everything and it is killing me that I can’t.

“Dude, you’re allowed. You’ve been through so much. I mean, there’s enough stress just with graduating and deciding what to do with your future but then everything with your mom. It’s okay if you don’t always have your shit together.” He touches my arm gently, trying to console me.

“You’re really sweet, Tate,” I say, wishing I could feel about him the way I feel about Knox. It would make life so much less complicated.

“Sweet. The adjective of death,” he jokes, clutching his chest.

“I’m sorry,” I admit, knowing that we both know this thing with us isn’t going anywhere so there is no point in denying it any longer.

“It’s okay. At least I lost out to a good guy,” he whispers, glancing around conspiratorially.

A puzzled look crosses my face as I try and figure out what he’s talking about. “You aren’t losing out to anybody, Tate. I’ve just got so much to work out.”

“It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone,” he says.

I force myself to stay calm, knowing that there is no possible way he could know. “The queen hath no earthly idea what you speak of,” I say, trying to turn it into a joke.

He leans toward me and gets so close to my face that I think he might kiss me then he veers to the right and whispers in my ear. “Knox.”

I can’t hide my shock and every fiber in my body tells me to fight it. I can’t let him know that he’s right. But the look in his eyes tells me that he isn’t interested in obliterating my life with this knowledge. And I’m just too damn exhausted to lie.

“We aren’t together anymore,” I confess.

“You will be,” he says, smiling. His words are like tinder to a tiny flame inside me that I thought was all but extinguished. If Knox and I could be together I wouldn’t care about anything else, ever.

“How did you know?” I ask, mystified.