Relativity (18 page)

I put the phone to my ear and instead of hearing Mom’s voice, I hear a message saying the number I am calling has been disconnected or is no longer in service. I hang up, realizing I must have dialed the wrong number but panic starts to trickle in, slowly. I dial the number, very deliberately this time, keeping my eyes on the numbers I push. I put the phone back to my ear and the horrible message comes on again.

I scream louder than I’ve ever screamed and throw my phone against the wall. I tear the covers off my bed, still screaming. I’m consumed by panic, knowing that I will never hear my mother’s voice again, and reality sinking in for maybe the first time that she really is gone forever. I collapse on the floor in a tangle of blankets, sobs wracking my body.

My door flies open and Dad stumbles in, looking terrified. “What is it, Ripley? What’s wrong?” he asks, clasping my shoulders.

I can’t answer because I’m shaking too bad. I just point to the phone. He retrieves it off the floor and turns the still-working screen on. He sees the number I just dialed and instantly understands.

“Were you still calling her phone?” he asks, heartbroken.

I nod my head, rivers of tears streaming down my face. “I had to hear her voice before I fell asleep every night,” I choke out.

Dad drops my phone on my bed, bends down, and wraps me in a hug. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I had Mom’s phone shut off today. I just didn’t think.”

“She’s gone, Daddy. She’s really gone,” I sob, falling into his arms.

******

I don’t remember anything after Dad hugging me but he must have calmed me down and tucked me in. I feel empty, having cried out every last tear, but rested, I never woke up once last night. I lay in bed wondering about Knox. I can’t help but wonder if he’s waking up next to Greer. The thought makes me nauseous. I run to my bathroom and throw up. After emptying everything I’ve eaten in my entire life, I lean the side of my face against the cool tub.

The bathroom door opens and Natalie pops her head in. “You okay?” she asks timidly.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, surprised to see her.

“Your dad asked if I could check on you because you were still sleeping when he left for work. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay. I’m sorry about yesterday, Nat.”

“Me too,” she agrees and just like that we are best friends again.

“What time is it?”

“It’s noon, I’m on lunch. I told the office you were sick. You aren’t pregnant or anything, are you?” she teases, trying to make me laugh.

Fear seizes my heart as I realize that during the tremulousness of the last few weeks I had completely forgotten how careless Knox and I had been the last time we had sex. I flip a mental calendar trying to remember when my last period was. It had to have been before Mom died because I haven’t had to shop for any tampons. That means it’s been at least five weeks. I’m late. I want to lose it but I’ve got to keep my shit together in front of Nat.

“Dad shut off Mom’s phone. I’ve been calling her phone to hear her voice every night since she died,” I admit.

“Oh, Rip. I’m so sorry. You’ve been so strong that sometimes I forget how hard this must be for you.” She helps me up and hands me my toothbrush. I brush the vomit aftertaste out of my mouth and follow her to my room. I decide this is as good a time as any to bring up the subject we’ve both been putting off.

“I know you’ve been having a hard time too, Nat. She loved you and she wouldn’t want you running around with a married man. You deserve better than that.”

A defensive look crosses her face and I think for sure she is going to storm out of the house denying what she’s been doing so her response surprises me.

“How’d you know?” she asks, looking ashamed.

“I forgot my heels in the hotel wing on prom night and I saw you take him into the room,” I admit.

“Fuck,” she says, plopping down on my bed. I sit on the bed next to her. “He’s like a fucking drug, Rip. I just can’t get enough. I know how shitty it is. I mean, the guy’s got kids, but every time I try to break away he just reels me back in. I’ve never felt this way about anybody.”

Her honesty rips my heart out because I know exactly how she feels. It’s the same way I feel about Knox. I feel like the biggest hypocrite on the entire planet. I push those feelings down, telling myself it’s different because Cale is married and has children.

“Let me talk to him,” I offer, surprising myself. “I’ll tell him to leave you alone or I’ll threaten to tell his wife. But then you’ll have to stay away from him. He isn’t going to leave his wife for you.”

“I know,” she admits, looking miserable. “He never even promised to. At first, it just started out as fun but now he is getting possessive. I’ve tried to break it off. I wasn’t lying when I said that I really like Connor but Cale just won’t leave me alone long enough to forget about him and move on.”

“Text him and tell him to meet you somewhere. You go back to school and I’m going to go meet him and tell him to leave you alone.”

“Okay,” she answers nervously, looking at her phone. I don’t think she’s going to go through with it when she fires off a text at lightning speed. A reply is almost instantaneous. “One o’clock in the back lot of Mozzarella.”

“Did you find anything on your dad’s phone?” I ask, slipping into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I pull my hair back in a ponytail. I check my reflection in the mirror and realize that it is good enough for an adulterous piece of shit.

“That thing was wiped clean. Not one sent text or email. It just confirmed what I already knew. He’s in love with someone else. Nobody keeps their phone that clean,” she says, following me downstairs.

“Maybe they’ll be happier apart,” I say, trying to make the best of it.

“My mom is being so weird. She’s like wanting to have mother-daughter shopping days and go see chick flicks. She actually wants to talk to me now. It’s very bizarre,” she says, grabbing her keys off the kitchen table.

“That’s a good thing. And ending things with Cale is going to be good, too. You’ll see, Nat. Things are going to start turning around for us,” I say, ushering her out the door.

I just wish I could believe my own words.

******

Cale is already waiting in his Charger when I pull into the back lot of Mozzarella. Confusion crosses his face when I park next to him and get out of the car. I glance around at the surrounding businesses that still have a perfect view of us. No one seems to be paying us much attention. The drive-thru of the burger joint next door provides enough traffic that I don’t feel threatened being here alone with Cale.

His music is blaring when he rolls down his window as I stand next to his car. “Where is she?” he asks, obviously suspecting something.

“It doesn’t matter. You guys aren’t a thing anymore unless you want your wife to find out,” I tell him, nearly gagging from the amount of cologne he has on. His white-blond hair is slicked back and he’s wearing a T-shirt that is at least two sizes too small to try and show off what little muscle tone he has left. I would almost feel sorry for him for trying so hard if I didn’t hate him so much.

“Am I supposed to be scared?” he says, glaring back at me. He opens his door and steps out. I step back but he gets right in front of me.

I suddenly wonder if I was stupid to come here alone. I force my key between my index and middle finger to use as a weapon if I have to. I force myself to look fearless but I’m screaming on the inside.

“I don’t want to tell your wife and neither does Natalie. She just wants you to leave her alone,” I say, forcing myself not to step back. If he thinks I’m scared he is just going to take advantage of it.

“Fuck her then,” he growls. “I was tired of her, anyway. You’re pretty cute though.” He leans in and nuzzles my neck before I have time to react. I hear the screech of brakes and pull away. Cale startles, jumps in his car, and takes off before I even know what’s happened.

“What the fuck?” Knox shouts, slamming his Jeep door.

“What are you doing here so early?” I blurt out, knowing it isn’t even remotely the correct response.

He is so upset he can’t even speak. He just keeps pacing around, throwing his hands in the air. “How many guys are you stringing along?” he asks, finally recovering enough to talk.

“That isn’t what it looked like,” I defend myself, even though I know that I can’t tell him the truth without hurting Nat and I just won’t do that.

“Well, that’s a relief because it looked an awful lot like some creepy old dude kissing your neck in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the day when you should be at school,” he yells.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, turning away from him to get back in my car. There is nothing I can say to deflect this off of me even though I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants me to say something, anything, to make sense of the things he’s learned in the past two days.

“Didn’t I mean anything to you?” he asks, the hard shell over his heart finally coming down for the first time in days.

When I look at him I nearly melt. I want to pull him in my stupid mini-van, drive to his place, and make love to him for hours. I want to tell him how much I love him but everything has gotten tangled up. I can’t explain without giving up Natalie and even if I thought she would forgive me for being in love with her brother and telling him she was having an affair with a married guy, I don’t think Knox would forgive me for not telling him in the first place. There are just too many lies to go back.

“Go back to Greer, Knox,” I tell him, getting into my car and driving away.

I pull into a nearby Walgreen’s, still rattled by my conversation with Knox, and text Natalie to tell her it’s done. Her reply is a bunch of hearts and a kissy face emoticon which feels like a slap in the face considering what I’ve just done for her, but then I remind myself that she has no clue that I’ve just sacrificed the guy I love to keep her disgusting fling a secret.

I walk stealthily through the store picking up a giant bag of peanut M&M’s, a magazine, and a package of ball point pens just to disguise the one thing I actually came in for: a pregnancy test.

At home, I read the directions carefully then pee on the stick and leave it on the bathroom counter for twice as long as the directions recommend. When I see the one pink line I surprise myself by being disappointed. As much as I didn’t want to be pregnant it would have been the easy way out. I wouldn’t have had to make a decision about college. I would have been forced to be honest with everyone about Knox, and maybe we could have actually been together.

Then I remember that even if I would have been pregnant, there is no way he would have believed that it was even his.

******

I spend the time before I have to go to work straightening up the house. I start by burying my pregnancy test as far down in the garbage as it will go then taking the bag out to the garbage can. The last thing I need is Dad finding it. He’d probably have a stroke.

It is still bothering me that I can’t call Mom’s voicemail anymore when I remember the phone I found in her console. I bolt up the stairs to get it, knowing it’s probably a long shot but maybe if I can get the phone number off that phone, maybe Mom has some old voicemail message on there. I know it’s stupid but I don’t have anything else to do and I have to cling to some small hope.

I plug the phone in and try to busy myself until it gets enough charge to even turn on. Finally, I’m able to turn it on. It goes crazy beeping and buzzing with incoming messages. The screen shows 35 texts messages. The goal of hearing my mother’s voice one last time forgotten, I start scrolling through the text messages starting with the one sent just an hour ago.

Please come back to me.

I need you.

I want you.

Life is nothing without you.

This can’t be true.

How am I supposed to go on?

My hands start to shake and I keep dropping the phone. I clasp it tightly, trying to regain some control over my body. I go to the menu screen and choose the sent box. My breath catches when I see the last text was sent the night of my mother’s accident.

I’m coming, my love
.

I wish I had some way of convincing myself that there was some other explanation for the phone. But the very last text message being sent an hour before Mom died is pretty damning, not to mention this explains why she needed to borrow my car that night. There is only one conclusion I’m forced to come to.

My mother was having an affair.

******

I hear Dad’s car pull into the garage. I can’t face him so I throw on my Mozzarella T-shirt on top of the one I’m already wearing, grab my phone and the adulterous one and shove them in my pockets. I’m bolting down the stairs as Dad appears in the living room.

“I have to go to work early,” I say, rushing to get my keys.

“Oh, okay,” he says, distractedly. “I need to talk to you about something when you get a chance.”

I put the weirdness in his voice out of my mind because I literally cannot deal with anything else without having some sort of meltdown. I drive toward Natalie’s house because I have to tell her about Mom.

When I round the corner, Natalie’s Mini Cooper isn’t parked at the end of the driveway like it usually is. I try texting her but she isn’t answering. I drive around for a while but after coming suspiciously close to the neighborhood where Knox lives I head to Mozzarella to hang out until my shift starts.

I pull to the back to park, knowing I can let myself in with my own key. I know Mr. Parsons won’t mind if I hang out for a few hours. I’m not prepared to see Cale’s car parked alongside Natalie’s, neither of them inside. She promised me she wouldn’t see him again and now she’s fucking him inside her parent’s restaurant.

Jesus, everything I’ve done for her and this is how she repays me. I don’t care if the whole damn town finds out, now. She can do her own damage control from now on. I pound my fists on my steering wheel, furious.