Relativity (3 page)

“How could I forget? You two were the worst cock blockers,” he jokes, dropping ice cubes into some glasses for us.

Knox was always very popular with the ladies and I’m sure this new and approved Knox won’t have any trouble finding many willing women to service him. The thought makes my stomach flutter strangely so I change the subject.

“Nat is going to be furious that we started without her. She really missed you,” I tell him, accepting the drink he is holding out to me. I completely expected to be drinking out of some obscure mismatched mugs but Knox settles himself at the opposite end of the loveseat holding a matching glass tumbler like the one he handed me. It is kind of tripping me out how grown up he seems to be.

“I missed you guys, too,” he says, flipping on the flat screen directly across from us. I don’t miss that he is talking about me also and I feel guilty that I didn’t say I missed him because I actually did, I just didn’t let myself think about him after a while because it hurt too bad. “It wouldn’t have killed you to send a letter, you know.” He is staring straight ahead with no emotion on his face.

“I’m really sorry, Knox. I thought you would get back on Facebook eventually and I guess I just got caught up in life,” I stammer, then take a giant swig of my drink.

He turns toward me, laughing. “I was totally fucking with you. Rip, you were always so easy to mess with.”

His words seem convincing, but there is an edge to his voice that I don’t ever remember hearing before. I guess it was kind of shitty of me not to even acknowledge him for four years.

“I’m really glad you’re back, Knox.” I admit, pulling my legs under me, trying not to wince at the pain of the blisters under my pantyhose. “By the way, this drink is freaking weak, dude.”

“I don’t feel like taking care of your drunk ass,” he teases, flipping through the channels.

“Those are fighting words,” I tell him, hobbling off the couch and into the kitchen area. I pull open the freezer and grab the vodka, dumping a half-inch worth into my nearly empty glass.

“Oh, Jesus. I’m texting Nat to get her ass over here and babysit,” he says, pulling his phone out of his pants pocket. My heart falls a little at the thought of Nat crashing our party. I love her like a sister but she takes up so much space when she’s in a room that there isn’t any room for anyone else. Metaphorically, of course. I’m just really enjoying the playful banter Knox and I have going on. I feel relaxed for the first time since Mom died.

Knox seems to pick up on my mood and lays his phone on a table next to the couch. “Actually, I don’t think I have the energy for her tonight. Is that okay with you?” he asks.

“She’s been really great since…you know,” I say, feeling like I need to defend her. “I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without her.”

Knox looks uncomfortable and stares straight ahead at the screen. I wish I wouldn’t have acted weird about Nat coming over, I don’t want him to get the wrong impression. I go back around the couch and sit down, glad to be off my feet again. I must make a noise because Knox looks over.

“I can’t believe how grown up you are, Rip. Natalie, too. I guess I thought everything was just going to stay the same after I left, but things couldn’t be more different,” he says, sadness filling his voice. I have a feeling that he is referring to the growing tension in his parent’s marriage. Natalie tries to blow it off but I’ve sensed problems for years.

“I even got my boobies,” I joke, thrusting my chest out, in an attempt to make him laugh. I just want to pretend that Knox and I are hanging out like old times.

“I sort of noticed that,” he admits, blushing. I know I should be embarrassed, knowing that Knox obviously checked out my chest, but for some reason I kind of like it.

“How many chicks have you deflowered in that bed?” I ask, nodding toward his perfectly-made bed across the room.

“Those days are over. I’m done objectifying women. I just want a meaningful relationship with someone who shares my same interests.”

I freeze, my drink halfway to my mouth before I realize that he is just messing with me. We both start laughing hysterically. Knox laid more pipe than a plumber in high school and he didn’t look nearly as hot as he does now.

“Oh, that was classic Knox,” I says, catching my breath. I hold my empty glass out toward him and rattle my ice cubes. “Another please, good sir.”

“You better slow your roll, lightweight,” he says, taking the glass from me. Our fingers touch as he takes the glass from me and I don’t hate the way it feels. He moves to the kitchen area and pours me another drink.

“I’ve built up a tolerance since that Wild Turkey incident.”

Knox laughs, his voice so much deeper than I ever remember, and it floats over me like a warm blanket.

“You guys were so pathetic. You snuck maybe a shot’s worth of Dad’s booze and acted like you were tore up from the floor up. It was hilarious. I still have a picture from that night,” he says, gesturing toward the bookcase.

“We just did it to get on your girlfriend’s nerves. Natalie really hated her.” I hobble over to the bookcase and see a framed photo of Natalie and I with our arms around each other, our faces flushed more from the excitement of drinking for the first time than the actual alcohol. It makes me deliriously happy that Knox has this picture after all these years.

“We look so young,” I comment, touching the picture.

“I’ve been staring at that picture for four years so you can imagine my surprise when I saw you today,” he says, handing me a fresh drink. I take the drink from him, careful not to graze his hand this time.

He just stares at me with this strange expression that I can’t read then shakes his head. The air between seems to change and I can’t stop staring at his lips. There is only one thing that this could mean: the vodka is kicking in. I move back to the couch, praying that Knox didn’t pick up on my weird vibe.

I take a long sip, noticing that Knox made this drink considerably stronger than the last. “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout,” I tease, holding my glass out to clink with his. He leans toward me and gently taps his glass against mine.

“To the most intriguing girl I know,” he says sweetly.

I don’t know if it is his heartfelt toast, or the whiff I got of his intoxicating cologne, but my heart is racing. Time seems to stop as neither of us moves. I feel my tongue dart across my lips and the action seems to make Knox swallow aggressively. We both shake off the moment and shrug back into our respective corners of the couch.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asks, and I wonder if the vodka is starting to work on him now. He’s probably just trying to be kind and take my mind off Mom.

Several seconds go by as my brain tries to process what Knox just said to me. It’s no use, the compliment gets spit back out by my stubborn self-consciousness.

“I’m not beautiful,” I challenge him, feeling awkward.

“Yes, you fucking are. You’ve always been pretty, but now that you’re all grown up, you’re beautiful. I’m not trying to be some creeper, but a fact is a fact.” He takes a swig of his drink, looking uncomfortable.

“Thanks, creeper,” I say jokingly so that he knows I’m not going to take his sweet comment to heart.

“Are you still dating Andrew?” he asks nonchalantly.

Hearing Drew’s name come out of Knox’s mouth shocks me. I had no idea that Knox even knew about my ex. Natalie must have bored him stiff talking about my drama when she called him.

“I caught him screwing Piper Pugh in the backseat of his car at lunch one day,” I admit, cracking up. It wasn’t nearly as funny when I recognized Andrew’s bare ass pumping up and down that day, but I’m finally over it.

“What a dick.” He throws a punch toward Andrew’s imaginary face and spills some of his drink on his pants. “Oh, shit.”

He sets his drink down on the coffee table and strolls across the room to a chest of drawers.

“I’m gonna change, I’ll be right back,” he says, disappearing into the kitchen area. I hear a door shut and realize that his bathroom must be next to the kitchen. I drain my drink and head to the kitchen to refill it.

I’m pouring Coke into my glass when he opens the bathroom door and emerges wearing navy blue shorts and a white V-neck T-shirt. The shirt is stretched against his considerable chest and even though I know I’m gawking, I almost can’t look away. I want to touch him so bad I can hardly stand it.

“No more vodka for you, missy,” he says, coming toward me. He is probably right, the way I’m feeling right now the last thing I need is a bigger buzz to make me braver. “I mean it,” he says, eyeballing my left hand on the vodka bottle. He puts both his hands on my hips and squeezes by me in the tiny space. I nearly pass out it feels so good. Jesus, I’m losing it.

“You’re right. I’m cashed out,” I say, taking my plain Coke and following him to the couch.

“Ah, that’s better,” he says, plopping down on the couch. I step around him, trying not to fantasize about pulling my dress up and straddling him, as I make my way back to my side of the couch.

“I should probably get going. I’m sure you have plans tonight,” I say, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“You’re looking at it. I’m not the same guy I used to be,” he says, winking mischievously. My heart skips a beat.

I can’t stop sneaking peeks of Knox’s bed and imagining us together there. Not that I would have a clue what to do with him. He has had sexual experiences with tons of women and I’ve had nothing but awkward sex with Andrew and that one not-so-awkward time with Gage. But I also never had feelings like this about Andrew. I’ve fantasized about making out with Tate but nothing like what I’m feeling right now. I blame the vodka. This is the kind of stuff that happens when a non-drinker thinks they can handle three potent drinks in less than an hour. I really need to get out of here before I do something stupid. Natalie would hate me forever.

“I haven’t seen you for four years, don’t rush off yet,” he says sweetly.

I lean back against the couch and try to relax. I think stress is making me have these crazy thoughts about Knox, but that’s all they are, just thoughts and I can control them.

“So, what’s on?” I ask, stealing the remote from his lap. I try not to think about how my fingers were just inches away from his crotch. Jesus, I’m losing it. I flip through the channels looking for something mindless, trying to block out the conflicting emotions I’m having. Part of me wants to run out of this apartment and never look back but the stronger part wants to grab Knox and have my way with him. I can’t believe after crushing over Tate for two years, now all I can think of is attacking my best friend’s big brother. Clearly, my brain is scrambled over losing Mom.

I see Knox swallow hard out of the corner of my eye and I realize that I’m not the only one having conflicting feelings. But we’ve known each other forever. He’s always been like a big brother to me, except I’m not having sisterly feelings about him tonight.

“I think I might be fucking losing it,” I admit, knowing that whatever crazy feelings I’m having tonight are just a result of being so stressed. I think it is just my brain’s way of not dealing with Mom’s death.

“It’s okay. I’ve been there. We can talk about it if you want, or we can just sit here all night. I don’t care. I just want to help you, Rip.”

I’ve had so many people express their condolences the last few days but a lot of those words felt hollow. But not Knox’s, he truly cares about me.

“She touched so many people’s lives and I never knew it. I was so oblivious to her life,” I admit for the first time.

“She was pretty fantastic. I used to fantasize that she was my mom,” he says, his cheeks blazing red from embarrassment. He doesn’t even need to explain himself. Nat and Knox’s mom is a very emotionally distant person who seems to care more about going shopping then the emotional well-being of her children. I never understood how such a cold woman won the heart of the teddy-bear-like Mr. Parsons.

“She worked all day but she would always be cooking up a storm. In her free time, she quilted blankets for pediatric cancer patients, delivered Meals on Wheels, and never once did I feel like I wasn’t a priority. I never realized how perfect she was.”

“Nobody is perfect, Rip, but your mom was pretty damn close,” he says, his voice laced with sorrow. I lay my head back on the couch and close my eyes. I feel so safe here with him.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Knox says, his voice sounds kind of funny but I’m starting to drift off so maybe it is just the vodka making me hear things.

“Me too,” I hear myself answer, my ridiculous response echoing in my own ears.

It almost feels like Knox touches my hand but I can’t muster the strength to lift my eyes because I’m already drifting away on a cloud of vodka and childhood familiarity.

******

My phone buzzes, waking me up. I jerk upright on the couch to see that Knox has covered me with a blanket. The television is still on, but the movie I had turned on is over and another is at least halfway through in its place. Knox is curled up in the corner of the couch, sleeping. I’m embarrassed when I realize I’ve been watching him sleep for several minutes, nearly overcome by the desire to crawl into his lap and start kissing him. I get up carefully, trying not to wake him and walk toward the front door where I left my phone.

Where the hell r u?
It’s from Nat.

My fingers hover over the keypad making a decision. I’ve never lied to Natalie before, at least not about anything that was important, but for some reason I’m having a really hard time thinking about texting where I really am.

I’m okay, just blowing off some steam
, I text back. Technically, I didn’t lie, but I still feel guilty because I know I’m not exactly telling the truth either.

We got your dad home. Mom gave him a sleeping pill so he’s out for the night. Love you.

Thx. Luv u 2. Call u 2morrow

I slept through two calls from an unknown phone number, but it must not have been too important since they didn’t leave a message. I can’t believe I fell asleep here. I have to get out of here but I can’t wait another minute to use the bathroom. I tiptoe over to the bathroom off the kitchen and quietly shut the door.