Relativity (8 page)

“I don’t want you to leave either, Rip, but let’s just give ourselves the summer before we make any decisions. Deal?” The smile he is trying to force makes my stomach turn. He doesn’t want me leaving any more than I want to leave but even through his grieving he is trying to think of what is best for me.

“Deal,” I agree, knowing that my mind is already made up.

We spend the next hour dazing out in front of the television, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Finally, we walk upstairs together, parting ways at our bedrooms.

“I guess we won’t really see each other tomorrow,” Dad says. I can tell he is trying to be strong. We’ve been clinging to each other like life preservers and it isn’t going to be easy to separate.

“I’ll miss you, Dad.”

He pulls me in for a hug and plants a kiss on my forehead. “Same here. Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl.” He unfolds me and shuffles tentatively to his empty bedroom where Mom’s scent still hangs in the air.

I curl up in bed with my cell phone and dial a number I know it isn’t healthy to be calling every night before I fall asleep, but I don’t stop until I punch in the last digit. Mom’s soothing voice comes on the line telling me she isn’t available but urging me to leave a message. I leave her yet another message, a part of me wanting to believe that somehow she gets them, then tumble into another dreamless sleep.

My phone rings, waking me up. I must have forgotten to turn it off after calling Mom’s voice mail last night. The unknown number that I now recognize as Tate’s comes up. I always thought I would do cartwheels if Tate ever called me, but all I feel is dread.

“Hello,” I answer groggily, part of me hoping that he’ll just hang up and never call again.

“Ripley? Hey, it’s Tate. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you,” he rambles, clearly excited that I actually answered this time.

“Hi, Tate. Sorry about the other day. I don’t usually make it a habit to pass out or flee screaming from buildings,” I say, knowing he must think I’m a total loser. I bet his mom put him up to these calls just to check up on me. Suddenly, all the mothers in town feel the need to take care of me, which I should feel grateful for, but I just want my real mother back.

“I tend to have that effect on women,” he says, laughing.

It immediately lightens the mood and reminds me why I’ve been crushing on him.

“I really appreciate you calling to check up on me, but I’m fine,” I say, trying to cut the conversation short so that he doesn’t feel obligated to keep calling. He should be off enjoying what is left of our senior year, not worrying about me.

“Are you coming to school today? Because if you are, I thought maybe we could grab lunch together off-campus.”

Dad gave me a pass on school, telling me it was the last day I was allowed to blow it off. I was really looking forward to sleeping the day away but something in Tate’s voice makes me realize that this call isn’t just to be polite. He really does want to see me. I glance at the clock and realize that school starts in thirty minutes and I look and smell like a homeless person.

“I’m going to be a little late, but I’ll be there by lunch,” I say.

“Cool, let’s meet by the front door at 11:30.”

“Okay, cool,” I agree, numbly. Is Tate really asking me out after all this time? Something resembling excitement starts to rumble in my belly.

“See ya,” he says and clicks off.

I pop out of bed and race into the bathroom, glancing into my parent’s bedroom, or I guess I should say Dad’s bedroom, to see that he is already gone for work. I spend an exorbitant amount of time in the shower making sure that I am squeaky clean for my lunch date with Tate. After applying my makeup perfectly and blow-drying and straightening my hair, I realize that I look a little too perfect for a casual lunch date. Nothing that can’t be fixed with my driver’s side window partially cracked on the way to school.

I pull on my favorite jeans and a V-neck turquoise T-shirt then layer it with my gray cashmere hoodie. I clasp the gold locket Mom gave me for my sixteenth birthday around my neck and slip my feet into a pair of lace-less sneakers. I grab my purse and phone and head downstairs.

I reach for my keys off the decorative hook on the wall that Mom installed and realize they are missing. It hits me for the first time that Mom was driving my car when she got into the accident and it was totaled. How could I have forgotten that?

She asked me the afternoon before the accident if I would mind switching her cars. Natalie and I laughed our butts off the entire way to the movie theatre that night driving Mom’s mini-van. I never did ask her why she needed my smaller Chevy Cobalt. I nearly drop to my knees as I am struck with the thought that if Mom would have been in her bigger mini-van, she may have lived through the accident. I steady myself against the wall and try not to throw up. All I can think about is crawling back into bed. But that won’t make any of this go away.

I can’t keep doing this to myself. Mom doesn’t get a do-over on being dead. I palm her keys, the photograph of the three of us on her keychain smiling back at me, and head toward her mini-van in the garage. Once there, I open her driver side door and slide inside, her scent enveloping me. I want to sob uncontrollably but I hit the garage door opener instead. The door slides open and I start the car, slowly backing down the drive.

As I make my way toward the school, I can’t get over how normal everything looks. People are walking their dogs and jogging. Mothers are pulling their toddlers in wagons. Nobody even cares that Connie Edgecombe doesn’t exist anymore.

I see a blue Toyota coming toward me and the driver is waving like crazy then, as she passes me, a look of utter devastation crosses her face. I recognize her from our library. I don’t even know her name but she and Mom loved to trade book recommendations. She must have forgotten, for just a split second, that Mom was dead then it all came crashing back to her. For some reason, this makes me feel good. Like Dad and I aren’t the only ones who miss her.

I slow down and turn into the parking lot of Jasper High. It is a fifty-year-old nondescript, brick building that taxpayers have repeatedly voted down a tax increase to renovate even though we still don’t have air conditioning like all the other area schools. Luckily, I won’t have to suffer through any more of those sweltering August days.

I pull in to park next to a brand-new Charger and rusted-out Ford pickup with a home spray-paint job. That’s the thing about Jasper. You’ve got dirt poor and filthy rich but we all get along pretty good. Our hallways aren’t perfect, but I think it is about as good as you can get with all these hormones from different social standings flooding the place.

I glance at the clock and realize that I’m between first and second period. Walking in here for the first time since the accident is going to be bad enough, there is no way I’m busting into a classroom already in full swing. My hands are starting to sweat just thinking about going in there. I don’t think I can do this. I’m not sure which stage of grief Natalie would say I’m going through right now but I feel like I might lose my shit.

I grab my phone to calm myself down and see that I missed a text when I was getting ready this morning. I pull it up and see Knox’s name and a very old picture of him sporting shaggy hair pop up. I didn’t even realize that he was still on my contacts list.

Please
.

A one word text is all it takes to make me put the mini-van in drive and make my way back to the house where Knox is living. I pull into the driveway of the big house and slowly wind around to the garage. I shove the mini-van in park and shut it off, knowing what a huge mistake I’m making before I even climb the stairs. If I was smart, I’d turn right around and go back to school. But being around Knox is the only thing that makes me forget the horrible reality of my life.

I can feel myself come alive as I climb the stairs to his door. I hate myself but tackle the stairs faster all the same. Once I reach the top, I take a deep breath, and for a second, I convince myself that I’m just here to talk, but the minute he answers the door, shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist, I know there won’t be much talking going on.

Neither of us says a word, our eyes burning into each other. He steps back into the loft, his eyes challenging me. He wants me to be the one to make the first move. I guess I can’t blame him after all my crap about us being a one night stand. I step toward him, into the loft, never taking my eyes off him. He closes the door behind me, brushing my arm with his bare shoulder. The energy between us could power the entire town.

“Say it,” he demands, moving to lean against the couch.

“Say what?” I ask, knowing full well what he wants to hear from me.

“Tell me you want me,” he challenges, the smoldering look he gives me practically melting my clothes off. I think about being indignant and spouting some nonsense about how I only rushed over here because of his text but I know how ridiculous it would sound. Besides, the protruding growth in the middle of his towel has captured all my attention and I can’t seem to form a complete sentence.

Wordlessly, I walk toward him, stopping just short of his erection poking me. Making sure he is watching, I stick my index finger in my mouth, slowly sliding it out then running it along the top edge of his towel. He gasps with pleasure.

“Today only, then whatever this is between us has to be over,” I demand.

“What if I can’t agree to that?” he says, grabbing my wandering hand.

“Then we’ll pretend I was never here,” I say, my heart sinking.

He shakes his head, angrily, and just when I’m sure he is going to kick me out the door, he reaches for me.

“I’ll take what I can get,” he says, his voice husky with desire, then crashes his lips down on mine. I reach down and loosen his towel, not wasting any time. His erection springs out and I can feel myself get even wetter than I already am. He pulls my T-shirt and hoodie off while I fidget with the button and zipper on my pants before yanking them off. He leads me over to the bed and kisses me. I reach down and take him in my hand, stroking him up and down until he’s practically panting.

He unsnaps my bra, my nipples standing at attention, patiently awaiting a turn in his hot mouth. He doesn’t disappoint and I have to pull him off them before I come. He leads me around the bed to the table where I remember him keeping the condoms the other night. He bends down and takes one out then rips open the package. I take it from him and place the condom on the head of his cock. I was always so embarrassed by this part with Drew but with Knox it just makes me hotter. I carefully roll the condom over his shaft as he moans.

“I’ve never been like this with anyone else,” he pants breathlessly, sliding my panties down my legs.

His comment makes my heart pound faster in my chest even though I know comments like that are dangerous. I want to tell him that he is the only thing I can think about anymore, the only thing that seems to matter, but that would give him too much power so I keep it about the sex.

“I want you, Knox,” I tell him, lying down on the bed, touching myself where I want him to be. His eyes widen as he straddles me. He reaches down and pulls the two fingers I have inside myself out and starts to suck on them. I buck, needing him inside me. He leans down and flicks one of my nipples with his tongue while expertly sliding himself inside me.

I moan at the sweet pleasure, feeling whole again. I grind myself against him while cupping his ass in my hands. Neither of us want this to end but we are too worked up to last very long. A few more strokes and I feel my toes start to curl as the first tremors of my orgasm start to make their way up my body.

“Come for me, baby,” he whispers as the orgasm reaches my core. An explosion goes off behind my closed eyes as the aftershocks continue to squeeze him.

“Jesus, Ripley,” he moans as he can’t hold back anymore. His body shudders and collapses on top of mine. I wrap my arms around him, never wanting to let go. I must have been crazy thinking I could just come here and be with him again then just walk away.

******

“Can I ask you a question?” I say, my head laying on Knox’s chest. I’m too embarrassed to look him in the eye when I ask him this.

“Anything,” he murmurs, his hands gently messaging my scalp.

I take a deep breath, mustering my courage. Candlelight flickers off the walls from the lone jar candle Knox has lit on his bedside table. It must not be even eleven in the morning but the impending storm makes it look like ten at night. Somehow the darkness makes it harder to feel guilty about what we just did,
again
. It makes me never want to leave this bed and the safeness of Knox’s arms.

“Were you going to ask me something?” he nudges, my mind drifting.

“Right,” I say, jerked back into the present. “Our sex, is it, normal?”

“No, it most definitely isn’t normal,” he chuckles and suddenly I’m in a worse predicament than before I asked the question.

I don’t have much sexual experience other than Drew, and a guy I hooked up with on our family vacation last year, which sounds really slutty but he was actually a family friend, so technically, we’d known each other for years. Sex with Drew, the whole four times we had it, was perfunctory and business-like. Sex with Gage felt better but was over really quick. I just kind of thought that was how it would always be so the two times I’ve been with Knox have blown my mind and I’m wondering if that is why I feel so attracted to him. I mean, maybe we have absolutely nothing in common and I just want him for sex. Knowing our connection is purely physical would somehow make me feel better.

Knox pulls me on top of him so that the length of my naked body is covering his. My chin rests on his chest but I’m still having trouble making eye contact. Knox has been with so many women and I’m sure he’s had plenty of really great sex.

“You know I meant that in a good way, right?” he asks, using his thumb to turn my chin up to meet his eyes. I shrug my shoulders. “Listen, Rip. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t been with a lot of girls, but I’ve never experienced anything like what we have together.”