Release (20 page)

But it wasn’t as if he could bring Risciter back to life and try again. It shouldn’t matter how he’d done it. It was done. He’d achieved the thing he’d worked for his whole life. So why did everything seem so empty now? Why could he only think of the blood all over his body, of the sickening sound of the knife thumping into Risciter’s body over and over again? And why did those thoughts only make him cold inside, not proud?

Keirth rolled over onto his side. Now what?

He’d never thought beyond killing Risciter, not since he was fifteen years old. Afterwards, he’d assumed he’d be caught and killed, and he hadn’t cared about that. He’d assumed that once he killed Risciter, he would feel finished. He could go to his death knowing he’d done what he set out to do. But he didn’t feel any of that. And he didn’t think he was ready to die.

But what else could he do? He’d killed Risciter with no thought of the consequences, and Risciter had sent a message that pinned the crimes on him. He certainly couldn’t go gallivanting all over the galaxy, wherever he pleased, not if the authorities were looking for him, which they would be. If he chose to live, he’d be on the run for the rest of his life, hiding, an outlaw.

Keirth rolled back onto his back. That was the way it would have to be, then. He wouldn’t give up. He wasn’t ready to die. If he was going to have to spend the rest of his life running, so be it.

Then his thoughts shifted to Ariana. What was he going to do with her? She was determined not to go back home to the sector. He’d wanted to leave her on Scranth before. Thank goodness he hadn’t. Scranth hadn’t been safe. And if he hadn’t been there, Risciter would have killed her. But now Risciter was out of the way. Ariana’s safety wasn’t in question. He wouldn’t force her to go home, not if she didn’t want, but he needed to find a place for her somewhere.

* * *

Ariana woke up gasping from a dream. In it, Risciter was chasing her through the rooms of the brothel, which were becoming narrower the more she ran. He was laughing, brandishing his knife, and calling her horrible names.

She sat up in her bed. It took a moment to remember where she was. On the ship. In hyperspace. Safe. Keirth had saved her.

She tried to steady her breathing. She was okay now. She was safe here. With Keirth. As long as Keirth was around, she didn’t have to be afraid. But would Keirth keep her around? He’d been trying to get rid of her ever since she’d met him. Doubtless, he still wanted her gone.

Although maybe not. She thought of the kiss they’d shared on the ship, before Keirth had found the tracking device, before Risciter had... She shuddered. Everything regarding Risciter was a little blurry. She wanted to keep it that way. No, it was better to think of Keirth. Keirth covering her nakedness in the cottage, freeing her from the ropes that bound her to the bed. Better yet, Keirth kissing her, his hands roaming over her body. His urgent lips. He’d wanted her. She’d known that he wanted her in that moment.

She wanted to be around Keirth. He kept her safe. But he might send her home, to the shame and rigidity that awaited her with her family. She couldn’t face that. She lay back on her bed, remembering a conversation she’d had with Keirth on Trioth. He’d spoken to her about his resolve never to lie with a woman. He’d said that lying with a woman and then leaving her showed her contempt. He’d said that he couldn’t commit to a woman because he was focused on revenge. But Risciter was dead now, so Keirth didn’t need to worry about that. And he wanted her.

So if she and Keirth were to be together, completely and totally, he’d keep her with him. She knew he would. And she needed to be near him. Needed to feel protected. So...

She pushed aside the blanket on her bed and padded out of her room to the door to Keirth’s. It wasn’t locked. She pushed it open. “Keirth?” He was probably sleeping and wouldn’t hear her. Should she wake him up?

But to her surprise, she heard his gruff voice from his bed. “What?”

“I had a nightmare,” she said. “I’m afraid. Can I...can I sleep in here with you?”

“These beds are narrow.”

Well, that wasn’t a refusal. “I know that.” She went to his bed, sat down on it next to him.

He sighed, but scooted over on the bed, making room for her. She slid into the bed next to him, the heat of his body washing over her and making her feel warm and safe immediately. She curled up next to him, pillowing her head on shoulder.

Keirth went awkwardly rigid. He tried to scoot further away, but the beds were narrow, and he had no place to go. “Was your nightmare about Risciter?”

“Yes.”

“He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I know that. Thanks to you.”

Keirth made a dismissive noise. “I was going to kill him anyway, you know. You don’t have to be grateful.”

“You saved me,” she said. “Of course I’m grateful.” She placed the palm of her hand flat against his chest. He was firm under her touch, his body hard and lean. She ran her hand over his chest, grazing his belly with her fingertips. She took a deep breath. If she convinced him to do this, he’d stay with her. Keep her safe. So, she had to do it.

She let her hand drift lower on his body. A brief flash of Risciter over her crashed through her mind, but she shoved it away. She was doing this. She was going to get Keirth to stay with her. She inched her fingers even lower, reaching for his—

He snatched her wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Touching you,” she said. This was the way. She could do this.

“Don’t,” he said, moving her hand away from his body.

She put her hand back on his stomach. “Why not?”

Keirth disengaged his shoulder from where she was resting her head on it. He propped himself up to gaze down at her. She could see the shadows of his handsome features in the light that filtered in from the hallway. “What are you playing at?”

“What do you mean?” She put her hand back where it had been, tried again.

He pushed her away. “Keep your hands off of me. Have you lost your mind?”

He wasn’t the least bit interested. Perhaps that kiss in the ship all those—had it really only been hours ago? Perhaps it hadn’t meant anything. “I only thought that we could...comfort each other.”

Keirth shifted again, sitting up. He winced. She could see his other shoulder, bandaged from where Risciter had stabbed him. “After what happened to you? After what Risciter did? You’re confused.”

He’d said the name out loud. Involuntary shudders went through her. “No,” she said. “If you lie with me, I’ll be safe. You’ll make it go away. It will be like it didn’t happen.” She trusted Keirth. She wanted to keep him too. This was the way. She grasped one of his hands and put it on her breast. “You want me. I know you do. When you kissed me, you touched me here.”

Keirth jerked his hand away. “Stop it, Ariana.”

She pressed her lips against his. “Please,” she murmured against them.

For half a second, he kissed her back. But then he pulled away. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” He got out of the bed.

“Keirth—”

“How can you think of anything like this right now?” he said. “When I close my eyes, all I see is blood.”

She didn’t know what to say. She saw it too, for a second, saw Risciter’s body crumpled against the floor, slashed and stabbed and mangled. She grimaced, pushing the images to the back of her mind. She didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t think about it.

Keirth’s voice was a tattered whisper. “How could possibly think that I could do anything like that to you after I saw him on you? After I...after what I did to him?”

“I don’t really remember—”

“Well, I do.” He went to the door. “Get out of my bed.”

“I’m frightened.” She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t know if she could bear being alone.

“Not like this, Ariana,” he rasped. “Not like this.”

She got out of the bed and padded past him. She managed to keep her sobs inside until she was safe in her own room, and then she soundlessly cried into her pillow until she was so exhausted, she fell asleep.

* * *

Keirth couldn’t go back to sleep. He went to the bridge and looked up the coordinates of where they would come out of hyperspace. He was surprised. Randomly, out of every place in the universe the coordinates could have chosen, the ship was taking them to the Pyrneth System. Keirth had never been there, but he knew someone who called it home these days.

Keirth considered. Pyrneth was pretty far out on the edges of deep space, far from the iron hold of the sector. Most of the planets in the system were inhospitable to human life and the ones that were only had small stretches that actually got warm enough for people to eke out an existence—generally around the equators. Pyrneth had a reputation for being populated mostly by conspiracy theorist gun nuts. People who really wanted to be left alone.

But that was good, Keirth thought. If he was headed anywhere, somewhere remote like the Pyrneth System was a good place to be. However, if he was thinking of looking in on his old friend Gordic, he would be putting Gordic in danger from the authorities, who were very probably hunting Keirth. And Gordic had never been a particularly law-abiding citizen. Bringing the authorities to Gordic could ruin him.

Still, if he was going to be in Pyrneth, it wouldn’t hurt to at least say hello.

If Gordic didn’t want him around, though, Keirth figured he’d made a quick jump in hyperspace to the Yeth System. That would only take fifteen minutes or so. And the ship still didn’t have any food. Keirth hadn’t eaten since Lilla had fed them on Scranth. His stomach had begun rumbling at him after Ariana had woken him up.

Ariana.

Why had she done that?

Keirth felt half-sick to his stomach thinking about it, but maybe that was only because he was hungry. He wasn’t sure what was the worst about it, that she was behaving in a completely irrational way after being terrorized by a madman, or that when she’d been close to him in the bed, some part of him had wanted her. And the wanting her had been all tangled up in the disgust he felt for Risciter, and the horror at the way it had felt to kill him, and the fact that he’d nearly watched her be killed the same way his mother had.

The fact remained, nothing about the situation should have made her want to lie with him, and he should have been stronger. He should have never have allowed his baser instincts to take hold, even in the slightest way. He never wanted to hurt Ariana. And the thought of her being killed, of his not being able to stop it...it ripped him apart. How was there room for feelings like that along with feelings of lust?

Because Keirth was certain there was nothing more inappropriate, and nothing more obscene, than wanting Ariana just then when she’d been touching him. But he had. And that was the kind of disgusting man he’d never wanted to be.

* * *

When Ariana woke up later, she found Keirth on the bridge. He had the visual up on screen, and a man was talking to Keirth.

“You’re in system?” said the man.

“Just popped out of hyperspace right in your back yard, Gordic,” said Keirth. “Thought I’d say hello.”

The man shook his head. “I don’t believe it. I was just thinking of you this morning.”

“Oh?”

“Actually, it was because your face is plastered all over the nets with a big ‘Wanted’ sign hanging over it.”

Keirth nodded. “I figured that.”

“You finally got your man, did you? The reports all say the Duke of Risciter is dead.” Gordic stroked his chin.

“I did.”

“The rest of it’s bullshit, though, isn’t it? The Keirth Transman I know doesn’t slit the throats of women—especially not prostitutes.”

“So they
are
trying to pin that on me,” said Keirth. He leaned back in his chair. “No, Risciter’s the one who killed the women. I wasn’t in time to stop him.” His face fell.

“Sounds like you’ve had a rough time of it, mate. I’m guessing you’re angling for an invite to my little hideaway here, then?” Gordic was grinning.

“Not angling,” said Keirth. “I don’t want to put you in any danger if the authorities come searching for me out here by some chance. I wouldn’t want to endanger your illegal arms operation.”

Gordic chuckled. “Oh, my gun business? No, I don’t do that anymore. The little misses put a right stop to that. She makes quilts, in fact. I ship them all over the galaxy. We’re as legit as it comes these days.”

Keirth looked stunned. “You got married?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Gordic. “Would have invited you to the wedding, but I never could keep track of your sorry ass. Anyway, mate, it’s fine. We’d be happy to put you up for a bit. Pull your ship on up to the station.”

“You could still get in trouble,” said Keirth, “for harboring me when you know I’m a fugitive.”

“We’ll claim you were disguised, mate,” said Gordic, grinning. “Seriously, I’d love to catch up.”

Keirth grinned back. “Well, thank you, Gordic. Your hospitality astounds.”

“Not a problem, mate. See you in a few, then.”

Keirth reached forward to switch off the visual, but then stopped. “Oh, Gordic. One other thing. I’m not alone.”

Gordic raised his eyebrows. “Transman, you’re always alone.”

“There’s a girl with me.”

Gordic laughed. “You dog, Transman.”

“Not like that,” said Keirth. “I saved her from Risciter.”

Gordic’s face grew serious. “Well, of course, she’s welcome as well. I’ll let Winda know. My wife.”

Keirth did switch off the visual this time. Ariana stepped into the bridge. “He a friend of yours?”

Keirth glanced up at her. “One of my oldest friends. Good man. He can feed us at the very least. You hungry?”

She realized her stomach was quite empty. “He lives on a planet here?”

“Nope. A space station. It’s one of the old sector-built probes that they sent out during colonization. It’s been floating around in the system for ages, so Gordic commandeered it a few years back.” He smiled at her. “It should give you some time to relax. Recuperate. Everything’s been crazy for a while.”

It had been. She smiled back at Keirth. He wasn’t sending her away, anyway. Not yet. She had time. She had to convince him that he wanted her around.