Relinquished (22 page)

Like most days, today I trained with Christina while Holden watched, instructing us on which moves to take next. But I was getting tired of the same prearranged maneuvers and knew, when push came to shove, I needed to learn how to fight on instinct.  Choreographed moves were not going to help me if I was ever in a real fight.

I was so glad that Christina was always working whenever I worked out at the gym.  We’d gotten really comfortable with each other over the small amount of time we’d known one another, and she agreed that I needed to be pushed harder. So whenever Holden stepped out, she’d show me more aggressive moves. She didn’t hold back either and even knocked me on my ass once or twice.

I still needed to learn more, but for once in my life, I felt physically strong. And even though I was a long way from being able to take down someone bigger than me, I might actually have a chance of protecting myself if I was attacked.

Although I hadn’t worked with Dante yet, I’d studied his moves when he sparred with Holden and Vince.  Just like with everything else, he was smooth and calculating.  Rarely did he get caught off guard. If I was ever going to get to the point I needed to be at, I would have to somehow enlist his help.

I’d just finished my post workout shower, gotten dressed, and was on my way to the gym offices on the second floor when the heaviness of what I was about to do weighed on my shoulders. 

Somehow Dante and his lawyer, DeSoto, had convinced me to proactively settle everything with April and her uncle’s insurance company. I didn’t understand why at first because I’d been trespassing the night of the fire but apparently since I was hurt on their property, they had to include that in their claim. I swear, the law is so ass-backwards, and I felt like such a fucking backstabbing weasel agreeing to the meeting. They didn’t owe me anything, but I wanted to be done with all of this shit.

DeSoto arranged for us to meet in the conference room on the second floor of the gym where he also planned on having them sign a nondisclosure agreement.  I’d been lucky enough to avoid being on the news since the only pictures available of me were taken the night of the fire and only showed my face covered in blood and soot.

I was told that this would all be resolved immediately and that today’s meeting was just a matter of signing papers since I had no interest in negotiating back and forth.  I didn’t feel like I had a right to any money in the first place, but would take his advice. 

Until I saw April standing in the reception area on the second floor, I had no idea if she would be here. It was the first time I’d seen her since before the fire, and she looked worn out. I couldn’t even imagine what she’d been going through.

She looked up at me, seemingly unsure how to react. The older man I assumed was her uncle wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer while giving me the evil eye.  Thankfully, Holden stepped up behind me and mirrored her uncle’s actions, letting them know I wasn’t alone either.

Both lawyers introduced themselves and shook hands before Holden led us all to a private conference room down the hall. The room was cool, but as the door closed and we took our seats, a thick tension filled the space. I hated the fact that everyone was here because of what had happened to me. If I could go back in time and spare April from all of this, I’d do it in a heartbeat. If Holden knew what I was thinking, he probably would’ve reminded me that I’d gone through much worse, but I still felt guilty.

I glanced at April and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

She gave me a bewildered expression, but let it go as the lawyers began to ramble.  I tuned them out, figuring they’d include me when I was needed.  If it hadn’t been for Holden’s occasional soft touches bringing me back to the here and now, I would’ve stared out the picturesque window and watched the busy traffic on the street below the entire time. 

It was finally time for us to sign the documents when April’s uncle, whose name I never caught, decided to give his two cents. “I still say she has some nerve asking for any money at all.”

I gulped as Holden’s palms came down on the tabletop.

April touched her uncle’s arm delicately. “Please, Uncle Joe. We talked about this.  Don’t make it more difficult than it already is.”

Straightening his jacket, he huffed, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this on top of everything else.”

On instinct, my head lowered, and I closed my eyes. “I’m really sorry.  For everything.”

Holden bent over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t be.
This
is not your fault.”

I heard the scratchy sound of a pen on a sheet of paper before it was pushed in my direction. My hand shook as I looked down at the ridiculous dollar amount. Never in my life had I possessed that much money at one time, but I just couldn’t accept it with a clear conscience. “This figure isn’t right. Can you draft another piece of paper?”

April’s Uncle yelled out, “Are you shitting me? You want more than that?”

Holden squeezed my knee and gave me an inquisitive look as I replied. “No. I don’t want any money I haven’t earned. I only wanted the nondisclosure agreement signed.”

Everyone sat back in their chairs looking at me like I’d just lost my mind but the insurance company’s lawyer was quick to answer. “I actually just so happen to have one here.”

Why doesn’t that surprise me?

Holden leaned in. His expression wavered between surprise and pride. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” There was no question about it.

I looked over at DeSoto who was shaking his head as another piece of paper quickly slid in front of me. I really didn’t care what it said and blindly scribbled my own signature, before I got up. “Is that all you need from me?”

DeSoto nodded, freeing me from having to sit here and endure the dumbfounded look from April’s uncle. Holden and I didn’t quite make it to the door when April jumped out of her chair and dashed over, wrapping her arms around me.

“Jules, I'm so sorry about Sam. I wish I would’ve realized what a monster he was when I married him.”

I stayed stiff in her arms. I hadn’t expected her reaction, but I hoped we would someday be able to move beyond all the legal crap and maybe continue our friendship.  I’d always liked her and hated the thought of us breaking ties because of that jackass.

She pulled back just enough to look at my face.  It was the first time today that I could see the dark circles under her puffy eyes. “I really wish you would’ve told me you were in trouble.  I would’ve helped.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for that, but I couldn’t tell anyone I didn’t have a place.” From where I stood, I watched Holden’s face tighten. I knew he would never understand why I kept that information to myself, but until you’re put in a situation like that, you won’t understand why someone would rather be homeless than beg for help.

April rubbed her eyes. “Let’s get together once everything settles down, but if you need any help between now and then please call me.  I’d like us to be friends, Jules.”

I touched her hand timidly. “You call, too, if you need a friend.”

She smiled appreciatively, then headed toward the elevator to join her uncle and the lawyer.

Exhausted, I turned to Holden and placed my head on his chest. “How much longer do you need to be here?” Earlier, he’d changed into jeans and a nice shirt for our meeting, but I knew he still had work to do.  As I’d told him in the car, the world didn’t stop just because shit happened.

“I promised a few more clients that I’d see them today.”  He ran his hand up and down my back and kissed the top of my head.

Noticing Marcus close by, I said, “I’m worn-out.  Can I just go home now?”

His jaw tightened. After a moment of him searching my eyes, I assume to make sure I really was tired and not trying to retreat into myself, he nodded and strolled over to Marcus.  Holden whispered something to him while keeping his eyes on me.

Sighing, Holden called me over and held my hand as we walked to the elevator. “I’m not gonna lie, I don’t want you going anywhere without me, but I’m trying not to be overbearing.”

Overbearing? You? Never.
I laughed to myself.

He stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “If you go in the backyard, please tell Marcus.”

“Don’t worry about me. I plan on locking myself in our room, taking a long bubble bath, then napping until I absolutely have to get up again.”

A mischievous look crossed his face. “A bubble bath, huh?”

“Yeah. I’d invite you to join me, but Mr. Whitacre is waiting for you.” I snickered, knowing the sound of his seventy-year-old client’s name would douse his flames.

Throwing his head back, he barked out a laugh then shook his head. “Yeah, that’s one way to kill the mood.”

I looked to make sure Marcus was far enough away not to hear then whispered in Holden’s ear, “Hey, what kind of a girlfriend would I be if I let you walk around work with a hard-on twice in one day?”  

“One that I can’t wait to get home to,” he growled back loud enough so only I heard.

I embarrassed myself by involuntarily squeezing my legs together.
Holy shit, now I’m the one on fire.

His gruff chuckle told me that he’d felt my movements.  
Damn.

As I ran my hand across his chest, I said, “Seriously, you’ve got to go change and finish working.  I’ll see you at home later.” I leaned in and gave him a good-bye kiss before stepping into the elevator with Marcus.

We stared at each other as the doors closed and all I could think about was that I hoped we really were on the same page as to what was going to happen when he got home.

After my relaxing, vanilla-scented bath, my skin was a hue of pink as I spread moisturizer across my heated flesh. Pulling on a comfortable white tank top and my new lace-up boy shorts, I climbed under the soft sheets and slept for the next hour.

For a moment, I thought I was dreaming as feather light kisses rained on my bare shoulder, arousing my senses. I’d only been asleep a short while, but my muscles were stiff from my work-out at the gym. Lifting my arms above my head, I stretched, feeling the lush blanket being pulled away. Holden suggestively groaned above me as my nipples responded and tightened to life from the smooth caress.  That was enough to get me to open my eyes in time to see him staring down at my barely covered body, heating up under his intense gaze
.

Hoping that this would lead somewhere, a sleepy, yet smoldering smile spread across my face. My cheeks blushed as he grinned while reaching back at his fitted t-shirt and pulled it over his head. The discarded shirt, softly landing on the floor, made my pulse quicken and my heart skipped a beat.

Was this finally happening? After all this time?

My hungry eyes took in his bare chest and
that enticing line of dark hair that disappeared under the waistband of his jeans. I fluttered my lashes as I glanced up at him, seeing if he was really ready for this. Even after the talk we’d had in the car earlier, I was a little nervous he would try and stop us. When I saw his large, lust-filled eyes burning holes in my tank top, my nipples tightened even more, begging for his
affection.

I could hardly contain my excitement that we were about to take this step, yet vulnerability skirted the edges. Doubt slipped into my mind that Holden might pull away. He needed to show me how far he was willing to take us, but deep down, I really just wanted to tear the rest of his clothes right off.

As if he read my mind and without a word, he casually stood up, the delicious weight of his body leaving mine. He unbuttoned his jeans, and his eyes turned almost animalistic.  I watched every sensual move he made, itching to touch all the hard contours of his body, his breathtaking abs slightly flexing when he moved to complete his task. Just like earlier in front of the elevator, I had to squeeze my legs together to relieve the ache I had for him.

Holden kicked his clothes off to the side before placing his hands on the foot of the bed
,
slowly crawling up until his hips were nestled between my spread legs. His magnificent face was hovering above mine.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” He traced the lines of my face with the tip of his calloused fingers, memorizing the way my lashes lay on my cheeks. I kissed his fingertips softly as they passed my lips. I felt each ridge of those fingerprints while his minty breath fluttered over my hyper-sensitive skin as he waited patiently for my answer. I would forever associate that smell with this exact moment.

Arching off the mattress, I was beyond ready for him to take me. “Yes,” I hissed.

Desire traveled from my lower belly to between my legs where his erection pressed against the thin material of my panties. His lips brushed mine before capturing my mouth, dominating my lips as he explored the inside with his tongue. I wrapped my arms around him, bringing him as close to me as I could, but it wasn’t enough.  The sensation of my covered nipples pressing against his naked chest made me want to rip my own shirt off, but he needed to take the lead.  His hands worked their way into my hair, slightly tugging, and the tingles of my scalp only increased the need to rub myself against him. 

Ever so slowly, he slipped his hands under the hem of my tank top and ran his fingers along my hipbone, sending shivers down my legs at the thought of what his grip would feel like when he sank into me. These thoughts alone were more than enough to push me closer to the edge.

Holden pulled the material up
,
traveling far too slowly toward my aching breasts. I struggled to catch my breath under his passionate kiss, fighting the urge to flip us over and hurry this along.  My hips moved in slow circles under his heavy weight, craving that strong friction right where I needed him most. I groaned at the touch I’d been dying to feel every night while we’d snuggle in bed together.

He pulled away long enough to see the heated look in my eyes. Putting two words together to make a coherent thought was impossible for me now while the sensations blazed into glowing flames.  My skin felt hot when I pressed my head back into the cold pillow, trying to cool my body down as my flesh felt the sizzling tingles from his attention. I planned on savoring every moment with this man, and unlike in the past, I had no intention of counting down the minutes until this was over. I wanted it to last.

Holden smirked in a cocky way that I only found sexy on him. He trailed his lips to the sweet spot just below my ear as he groaned, “I can’t wait to finally be inside you.”

Holy hell.

I moaned as he ground into me, sending electric pulses to my most sensitive places. I couldn’t wait either.

“Holy shit,” he growled. "I'm going to lose my fucking mind between the panting and knowing you’re about to scream my name."

Oh fuck.
His words, those kisses and bites on my neck, every part of me was throbbing with desperate need. His hand reached my breast, cupping the heavy round bottom while he rubbed the pad of his thumb leisurely, tweaking my fully awakened nipple. The scent of vanilla and men’s body wash filled the air. I would now forever associate that smell with this night too.   

This was so different from any other time I've had sex. I was used to men grunting filthy things at me. Even though occasionally it did make it slightly more exciting, most of the time I just felt dirty and used because of the nasty things they would say to me. The disgust consumed me, body and soul.

But Holden wasn’t treating me like the whore I’d been called so many times before. He was showing me his love, and I couldn’t get enough.

I wanted more.

I needed all of him.

Closing my eyes, I simply…let go.

My tank top disappeared over my head, and both of his hands explored my tender breasts, caressing, squeezing them as he moved his face between their valley. He placed kisses all over my skin as I tucked my hands in his thick hair, gently encouraging him to keep going.

He gently tugged and pinched my other aching nipple with his skillful fingers. The shock waves went directly below my belly, causing my hips to rise and seek him out. He locked his lips around my pointed peak, his teeth lightly clamping down as I felt his lips pull up to a smile against my skin as I moaned to the ceiling, no doubt proud of himself for causing my reaction. I
was practically seeing stars as he gave the same attention to my other sensitive tip. My eyes squeezed shut as my breathing picked up.

Slowly kissing his way down my
stomach as chills spiked along my skin, he sat up before I could comprehend that he was near my scar.  “How the hell did I get so lucky? You’re so beautiful.”

“Mmhmm,” I mumbled, having a difficult time concentrating on his words.  “I think I’m the lucky one here if you can make me feel this good all the time,” I answered breathlessly with a deep sigh.

That sexy-ass smirk covered his lips once again while his fingers lightly trailed down my hips until he found the ties that were looped through the sides of my panties. Pulling the loose ribbons, he wrapped them around his hand. Clutching the inside seam of my panties, he slowly pulled them away and tossed them aside with our other discarded clothing, but the ribbons stayed wrapped around his fingers in a tight grip. I was completely naked for him. I felt exposed, but the look of admiration that washed over him overpowered my temptation to cover myself.

Moving in closer, I watched as he used his knees to push my thighs further apart. Reaching out, my fingers gently curled around his thick erection.  His skin felt smooth under the warmth of my hand. With his head thrown back, his grip tightened on my thighs as I slowly moved my hand up and down. His body vibrated with excitement as he moaned at the touch. He covered my hand with his own, giving it an encouraging squeeze as his lips parted at the intense pleasure.

My breathing picked up when Holden delicately glided the fringed ribbon wrapped around his fingers from my belly to my neck, then down again to the apex of my thighs. Goosebumps broke out all over my body, and I let go of him while he teased me with the delicate piece of fabric.

“Thank you for trusting me, Jules.” He dropped the string and held onto his shaft, taking his time to slide his silky smooth tip up and down my sensitive flesh, causing me to shiver in expectation.

I answered between panting breaths, “I will always trust you, Holden.”

Eager, I lifted my legs and rested my knees on his waist, opening and inviting him to move forward.

He reached to the side, picking up a small square package he must’ve pulled out earlier.  I didn’t want anything between us, just skin to skin, to feel the heat between our bodies. But it would have to wait.

He slipped the thin latex barrier on with ease, then wordlessly positioned himself at my entrance. Clasping onto my hand, he waited until I fully relaxed before his hips pressed forward. As he placed our joined hands above my head, I cried out in extreme pleasure at the feeling of him slowly easing into me, filling me like I’d never experienced before, inch by inch.

It had been a long time since I’d felt the initial penetration stretching me fully, invading my
body, but unlike any other time, I accepted Holden as my new lover, ready to match each seamless movement with the raw emotion he offered me.

After a few slow teasing rotations of his hips, he soon picked up his pace while I rocked against him, meeting every absorbing thrust. Harder and harder. Deeper and deeper. It didn't take long for me to feel that slow building pressure deep in my belly.

The only sounds that filled the room were our heavy breathing combined with our skin grinding together until I reached that tipping point.  Just like he’d wanted, I enthusiastically screamed his name, “Oh, Holden,” while I went over the delicious edge of release, clutching my soul shattering, intense explosion behind my closed eyes.

The old me would’ve let out a string of expletives. But I was changing with Holden. I was stronger with him, different. I didn’t need to hide from my real emotions. I felt overwhelmed as I came down from my earth shattering high, but it was a good thing.

A great thing.

The dirty was now gone. Tears streaked down my sweaty cheeks as Holden continued to thrust in and out of me, filling me with nothing but love until he noticed I wasn’t making any sounds. Tears continued to pool at the corners of my eyes when his body suddenly stilled as he took in my emotions and let go of my hands.