Relinquished (23 page)

Afraid. 

“Shit.  Did I hurt you, Jules? Baby, please look at me.”

He was just about to pull out when I wrapped my legs around locking my ankles together, holding him in place and I finally opened my eyes. “You didn’t hurt me.  I’m just so…happy.” The choked sob came out after my words and Holden nuzzled my neck with a small chuckle.

“Thank God!  For a second, I thought I’d pushed you too far.”

I shook my head. “No, please keep going. I don’t want you to stop.”

He took a moment to gauge my facial expression before a broad smile lit up his face. “Well, in that case.” Holden’s hands brushed away my remaining tears, and he soon buried himself deeper inside of me, his hands moving under my back and gripping my ass hard while his mouth went to work on my neck.

Each time he pushed in, his hips made small circles, setting my insides on fire.  Although it felt insanely good, I knew I wasn’t going to hit another peak. I never had more than one at a time.

Determined, Holden lifted himself up, driving harder with everything he had. Suddenly up on his knees and grabbing the inside of my thighs, he slammed into me. I screamed in ecstasy as my hands gripped the pillow above me for leverage.

My ass was lifted off the bed, and he hooked my ankles on his shoulders, crashing into me over and over. The new position allowed him to hit all of the right spots. The climax was finally there, within my reach.

Holy…fucking…

“Holden!”

He gave me everything in those last few thrusts and I watched his face contort, waiting for him to let go inside me, and then, he collapsed on top of me.

Satiated.

Both of us.

It took a long minute to catch our breaths. When we finally did, he propped his head on one elbow, looking down at me, sweat beading on his forehead. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” I laughed breathlessly.

I tried to squirm out from underneath him, but he held me down with his pelvis and asked with a sly smirk, "Where are you going?"

“To the bathroom,” I paused for a moment, “then getting dressed.”

He narrowed his eyes teasingly. “You can go to the bathroom, but then you’re coming right back here, just as you are.  I’ve waited too long to have you good and naked. We’re definitely doing that again.” He kissed my lips, then my neck, before getting up.  “Give me a second.” Leaving me in bed to recover, he held onto himself as he went into the bathroom.

When he returned, I went in to wash up. My legs felt like jello as I strolled out of the bathroom and over to the bed.  I tried not to be self-conscious of the fact that I had no clothes on.

“You are absolutely exquisite,” he said, smiling in the late afternoon sun filtering through the windows. His eyes seemed so much brighter as I tried to pull the covers down so I could crawl underneath. He shook his head and patted the comforter. We’d already had sex. I didn’t know what I was so nervous about, but I ended up laying on my stomach, hugging the pillow and looking up at him.

It might’ve been an awkward time to bring it up, but I was curious about something.

“I noticed you completely avoided touching my scar. Does it bother you?” I moved my head to the side so I could see his reaction.

“Not at all. I love your scars.” His index and middle fingers trailed over the thin lines on my wrists. “They’re your badges of honor and remind me each day to be thankful for every moment I get to spend with you.”

I gulped, absorbing what he’d just said.  He was proud of my scars and their meaning?

Smiling sweetly to myself, I sighed in relief as warmth filled my chest.

He pulled me closer, turning my body to lay on my side while his hand skimmed my stomach, stopping when he reached my bellybutton. “Everyone has scars that tell a story.  Even though they don’t define who you are, yours tell me that you’re not a victim, you’re a survivor. They validate your past, but you’re a stronger woman because of them. I know we can get through anything, together.” He gently traced the jagged line, showing me that he meant every word.

“I’ve been wondering about this though.” Shivers ran down my spine when his index finger lightly circled the tiny lump near my shoulder blade. 

I closed my eyes and cuddled into him. “There’s no story to that one. I’ve had that since I was in the group home. At first I assumed it was a bug bite, but now that I’ve had it for years, I think it’s some kind of calcium build up. I’ve never had it checked out though.”

“That’s weird.”

I peeked over my shoulder. “Thanks a lot.”

“No,” he frowned. “I mean, I have one too, but it’s on the inside of my bicep.” He lifted his arm to show me the tiny bump, but it was easy to get distracted and stare at his massive muscles instead. “I also thought it might be a bug bite, but I’ve had it for a few months now.”

I shrugged. “From what I’ve read, they’re pretty common. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“If you say so, beautiful.” He kissed my forehead, shifted our positions and pulled me closer to snuggle into him once more. 

As we laid together, I was amazed at how comfortable I’d become with him. I’d changed so much because, for once, someone saw me as more valuable than I’d ever even seen myself. I’m sure crazy shit sat just outside our door, waiting to fuck everything up. But for now, I was content to lock the rest of the world out and stay in our happy little bubble.

The ice in my tumbler clinked together as I took a sip of whiskey. Damn, I loved that smooth feel as it slid down my throat. Setting the glass down, I relaxed back on my couch and watched the city lights shine on the San Gabriel Valley below.  It was already one in the morning, and I’d just gotten home after another long day. I was exhausted beyond belief, and we still weren’t any closer to catching that son of a bitch, Sam, or finding out how far this thing went.  Although I suspected Carr knew more than he let on, he was keeping tight lipped.

I was getting sick of this shit, though. I wanted life back to what it was. We’d been on high alert for nearly a month now.

Since it didn’t affect anyone’s safety, I’d decided to keep it to myself that things were about to come to a head with my father. He’d ordered me to make Jules stay home during the function, but if everything went as planned, Holden would be convinced to bring her.  Dad and she would have to meet in person soon if we were ever going to get all the answers we needed. The less we knew, the more dangerous it was becoming for everyone involved.  My father had already lost the love of his life, and the only thing he’d accomplished by keeping his mouth shut was to possibly lose his children as well.

I didn’t regret my decision to have Jules and Holden move in, but my life had shifted in unexpected ways.  I wasn’t used to someone asking me if I’d be home for dinner, and if so, what time. It was also bizarre having Jules do my laundry before I had a chance to. She was probably just trying to do her part, but I still hadn’t adjusted. On the other hand, it was nice to come home to a full house every day.  Well, unless a woman was by my side, ready to help me relieve some tension. Then it was awkward.

Unbuttoning my shirt, I slipped my dress shoes off and thought about how pissed off Andrea had been when she’d slept over a few mornings ago.  She was constantly asking questions about Jules, irritating the hell out of me. After she’d droned on and on in a jealous rant about how Jules was making breakfast in her thin night shorts and tank top, I’d had enough. Her whining had become a daily ritual, and I was tired of her riding my ass about stupid shit like that. I had to hold a pillow over my head and finally tell her to get the fuck out so I could sleep.  We’d been up half the night screwing, and even though she was fucking amazing in bed, no piece of ass was worth that headache.

From the get go, she hadn’t been happy about Jules being around and thought she needed to stake her claim by having Jules walk in on us that first day. I still couldn’t believe she’d silenced my phone when she knew I was waiting for Holden’s call. She was way out of line. Besides, the fact that there wasn’t a chance in hell that Jules and I would ever get together, Andrea knew I was not a one-woman kind of guy. Her jealousy was a complete turn off, and she had to go.

Fucking irritating.

Reaching forward, I picked up my glass when I heard a noise behind me. It was Jules.

She pointed to the large armchair next to the couch. “Mind if I sit?”

I swallowed my drink. “Sure.”

She took a seat, slipping her feet under her body and adjusting her robe to make sure she was completely covered. Propping her elbow on the armrest, she bit her thumb nail as she stared at the lights below.

Tired, I squinted at her, waiting to see if she would speak first. When the silence became uncomfortable, I asked, “How are you holding up?”

She gave me a tight smile. “Okay, I guess. Under the circumstances.”

“How did the meeting go?” DeSoto had already told me she refused the money, and I honestly can’t say that I was surprised.

She fidgeted and pulled her knees up to her chest. “April’s uncle was defensive at first.  He said I had some nerve asking for money.”

I shook my head. “Are you serious?  What a fucker.”

She sighed. “I can’t blame him.  I’m just lucky he didn’t press charges. April was upset that I lied. Said she wished I would’ve asked her for help.  She understood though, and got her uncle to calm down. I feel bad for her. Not only did her business burn, but her own husband was responsible.” Glancing at the glass door, she continued, “Everything’s settled now. I turned them down. It felt wrong.”

My shrug probably told her that I already knew that. “The insurance company would’ve rather paid you a little to release liability immediately than risk being sued later for a shitload.”

She huffed and rested her cheek on her bent knees. “I would never sue.”

I took another sip, swishing the spicy liquid around in my mouth, then hissing when it made its way down my throat. “Doesn’t matter, it’s business. And the whole reason DeSoto advised you to get it over with right away.”

She bit her bottom lip, looking at me with her doe eyes. “I guess I should’ve accepted it so I could pay you guys back for the medical bills.”

My hand came up to stop her. “That’s already been taken care of.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “That’s what Holden said, too.” She started biting her thumb nail again.

I sat back and jerked my chin up. “What’s up? You seem nervous about something.”

She licked her lips and leaned in, speaking softly. “I need your help with something.”  She looked over her shoulder toward the hallway.  Probably making sure Holden wasn’t coming.

My eyebrow shot up. “Shoot.”

“I need to be trained harder. Holden is too easy on me, and everyone he has me working with handles me with kid gloves. What if something happens? I need to know how to fight back, but he keeps saying I won’t ever be alone long enough to have to fight.”

I snickered. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. We’ve had…discussions about it already.” More like a few shouting matches. “He’s adamant about you not getting hurt. I, on the other hand, think you need combat training, since we don’t know how long this’ll go on.”

“Will you teach me?” she asked, hopefully.

Little did she know I’d already been thinking about pushing her on this. I nodded, thankful that she was asking for it instead. “Yeah.  I’m sure Christina and Vince will help too.”

Her confidence seemed to have increased when she asked her next question. “I need another favor.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s good to see you going after what you want.”

The determined tone in her voice made it clear that she wasn’t holding anything back. “Can you give me a job?”

“What do you need a job for? Like I said, everything’s taken care of for you.” I had my suspicions, but wanted to hear what she had to say.

“I’ve always worked. It was hard accepting help while I was healing, but I understood and gave in. I’m fine now, and this is something I need to do.”

I thought about the fact that she may be healed now, but she was still in danger. I respected the hell out of her for not wanting to sit back and take advantage of us though. I imagined she could also use a little breathing room away from my overprotective brother.

“I know I’m not qualified for much, but there’s gotta be something I can do for you guys.” The look on her face said that she’d practiced this speech over and over in her head and if given a chance, she might even bust out a PowerPoint presentation.

I settled into the soft leather covering my couch. “And you’ve talked to Holden about this?”

She huffed out a breath. “He keeps telling me to concentrate on the online courses I’m taking.”

“I have to say that I agree with him.” I’m sure she thought I’d see her point right away, but she hadn’t convinced me yet. “School is very important, Jules. All of your needs are being met so why don’t you focus on your classes, then worry about a job once you have your diploma?”

Her face and shoulders fell. “Because I feel useless, like I don’t have a purpose.” 

“Now
that
I can understand.  How about this, let me see what I’ve got, and we can call it a paid internship.” Her face lit up, and it felt good being the one to put that smile there.  I’d been such a dick to her, purely out of protectiveness, but it hadn’t been fair.

Now for my conditions. “Hold on, don’t get too excited. You can fulfill your intern hours
after
you finish with your school work and only if you’re already scheduled to be at the gym.”

“Seriously?” she asked exasperated.

“Hey, take it or leave it. I’ll always push school before work.”

“Fine.  I’ll take it.” It may not have been exactly what she was looking for, but the pride on her face couldn’t hide the fact that she was going to celebrate her small victory.  She stood her ground and ended up with an internship I hadn’t ever thought to give her.

I contemplated even asking for the next thing, but if anyone could convince my brother to do something, it would be her. “My turn.  I’ve got a favor to ask you.”

She sat up straighter. “Anything.”

I ran my fingertips along the stubble on my chin. “Holden doesn’t want to go to the fundraiser this year, but everyone expects both of us to make speeches, and I’m afraid donations will be affected if attendees think he’s just blowing it off.”

Her brows creased. “We talked about it already. I told him I thought we should all go.”

“Hmm. He called me a few hours ago and said there was no way he was going to put your life in jeopardy. I tried to convince him it’s no riskier than you going to the gym and back. We’d be traveling with the security team, and I’ve already reserved the entire top floor of the hotel under a fake name.”

She clenched her teeth and exhaled loudly, “This is getting ridiculous. I’ll talk to him again.”

I cocked my head. “He’s pretty stubborn when he’s made up his mind about something.”

She tried unsuccessfully to hide her smile. “That runs in the family.”

I chuckled darkly to myself. “You have no idea.”