Rena's Promise (33 page)

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Authors: Rena Kornreich Gelissen,Heather Dune Macadam

Tags: #Biography & Autobiography, #Historical, #test

BOOK: Rena's Promise
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believe that anyone so handsome can do the things he's rumored to do.
An SS motions for a portion of our ranks to move away from the main group. Danka and I are in the group separated from the rest of roll call. Dr. Mengele walks slowly among us looking for the healthiest, most able-bodied specimens. It is a moment I have been hoping for; sometimes he chooses prisoners for inside work details, like the one Erna and Fela are now in. This may be our lucky day, the day we find a way to leave Birkenau. He walks by us like a butcher inspecting his meat.
He points at me but passes over Danka. I step out, walking to the front of the line, moving away from my sister. Danka is discarded with the rest of the unfit specimens. Roll call is dismissed. Thousands of women hurry to their respective blocks to grab their bread and a place on the shelves to sleep.
Fifty of us march away from the regular blocks toward the quarantine block. Turning my head, I catch a glimpse of my sister as the pit in my stomach grows wider and wider. The anxiety of not having her next to me is unbearable. I do not know if this detail is for life or if it is for death. I do know that the only way I can keep my promise to my sister, though, is to keep her with me at all times; too much can happen in a moment. There is no debate in my mind about my duty to my sister; the oath is the driving force behind all of my actions. Inside the quarantine block we are handed a standard ration of bread. There's no conversation or speculation about the detail we've been assigned. The girls I've been chosen with move to the bunks without conversing, while I dissolve into the background so that no one will notice my exit.
Erika's on watch outside, holding a paper with our numbers on it. This is good fortune, although there is always the chance she won't be nice to me. I don't care about chances. I go straight up to her. ''Can you help me? I'll give you my portion of bread if you

 

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can get my sister into this detail with me." I thrust my only meal into her hand.
Erika looks at me as if I'm crazy. The decision in my eyes convinces her I'm serious, though. "What's her number?" She takes the bread, slipping it into her pocket in one deft movement.
"2779." I hold my breath. She might let Danka in. She seems sincere. She seems to care, but one can never be sure. "Can I bring her into quarantine?" I ask timidly.
"Yes." Erika looks around quickly, assessing the area. There is no one nearby. She crosses a name off the list. "Go get your sister."
"There will be too many, though. What will you do?"
"That's none of your business," her voice hisses. "
Hau ab!
"
Obediently I vanish, becoming one with the shadows, weaving my way toward our block. Danka is standing just inside the doorway, waiting for me. Only her eyes betray the absolute terror she's in. I take hold of her hand as I used to when she was little. "I got you into the detail."
"How?"
"Not now. Follow me." We step into the dark, sneak back across the camp toward quarantine. The spotlights trace the electric fences, looking for kamikaze prisoners with suicide on their minds. We move like ghosts, avoiding the lights, the guns, the eyes of those in the watchtower.
Erika is waiting outside. We do not step toward her; we wait in the shadows for her signal. She raises her chin slightly in a half nod before turning her back to us. We dart through the door to safety. Careful not to disturb anyone, we tiptoe to a bunk that isn't full and crawl onto the boards. Pulling up the blanket around our shoulders, I put my arms around my sister for the first time since we arrived in camp. I want to chase away the demon dreams which steal sleep from our troubled minds. I want to rest my weary bones and stop the incessant worrying that rattles against the insides of my head.

 

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For the first time in a year and a half we don't stand roll call. In the morning they bring a kettle of tea into the block and the waiting begins.
We're served soup at noon and sit through the afternoon waiting for supper with nothing else to do but listen to our stomachs growl. I'm grateful we don't have to work and try to take advantage of this brief reprieve. We don't feel like speaking with the others and they do not feel like speaking with us. The first day of quarantine we sleep.
The second day we are not so tired and move about the room asking questions, conversing, asking out loud why we're here and how long they're going to keep us in this place. My hope is that this will be a detail working under a roof. It would be good to be inside on the cold and rainy days. I also hope it's not the kind of detail Erna and Fela have disappeared into, a job that cannot be spoken about.
Danka drifts off into a world of her own. I watch her become oblivious to her surroundings knowing that this is how she survives. Meanwhile, I listen to every bit of information I can gather; this is how I survivealways be aware.
"Maybe we're going to work in the kitchen!" one of the girls says.
"Oh, the food we could eat if we were in the kitchen!"
"I wonder what they'll have us do?"
"It could be anything. Better not to think about it."
Another girl chimes in, but her comment is more to the window than to those of us inside. "At least we're not outside. The weather is terrible today."
Our conversation is sparing. We don't speak to each other for long; we're too exhausted and we've simply learned it's better not to become close friends with people who may die in a few minutes. There's no sorority of sympathy or understanding. We don't discuss our plight or what we're waiting for. If we discuss anything, it is about where we are from, but even that is too painful. We

 

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sleep. We drink our tea. We sip our soup. We chew our bread. We wait.
By the third day we're starting to go stir-crazy and get on each other's nerves. The unknown eats away at what little morale we have. There's bickering among bunkmates. The rest has done us good; the little bit of food still leaves us hungry, but at least we do not burn it all off doing hard labor. We do not gain weight but we do not lose it either.
"
Raus!
Line up!" It's the fourth morning. An attendant from the hospital enters the block. "March out!" We follow her lead, stepping out of quarantine, marching across the length of camp toward another building. The sign over the door reads
SAUNA
. Inside, the kapo informs us, ''Leave your old clothes in a pile here. You no longer need them. There are new uniforms on that table.
Schnell!
''
Stepping naked over to the table, we snatch up the new one-size-fits-all uniforms, pulling them over our bodies. They're exactly like our other blue-and-gray striped dresses, rough as unworn sandpaper.
"Put these aprons on, too!" We tie clean, white, pressed aprons around our waists as we line up again, filing out of the building in twos. We march back across the length of the compound in front of the rest of the women in camp already lined up for morning roll call. The next building we enter is in the middle of the camp; it's a small, one-room building across from our blocks. It's Mengele's office. Inside, the nurse orders us to hold out our arms so the secretary can write down each of our numbers on a list. "1716," she repeats under her breath, "2779." It's strange that we do not have numbers on our uniforms. Outside again, we line up facing the camp roll call, in neat rows of five, ten to each line, forming our new, exclusive work detail. I wonder where Emma is; I wonder if she will even notice that Danka and I are gone.
It is strange to watch regular camp roll call and not be a part of

 

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it. The sea of women before me is unbelievable; I've never seen so many people in one place. They look so miserable, so forlorn and dejected. The words
There are too many of us
echo through my mind until I shake my head to free myself of the warning. Out of the corner of my eye I see a woman with a list in her hand and make a note that her presence is odd. She comes from behind the building, nervously looking this way and that as if she's afraid. She stands for a moment, scratching something out on the list, then cautiously she takes one of the girls by the hand and leads her out the back of the line and behind Mengele's office. They disappear.
My heart races as the realization sinks in. "Danka, this is not a good detail to be in."
"What?" Her eyes bulge with fright. "Why do you say that?"
"One of the elite just took a friend or relative out of the lineup."
"Who?"
"I don't know who she is, but she's important enough to walk around while the rest of us are standing roll call. She would know if this was a bad kommando. We're not going to work under any roof. This is for death."
"You can't be sure."
"Yes, I can." I look around. My mind runs through every scenario possible. It takes less than a second for me to decide the course of action we must try to take if we are to survive. "Come with me."
Her eyes pop out of her head. "Where?"
"Back to the sauna." I look at the dreaded dresses we're wearing. How could I have missed the signs? No numbers on the breast, new dresses, clean white aprons exactly like the experiment victims were wearing. "Our only chance is to get our old uniforms back before they remove them and we're lost for good."
"We can't do that!"

 

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"We have to." I am fierce.
"How?" My mind has catapulted beyond the situation we're in, to the particulars that could save our lives.
"We're going to pretend that we're just as important as any block elder or kapo. I'm going to take your hand and we're going to march across the compound and I'm not letting go until we're in the sauna."
"In front of everybody?"
"It's a gamble."
"We can't. They'll shoot us for sure."
"Danka! This is something for experiments. Remember the women with the faces?"
"Gathering herbs?" I nod.
"You want to be a zombie?" I glare into her face.
"No."
"Well you're going to be if you don't come with me now. We have one chance to live and one chance to die. If we cross the compound we might live or die. If we stay here we're dead for sure."
She wants to follow me, I can tell, but fear has her feet rooted into the ground. "I can't," she whispers.
I lean very close to her ear. "I'm going to break my oath to you. I swore I'd die with you, but that was only if you were selected, not if you chose to die. I don't owe that to you anymore!" Our voices are sparse and speculative. The SS are busy counting the prisoners on the other side of the Laggerstrasse. "If you don't want to listen to what I'm saying, then you're deciding to give up your lifebut I'm not. I'm going back to the sauna whether you come with me or not." I pray I've scared her enough to come with me.
"What do I do?" Her voice wavers.
"You just walk with me. That's all you have to do. Keep your chin high and believe you're important." Her eyes glaze over. She will do as she's told. "Now give me your hand." Like cold, clammy fish her fingers wind around mine.
Briefly, I check the direction the SS are gazing. Taube is beating

 

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