Renegade (Ministry of Paranormal Research & Defence) (5 page)

“
The C.O. And his wife? No fucking way!” said Danny. “Shit, Jack never just fucks up, does he?”

“
Okay, I think I can top that,” said Dave. “What about that time with the Chinook and the tank?”

C
HAPTER

6

Every round of laughter from the group made me cringe. I didn't have to work hard to imagine the kind of things they were telling Marie over there.

“Don't worry,” said Ben, the barman, and a former Marine. “You only have ten minutes left.”

“
Whose dumb idea was this?” I groaned, staring into my half-empty cup of coffee.

“
Some fool who wasn't already married, like me, and who never actually thought he'd get married,” he said, topping up my cup.

“
Me, in other words.”

“
Too right. You've got no-one to blame but yourself.”

“
It's not like I'm even getting married,” I protested.

“
Well, you did it for Dave and Paul, back when same-sex marriage wasn't legal, so I don't think you could use that as an excuse, pal.”

“
Fuck. Is Danny telling her about that time in Saudi?”

“
Given the gestures he's using,” he said, pausing for a round of laughter, “I'd say he's telling them now.”

He turned to Fiona, his one and only barmaid.

“You wanna look after our kid here? Make sure he doesn't slit his wrists or anything?”

“
Where are you going?” I asked suspiciously.

“
I'm going to tell your lady about that time in High Wycombe with Bronk's lizard.”

“
Bastard,” I said as he walked away.

“
You asked for it, Jack,” said Fiona.

“
I know.”

“
Look on the bright side,” she said. “She looks like a winner and she hasn't bolted for the door, yet.”

“
Yet,” I said.

Fiona busied herself around the bar and I sipped my coffee. They were both right, the pre-nuptial roast had been my idea when Danny had got engaged to Joanne, so I really couldn't complain.

“What's the story with Bronk's lizard?” asked Fiona.

I sighed and shook my head.

“We crashed at a friend's house on our way to points east. I was sleeping in his spare room.”

I was interrupted by Ben giving a girly scream.

“And that's the sound I made when I woke up to find this bloody great three-foot long lizard sitting on my bed and just looking at me the way lizards do. Bugger had a stuffed lizard and put it on my pillow for a joke.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“You're just lucky you didn't shit yourself.”

“
It was close,” I admitted. “Not a nice way to wake up.”

“
Uh oh,” she said. “Looks like someone just asked how many women around the table you've slept with.”

“
I'm not bothered about that. It's just Marie.”

“
Really, so why did Zoe put her hand up?”

I turned to look. Zoe was talking and blushing, Marie was giving me a frosty look. And so was Tommy.

“I never slept with Zoe,” I said, puzzled.

“
She seems to think you did.”

I thought about it.

“No, I think I would remember that,” I said. “I didn't meet her until after she was with Tommy.”

“
I don't know about that, but Zoe seems to be fairly sure.”

I let out a heavy sigh and shook my head.

“Just another problem to sort out,” I said.

The last few minutes passed with agonizing slowness, but finally I heard Danny calling my name. I drained my coffee and stood up. Time to face the music.

I walked back to the table, getting several variations on smirks from most of my friends. Marie looked tense, like she couldn't wait to get me out of here to start yelling at me.

“
Didn't make a run for it, sweetheart?” I said as I sat down.

She shook her head and smiled.

“A lot of it was funny,” she said. “Especially you and the lizard.”

I smiled, nodding at the memory.

“I think she freaked a little about Zoe,” said Joanne.

“
Yeah, you kept that one from us,” said Paul.

“
Kept what from you?” I asked, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

“
Jack,” said Zoe quietly.

“
What?”

“
You two, getting it on,” said Chris, a look of open admiration on his face.

I turned to Zoe.

“When?”

Zoe stared at me.

“What do you mean, 'when'?” she said.

“
I don't remember that,” I said, leaning forward. “When did it happen?”

“
Two thousand and two,” she said promptly. “Gibraltar. I was there on holiday with some friends.”

I met Danny's eyes. He suddenly broke into laughter.

“What?” asked Zoe. “What's so funny?”

“
Honey,” I said carefully. “That's a bit of a stretch.”

“
What?” said Joanne intently. “What does that mean?”

“
Well, he'd have to move pretty fast to have sex with Zoe in Gibraltar in oh-two,” said Danny, still laughing. “We weren't in Gibraltar in oh-two. We were ... elsewhere. That entire year.”

“
No,” she protested. “You were there November oh-two.”

Danny shook his head, still laughing.

“No, we were in the Middle East,” I said. “From July oh-one to June oh-three, when they moved us to Hungary.”

“
Oh Zoe,” said Chris in a sing-song voice, “you got some 'splaining to do.”

“
No, that can't be true,” she said.

“
My guess is she was getting it on with her dildo and letting her imagination run away with her,” said Bobby, which earned him a black look from his wife.

Zoe was looking at me helplessly.

“No,” I said. “We didn't meet till oh-three.”

“
Jack,” she said plaintively. “It was you. I didn't imagine it. When I saw you, when Tommy introduced us, I was mortified. And then I was livid at you for not even having the good grace to be embarrassed. I'm not making it up.”

I sat back and stared at her.

“No, I don't believe you are,” I said. “I remember you giving me funny looks that night. So, what? Alternate reality? Parallel universe? Doppelganger?”

“
You're making fun of me,” she said, tears standing in her eyes.

I leaned forward and took her hands in mine.

“Only a little, babe,” I said. “And only because I have no idea what to make of this. I wasn't there, it couldn't have happened, but obviously it did or you wouldn't be getting this upset over it.”

Everyone was looking puzzled, Marie more than most.

“Are you sure it was the same man?” said Dave. “Our boy's pretty distinctive, but you're positive?”

“
Yeah, well, the second time we met his hair was shorter and he'd bulked up a bit, and he'd gotten his ear pierced, but it was the same guy.”

I slumped forward and let out a heartfelt groan.

“And did he have a tattoo of a grinning skull with a knife in its teeth on his right shoulder?”

“
Yes! Yes he did!”

“
Okay, I got my ear pierced when I was fourteen, and the only tattoo I have is my blood group on my left bicep. I've never had long hair and I've been about this size since I was twenty.”

“
All true,” said Danny. “So who was it, Jack?”

“
You know,” I said. “And, you bastard, you knew I wasn't anywhere near Gibraltar in oh-two. You could have said.”

“
This was more fun,” he said, winking.

“
So who was it? There's a Jack-alike out there somewhere?”

I sighed heavily and stared at the table.

“Bryan,” said Danny. “I'm sorry, mate. I didn't see that side of it coming.”

“
Bryan?” said Chris.

“
Jack's brother,” said Joanne. “And, yes, they look enough alike that, in poor light, you could mistake one for the other.”

Zoe was blushing furiously.

“Did he tell you his name was Jack?” said Bobby.

“
No, not as such.”

“
What did he say his name was?”

“
He ... he kind of didn't.”

There was a brief period of silence as everyone worked that one out, which Chris happily broke.

“Oh, Zoe,” he said. “Sounds like you still have some 'splaining to do.”

“
You didn't even know the guy's name?” said Tommy.

I couldn't tell if he was horrified or aroused.

“Well, it had been a while, he was nice and available,” she said, blushing harder. “The one time I do something stupid like that and it comes back to bite me in the bum.”

I reached out and squeezed her hand.

“It's okay,” I said. “From what I've heard Bryan was fairly persuasive. I bet he never came right out and said it, but he gave you the impression that he was in the Regiment, right?”

She nodded and then shook her head wryly.

“I fell for it, didn't I?”

“
Hook, line, and plonker,” said Paul, earning him a punch in the arm from his husband.

“
Jack,” said Tommy, “I hope you won't take offense if I punch your brother in the face when I get to meet him.”

Danny winced and Helen groaned.

“What?” said Tommy.

“
Bryan's ... missing, presumed dead,” I said quietly. “He's not been seen since the vamps invaded the North.”

There was silence in the bar.

“Wow,” said Ben. “That was a fuckin' bastard of a downer.”

I laughed. Ben always did know exactly what to say.

“Okay,” I said. “Let's talk about something more cheerful. Did you guys do a good enough job trashing my reputation to the love of my life?”

“
We did our best, mate,” said Bobby. “But I think most of it fell on deaf ears.”

“
Yep,” said Paul. “Looks like you've got a good 'un there.”

Danny raised his glass.

“To Marie,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “The woman who finally took Jack Henderson off the market.”

The others echoed the toast as Marie blushed and cuddled up next to me.

“Oh,” he went on, “and to Jack, and the g-string that is flossing his arse cheeks as we speak.”

The group erupted into laughter as I turned a glare towards Marie.

“You told them?” I said incredulously.

She nodded, laughing so hard that tears were rolling down her face as the group started singing the theme tune to 'The Stripper' at the top of their lungs.

C
HAPTER

7

I'm so glad Jack wasn't actually angry at me over telling his friends about his underwear. That's one of the great things about Jack; his sense of humor. He can see the funny side of just about everything.

We were back at the hotel, in my room, watching a bad American movie about a group of college kids who had to deal with the fact that their friend was a vampire. It was awful, but the company more than made up for it. Jack had kicked off his shoes and socks and was stretched out next to me in just a pair of jeans that really showed off his cute butt and a t-shirt that clung to his muscles like a second skin. Oh, and that teeny-tiny leather g-string.

I was having trouble keeping my hands to myself.

But if the way he looked was preying on my senses, the way he smelled was even stronger. Jack gave off waves of scent that changed with his mood. Right now he smelled warm and content, a little aroused—but Jack always carried a little background arousal in the same way that the universe has radiation—and a touch of weariness.