Repair Me (29 page)

             
Assuming it was Justin on the other line, Davien answered the phone. His voice was quiet and cautious. “Hello?”

             
“You saw her last night?”

             
Shock in his voice as he heard me and startled and my statement. It wasn't a question, I already had the answer “Why, Avery?”

             
“I thought we had a trust thing going on. You trust me, I trust you.” I yelled through the phone.

             
“We do! I stayed up all night searching for you. When I finally find you, you're in bed with another man.” He yelled back just as angry as I was. “You slept with another man in his bed. I fucked her one time in the back of a car, months ago... now let's see who looks like the bad guy here.”

             
“Don't change the subject, Davien Dodge. Why did you talk to her?”

             
“Cause I knew when I slept with her. I haven't slept with anyone since then... until I met you.” He added “I needed to know how far along she was.”

             
“And?”

             
“And.... I don't know.” He was quiet as I waited for more information. My fingers tapped at the mattress without patience. “I thought I used a condom, but I was drunker than shit that night.”

             
“That's fucking sick, Davien. You don't remember? How about every other girl you've slept with... how many more babies are out there running around with the last name of 'Dodge'?”

             
“I don't know, Avery. I'm not gonna sugar coat anything for you. It is what it is. If it is mine, then... damn it, we'll have to figure something out.” I could hear the pain in his voice. “You don't understand what I'm going through.”

             
“I don't understand what you're going through?” I huffed to the phone. “I'm hurt. How would you feel if I showed up at you're house and said I was 8 months pregnant? How would it feel knowing you didn't even know me 8 months ago. How does that feel, Davien?”

             
The phone went dead as he hung up to my furious statement. I threw it to the bed and laid sobbing until the mattress under my head was damp. The bedroom door opened and Justin quietly walked in. He dropped next to me and twined his arms around my body. His face dropped to my head as he nuzzled at my hair. I tried to talk, but his finger pressed against my lips. “It's gonna be okay, Baby girl. Trust me!”

             
“Hold me.” He fell to my side and pulled me tight against his warm body. He rubbed my back as we faced each other.

             
I eyed at his expressions, the look to his eyes, the twitch to his cheeks. His skin was lightly tanned and well toned from head to toe. I ran my fingers over his lips and his tongue swiped over the trail before I traced it again. His eyes were stuck on mine and we looked for each others thoughts. My leg wrapped over his top thigh as we grew closer. Our faces were met as our foreheads nearly touched. His hand rest at the back of my head and his fingers swept through my hair. I trailed my fingers from his lips to his hair where I chased through his spiked blonde hair.

             
My breathing matched his as we panted together. “I want you so bad, Justin”.

             
“No, Baby girl.” He replied and softly shook his head.

             
“Yes... please.” I begged for the comfort.

             
“I won't have sex with you”.

             
I whispered as our faces were so close he could almost here my thoughts before I spoke the words. “I don't want sex. I want you, Justin. I need you.”

             
His lips fell to mine and I pulled his head tight against mine. His hand dropped from my hair and wrapped lower than my back, pulling me tighter than we could have ever been. Without letting go, he dropped to his back and pulled me over him. He spoke between our lips. “We can't, Baby girl.”

             
“We won't.” My hands fell to his shoulders where I wrapped them around his neck as I guided myself over his body. There was no erection between us as I knew there wouldn't be. I didn't want it there and I couldn't have it there. I laid on top of him for very long minutes as our lips teased each others. His mouth fell to my neck as my nerves shook. 

             
I gently lowered myself from his firm body and spooned against him. His lips trailed one last time across my neck. “I'm only doing this so you don't run, Baby girl” He took a long dragged out breath. “No one will ever understand, I don't even think I know. Why? Why are we doing this?”

             
“Cause if I don't, I will run to Anthony. Don't let me, Justin, Please!”

             
“I won't. I'm not just doing this for you, Baby girl, but I'm doing it for Davien. He would never understand. But if this is what I have to do to keep you from running to Anthony, I will”

             
“Thank You.” Not very many people understood it, but Justin did. He knew that I had very few options to choose from and I would easily run to Anthony if I didn't have another choice. I had offered repeatedly to stay at a hotel until I made up my mind, but Justin wouldn't let me. As he stated before, once I leave, whether it was to a room or to Anthony's, I was gone for good.

             
I needed comfort, I needed to feel loved and if it meant Justin had to give it to me... I would. We agreed the night before we would never have sex... ever! But I needed the comfort and he was my option, my only option. I wasn't returning to Anthony and I couldn't force myself to face Davien at the moment. I fell asleep in Justin's arms again as we had stayed up the previous night talking for hours.

Chapter 16

             
Days passed like weeks, weeks passed like years. Some nights I slept in bed with Justin, many nights I slept on the couch and moved to the bed. One night he tried to sleep on the couch, but I pulled him to the bedroom. At moments I felt like he was my boyfriend but I didn't love him. At least not in
that
way. Davien had no idea of the terrible things his friend was doing, he also had no idea of the wonderful things his friend was doing. He was actually keeping us together. No one would understand, but it was working. I was still in love with Davien. If I didn't have Justin, I would have taken the other route. Davien would have still been in my heart, but it would also have been too late to run.

             
I tried my hardest not to worry about Davien. But the thought was in my mind the entire time. Was Davien with the swollen bellied girl? Were they building a family together? Many times I wondered if he even forgot about me. Not necessarily 'forgot' about me, but pushed my feelings to the side. Did he think I was the selfish girlfriend that wanted this baby to leave him alone? That wasn't my thought
at all
! I just wanted to choose for myself, not him. I wasn't ready to be a 'step-mom'. But the thought of Davien starting a family with the slutty girl, killed me. After such a strong bond with him, I figured he had grown past the 'one-night fling' types. Maybe he never really had. I was the gullible girlfriend that thought she was the only one.

              After the second night of staying there, Justin and I sat down and had a long talk. As I wasn't in school and Justin didn't work, we were able to stay up all night and chat. It was a relief to have someone to talk to. A person that was a mutual friend that understood both mine and Davien's feelings. Although no one would ever believe that Justin's wasn't betraying his fellow band mate, we knew it was working. Sitting together alone on the couch I firmly stated. “Justin I don't want anything else.”

             
With furrowed eyebrows, he questioned. “What do you mean you don't want anything? Anything what?”

             
“I don't need the kisses. I need you mentally and emotionally and... well maybe a little physically but we can't hurt Davien.”

             
“I feel the same way, Baby girl. You might think he's hurting you, but he's not.” Justin smiled as he reached for my hand. “He's trying to take care of his responsibilities and he's not gonna stop, that's not Davien. But it's your decision in the end. He loves you unlike anything I've ever seen. You really owe it to him. Give him a chance whether the test comes back either way. Please, for me, for Davien.” He squeezed my hand for reassurance. I looked around the living room. Although Justin was everything I needed, it wasn't what I wanted.

☼

             
The baby was born, but I wasn't notified of the results yet. I wondered if I was the last to know. Was Davien scared to tell me? Did Natalia know? Would I stay with Davien if the child was his? Would I even stay with him if it wasn't? Would I be too hurt by the time the results came back to even face the man whom I loved so much? The thought that 9 months ago, Davien had the girl flipped over in the backseat of a car, with or without protection, made me sick. Drunk or not, once or 20 times... none of those answers made the situation any better.

             
Davien tried calling me the afternoon after he came from doing the test. He didn't have answers yet, but he said he had something he needed to tell me. I told him I didn't want to talk yet. He begged for me, but eventually I ended the call with tears flowing from my eyes. I felt like I was being selfish. Justin reassured me on a daily basis that I wasn't being selfish. Whether or not I was with Davien, he was going to be part of that baby's life. That may be his child and whether we split or stayed together, I would force him to be the father figure he never had.

☼

             
Scott had dropped off a large amount of my clothes, pajamas, underwear, socks... even my toothbrush and special body wash. I wondered who had to dig through drawers to pack up my things. As I sat on Justin's bed debating on how my night would end, I looked at my choices of clothes.

             
Slowly opening the door with a soft knock, “You dressed?” Justin peaked his head through the cracked door.

             
“Yep.”

             
“So what are you gonna do? You haven't been out for two weeks, Baby girl. You can't just mope around forever. You need to get out.” The Pits were playing at CJ's that night and he wasn't leaving me. He missed last weeks show to stay home with me. But I was forcing him to play this week. I had told him to go without me the week before, but he insisted on staying home to keep me company. Everyone understood, especially Davien. I felt like I was pulling the band apart, but each member told me otherwise. Nothing would ever completely break them. “C'mon, you're coming with. If I gotta bring you on stage and hold you in my arms all night, I'll do it. But you're getting your ass up and coming with this time.”

             
Justin saw the pile of clothes that were scattered across his bed .“Sorry 'bout the mess. I've gotta find which one I  wear. Nothing too revealing.” Justin pulled a skin tight royal blue t-shirt from the bed and deep dyed blue jeans. “This?” I questioned at the simple, plain outfit?

             
“Yup.” He smiled, “Simple, yet beautiful, just like you.” He bent to kiss the top of my hair and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. That was as far as our kisses went. Every so often when I was having a bad day, he would kiss my cheek, but our lips never touched.

             
Khloe and Natalia had come over last Sunday with Vince. We didn't know they would be coming that evening and surely not that early. So when they walked in, Natalia's eyes grew wild and eager for questions. I was cuddled in a ball, leaning against Justin's chest. His arm was pulled around me as he held me close to his side. Even Natalia, being my best friend, still could never understand our relationship. I didn't even understand it. I was blessed that they didn't return with Scott, as that would have been beyond awkward. Vince was getting used to the idea as Justin sat down with him one evening and explained everything more thoroughly. Natalia also finally agreed as she knew my options. Khloe stayed quiet and never asked.

☼

              Arriving in the Candy apple red mustang felt a little strange. I looked around the lot and immediately spot the black and chrome bike in the back row. My stomach instantly twisted in every direction possible. Just knowing the man that I was hurting for, the man that I loved, was behind that door. “It's gonna be okay, Baby girl.” Justin smacked at my back playfully, trying to cheer me up. He stepped before me and politely opened the bar door. I searched the semi crowded room as I followed Justin to the usual table.

             
A large knot formed in my throat as I saw Davien sitting alone with his acoustic guitar resting on his knee. His lips made out whispers of a song, whispers that only he could hear....or possibly me if my ear was at his lips. I could tell by the nod of Davien's head as he studied the song, he was memorizing the words. With the way things were going, I wasn't sure if he wanted me here or to avoid each other until the decision was made.

             
Scott and Vince were playing pool with Khloe and Natalia in the back corner. Natalia's bright yellow dress rose a little too high for her to be bending over a pool table. But Scott never complained as he stood behind her to make sure no one else could see the view. In truth I think she was distracting him on purpose, with the looks of it, the girls were in lead as they jumped with their fists held high.

             
Davien was turned backwards, facing away from the table. Justin pulled my chair out and directed me to sit across from Davien. I shook my head, but he returned with a demanding nod. The man I loved noticed my presence as he looked over my shoulder. My eyes dropped, trying to avoid a strange situation. Davien pulled his guitar from his knee and rest it securely against the wall. My eyes widened as I waited to see if he would leave the table because I had interrupted him.

             
Reaching down, he grabbed a paper from a bag that was sitting alongside his guitar. I tried not to watch, but I couldn't help it. Across the table, he passed an envelope to me. I accepted it, but neither of us spoke. Opening the letter cautiously, I pulled a white sheet of paper out that assuming Davien had hand wrote.

Avery,

  
I'm sorry for everything. The past is the past and it's staying there. You are the love of my life and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. I need you there! The results are in and I'm letting you know that Lindsay's baby is not mine. As I'm saddened that I would have loved that child, it was not meant to be. My children will be with my wife, the only woman I have ever been in love with.

  
I've tried telling you more information, but you turn down my calls, please Avery listen to me. There is more to the story, things you need to hear. I promise with all of my heart, I will never hurt you again.

Yours Always & Forever

Davien Dodge

              I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes as Davien continued facing the other direction. What else did he need to tell me? Obviously there was something he was still hiding from me. “Sorry, Baby girl,” Justin whispered to me “but we gotta hit the stage soon. You want something to drink?” I shook my head.

             
Vince, Scott and the girls were heading to the table. Scott wrapped one arm over my should “Hey Avery, glad you came.”

             
I smiled politely. I was happy I came, but with my nerves tangled up, I wasn't sure if I truly wanted to be there or not. “Yeah, me too”.

             
Cutting through a song, the signature opening blast through the speakers “The Pits will be on stage in the next few minutes, so grab your drink and let's get the show started.”

             
The guys all exchanged looks and Davien glanced over his shoulder and smiled at me. I returned him with a soft smile and confused eyes. “You sure you don't want anything to drink, Baby girl” Justin asked for the last time before they made their way to the stage. I shook my head as I turned down the offer. I was staying sober so I could think straight. I didn't  make any decisions I would regret in the morning. They all stood from their seats, Scott leaning in to give Natalia a kiss and Vince the same to Khloe. Davien looked a little lost as he watched his friends.

             
Vince secured his hair as always before stepping behind the drums, Justin grabbed his bass guitar and Scott did the same with his blue guitar. Davien seemed a little confused as he approached the mic, but he was great at putting an act on as he smiled to his crowd. The center man was always full of energy and his looks were amazing. Every woman in the house craved for Davien Dodge. His eyes watched over the crowd, smiling at many girls, causing jealousy to run through my veins. He held his hand over the mic as he bent to the crowd to speak to a random girl. He laughed as she spoke to him, shaking his head with amusement.

             
Standing up from the girl, Davien pulled the mic to his lips. “How's everyone doin' tonight?” He yelled to the crowd, everyone returned with a matching response. He charmed the audience with his amazing raspy voice, that same voice that I fell in love with months ago. With a sound like that, a beautiful set of bright blue eyes, golden sexy styled hair, a body like a God and a face sculpted to perfection... could make any woman share the same feelings as my own.

             
Natalia was jumping to the echos of Scott's guitar and Khloe exchanged secret glances with Vince. The place was filling up with groups of college-aged people who were dancing to the beat of the songs. After the third song I jumped to the dance floor to enjoy the rest of my night. It felt like years since I went to a show with The Pits.  I loved the sound they made, the looks they gave, the warmth they brought to my body.

             
After being on stage for almost 2 hours that evening, the guys were ready to end their show. Scott and Justin both placed their guitars in place and Vince dropped his sticks on top of his drums. The blue lights dimmed as the guys made there ways back to the table. I pulled a seat next to mine for Justin to join me, but he walked past and reached for Davien's acoustic guitar which was still secured against the wall. Justin turned to wink at me as I shot him looks.

             
As he nudged his way through the crowd, he returned to the unlit stage. As he hit the top step, the blue lights brightened and Davien was sitting center stage on his wooden stool. The two men exchanged a hand shake as he passed the guitar over to him, both exchanging a soft nod. Davien looked gorgeous, as much as I didn't want to stare, I couldn't help myself.... and neither could any other girl in the bar. The room quietened as he brushed his fingers through his gelled back hair. Positioning the guitar over his knee, he settled across the stool.  As everyone's eye's followed him, he kept his narrowed as he started the first note. From the first strum, I knew it was a soft song, of course.