Resilient Love (Navy Love Series Book 3) (24 page)

“Can you come get Chachi and keep him for a few days?”

I hear her faint gasp before she answers, “Oh God. What’s happened?”

Our entire group of friends have been on high alert since we told them about Pat’s declining health.

“Pat’s not doing well at all. Jo’s older brother called her this afternoon to tell her she needs to get back. Now.”

“Oh fuck...how is she doing?” Reed asks.

I drag my hand across my face, the frustration that I cannot fix this still eating at me.

“Not good. I came home to find her hunkered down in the bedroom. I held her for an hour while she cried. I feel helpless that I can’t take her pain away, y’all.”

“J.C. you know that isn’t possible, man. The best thing you can do now is just be present. Be there for any and everything she needs. Not that you need to prove yourself to Jo, but I know you’ve carried guilt for not being around when she went through all that shit before, so be there now. She needs you to help her through this, just be with her. Love her. And try as hard as you can to protect her.”

A couple stray tears roll down my cheeks, but I don’t bother to wipe them away. Just as Jo is struggling with this fucked up reality, I am too. I may not have been that close with Pat, but I’ve always thought we had a special bond. She never doubted me or my love for her daughter. She believed in us, in me, when I wasn’t worthy of her faith or her daughter’s love.

Not knowing what to say back to Reed, I switch the topic.

“Look, I gotta go. I still have to book a flight for us and I gotta call everyone else.” I start aimlessly tidying up the bar.

“We’ll call Tess and Marsh,” Tegan says, “just get your flight set up and get back to Jo. I’ll come by and pick up Chachi tomorrow after work.”

“Thanks, y’all. I appreciate it.” I push away the tears still threatening to fall. “I’ll let you guys know how everything goes.”

“Okay, we love y’all,” she says.

I hang up and stare at my phone until the thought hits me. More of an urge, I just need to call my mom, let her know that I love her and my dad both. I’ve heard countless times that old saying about tomorrow not being promised, but it’s never truly hit home for me. Not until now that I’m seeing it firsthand like this.

The phone rings multiple times before mom’s voicemail picks up.

“Hey there, this is Lucy. I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number I’ll get back to ya. God Bless!”

Her southern drawl that I normally don’t pay any mind to soothes my aching soul.

“Hey Ma, I just wanted to call and say I love you. We, uh,” I clear my throat and once again fight against the tears trying to fall, “we just heard from Jo’s brother. It’s her mom, she’s uh, well she isn’t doing good, so I’m bookin’ us a flight back to California. Anyway, I just needed to hear your voice today. I’ll call you as soon as I get some time again. Love you.”

I hang up the phone, both relieved that I didn’t have to answer any questions I know my mom would ask and defeated that I didn’t get some reassurance and guidance from her.

I pull out my laptop and begin searching for the next available flight; price isn’t a concern at all. We just need to get to California as soon as we can.

It doesn’t take me long, there’s a flight that leaves in five hours. We won’t land at LAX until one in the morning, but so be it. I shoot off a quick text letting Miguel know when to expect us then go back to our room where Jo is starting to stir.

I sit on the edge of the bed just as she sits up.

“Hey, how’re you feelin’?”

She rubs her swollen eyes, her face is still splotchy from the tears.

“Lost. What am I going to do without her, J.C.?”

The truth is, I don’t know how to answer that question. I don’t know what to do without her.

“Let’s just get out there, let’s focus on the now. She’s still here, still fighting. We need to get out there and be with her and your family.” She nods her head, so I continue. “I got us a flight, we leave in a few hours so we need to get packed and get to the airport. Tegan is coming to pick up Chachi tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Her voice sounds robotic and her movements as she climbs out of bed and begins moving around the room are static.

“Jo, we’re gonna get through this.”

She nods her head and continues the task at hand.

I send up a silent prayer that this doesn’t cause her to fall back into the dark place she was in. I hope this doesn’t cause me to lose my Jo again.

J.C.

The past two days have been uneventful. We’ve stayed at Jo’s mom’s house along with both of her brothers. Miguel’s wife, Christina, has come as often as she can in between running all of the errands for their three children. She’s also the one who’s kept us fed.

Just like Miguel said, Pat mostly sleeps. And on the rare occasion that she is awake, her morphine is so strong that she’s barely coherent. We were fortunate that when we arrived she was still able to carry on a conversation.

That last talk with her will forever be embedded in my mind. We were lucky she happened to be awake and lucid when we arrived from the airport. It was late, but it didn’t matter. We took the moment for what it was, a perfect opportunity.

And from what it seems like, our last opportunity.

I volunteered to stay back, give Jo that private few moments with Pat, but she refused to leave me.

We stepped into Pat’s room, hand in hand and both of our grips tightened when we saw the state of my mother-in-law. Pat’s bed was replaced with a hospital bed and she was hooked up to oxygen. A blood pressure cuff was still attached to her arm. As if that wasn’t enough to take in, her physical appearance was the worst to accept. She no longer looked like Pat. In the three months since we last saw her, she appeared to have aged ten years. No longer does she bother with a wig, her smooth head now only covered with a beanie, her once full, beautiful face now gaunt and riddled with pain.

“My Joey,” she said, her voice raspy, “and my son-in-law. I’m so glad you are here.”

“Mom…” Jo let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around her mother. Her tears fell unashamedly.

“Don’t cry, Mija. I’m okay, I will be okay.”

“You can’t leave me, Mom. What am I supposed to do without you? I need you.”

Pat cupped Jo’s chin and brought her eyes level with her own. “You live, sweetie. You take that man over there and you live. Make me even more proud of the woman you are and the wife and mother you will become. You don’t need me anymore, you need J.C. and you have him. Don’t let the loss of me blind you from seeing what’s in front of you.”

She calmly wiped Jo’s eyes with her thumbs, let go of her and looked over at me expectantly.

“Where is my hug?”

A small smile graced my face and I hugged and kissed her.

“Hey, you. Been causin’ any trouble lately?” Our typical opening line rolled out of my mouth without hesitation.

“You know me, always up to something. Gotta keep things interesting around here,” she replied with a smile of her own.

“Sit down, both of you. I want to spend some time with you.” Her speech had started to slur and I could tell she was fighting to stay awake.

We sat with her for about ten minutes, chatting about everyday, mundane topics until the hospice nurse, Kandice, came in to check on her once again. I helped Jo out of her seat and we both stepped over to the bedside to kiss Pat goodnight.

Pat noticed my compass necklace when she bent down and placed a hand on it before looking over to Jo who lifted her arm to show she was wearing her matching bracelet as well.

“So glad to see these being worn again. Julio would love it too.” She looked from the charms back to each of our faces. “Promise me you’ll take care of each other? Be each other’s due North, guide each other and never let the other get lost. Don’t let the silly fights or any of that stuff cause you to steer from the course you’re destined to be on.” Her voice was hoarse with sleep.

We both nodded our agreements.

“I only wish I could be here with you. I love you both.”

“We love you, Mom,” Jo said on a broken breath with tears freely falling down her face.

We made our exit and headed to our own bed.

We haven’t spoken to Pat since. That was her last cogent conversation. Being here though, around Jo’s family, has helped Jo to cope with what’s happening.

The next day, I find Jo sitting outside on the bench next to the rose garden I fixed just a few short months ago. Things between the two of us have improved so much. I don’t ever want to go back to that dark and depressing place with Jo again. I almost lost her last time from it; I fear if she falls back to that place again, no one will be able to pull her out.

I sit down beside her and grasp her hand in mine after bringing it to my lips and placing a kiss to the palm.

“You doing okay?”

It seems like being with her family and seeing that, as hard as this is for all of us, it’s best for Pat, may be helping her come to terms with it. Not that when she does pass it won’t be a hard experience for us all.

She nods. “As good as can be expected, I guess.”

“What’re you doing out here all alone?”

She lifts her chin in the direction of the sky. “Just thinking. Tess called, but after we hung up, I wasn’t ready to go back inside.” She takes a deep breath. “Mom would love it out here today.” I nod.

“What did Tess have to say?”

I’ve texted everyone with updates as we find them out, but so far this whole situation has been a ‘hurry up and wait’ type thing.

“Nothing really, just wanted to check on us both and asked if we needed anything.” Again I nod. We sit in silence for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts before she breaks it.

“Hey,” she runs a hand along my cheek, “I’m not going anywhere. I know you’re worried this is going to set me back, but it’s not. I lost myself once and hated it, I won’t let it happen again. Just…” she wipes invisible tears, “just don’t let go of me through this.” She grips my hand tighter.

“Never, Darlin’,” I say. I pull her against me and kiss her temple. “I’m here whenever you need me and for whatever you need. Just know I’m here.”

Last night, on Thursday, September 4th at 12:01am, Patricia Fuentes passed away in her sleep. I think we all knew it was happening; for some reason instead of everyone going to their respective beds, we all sat together in Pat’s room while she slept peacefully.

Joseph, Miguel, Christina, Jo and even myself on occasion, sat around telling stories of Pat.

I know each of us were thankful that Kandice was on shift that night. It was comforting to have someone who knew not only Pat, but this family as well.

When we all were given our private moments to say goodbye, I went before Jo. Everyone else left the room and I was left with only my thoughts.

I’d never said a final goodbye like this so my mind raced with what I was supposed to say.

It was so surreal, but in my head, I heard Pat’s voice telling me to speak from the heart. She sounded so clear, almost as if she was there.

I place a hand over hers and bow my head.

“Jesus said ’Where I am; there you will be also.’ No pain- no gain, no cross- no crown, when all's said and done, when the dust has settled and the smoke blown away, our heavenly Father will say unto you ‘Well done my good and faithful servant. Enter now into your Father’s house.’ Forever, and ever, and ever. Amen.”

Starting with a prayer felt like the right way to start.

“I love you, Pat,” I grasp my compass charm around my neck with my other hand. “I’m gonna do everything I can to be the man Jo needs. The man you saw in me even before I did. I’ll take care of Jo, just like I promised.”

I place a small kiss to her forehead, give her frail hand one last squeeze, then walk out to the living room where everyone is waiting.

Jo

J.C. walks out of my mom’s room and straight to me. He enfolds me in his arms and we silently weep. My brothers and sister-in-law take the opportunity to go in separately and say their final goodbyes.

We hold onto each other, both seeking support, both comforting the other. As strange as it sounds, I’m okay. I know the downpour of emotions has yet to hit; I’m sure it just hasn’t sunk in yet that she’s gone.