Resilient Love (Navy Love Series Book 3) (5 page)

Let me know if you need anything.

Reed

Shame slams into me. She’s suffering from the miscarriage and my fucked up attitude on top of her mom’s cancer getting worse.

From what Reed’s email says, she may not be dealing with everything life has thrown at her well, but she’s handling it. What she needs is a strong man who’ll stand by her side and help her work through any turmoil she’s dealing with.

And I plan to be that man.

This fucking deployment needs to end so I can get home and take my place beside Jo. That is, if she’ll have me.

I never explained to anyone why I decided to enlist in the Navy but Jo’s miscarriage and her decision to keep the pregnancy from me stirred up old, unresolved emotions.

Back in high school, my long-time girlfriend, Maggie, ended up pregnant. We were seniors, I was focused on football, hoping for a scholarship and she was worried about getting out of the small town in Georgia.

A baby was the last thing either of us needed or wanted.

After my initial shock wore off, I was ready to change my future plans and tackle being a parent. I even sat down my parents and told them everything.

To say they were disappointed would be an understatement. Like the biggest one of the century.

Dad didn’t speak to me for days. He was determined my carelessness had ruined my future. While Mom on the other hand, wept for days over the tragedy. They both wanted more for their son than that small town and trailer park dreams.

Luckily for them, they didn’t have to worry too long. Maggie showed up at my house two weeks later and announced she’d ‘taken care’ of the baby.

Apparently, her fear of ending up in the local trailer park was so bad that the only way she could guarantee it wouldn’t happen, was to have an abortion.

I wasn’t notified of her decision until after she’d had the procedure done. It took me about two solid seconds to tell her to go to hell after she told me.

I was sitting on the couch watching a show with my mom, when the doorbell rang. We both glanced at each other, neither expecting a visitor.

I volunteered to get it, surprised to see Maggie standing on the front porch, wearing a short skirt and mid-drift top. She wore her beautiful smile and looked happy.

A look I hadn’t seen in days. Maggie had a very difficult time accepting being pregnant. She was petrified that her body would be ruined after carrying a child.

That should have been a lightbulb for me that something wasn’t right with her.

“Hey,” she beamed when I stepped out to join her for some privacy.

I was shocked she was there; her parents hadn’t really wanted her to see me since news broke of our ‘bastard child’.

“Hey, baby,” I leaned into kiss her lips but she quickly turned her head and my lips landed on her cheek instead.

She seemed odd, typically as soon as we were out of my parent’s sights, we were all over each other. It seemed like she couldn’t be far enough away from me while standing on this porch.

I walked over to the banister and leaned my butt against it, crossing both my arms and ankles, while she stood in her place, only turning to face me.

“So what’s up?” I asked, curious about not only her odd actions but also why she’s here to begin with.

“I just wanted to tell you in person that we don’t have to worry about the problem anymore.”

From the moment the pregnancy test showed positive, Maggie has referred to the baby as ‘the problem’.

Again, another sign I should have caught.

“What do you mean? We’re two seventeen years olds with no jobs, barely any money; we don’t even have high school diplomas yet. Not to mention we have to figure out how we’re going to afford rent on an apartment and getting all of the furniture for the house.”

I rub my head, exhausted just from thinking of the mounds of responsibilities piling up.

“No. We don’t have to worry about any of that anymore, Jared. You just need to focus on graduating so we can get out of this shitty town.”

I’m utterly confused.

“What about the baby? He’s gonna need formula and diapers before I’m finished with college and am able to support the three of us.”

“You aren’t listening, Jared! There is no ‘three of us’. You just need to worry about you and me.”

I sat dumbfounded, I know she couldn’t possibly be considering what I think she is.

“Maggie, you are not having an abortion. Please tell me you aren’t considering that as a valid option?”

She shrugged her shoulder and gave me a cute smile. Normally, it would have me pulling her into my arms, but on this day, the smile repulsed me. It was no longer cute, but conniving and vindictive. That smile is sinister.

“I’m not considering it…I already did it.”

I released the breath I was holding while gripping the banister firmly in my hands, praying it was enough to keep me from putting my hands on this woman.

Moments passed with silence.

“Well, you gonna say anything?”

I finally looked up from the ground to see her standing there, hands propped up on her hips, ready for an argument to ensue.

“You are damn lucky my mom is sitting inside the house so I can’t give you the piece of my mind I’d prefer to right now. I will say this though; you need to get the fuck off my parent’s property. Fuck you, Maggie.”

The gum she’d been popping could have fallen out from the way her chin dropped open. I’ve never spoken to Maggie, or any woman for that matter, the way I am now.

She could play innocent all she wanted, I knew Maggie’s home life. She was petrified to end up in that same trailer park she currently lived in. My parents aren’t judgmental, but they always felt that Maggie’s intentions weren’t as pure as mine were. I came from the other side of the tracks; grew up in a cushiony environment with a healthy home life. Maggie had neither of those things.

“What’s your problem? I fixed everything. I don’t know why you’re acting like a jerk.”

“I’m not acting like a jerk, I’m acting like a guy whose girlfriend just FUCKED HIM OVER and KILLED his baby without giving him any input in that jacked up decision.”

She had the audacity to look wounded by my outburst. Wounded! Who aborts a child without giving the other parent, at the very least, a courtesy phone call? Even if I couldn’t have changed her mind, at least I could have known; had the time to work through my emotions instead of this bombardment of absolute bullshit.

“We’re done, Maggie,” I say with absolution.

“What?! We’re not done, Jared. We love each other and we’re getting out of this shitty town together after graduation.”

She moved to stand in front of me and placed a hand on my cheek, trying to coax my face to turn towards hers.

I twisted my neck, forcing her hand off my skin. I couldn’t stand her touch now. How could I have ever believed this woman was the one for me?

“No.
I’m
getting out of this shitty town after graduation. You’re on your own to figure a way out, I refuse to let you ride on my coat tails. I don’t want to see you here again. We have nothing left to talk about and I damn sure don’t want nothin’ else to do with you. Now, you need to leave.”

I didn’t give her the opportunity to retort. I finished my rant, pushed off the railing giving her the dirtiest look possible, and walked back inside, leaving her alone on the front porch with fake tears and a look of absolute anger on her face.

My parents were relieved that their teenage son didn’t have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy at eighteen years old, but they were very saddened by the callous loss of life.

Two days after the fight with Maggie, I walked into a Naval Recruiting Center and enlisted in the Delayed Entry Program. I was getting the hell out of that town as fast as possible.

I knew football would only take me so far; I was good, but I wasn’t great. And I really didn’t care to pursue it any further than high school. If I went to college, I would have preferred to focus on my courses not any upcoming games or the SEC rankings.

Having always admired the military, I decided it was a good life choice for myself. And to be dead honest, I haven’t regretted enlisting for a single day.

I have to talk to Jo; she needs to know the reason behind my reaction when I found out about her miscarriage.

Jo

I’ve missed California. It’s a breath of sweet release to be back. I decided to fly home and spend a week with my mom and family for Easter.

Here I don’t have to fight my demons alone. I’m with my mom, doing my duties as her daughter. I feel helpful instead of an invalid and a burden.

I love my friends, and I know they are all concerned for me, but I just want some normalcy for a while. J.C. will be back soon, within a couple months, and I’m sure things will be incredibly awkward or one of us will have to distance ourselves from our group of friends.

For the next week, I don’t have to stress over any of that mess though. I get to enjoy the time with my mom; take care of her the way I’ve been wanting to since she first got sick.

My presence here also gives both of my brothers and sister-in-law a break. I’ve missed my nephews and niece so much. As soon as I got here yesterday, I demanded that Miguel take my sister-in-law Christina out on a proper date while I babysat the kids.

Mom’s health is obviously declining; she doesn’t want to discuss it though. She has her unrelenting faith, and believes that she will be healed. If not, then she knows that is the path she’s meant to take.

While I admire her positive outlook, I can’t help but to be angered by this entire situation. My mom should not be losing her hair. She doesn’t deserve to wither away from the weight loss effects of chemo. She should be thriving, basking in the enjoyment of her grandkids and her kids.

She’s only fifty years old, she shouldn’t have to even consider death an option right now. She’s too young and has way too much left to give in this world. And most of all, I still need her.

Mom and I have developed a ritual when I come home for visits since I enlisted. The first night is spent catching up. We do dinner at my childhood home and I get to spend a little quality time with the whole family. The following day is reserved just for my mom and I; occasionally my brothers will pop in, but usually it’s just the two of us.

That day is today. I’m excited and nervous about spending one on one time with Mom. I can’t hold anything back with her; I’ve never been able to. And even if I could, I know she’d see right through me. Mom is the one person who can read my every emotion with one passing look in my direction.

I take that back, there’s one other person who can do that too. J.C. He has always been able to tell whatever I was thinking by just looking at me.

Before I allow thoughts of him to consume my mind again, I make my way to the kitchen where my mom is at the stove cooking breakfast for us. I’ve already complained to her that I am perfectly capable of making us food, but she argued that it was her God given right as my mother to cook for me whenever I come home.

I walk by and kiss her cheek as she flips a pancake over in the skillet.

“You should be sitting, Mom.”

“Joey, I’m fine. It’s too early to start coddling me today. I deal with that daily from Joseph now; don’t waste your short time here by worrying about me. I’m a grown woman and know my limitations.”

I don’t argue. I know when to shut my mouth, and now is the perfect time to do that. I know all too well the feeling of inadequacy. I busy myself with making us each a cup of orange juice, a coffee for me and pulling all of the needed condiments out of the refrigerator.

“So, my dear. Tell me what’s been going on over there in Virginia.” She sits a plate in front of me before sitting down with her own.

“Nothing much, Mom. Just working, really.”

I know my answer is too evasive the moment I finish my sentence.

Mom arches an eyebrow at me before she crushes my poorly constructed wall.

“Let’s try that again, shall we? What’s going on with you, mija?”

“Nothing that needs to be talked about right now, Mom. I’d rather discuss you—”

“Oh no,” she cuts me off, “we’re not going to sit here and talk about my cancer and all of the gloom that goes with it. I know something is bothering you, dear, and I want to know what.”

With my head looking down into my lap, I confess.

“I had my heartbroken by someone I never expected.”

“Who, Joey?”

“J.C.”

My head comes up to see my mother’s saddened stare across the table.

“Why would J.C. hurt you? I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and heard the way you speak about him. You two care for each other deeply.”

I slowly nod my head, agreeing with her take on the situation. J.C. and I have always cared for each other. While he did go through a phase where he liked our friend Tessa, we still had a connection on a different level.

At least I thought we did.

“I don’t know, Mom. It’s a really long and depressing story. J.C. and I don’t speak anymore; his choice not mine. There’s no need to rehash it now.”

Her hand smacks the table in frustration.

“Nonsense! I want to know what’s going on.”

“I was pregnant, Mom!”

She sits momentarily stunned by my outburst.

“Excuse me?”

Unable to reply due to the huge lump in my throat, I simply nod.

“What do you mean,
was
?”

My voice is so quiet I’m not sure she can hear me when I reply, “I lost it.”

Before I know what’s going on, my mom is pulling me up from my seat and wrapping her arms around me. We stand there consoling each other in the tiny kitchen.

“I’m so sorry, my dear. Losing a child is something that is very difficult to face.” She continues comforting me while I sob into her sleeve.

When she finally pulls away, she doesn’t go far. With hands on each of my cheeks, she looks into my eyes and then kisses my forehead before going back to her seat.

I excuse myself to the restroom to clean up my face. When I come back, I expect the conversation to be over. However, Mom has different plans.