Restored (16 page)

Separation Anxiety

L
exi dragged herself into work Monday morning. She was still groggy from the weekend and wasn’t ready for reality just yet. Seeing Caleb was a priority, but that wouldn’t be until the evening. She’d shopped with Ashley all day on Saturday, which had been nice and was a necessity—she needed warmer clothes. Now she had more confidence in what she wore, and even in her undergarments. Lexi relinquished most of her own preferences to Ashley, who took her role seriously when it came to dressing Lexi, and Lexi’s clothes were now updated and improved. She wouldn’t freeze this winter.

Being away from Caleb longer than expected had been hard. He was supposed to be back on Friday, but then his plans changed. Apparently the conference went on all weekend, and there were topics that Dr. Hale wanted Caleb to attend.

Depressive thoughts and even physical symptoms affected Lexi from the separation, and she wondered how she would be able to go on if he wasn’t in her life. She’d lost too many people already, and that familiar feeling that accompanied death was always on her mind.

Lexi had gone to work on Friday with the assumption that she would be with Caleb Friday evening, like he’d promised. When he’d called and told her that his trip had been extended, she cried on the phone, hoping he hadn’t picked up on her tears. It was stupid to be so upset over something so inconsequential. Caleb wasn’t at fault—being at the conference was for work, and that was a duty he didn’t take lightly.

When Lexi made it home Friday evening, her eyes were bloodshot and she tried to avoid Ashley. Apparently Caleb had called Mike, who in turn called Ashley. Mike sent over food, and the girls stayed in and watched a scary Johnny Depp movie, which helped distract Lexi. Then on Saturday Ashley insisted that they were going shopping. Lexi couldn’t deny that she needed clothes. It had been getting cooler with each passing day, and her summer wardrobe couldn’t hold out much longer. Sunday had been the hardest though. There wasn’t much to do in Caribou. Ashley invited Lexi to go out with her and Mike; they were going to buy pumpkins and other decorations for the front stoop. Ashley liked decorating for holidays and had scoped out a pumpkin patch about thirty minutes away that she had convinced Mike to take her to. Ashley assured Lexi that it would be fun, and they would stop for lunch and maybe even dinner.

Lexi politely turned down that offer. She didn’t want to spend couple time, when she wasn’t a member of that particular couple. And so she had busied herself with housework and then watched television all evening. Hallmark movies were predictable, but they gave her the assurance of a happy ending that she craved.

Lexi readied her work station. Caleb wouldn’t be at the clinic, but he would be home at some point today. After about an hour of data entry, Lexi strolled to the kitchenette to get a cup of coffee. The water had already been filled in the single-cup brewing system, so she looked through the coffee varieties and settled on a French vanilla coffee pod. A rich feminine laugh carried down the short hall. Lexi’s body quaked as a shiver traveled down her spine. The voice that accompanied the laugh had already become overly familiar. She’d tried to forget that voice, but it was hopeless. Yvette came into the kitchenette, carrying her own empty mug.

“Looks like you beat me to it!” Yvette said in a cheery tone.

“What?” Lexi asked, confused.

“The coffee, silly. That’s okay though. I could use a few minutes away from the front desk,” Yvette said with a smile.

Lexi smiled politely. “Is there someone with Dr. Hale?” Lexi asked in a way she’d hoped sounded casual.

“Oh, yes. A drug rep is with him. You might know her, Corrine Wylie?”

Lexi’s stomach tightened. As her cup finished brewing, she grabbed the sweetener packets and two creams and prepared to go back to her office. “Yes, I know who she is. Well, I’ve got to get back,” Lexi said with a forced smile. She wanted to get back to her office before Corrine left Dr. Hale’s office. Avoidance was the only viable option. Corrine had a booming voice that was both overwhelming and feminine.

“I just got back this morning. I’ve been so exhausted lately, and travel just makes it that much worse.” Every word Corrine said traveled clearly down the hall.

Dr. Hale responded, “Well, I’m glad you’re back then. How is your aunt doing?”

Lexi went to her office, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping. Every sound she heard made her feel antsy. She had the door cracked, even though she usually kept it wide open. High-heeled shoes clicked their way down the hall and sounded too close for comfort. The knock on her door was unfamiliar. Lexi opened the door wider, which revealed Corrine.

“Hello, Corrine,” Lexi said in pseudo politeness. Lexi fixed her expression and hoped it resembled something other than what was felt.

“Hello, yourself. I thought I would stop in and say hi before I left. It would have been rude of me to not say anything after we met the other day,” Corrine said. She stood in a superior posture and wore a low-cut blouse that reveled her ample cleavage. Her skirt came to the tops of her knees but was fitted around her curvaceous body.

“That’s nice of you,” Lexi lied. Lexi’s skin was pale, and her makeup was minimal. Even though her outfit was new and flattering, she knew her overall appearance lacked the effort she normally applied.

“Are you feeling okay? You look sick,” Corrine said.

“No, just tired,” Lexi said. Corrine’s candidness was unwelcome, as was her presence.

“Good, I’m glad you’re well then. I’ve got to get going. I have more stops to make this morning,” Corrine said as she pulled her glossy hair to one side to adjust the briefcase on her shoulder.

“Okay, it was nice seeing you again,” Lexi said. Her stomach audibly growled, which was a compilation of stress and hunger. Lexi placed her hand over her stomach, as if that act alone could muffle any further sounds.

“Oh, before I forget. I left donuts at the front desk. Sounds like you could use one,” Corrine offered as she left.

“Thanks,” Lexi said. Despite her stress level and hunger, she sipped on her coffee, forsaking the donuts. The encounter with Corrine had lengthened the day and further soured her mood. Corrine’s presence in Lexi’s office had somehow made it unconsecrated ground, which now lacked the serenity it once had. She needed distance from her. Corrine was like a circling shark, and Lexi was the chum.

Lexi’s phone buzzed just after she started her SUV. She was about to call Caleb to see if he had gotten back yet, but he beat her to it.

“Caleb!” she answered, unable to hold back her excitement.

“Lexi…I just got home. I’ve got to see you,” he said in a tired voice.

“Okay, well, I’m just leaving work now. Should I come over then?” she asked.

“That would be great. I can’t wait to see you. It feels like we’ve been apart for weeks,” Caleb said as he audibly yawned.

“Do you need me to pick up anything?” she asked, though all she wanted was to get to him as quickly as possible.

“Not unless you want to stop and get something to eat for yourself. I’m not hungry at all.”

“I’m not hungry either. I’ll be over in just a few minutes then.” Food wasn’t on her mind. All she wanted was him.

“Okay, baby, see you soon,” Caleb said.

“Bye.” Lexi swiped End and drove in Caleb’s direction. She didn’t want to waste time getting to him.

Lexi parked her SUV by Caleb’s Lincoln MKC. She let herself inside the house and found Caleb sleeping on the sofa. She put her purse down and slipped off her shoes. She sat down by his sleeping body. He opened his eyes, and a ravenous gaze roamed her face. He pulled her down to meet him, and it was as if his fatigue had vanished. He moved her so that she was laying on her back as he braced himself over her. His mouth was on hers. She tasted the sweetness of him, and her body warmed from Caleb’s heat. He was persistent as a lion after his prey as his mouth devoured hers. He was more out of control than she’d thought possible. A strange metallic taste rested on her tongue, but she was unfazed.

Caleb pulled away, looking down at her. “Did I hurt you?” he asked as he looked her over. “Open your mouth.” The inner part of her bottom lip was tender.

Caleb jumped up and headed to the kitchen.

A warm trickle of liquid slid down her chin. She touched the warm drop and was shocked to see her own blood. Her hands trembled, and waves of nausea shook her body.

Caleb returned with a cool, wet washcloth. Lexi’s head swam as he eased her down into a lying position, and he placed the washcloth on her forehead. Caleb wiped at the blood on her chin with the sleeve of his shirt, which left a crimson stain on the white linen. Uh-oh.

Lexi stared into Caleb’s eyes, but the flickering blackness pulled her down deeper. She couldn’t fight what was happening…it was the same way every time she fainted. First came the heavy muffled sounds as her hearing was wiped out by static. Then her vision faded out, as did any balance she had remaining, and then at last came the blackness. The blackness seemed to have a pulling quality, as if assisted by its own gravity.

Moments later, her eyes flickered back to consciousness. Her fainting episodes rarely lasted long, but they always left her feeling drained.

“Lexi…baby…are you okay?” Caleb asked as he stroked the hair away from her face.

She was weak but determined to look as composed as possible. With effort, she spoke. “I’m okay.” Then her eyes closed. She focused on the calluses on his fingers as he stroked her face. Simplistic thoughts were generally the most comforting.

“Damn it, Lexi. Open your eyes!” Caleb pleaded.

She heard him, but she couldn’t respond. He moved her resting body onto his lap. Something in her body roused, and energy returned as she opened her eyes and looked directly into his. “I’m sorry,” she slurred.

“Lexi, I’m the one who broke you. I’m sorry. Do you realize how much you scare me when you do that? I wouldn’t be surprised if you were chronically anemic.”

“I think it’s just me. I have zero tolerance for blood. Are you thinking of trading me in for a stronger model?” Lexi tried to joke, but her voice was too weak for humor.

Caleb’s expression grew rather stern. “Don’t blow this off, Lexi. Don’t you know how much I love you?”

Her heart contracted. No one outside of her family had ever made such a claim. “You love me?” Her breathing grew more rapid, and she was unable to control her excitement.

“Of course I do. Couldn’t you tell?” Caleb looked into her eyes as if searching for something.

“I don’t know. I thought maybe it was just me feeling that way. I didn’t really think that someone like you could really love me.”

He meant what he’d said, but still it was hard to get into her head. It was like there was a barricade that he couldn’t breach. He’d tried to soften her on this point before, but every attempt proved useless. His muscles clenched.

“What do you mean, someone like me?” Caleb said, anger creeping into his voice.

“Perfect in every way. That’s how I see you. I saw Corrine again today,” she said, her eyes lowering but her fingers gripping his shoulder tightly.

Caleb ran a hand through his hair. “What did you say?” Corrine’s bitchy nature would walk all over Lexi, given half the chance.

“Two times actually. Once at Dr. Ives’s office in the waiting room, and then again this morning at the clinic,” Lexi said in a faint whisper.

“Shit! She knows that she isn’t supposed to be at the clinic,” Caleb said, scowling. He’d have to confront her. She was up to her usual tricks. He tightened his arms around Lexi and rested his chin on her head.

Lexi pulled back slightly. “Well, she seems to be everywhere. Everything about her looks perfect, Caleb. I can see why you were attracted to her.” She paused, then swept a hand down her upper body. He knew what was coming…

“Look at me, Caleb! I mean it. Really look at me!” she shouted and then pushed herself out of his arms and stood up. She wobbled slightly, obviously not completely recovered from fainting.

Caleb stood and pulled her into an embrace. “What are you doing, baby? You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Corrine is nothing compared to you, and she must know it too. Otherwise, she wouldn’t give you the time of day.” Caleb held Lexi as she sobbed, and her body shuddered. “I don’t understand what’s gotten you so upset. I only love you, Lexi.”

She lifted her bloodshot eyes to meet his gaze. Caleb still held her close, hoping a physical connection would keep her from falling apart.

“I just can’t see it. I’ve had so many things happen in my life that seemed like at any moment everything I cared about could vanish. But no one has ever felt that way about me. I’ve always felt like I was replaceable.” Lexi rubbed at her eyes. He pulled her hands away and gently kissed each eyelid.

“You’ve got to let that idea go. You are the most important person in my life. When I’m not around you, I feel sick. This weekend was torture for me. I missed you so much,” Caleb confessed.

“You and me both. I felt like a part of my body was missing this weekend. It felt so off, not having you near. I love you too, Caleb,” Lexi said in relief. Something shifted inside of her, and her connection with Caleb seemed to be reinforced. It wasn’t that she’d ever thought she wasn’t deserving, but she wasn’t without her own flaws. Somehow, Caleb saw beyond her imperfections to something deeper and more enduring than just her physical characteristics.

“Lexi, I’m yours. I’m not sure what that means to you, but I’ll be whatever it is you need me to be. I have to be with you,” he said as if he was saying something sacred.

“I’m yours too, Caleb. I know that I’m timid, but I want to be yours in every possible way.” Her nails dug into his arms as she tried to brace herself.

He kissed her softly, avoiding the broken skin on her bottom lip. He nuzzled into her neck and gently kissed over the pulse point on her throat. “You will be mine soon enough, in every physical way possible,” he promised.

She trembled at his vow. She was ready for him.

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