Restored (18 page)

“We have to leave. Now!” Caleb said. He scrambled to pull his clothes back on. He was unashamed of his nudity as he dressed, and all of his focus seemed to remain inward.

“What?” Lexi asked, but Caleb didn’t answer. He packed up his belonging as if he were an automated robot preforming a task. Lexi grabbed her clothes and headed toward the bathroom. She cleaned and dressed as swiftly as she could. Nothing made sense. So was the trip over? Her reflection showed confusion on her face, and tears ran down her cheeks. That call had ruined everything, and she was still in the dark as to what it all meant. She tried to calm herself before heading out of the bathroom.

Caleb’s SUV revved up outside, and that was her cue to hurry. She went to gather her bag, but it was already gone. Her purse was also missing and presumably already in the SUV. Whatever had happened was serious, so she hurried to get out of the cabin. She shut off the lights and went outside. Caleb had already returned the cabin’s key. He sat behind the steering wheel as Lexi opened the passenger door. He smiled at her, but it was forced. She didn’t smile back. It was a physical impossibility.

“What’s going on, Caleb?” she asked in a shaky voice.

He stared out the windshield as he drove away from the cabin. “There was an accident. That was Corrine’s mother that called…”

This kind of urgency wasn’t typical for ex-girlfriends. No matter what Lexi did, Corrine always seemed to work her way into Lexi’s life and relationship that she shared with Caleb, and here she was again. “What happened?” she asked, her voice nearly inaudible. Tears trickled down the back of her throat, and she willed them not to fall down her checks.

“She was sideswiped by a tractor-trailer. I don’t know her condition. It’s too soon to tell.” Caleb took a long breath. “Apparently, she’s also pregnant.”

Lexi gasped, unable to keep a neutral face. She wanted to scream, or even ban him from going to Corrine, but none of those actions would fix the problem. Caleb still had a connection with Corrine, and Lexi couldn’t tell how deeply that link was forged.

“So you need to be with her,” Lexi stated.

Caleb looked pained. “For now, I do. I have to find out what’s going on.” Caleb’s expression strained in a way that wasn’t typical for him. His face usually reflected something bright, but now the light was gone. “You know I don’t love her. You are all that matters to me. Please don’t forget that, Lexi,” he pleaded.

Lexi sat silently in her own anguish. She didn’t want to feel the pull of depression that seemed to grab at her; these feelings were all too familiar. This was why she didn’t want to let anybody into her heart.

It was only a matter of time before she would be broken completely. Caleb didn’t love Corrine. He’d said that, but he wouldn’t turn his back on someone who needed him. Caleb would have to be there for Corrine in some capacity—he was just that kind of person. The realization of this fell on Lexi as if she’d been punched. All of her breath seemed to be taken from her body as she processed what this meant for her budding relationship with Caleb.

9

Abandoned

C
aleb dropped Lexi off at her house with the intention of heading right to the hospital. He kissed her cheek and helped her with her luggage. The only thing he knew to do was to make things brief, as so much was still unknown. He didn’t verbalize his distress over the loss of the weekend to Lexi.

“I’ll call you when things calm down. I love you,” Caleb said as he tried to make a connection by looking into her eyes. Her pain was reflected back in her gaze, and he wished that he could soothe her, but nothing he did could take back the pain that she tried to hide. He would make things better, but for now he had to go.

Bitterness over Corrine was all Lexi could focus on. Caleb was as good as gone—as if Lexi’d ever been any competition for Corrine. Lexi tried to savor the last few minutes with Caleb; things would be different after this, without a doubt.

Once home by herself, tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. A part of her longed for her simple life in Florida. At least in Florida she was already familiar with the snakes, but here there was no telling which serpent might strike her next. In Florida she might have had to live with a roommate she didn’t know, but at least she would have been in a more familiar territory. Her body still hadn’t adjusted to the cooler climate, and she doubted that she would ever really feel at home in Maine. It’d been nice, more than nice, but that temporary joy was ending. The memory of Caleb’s touch crept into her mind, as if she could feel him once again, but as those images dissipated, she regretted allowing herself that fleeting recollection. He’d touched her, tasted her, and even claimed her as his own, and now he was gone. She’d let him into her shielded heart, and vulnerability burned in her like betrayal. Her innocence was lost, but she’d wanted him to have it and wanted him to strip her from who’d she’d been. When she was with Caleb, her body and soul seemed indestructible, but now there was a hole in her heart that seemed endless.

The void had been forged when she’d heard that Corrine was pregnant, and now Lexi was alone and incomplete. Her eyes were too hazy to see out of from all the tears, so she fell onto her bed and just stayed there, unwilling and unable to move.

It was nearly lunchtime on Friday morning, and her stomach churned. She hadn’t eaten anything today, but she was unmotivated to move from where she’d planted herself on the bed. She was already grieving the relationship that she’d shared with Caleb. He didn’t tell her that things were over between the two of them, but he didn’t have to. He wasn’t the type of man to turn away from his unborn child. She loved that he was protective, and he would be that for his child as well. She didn’t want to be the third wheel, which meant that whatever she had with Caleb was just a memory now.

He’d said he didn’t love Corrine, but there was no denying he would try and love her again. He was a man of his word, and he took his responsibility seriously. He’d barely said anything on the ride home. His body had been rigid, which also had made Lexi anxious. The tension grew in his absence. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to drift off. Sleep was her only escape. Her mind fought it though. As she lay there motionless, she prayed for some kind of relief.

Hours passed in a restless daze. Lexi opened her eyes to find Ashley in her bedroom, jostling her shoulders in an attempt to wake her up. Apparently she had slept.

Lexi’s eyelids were swollen. “I’m awake,” she said as she tried to mask her agitation. She wanted to be alone. No one could comfort her now. She had handled her mother’s death all on her own. When it came to grief, she only knew how to do things by herself. Her mom had raised her to be independent, but the truth was that Lexi didn’t know how to let anyone care for her. After being raised by a mother who’d grieved the loss of her husband as long as Lexi could remember, she never really learned how to let anyone nurture her. Her mom had tended to her basic needs as she grew up, but Lexi had lived in the shadow of her dead father.

“I heard what happened. I just got off of work. How are you doing?” Ashley said as she sat on the edge of Lexi’s bed. “I tried calling you on your cell phone too, but you didn’t answer.” Ashley leaned over Lexi as if she was trying to physically protect her from pain.

“I’m okay,” Lexi said as she tried to clear her scratchy throat. She was devastated, but she didn’t want to let Ashley in and expose her to the pain. She would get hurt again if she let anyone else in.

“Lexi…you know he doesn’t love her, right?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? He’ll have to learn to love her again. She’s pregnant,” Lexi said hoarsely.

“What do you mean, pregnant?” Ashley looked confused. Her forehead crinkled as she looked at Lexi for an answer.

“That’s what Corrine’s mom said, so I’m pretty sure it must be true.” Lexi’s voice remained composed, though she wanted to scream. Life wasn’t fair, and her happiness was usually irrelevant, if history had been any indication of how the world worked.

“It’s just shocking, that’s all. I don’t think she wanted kids. She didn’t want to lose her figure. Or at least that was what I had heard.”

“She probably didn’t want to get into a car accident either, but she did.” Lexi’s father had died in a car accident when she was only two years old. Caleb had witnessed that accident as a child, and that incident had molded him into the caring man he’d become. Caleb wanted to fix people, and if Corrine was broken, then Caleb would fix her too.

“I know she didn’t. Luckily though, Corrine’s car was just clipped by the tractor-trailer. I heard that she will most likely make a full recovery.” Ashley’s voice softened. “Can I get you anything? I know this is hard on you.”

“No, I think I’m just going to stay here for now.” Lexi wanted to wipe her memory clean of all that had transpired. Since that was impossible, she’d settle for silence and isolation.

“I didn’t ask how your night away was.” Ashley’s voice was more upbeat.

“It was great, but now none of that matters anymore.” Lexi closed her eyes and feigned fatigue. Tears tried to escape, but she held them in. Every thought of Caleb refreshed her pain, even the good memories.

“I’ll be around all evening. Let me know if I can get you anything.” Ashley left the room and quietly shut the door behind her.

Lexi drifted back into the semiconsciousness that she had been in before. She imagined Caleb by Corrine’s side, holding her perfect hand. She tried to think of neutral things she’d once enjoyed, like swimming in the community pool in Tampa with her mother, but her mind kept bouncing back to Caleb and Corrine. There was no escape.

***

Lexi had been in a fog for days. She had gotten up a few times to use the bathroom, but everything she did was mechanical. Her sleep had been restless with vivid dreams and night terrors. During the waking hours, Ashley had made her eat, though that hadn’t been very productive. Lexi’s stomach twisted in a constant state of nausea, and every time she tried to eat, she’d have fits of dry heaving, with and without actual vomiting. Ashley tried to cheer her up, but Lexi was unreachable.

The weekend finally passed in a blur. It was already Tuesday morning, and Lexi worked mindlessly. She hadn’t heard from Caleb since she’d last seen him. Even though not speaking to him annoyed her, she’d expected it, or at least feared it would happen. He hadn’t come back to work yet, which made Dr. Hale’s and Missy’s schedules hectic. Monday had been so busy that Lexi saw little of either of them. Tony had been out too, which wasn’t necessarily unusual, but the lack of staffing left the office frazzled. Lexi preferred that the office feel busy. It helped divert her thoughts from Caleb and Corrine.

Today, things seemed to be back to normal at work, with the typical sound of Missy’s loud voice carrying throughout the office. Her high-pitched laugh traveled down the hall and broke Lexi’s concentration. Lexi bitterly thought that Missy was happy Caleb and Corrine had gotten a chance with one another again. She still didn’t understand why Missy had discouraged her and Caleb’s relationship so adamantly, but really it was probably just because Missy and Corrine were friends. Of course Missy would want her friend to be happy. Lexi couldn’t fault Missy for looking out for her friend, though she didn’t have to be so ridiculous either. Caleb had a say in whom he dated, after all.

Missy’s high-heeled shoes clicked in the hall. Lexi held her breath, hoping they would pass her door, but then there was a knock. The knock was only done out of politeness—Lexi’s door was wide open.

“Hey, Lexi, I just wanted to check on you with all that’s going on. Yesterday was such a whirlwind, I didn’t get to say anything to you.” Missy seemed like her normal self. “You know, I only had a five-minute lunch break yesterday. I was so famished when I got home last night.”

Missy acted so casually, as if she and Lexi were the best of friends. “Yeah, the office was crazy yesterday,” Lexi answered tentatively. “How are things today?” She didn’t want to engage Missy, but there was no way out of the conversation.

“You know, I’m getting by. I went to see Corrine last night.” Missy held her mouth in a pout, though nothing else about her looked grieved.

“Oh.” Lexi didn’t want or needed details about Corrine.

“She looked really good. She’s been sedated since she was admitted. They were worried that her injuries would induce respiratory distress. Her sedation medication will begin to taper back tomorrow if all is looking good,” Missy said enthusiastically.

“That’s really great, Missy. I’m glad to hear that she’s doing well.” Lexi was ready for this conversation to be over, but Missy seemed to have her own agenda, which didn’t include wrapping up the conversation just yet.

“The baby is doing well too. I mean, it’s only a blip at this point, but it’s a fighter. Just like its mommy and daddy,” Missy said.

“I’m sure it is. Listen, I’ve got to get back to work, Missy.” The conversation was over anyway. The final straw had been stacked, and Lexi was like the proverbial camel’s back that had been broken.