Reunion (5 page)

The drive to the hotel is a quiet one; we are both locked in our own thoughts. Mine are on the town as we drive through the busy streets and intersections, it has changed in the ten years I’ve been away, has grown so much bigger. More houses and residential streets have sprawled outside of the main town, and the busy shopping malls have grown in size as the population increases. I think of my parents’ home and wonder if they are still here or if they moved after I shamed them. I am an only child making it even harder to understand how they could so easily discard me, to shun me. I go to them with the news that I have fallen in love, that I have met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Their enthusiasm was genuine, they never said I was too young, they said love is like that, it hits you hard. But then they asked her name. Shaking my head I laughed and told them it was a man, that it was Ryan and they froze for just a few moments before telling me to leave, that there was no way any son of theirs was gay. I panicked and after grabbing some clothes I ran. My parents didn’t even look up at me when I pleaded with them to accept me, to still love me my father just opened the front door and pointed for me to leave. I was so shocked that my first thought was to flee, I thought I would get in touch but I was too ashamed and then as my life got worse spiraling downwards out of control my shame grew.

I know if I was ever lucky enough to be a parent that there is nothing my child could do to make me stop loving them.

I suddenly feel choked up and let out a cough to disguise my distress, of course Ryan will have noticed. We seem to be in tune with each other’s emotions and feelings, even after all this time.

“Are you okay Nicky?” He looks across at me then turns his eyes back to the road but still lets his hand travel across to clasp mine.

“Yeah, I guess. I was thinking about my parents. Something, as you can imagine, I try not to do very often. I don’t even know if they still live round here.” I turn to look back out the window not expecting an answer.

“I’ll tell you about them later, let’s get your stuff.” He looks quickly at me again. “You are coming back to my place aren’t you? You don’t plan to stay at the hotel, do you?”

“Let’s talk before we make any decisions Ry, you may not want me around in a couple of hours.” My stomach knots at the thought of him rejecting me. This morning was not enough, I want more from him and not just sex, although I do want more of that. Hell! A fuck load more of it. But I want to know him, to learn everything that’s new. I can see he is a different man, but it’s a good different. He has grown and matured into a beautiful, strong man. But there are shadows in his eyes, something he’s keeping inside him. I want to know what it is, I want to know everything. Am I ready to bare my soul, my darkest secrets? Yes I think I am. Franco has taught me so much, he gave me the tools to learn how to forgive myself, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive the men that hurt me, that is too much to ask of myself. I have learnt not to let their actions define me anymore, I think that will have to be enough.

“I can’t imagine it’s enough to turn you away Nico. Anyway we’re here now.” He pulls in to the parking area and I look across and see my car is still there and still intact. I would hate it if she got damaged by some idiot on a hate campaign. I guess word hasn’t gotten around town much yet.

“Do you want to come in or are you going to wait here?” I expect him to wait but he unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door.

“I can come in, unless you don’t want me too?” I can see he looks nervous as he looks around the parking lot.

“If you’re worried about being seen with me then you can stay here. I won’t be too long.” Maybe this isn’t going to work after all.

“Don’t be stupid Nico, I don’t care who see us together. Come on.” He gets out of the car now and waits for me.

I’m surprised when he offers me his hand but I shake my head. “Not yet Ry, you may change your mind about me yet.”

“Oh for fucks sake Nico, I’ve told you as long as you’re clean and not in any trouble I don’t give a fuck what else you’ve done!” He grabs my hand and we walk together into the hotel lobby.

There are a few people standing around, some checking in or out at the reception desk, others having coffee in the open plan coffee shop. Nobody pays us any attention as we wait for the elevator. Ryan’s thumb is stroking the back of my hand and his fingers are intertwined with mine, it’s such an innocent gesture but it says so much to me. I have never had another affectionate relationship so this feels very unusual, disconcerting and I’m not sure how to react. Luckily my body does and I find myself copying his actions, we are not looking at each other but I can see a little smile on face, out of the corner of my eye. How can this be happening, it’s so quick but feels so right.

When the elevator opens a couple of women step out and I recognize them, they must be here for the reunion. Their eyes light up when they see us and the smiles on their faces look genuine when they say hi.

When we step inside I turn to watch the doors close and I see them still looking at me, I wave as the door closes. Ryan pulls me against him pressing his lips to mine, seeking an entry to my mouth he slides his tongue over my lips and growls. Fuck! My hands tangle in his hair as I kiss him back; it’s sweet and desperate, knowing we don’t have much time. The elevator jerks to a stop, we break apart and as we both wipe our hands across our mouths we smirk as another ex-student steps into the small enclosure. Marcus Davies, a computer geek in school has turned into a very fit, handsome man, he smiles and looks at our joined hands.

“Good to see you two, I didn’t know you’re still together, I’ve seen your pictures Nico. Are you back just for the reunion or do you both live here now?” There is no tension or hidden agenda in his question.

“I live here, Nico still travels a lot.” Ryan answers.

I can see him looking at the bruises and cuts on my face so I put him out of his misery. “Yeah, I’m not a pretty sight just now.” I feel Ryan’s grip tighten on my hand in unity. “I had a nice welcome party waiting for me last night, it seems that some people in this place haven’t relaxed their opinions on gay men.”

“That’s typical of here, it’s one of the reasons I moved away. But I will pay attention to your warning, y’see I married my partner Tate this year, so we will take care around town.”

“Congratulations Marcus, I wish you a happy marriage.” I drop hold of Ryan’s hand to shake Mark’s, Ryan copies my action. Then the elevator stops at my floor and we step out.

“See you tomorrow, unless maybe we could do dinner?” Mark questions and we nod. “Cool, I’ll be in touch.” He walks in the opposite direction; I assume it’s towards his room.

Walking quickly to my room I suddenly have the urge to kiss Ryan again. The key card slides in and for once the door opens straight away.

“Hey Nicky babe, where’s the fire?” Ryan laughs as I drag him through the door.

I growl and close the door, then push him against it. My mouth pressing hard against his as the length of my body pushes up against him, my cock is stiff and aching desperately for some relief. Ryan catches on quickly and grasps a hold of my ass, pushing his hips hard against me.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” I break away panting hard, I rub my hand over my dick trying to control it.

“You’d better start talking Nico, because I’m not too far away from ripping your clothes and fucking you so damn hard you’ll forget your own name.” Ryan’s voice is a growl of pent up desire and his hands are roaming over my ass and back making it difficult for me to concentrate.

“Fine. We’ll talk here.” I walk further into the room and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “Do you want one?” He nods, so I throw this one over to him and take another one out for me.

“Before you start babe I need to say something.” He pauses and lifts the bottle to his mouth and takes a long drink. “Nothing you can say will change the way I feel about you, about how much I want you back.”

“Yeah, okay.” I follow his lead and drink, I watch him take a seat on the small sofa before I begin. Taking in a deep breath I start to talk.

“I got caught up with some bad people when I left here and did some stupid things. I had just been disowned by the two people I loved and respected most in the world, cast out of the only home I’d ever known. I never wanted to leave you Ryan, you have to believe me but there was nowhere for me to go. So I ran away, I had some money in my bank account, so I just took the lot and got on the first bus out of here.”

I’m pacing the floor, I can’t stand still and I can’t look over at Ryan
.
I lift my head up when I reach the window and I look out over the town I taught myself to despise.

“I went to the bus station with only a hold-all that held as much of my belongings as I could carry, I didn’t know where to go I just thought far away. I was desperate and hurting. It was on the bus that Imet a guy called Etha
n
he was only a couple of months older than me but he was so much more confident and worldly- wise. He spoke of friends he had and how much fun we could have together, he told me he was gay and that he could tell I was too, I don’t know how, but it didn’t matter. So he talked me into going with him, it didn’t take much persuasion, we ended up in Austin, Texas. We had a blast, he knew all the gay bars and it was true he had loads of friends. I was welcomed with open arms… and legs.” A wry smile crosses my face as I remember how many fucks we shared, I chuckle dryly.

“We had been there about six months just crashing out with friends. There was an older guy who we had been hanging around with, spent a few nights on his sofa. Then one day he came to us with a proposition.” I looked at Ryan now and he was sitting on the edge of the sofa with his elbows resting on his knees, his attention completely focused on me.

“He had a friend Matteus, who made films and he was making a shit load of money and branching out. He was looking to make gay films, he had been mainly focusing on straight porn but he knew the market was ready to go crazy. He was offering us good money; it was enough to get an apartment so we wouldn’t have to crash with friends anymore. Of course we jumped at it, I’d been with Ethan and some of the guys we hung out with so I figured who cares who watched.” I stop for a drink, take a long swallow then resume. “We found a decent place to stay and suddenly had cash in our pockets. We couldn’t do enough of these films, they were fun. Well, to begin with.”

I turn to face Ryan even though I’m feeling so ashamed, I just need to look at his handsome face. “Do you want me to carry on?”

I watch him nod; his eyes are tight as he watches me.

“We did this for a good while, probably two years, but it had started to bother me. The guy wanted harder, dirtier stuff, he brought in other boys too but they were different from us, we were happy enough but these kids were younger, some looked terrified. When I questioned it Matteus just brushed it off, I wasn’t enjoying this anymore. Ethan agreed with him, but he’d started hanging out with other guys and I could see us drifting apart. He would be very jealous of any attention I got and started putting me down in front of our friends, at work he would throw a tantrum if he thought I was getting more camera shots than him. He was becoming a real diva, and I didn’t like it.

“Then this guy Travis, a friend Ethan knew from way before turned up at the apartment. I never liked him, he was either your best friend or your worst enemy. He was jealous of what Ethan and I had become but he was Ethan’s friend so I had to put up with him. Like I said, I didn’t like this change of personality in Ethan but he was even worse around Travis. He was always showing off and was constantly boasting that he was the guy the viewers wanted. It got even worse when Travis started bringing drugs round to the apartment, I wasn’t interested but Ethan was and he got hooked quickly and no matter how hard I tried to get him to stop, he wouldn’t.

“Then one night we had a house full of guys and one of them tried it on with me, I wasn’t interested but he was drunk and high and he got all handsy. I pushed him away and that’s when they all started on me. I was just a cheap rate porn star therefore I was easy and just asking for it. They held me down and stripped me. Ethan was high and laughing, egging them on, telling them how I liked it. They all took it in turns, even Ethan had a go.”

I keep staring out of the window but my head was full of the graphic images of what I was forced into.

“It didn’t stop there, they told me someone had filmed it, I don’t know who, I don’t even know if it’s true. But then Travis started demanding money from me to stop him putting it up on the internet, there are sites for shit like that, did you know that? Of course you do, you’re a cop. I wouldn’t give in to him but he was everywhere I was, always taunting and threatening me. One day just as I was getting back to the apartment, Travis and his friends jumped me. They dragged me down the narrow alleyway between the apartment buildings and then after he raped me they beat the living shit out of me and left me to die and they laughed as they did it.”

I turn away from the window and bring my eyes up to look at the man I have loved for years.

“I was found by a man who happened to be walking past, and heard my moans, his name was Franco he saved my life and then took me under his wing . He nursed me back to health then encouraged me to turn my life around. He pushed me into a safer, healthier lifestyle. He owned and ran a gym, so when the bruises disappeared and broken limbs had healed he showed me how to train.