Revenant (27 page)

The
emotions rolled over me like a wave. I could feel a red-hot madness rising
within me.
Now he’ll see how much of a
monster I
really
am
. I heard a howl
on the wind. Blurry shapes formed, whizzing in the air around me.

Dean’s
head whipped around, his expression morphing from surprised curiosity to concern.

“I’m
a
monster
, isn’t that right? Do you
see what I can do?” An all-empowering rage fueled my words. It raced through my
blood. It gave me strength. Suddenly all of the terrible things that had
happened over the last few days were forgotten.

Only
the anger existed.

Dean
spun around, flinching back as my spirit pack formed out of thin air, circling
both of us.

I
stood,
feet planted, heart pounding, arms
raised in the air. Anger pumped through my
veins.
It filled my
mind,
and it warmed my soul.
I could feel the energy of my pack vibrating against my skin.
They don’t care what I’ve done—they’re
here for me unconditionally. They’re willing to give their lives to protect me—

“Colina—enough!”

His
words were like a physical slap. I reeled back, dropped my arms, and shook my
head, bringing my surroundings back into focus.

Dean
stood before me, blood dripping from claw marks running down his forearm.

What have I done?
My whirlwind of emotion vanished
and my spirit pack faded away. I’d wanted to give him a reason to leave, but I’d
let my emotions run wild. I hurried forward. “I didn’t mean to hurt—”

He
moved away from me, stumbling back. “I’m all right.”

His
expression was clouded, one of disbelief. Disbelief and fear.

He’s scared of me,
I realized in a moment of shock.
Even though it’s what I’d wanted, a part of me wished desperately I could take
it all back.

“Dean,
I didn’t mean it.” My words stumbled out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt
you.” The excitement and desire that had once shone from Dean’s eyes when he
looked at me was gone, replaced by fear.

You wanted him to see who you
really
are
, said a nasty voice in my head.
And now he does.

I
raised a trembling hand to my chest and a sob escaped my lips.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered before turning and running
from the room.

I
ran down the hallway and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind
me
and coming to a halt in the middle of the
room. My breath came out in ragged sobs, my heart pounding in my chest.
I didn’t mean to hurt Dean. I would never
hurt him on purpose,
I told myself.

Yet, I had allowed my fury to run loose. In
anger, I’d set my spirit pack
on him. My pack swarmed Dean—they attacked him. They’d hurt
him
.

I
could’ve killed him.

What have I done?

Dean
knew what I was now. He knew about the monster I’d become.
I brought all of this on myself.
Approaching the dresser, I looked
at my reflection in the mirror hanging above it. I reached out until my fingers
touched the smooth glass. The gypsy from what felt like so long ago—at the
very beginning of my journey down the dark path—warned me that the
awakening was dangerous. It changed me. It filled me with black, roiling
emotions. It gave me a dark power. I’d done so many things in the name of love,
so many
foolish
things, things I
couldn’t take back.

That
darkness was something that I’d never been afraid to show Luke. He’d embraced
that part of me just as much as he had accepted all of me. I was sure of it now—that
was the difference between Luke and Dean. Dean would always be the
happy-go-lucky boy who brought me wildflowers and wiped my tears, trying to understand,
but Luke…Luke wouldn’t need to try. Luke knew who I was, knew the terrible
things I had done, and despite it all, he loved me.

And now he’s gone.

I
pulled my hand back and smashed my fist into the mirror. Shards of glass cut
into my skin, but I didn’t care.

I
deserved the pain.

I
slumped down onto the floor, holding my injured hand against my chest. Dean’s
words slid across my mind:
Gage is a con
man. He lured Mildred into working with him by making her empty promises.
Gage
was someone without any scruples, someone who would do anything to get what he
wanted. He had shown himself to be a ruthless killer.

Why
did I believe he’ll bring back Luke? Dean didn’t.

If
Gage had the ability to bring Mildred’s daughter back, why hadn’t he? I argued
with myself internally, trying to justify my faith in Gage. Gage was someone
who cultivated power. He had access to spells and magic from hundreds of years
ago. He found powerful lost magic.

If
a demon could be brought into the physical world, it wasn’t outside the realm
of possibility that a soul could be brought back from the depths of hell.

And
look what I’d done. A healer had become a death dealer. Anything was possible.
Gage can and will bring back Luke
. I
wanted to believe it with all my heart.

I
looked at the blood trickling down my arm and turned my thoughts to the more
dangerous matter at hand. The demon was coming and wanted me to release the
legion
into our
world, and demons would roam free just as they had
a hundred years ago.
Somehow the demon killers used magic to destroy them back then.

But there are no more demon
killers
, I
thought, frustrated. Then another thought came to me:
That doesn’t mean their magic
is lost
.
It has to be written down somewhere, sitting on a shelf in some old, forgotten
book
.

I
forced myself off the floor and slowly got back to my feet. I would fight
against the darkness. I would find a way to save my friends, and I would find
the spell to bring Luke back. And once Gage gave me what I wanted—once he
brought back Luke—I would fight against him. I would find a way to banish
the demon. To free my brother’s and father’s spirits. I would stand and fight
until I didn’t have one single breath left inside my body. I would not give up
or give in—I would be strong this time.

* * *

I don’t know how much time passed, but after a while someone
knocked on my door. I took a deep breath and opened it.

It
was Caleb—not Dean, who I’d expected. “The boss wants to see you.” He did
a double take at my hand, cut from where I’d smashed it into the mirror, and an
alarmed look crossed his face. “What happened?”

I
shrugged. “I had an accident.”

Caleb’s
eyes swung from me to the broken mirror. “Stay here,” he growled, spinning on
his heels and heading out the door.

I
stared after him like an idiot.
Where is
he going?

Before
I knew
it,
he was back with a bowl of soapy
water and a towel. He put them on the dresser and then stormed up to me and
shoved me down onto the bed.

I
normally would have protested at being manhandled, but I was too surprised at
Caleb’s behavior.
What is he doing? Is he
going to…take
care
of me?

He
picked up the bowl and towel and knelt down in front of me. “Give me your hand,”
he said.

With
total shock, I realized—
he is. He’s
actually
trying to take care of me
.

When
I didn’t react, he reached out and grabbed my hand.

And
then he did something else totally shocking—he gently cleaned my wound
with a reassuring and tender touch.

When
he looked up from gently drying it off, he said, “It’s not too deep. I cleaned
it out, so now we need to wrap it up.” Without another word, he got to his feet
and walked over to the closet. He pulled out a nightgown and began to rip it.

I
stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “What are you doing?”

He
held two long strips of material in his hand. “Making you a bandage.”

I
honestly didn’t know what to think.
This
guy swore to kill me the first chance he got.
And now he’s bandaging a cut on my hand?

He
wrapped the material tightly around my palm and tied the ends securely. “The
healer has some ointments you can put
on it
to make sure it doesn’t get infected.”

“I’m
sure he does… What is wrong with you?” I demanded incredulously.

He
looked at me for a moment, then seemed
to gather
himself mentally
. He let go of my hand and got to his feet. “The boss
wouldn’t be happy if I let something happen to you.”

I
didn’t believe him for a second. Normally he would revel in me being hurt. What
the heck was going on?

He
turned back toward me and gave me a hard look. “The boss wants to see you.” And
with those words, he went out the bedroom door.

Gage
wanted me. I was his lackey…his monster. I’d just proven that to Dean. The
others would escape, but I would stay and do Gage’s bidding. I got up and
followed Caleb resignedly.

Dean
sat on the piano stool, ignoring us as we passed. He didn’t ask where I was
going. He didn’t even blink. I’d clearly wiped away any feelings he had for me by
telling him the truth. I felt a grim satisfaction at his reaction. I
wanted
to push him
away,
and it had worked. I knew how much he despised
the girl who turned the world against his people. I knew he felt the girl
should be held accountable for her actions. He had talked to me about it once,
not realizing that I was the very girl. How could he look at me again with love
in his heart?

And
yet he was still here. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t take more than another hard
shove to get him to walk away from me. When I got
back,
I would tell him I never had feelings for him. I would tell
him I had only ever cared for Luke. If I did it with a wicked
callousness,
it would be enough to make him
leave. I felt sick at the thought, because there was just one problem—I
did
have feelings for him. Every time he
kissed me, I kissed him back. There had been moments when I desperately wanted
him to take me into his arms. When I thought of him in danger or hurt, a deep
panic swelled inside me. Dean said he loved me. I had done my best until
recently to thwart his advances. But when I thought I’d lost Luke, I had
gratefully stumbled into Dean’s arms. I could no longer deny whatever feelings
I had for him; they were deeper than I wanted to admit.

I
must have lagged behind or given Caleb some other sign that I wasn’t going to
cooperate because once we
were in the tunnels, he
stopped
and turned to look at me. “Are you okay?”

“Like
you care,” I answered.

“Stop
talking to me like that.”
He sounds
angry. Why does he sound angry?
My dumbfounded look must have irked him,
because he said, “I’m not your enemy.”

Did those words
really
just come out of his mouth?
I thought incredulously. “You
want me dead.”

“Not
anymore.”

I
almost laughed at his answer.
What game
is he playing?
“Really? You’ve suddenly had a change of heart?”

“Maybe
I have,” he replied softly.

This
time I couldn’t hold back a harsh laugh. “I don’t believe you.”

My
answer made him angrier and his face darkened, looking threatening and angry. “You
don’t think someone can change?”

I
stood my ground, my eyes meeting his. “Not someone who works for a man like
Gage.”

We
stood there glaring at each other until he finally said, “Not everyone has a
choice.”

“Is
that how you sleep at night? Telling yourself that you have no choice but to
blindly follow a man who kills people for pleasure?” As the words left my mouth,
my stomach dropped. I’d been doing the very thing I was accusing him of—blindly
following Gage. Doing whatever the madman wanted.

Caleb’s
eyes narrowed. “You need to be careful what you say about him.”

I
laughed again.

Caleb
hesitated, seeming to consider his words carefully. He stood poised between
anger and concern. “You don’t want to make Gage mad.”

“Gage
won’t hurt
me
—he needs me.” In the
back of my mind, I wondered how long the words would stay true.

Caleb
put up his hands as if in surrender. “He’s not someone who’s always in control.
I’ve seen him snap. If you push him too far, he may do something he’ll regret
later.”

I
blinked at him, my mouth hanging open in confusion. “You’re…
worried
he’s going to hurt me?”
The world just turned upside down. What is
going on?
Dean—who said he loved me—couldn’t care less about my
well-being. And now a sworn enemy was standing in front of me, telling me to be
careful.