Rewrite Redemption (51 page)

Arthur was surprised to see us in the middle of the day. He was thin, perfectly groomed, and had a lot of nervous habits. He sat at a desk, right outside the Chihuahua’s office, so he could be on hand to serve her every whim. The Chihuahua treated him like a slave, and he just took it year after year after year. He shut his laptop as Lex walked around his desk. “Why aren’t you in school?” he asked, flicking a piece of lint off his jacket.

“I need to talk to Pat,” Lex answered.

“Not a good time, Lexie,” he said. “She’s prepping for trial. He shook his head and backed up to block the Chihuahua’s door. “You know how she gets.”

“I do. Don’t care. It’s important.”

“She said no interruptions for any reason. I can’t—”

“Come on, Arthur! You don’t want me making a scene and freaking out the partners.”

“Lexie, be reasonable. You know I can’t just—”

“No, but I can. I’m not asking you to run interference. Just stay out of my way. You’re not going to win this one. Remember, I’m my mother’s daughter.” She grinned at him. “
Scary
thought, huh?”

She pushed Arthur aside and barged right into the Chihuahua’s office.

I followed.

“Lexie? Autumn? Why aren’t you in school? Arthur!” The Chihuahua moved a stack of papers on her desk and pulled her laptop down part way.

Arthur leaned in the door, looking scared. “Sorry, Ms. Archer…I couldn’t stop them.” Then he disappeared before the Chihuahua could rip him a new one.

I nonchalantly pulled out my phone and cued the vid. No reason Ipod should miss this.

“This is not a good time, Lexie.” Visibly annoyed, the Chihuahua took a swig of her no-fat, triple-caf latte and glared across the massive, glass desk.

“It’s never a good time, Pat,” Lex countered, rolling up her sleeves and grinning at me. Lex loved symbolic actions. And she liked a good argument…especially with her mom.

“Don’t be rude,” said the Chihuahua.

“Don’t be a bitch,” Lex volleyed.

I cringed.

“All right, that’s enough,” said the Chihuahua. “Why aren’t you at school?”

“Snow day,” Lex said, sarcastically. She stood there, completely relaxed.

The Chihuahua shook her head, frowned, and looked at her watch. “What is so damn important that you barge in here and verbally abuse me?”

“I had a dream,” Lex said, flamboyantly. She wasn’t about to be hurried. She did have a plan.

“If you’re not Martin Luther King in disguise, you better damn well have something better than that! I have work to do. Arthur!”

Arthur reappeared, biting his nails.

“They’re leaving,” she told him, waving her arm at us towards the door.

“Au contraire, Arthur, we’re
not
leaving,” Lex said, adamantly, “in fact, we’re just getting started. Pat, I think you’ll want to listen to this dream, and I doubt you want Arthur to hear it. Arthur, you can go. Actually, on second thought, stay if you want. You might enjoy this—doesn’t matter to me.”

Arthur looked confused. He looked to the Chihuahua for guidance.

She waved him away. Then she stood up, narrowed her eyes, and pursed her lips. If I had infrared vision, I bet I would have seen smoke coming out her ears. She was pissed.

“Well? I don’t have all day,” she growled.

“I had a dream, Pat,” Lex began, twirling the thumb drive on her finger, “and you were the star. You know how you love the limelight. I dreamt that I could see in advance what was going to happen, what you were plotting behind my back. Yes, I could actually
see
the future. And what I saw astounded me.”

The Chihuahua’s frown deepened. She tapped daggers on her desktop with blood-red nails. “Lexie—”

“You did something so evil, so heinous,” Lex said, “I couldn’t believe that even
you
would stoop so low to screw someone I cared about, screw me—”

“Alexandra! I’ve had enough of this. You—”

“Ehhh!” Lex held up her hand. “I’m not done presenting my case.”

The Chihuahua looked exasperated, but apparently figured she’d get rid of us faster if she let Lex do her thing.

“I dreamt that you started thinking that I might be like you…you know, in the friends-with-benefits department. In my dream, you decided that if I got knocked up, it might be an inconvenience, complicate your climb to the top. So that meant getting Ipod out of the way.”

The Chihuahua sat down.

“I dreamt that you made a little visit to Ipod’s father and told him that you’d sue his ass if I got pregnant.” 

The Chihuahua’s mouth dropped open. “How did you—” she started. “I haven’t even—”

“I had a
dream
,” Lex said, waving her arms. She was obviously getting off on the drama. “I dreamt that you narked on Ipod to his psycho of a father. And Ipod’s father beat the shit out of him and shipped him off to military school.” She leaned over, putting her hands on her mother’s desk. “And it was all your fault.”

The Chihuahua moved back in her chair, literally stunned silent.

“And
then
…” Lex paused for effect, “in my dream, I got really, really angry. I wanted revenge.” She leaned closer and stole some lines from the
Hulk
, delivering them perfectly, “Pat, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me…when I’m angry!”

“How—”

“Ehhh! No talking! This was my dream and I’m not finished. I got so angry that I posted all kinds of little items from your hard drive on the net.” She waited a moment to let it sink in.

Her mother’s face went white. She stood up, knocking files to the floor. “You don’t have—”

“Oh, indeed I do,” Lex interrupted, twirling the key chain with the thumb drive around her finger. “Indeed I do…in the dream, of course…the one where I could see the future. And I dreamt that your hard drive was full of all kinds of nasty things. Emails with highly suspect content, correspondence admitting withholding of evidence, hourly billing for times when you were out of town skiing. I especially enjoyed your photo album. That little number with you in that
interesting
outfit—or lack thereof—would go viral on YouTube.”

The Chihuahua grabbed for the thumb drive.

Lex snatched it back, snickering. “Please, I’m not that stupid. Think I don’t have backup?”

The Chihuahua closed her eyes. She said nothing, but her knuckles were white from gripping the edge of her desk.

“Oooo, this one I particularly like,” Lex said. She grinned at her mother, as if she’d done something she was really proud of. “I had to add it myself. It’s a picture of your underwear drawer…you know, the one with the little vials of white powder next to your passport.”

Lex held up her phone so her mom could see the picture. “Nice shot, huh?

The Chihuahua said nothing.

“I trust I’ve made my case?” Lex asked, sarcastically.

The Chihuahua nodded in defeat.

“So my dream can just stay a dream? No need to make the movie?”

She nodded again.

“Look, Pat, we have a deal. I let you pretend you’re single and free to live the wild life. You stay the hell out of mine. You got your hands on a big chunk of the Archer money. I get my trust fund and my college tuition. You get an empty house, and in return, Arthur pays my grocery bill and deposits an allowance in my debit account. An allowance that needs a cost-of-living raise, I might add. I’ll speak to Arthur.”

The Chihuahua smoothed down her suit jacket and slowly sat back down.

“Oh, and your private investigator? He comes anywhere near me, or any of my people, and you’re the next YouTube sensation. Got that?”

The Chihuahua nodded. We’d never seen her speechless before.

“It’s a good deal for both of us,” Lex finished. “It’s worked pretty well up to now. Do we need to go back to court and modify the contract?”

“No,” the Chihuahua said, wearily, waving us towards the door.

“Then I’d say this case is closed,” Lex said, motioning to me.

Since his ear was against the door, we banged into Arthur on the way out. As we passed him, he applauded silently, with a huge smile on his face.

Lex bowed flamboyantly.

And we left the building with Lex pretty much dancing in the street.

 “That was amazing!” Lex yelled, as they morphed back into the tree house. “That was so freaking tight!”

A.J. smiled at me where I sat on the sofa, fiddling with the remote.

Lex danced around, then ran over, jumped into my lap, and hugged me, singing, “Ding, dong, the bitch is dead, the wicked bitch…”

“So, you held Lex conscious for the trip back,” I observed, impressed.

“Yeah, and it was epic!” she yelled again as she hopped off my lap. “I love this time travel stuff.”

“I take it that it went well,” I said, grinning, in spite of my bad mood. When Lex was happy, she was really, really happy. I had to admit, she was really infectious.

“Lex rocked,” A.J. said. “I have it on my phone…at least part of it. You need to see it.” She pulled it out and played it back, the two of them supplying commentary through the whole thing.

“Remind me never to make you angry,” I said to Lex.

She grinned. Then she leaned over me and delivered the Hulk line again. The two of them lost it. It was so good to hear A.J. laugh. I wished I could bottle it up for later.

Lex danced around the room, blonde hair flying, bracelets clanking. “The trip was the bomb. But even more than that, the Chihuahua is never going to squash me again. I won
, yes
!”

“The trip was amazing,” A.J. said softly. “I had no idea…all those trips and never feeling the journey or seeing the colors. I loved it.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I love it too. Every time I—”

“So, New Guy, when do we know—you know, for sure—that it worked?” Lex interrupted. “I have total confidence in my intervention with the Chihuahua. She’s not about to cross me now. But still, I want concrete evidence.”

“Soon, probably.” I checked my phone for the time. “School just got out. I’d say—”

A.J.’s ring tone sounded.

 Lex grabbed it and shouted, “Whoo hoo! Text from Ipod, look!

AJ U back? Can’t find Lx.

Lex waved the phone in the air, hugged me, and then grabbed A.J., dancing her around the room singing. A.J. disentangled herself from the dancing Lex, took the phone, and texted Ipod to come home. For some reason, Lex was thrilled about a couple of dirty plates in the sink. Then we all sat down, and they gave me another replay of the confrontation with Lex’s mom. The whole conversation was punctuated by intermittent bursts of “Ding dong, the bitch is dead!” from Lex.

“Lex? You up there?” Ipod’s voice called from the yard. As he reached the top of the ladder, he waved to A.J. through the open door. “A.J., girl, when did you get back? We were so worried! Wow, you look really nice! Hoodie’s gone for good, huh?”

Both girls attacked him the moment he made it to the porch. He walked in the room, a girl on each arm. He was laughing with them, but when he noticed me, he sobered up immediately.

“Oh…whoa. Okay, what’s up guys?” He looked from A.J. to Lex and then to me. “Lex, I looked for you after school. But you’re here, and…there’s something wrong with this picture.”

“Ipod, Sweetie, you better sit down, cause do we have a story to tell you!” Lex shoved him down on the sofa beside me. “You won’t believe what has gone down! You were in the past, and A.J. and I went back…no…no,
you
weren’t in the past; you’re just missing a piece of it. A.J. was in the past…the olden days past, but then you know about that. The Hammer came here, beat you up, and then hauled you off to military school—”

“Say what?” Ipod interrupted. “Wait, wait, slow down, Lex…”

“A.J. got chased by cowboys and Constantine got shot. You were gone. A.J. was gone. I didn’t know what to do. And Constantine, he was going to get A.J. back. But then A.J. pulled him into the past, and there was an Indian and…ohmygod! You just won’t believe it all. I’m so glad to see you!” She dropped down on his lap and hugged him. “I had to blackmail the Chihuahua to get you back.”