Rhapsody (The Bellator Saga Book 5) (16 page)

“But I misled you. Maybe that gave him false hope.”

“Why?” Jack asked. “I don’t mean why did you try to make me jealous, but why weren’t you just honest with me? What were you afraid of?”

“I knew you’d try to get close to me. Even when I was lying, you were trying to worm your way back into my life.”

“Indeed I was.”

He chuckled softly, but it wasn’t a cheerful sound. And those weren’t laugh lines on his face. Those lines were etched with worry, with concern, with sadness. With fear. The full weight of what she’d done finally hit her.

“I hurt you,” Caroline whispered. “I hurt you a lot.”

“You did.”

He looked her straight in the eyes, which of course made her turn away. He was willing to be direct with her and she’d done nothing to warrant anything but his total disdain, maybe even his hatred. And she’d come so close to losing him completely.

She brought a hand to his cheek. “I hurt you so much and you’re still here.”

“I love you, Caroline. Nothing will ever change that.” Jack wrapped his arms around her. “And don’t you dare apologize for anything else tonight. The way you treated Gabe. The way you treated me. You need to let it go. You’ve been carrying this around with you when it’s been completely unnecessary,” he said. “Why is this really bothering you?”

“He was so good to me,” Caroline said. “Why didn’t I feel anything for him? I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“You can’t control who you’re attracted to, sweetheart.” Jack smiled at her. “Are you afraid you’re no longer attracted to me? Because that
would
be concerning.”

She thought about how many times she’d daydreamed about him. “I am definitely not concerned about that.”

“How did you feel when I kissed you?”

She reddened. “I liked it. A lot.”

Jack tucked her hair behind her ear. “I liked it too. More than liked it. So you know you’re not dead inside. Because of how you felt when you were with me.” He stretched his arms out across the couch. “Plus it’s okay to admit I’m just that good.”

She smiled shyly, remembering that kiss in her apartment the night before her mission. “You are. Wow, I can’t even talk about it without blushing.”

Jack laughed and kissed her cheek. “I know. You were dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions. You still are. Don’t fault yourself for being torn about things. Focus on who you are now. Gabe wouldn’t want you to feel this way, nor do I.”

“I feel guilty for lying to you. For making you think I was messing around on you right in front of your face.”

“Well, yes,” he said. “That was rather mean of you. But if it provided you with something to focus on instead of yelling, I guess it’s okay.”

She’d done her fair share of yelling. And any other number of things designed to keep him away. “I didn’t want to be close to you,” Caroline said. “I knew it would end poorly. And I don’t want to hurt you.” She fought back tears. Was it okay to be selfish? “But I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” he whispered. “It’s killing me to be apart from you. I’m begging you, Caroline. Please let me be close to you. Please.” He started rubbing her back. “I’m here now, and we both want the same thing.”

She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s like I can’t breathe sometimes, being in the same room with you. Being physically near you. Touching you, even if it’s not even remotely sexual. Thinking about the way it used to be between us. And I know it’s not rational, but I’m afraid.”

Jack kissed the back of her hand. “You know you’re safe with me.”

“I know. I just – I don’t want you to be let down. I’ve changed so much, maybe I won’t-”

“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

“I want you to touch me. I do. I miss that.”

He tipped her chin up and caressed her cheek. “What do you miss?”

“I miss everything about you. Your lips, your arms, your tongue, your voice, your-” Caroline stopped, blushing furiously. Her imagination had gotten the best of her for a minute.

“What do you miss the most?”

“Your hands,” she whispered, reaching for him, stroking his fingers.

He let her continue to touch him gently. “What about my hands?”

So strong. So powerful. When was the last time she’d focused on his physical presence? She could let herself drift, do it now. Get caught up in the emotion of it all knowing he’d be there if she crashed. “I miss what they used to do to me. What
you
used to do. The way you would touch me with them.” She closed her eyes. “The way it felt when they were inside me.”

Jack groaned. “Caroline, when you say shit like that it makes me want to rip your clothes off.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Keep your eyes shut. Let’s try something. Focus on how you feel. On my voice. On what you remember. Tell me more.”

Caroline started rubbing his fingers up and down, and he chuckled. He had to know what she was thinking about. And if he didn’t, she knew he’d take the time to find out.

“Tell me more,” Jack repeated.

She squeezed the digits before she spoke again. It was so easy. All those memories and all that talent in those two body parts alone. “Your hands were so strong. So firm. And you always - you always knew what to do with them.”

He inched his mouth closer to hers. “What else?”

“The way you’d slip them under my skirt, or inside my panties. The way you’d touch me when you got into bed, when you hoped I wasn’t asleep.”

“What would I do to you?” he whispered.

“You’d curl up next to me, and I could feel you against my back.”

“Feel what?”

Caroline bit her lip. He was going to kill her with these questions, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him to stop. “I could feel how excited you were.”

Jack brought her hands lower. “Did it feel like this?” he asked, placing them on the erection straining against his zipper.

Damn, that hadn’t taken much. Her. He wanted her. Only her. She swallowed hard. “Yes,” she whispered.

“What did I do with my hands? Keep going.”

“You’d pull up my nightgown and tease me through my underwear and then you’d slide a finger inside me.”

“Did you like that?”

“Yes.”

“What else did I do?”

So many nights. So many mornings. So many afternoons and evenings with them falling into bed and falling into lust. “You’d touch me, and you’d clamp your hand around my mouth so I wouldn’t scream too loudly, even though you liked it when I screamed.”

“I loved it. I want to hear you do it again. You liked when I was in control.”

Her heart was about to jump out of her chest. “Jack, please don’t stop talking.”

“I could feel your excitement. It took all your effort not to bite my fingers, didn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“And you’d lean your head back and press against me as I got you off. Do you remember?”

How could she forget? Why had she tried? Caroline sighed. “Tell me more.”

“No, sweetheart. It’s your turn to talk. Tell me what else I did to you.”

She gripped his fingers again. “You’d keep touching me, telling me how wet I was, how good I felt, and you’d whisper all these nasty, naughty things in my ear.”

“Did you like that?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” he asked, pulling one hand free and stroking her hair.

“It made me come faster. I liked thinking about what you’d do to me, making all those whispered promises.”

“I loved doing that to you. What would I do after that?”

“Sometimes you’d make me come more than once, and you’d tell me to go to sleep. Other times you’d tease me until I was close, so close, and you’d slip your boxers off and-”

He fondled her breasts through her shirt and Caroline lost her train of thought, remembering how it felt to have him move inside her. His weight on top of her. His sweet breath at her lips, at her ear, teasing her everywhere. She moved her hands to his shirt, pulling him closer.

“Tell me what you’d do to me, Jack,” she said. “Please.”

He tugged her onto his lap. “I’d thrust inside you as hard as I could,” he said roughly. “Trying to get as close to you as possible. Mostly because I loved that sound you made the first time I entered you. I’d fuck you until you screamed my name, and then I’d let you come because you’d been such a good girl.”

Those words. That tone. This man. “Oh, God,” Caroline whispered, opening her eyes. “You know what it does to me when you talk to me like that.”

Jack gave her a wicked grin. “You’re goddamn right I do.” He brushed his thumb across her lips. “You remember where else my hands have been. Your hands have been places, too. And your lips.”

Caroline snaked her fingers down until she reached his zipper. “Tell me more about what we used to do.”

Jack trailed his tongue across her jaw. “I’d explore every inch of you, inside and out. So many delicate places. Do you remember?”

She was tempted to unzip him and let her instincts take over where her words left off, but instead Caroline gripped his hair in her fists. “I think you’re trying to get me off without removing my clothes.”

“No,” he said. “I just want you ready for me to touch you.”

She was much more than ready. And still… “Tell me more.”

He laughed again. “You’re so demanding. I don’t know where to start. Remember when I came home early that night in June during the campaign, and I fucked you on the stairs before bending you over the island in the kitchen and spanking the hell out of you?”

Caroline let out a shaky breath. He was really going to keep telling her, if she kept asking. She rubbed against his leg. “More.”

“That night I tied you to the bed and used the Magic Wand.”

He’d done that more than once over the course of their marriage, but she knew what night he meant. “I had to cancel a speech I was supposed to make the next day.”

“And I stayed home to take care of you, didn’t I?”

They must have had sex five times as she recovered. She barely said a word, trying to get her voice back, but managed to do plenty of communicating. “You did,” she murmured.

“You liked when I took care of you like that, didn’t you?”

She’d had trouble walking the next day. And she was more than willing to let him nurse her back to health any time he wanted. She leaned toward his ear. “Please, Jack. I don’t know if I can take any more.”

“You can,” he whispered. “Because I’m not finished yet. You did everything I wanted, and did it so well. And I’d reward you for it. With my tongue or my hands or whatever you needed, until your thighs were shaking and you couldn’t speak. You were so good at earning your rewards, sweetheart.”

He had to stop or she wouldn’t be able to go back. She rubbed against his thigh, shamelessly broadcasting her need. Months and months of being without him and she knew he’d make up for it. She just hoped he’d do it soon.

He ran a finger over her lips. “Do you want me to help you out?”

If he didn’t she was liable to start touching herself, and it wouldn’t take very long. And she wanted him to be the one to touch her first. “Please.”

Jack kissed her temple. “I could do that, if you’ve been good enough.” He slipped his thumb over her lips again. “Have you been a good girl, Caroline?”

She sucked it into her mouth and bit down. He pulled the thumb out and smiled.

“That’s what I thought,” he said.

His voice combined with the memories was enough to drive her past the point where she couldn’t go back, and she rubbed against his leg again.

Jack steadied her. “Calm down, baby. We’re going to take this slow.”

Caroline bit her lip again and he smiled, the cocky bastard. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“We are not going to rush this,” he said. “Even if you’re giving me that absolutely entrancing look. But I really, really want to kiss you right now.”

Something so simple yet so intimate. She shuddered as he trailed a finger down her throat. “Jack-”

“May I kiss you, Caroline?”

He’d make it count. She knew he would. “Yes,” she rasped.

He nipped at the corner of her mouth and she whimpered. “You want more than that?” he asked.

She might have felt shame for begging at his feet but had no qualms about pleading for sexual mercy. “Please.”

Jack brought his mouth to hers. Caroline pulled him toward her and he pushed her down on the couch, pressing his knee between her legs and easing between her thighs. He wrapped his fingers around the nape of her neck.

“I want to touch you,” he whispered. “But not until we’ve done this for a while.”

She writhed underneath him. “Don’t stop.”

He smiled, pressing himself against her. “Let me kiss you,” he said. “I won’t try anything else. Yet.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, trailing her hands down his back, whispering his name against his mouth as he teased her with his tongue, over and over.