Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (2 page)

I was scared when I talked to the police officers and child protection social workers, but Gram had promised me that I’d live with her and Chase soon and that she’d never let anyone hurt me ever again. Like Chase, she was true to her word. The heartache and horror that I’ve suffered of late is all on my shoulders and no one else’s.

Would Gram, Chase, and Ellie still love me if they found out what I’d done, who I became in LA? I was stronger now and could see a little clearer, but had too much time passed since I left with barely a phone call back home for them to forgive me? Would they understand? Well, there was only one way to find out.

I began to shake and tremble as I reached for the door. I dropped my hand and breathed deeply through my nose, urging my body to relax and ignore the craving for a small little pill that would make all of my fears and worries temporarily disappear. The driving need to lose myself in chemicals was the strongest I had felt since quitting a few months ago.
No!
I wouldn’t give in. I fought too fucking hard to get clean and I refused to go back.

“I can do this. I can do this,” I chanted to myself.

“Hey stranger, are you really that worried about your bowling game?”

Startled, I turned around so fast that I lost my balance on the steps. Ben St. Claire, my sister’s sexy-as-fuck, straight best friend and co-worker at Wright Creations tried to grab me to keep me from falling, but I still crashed against his chest. I wasn’t sure how Ellie could just be friends with that sexy guy, but she swore that’s all they were.

The spicy smell of his cologne filled my nostrils and I nearly embarrassed myself by taking a few extra whiffs. His strong arms were wrapped around me, holding me securely to his chest. Either Ben had really been working out since I last saw him, or his business suits hid a delightfully strong body beneath all that fabric. I longed to stay in his arms, lay my head against his firm chest, and just let my worries melt away. It occurred to me that Ben could be just as potent and addictive as any drug and I’d need to keep my distance or find myself in jeopardy of screwing up my recovery.
Who was I kidding?
Ben was straight as an arrow and not interested in me at all.

I first met Ben the previous year when I returned home from LA. Chase invited me to have lunch with him and Ellie one afternoon, but didn’t tell me he had also invited Ben. His looks got my attention, but his personality is what captivated me and held my interest long after the lunch was over and every other time we were in the same room together. If only he were gay and my head wasn’t so fucked up right now.

“Sorry.” My voice sounded strangled as I looked up into Ben’s face. It was too dark outside to see his eyes, but I vividly remembered the gray color. They might have starred in a fantasy, or twenty, of mine. I stood up straight and ignored the tingling awareness that shot through my body. “I suck at bowling and everyone knows it,” I admitted.

“Then why the hesitation and pep talk?” Ben’s brow furrowed in concern.

I could easily see why Ellie liked Ben so much. He had this strong presence about him that made a person want to lean on him in bad times. He gave off the vibe that nothing phased him much. It was this calm confidence, an “I got this” kind of thing. When he spoke to you, you knew you had his complete attention and that he was honed in on the conversation. I also felt he was a trustworthy person and that had been sorely lacking in my life in Los Angeles.

“Cruz.” Ben’s compassionate voice interrupted my thoughts when I took too long to answer his simple question.

“Can you just call me Xavier?” I asked softly. What no one inside the bowling alley knew was that I permanently severed all ties with my life in LA. I would not be going back there for any reason. I came home to start all over again and I could only hope that the people inside the bowling alley would forgive my neglect.

“Xavier.” Ben repeated my name softly, almost tenderly, but that must have been wishful thinking on my part. “I like it a lot. So, why are you out here making us both late?”

“I haven’t been a very good friend, brother, or grandson and I’m afraid I won’t be wanted.” There it was, the ugly truth vomit that had been stuck in my throat for the past ten minutes. Oddly, just confessing my fears to Ben made me feel ten times better.

“Nonsense,” Ben said firmly and without pause. “Your sister, grandmother, and friends are fucking crazy about you, Xavier. Sure, they were hurt when you didn’t come back for the holidays, but they also knew something was going on with you. If you worry about anything at all then worry about getting smothered by them with hugs and kisses.” I must’ve made a face that matched my doubtful thoughts. “I guess we’ll just have to find out then won’t we?” Ben reached around me and opened the door to the bowling alley, grabbed my arm, and pulled me inside behind him. “Hey, everybody,” he shouted loudly, “look who I found loitering outside.”

All heads swiveled in our direction. “Ass,” I hissed for his ears only. I held my breath while waiting for their reaction. The surprise quickly turned into happiness and I was wrapped up in so many arms it was hard to tell who had me and who didn’t. The relief I felt was immeasurable to anything I’d felt before that moment. Then they all began talking at once.

“I’m so glad you made it,” Chase told me. “It wouldn’t have been the same without you by my side.” Amazingly, he still wanted me to be his best man.

“No fucking way I’d miss your big day, Chase.”

“We’ve missed you, jackass,” Grayson said. “Try not to pull a disappearing act on us again. This one,” he aimed a thumb in Chase’s direction, “worries about you constantly.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you, Chase. I’m home for good now,” I told him.

“I’ve missed you so much, baby brother.” Ellie began to cry.

“I’ve missed you too.” It broke my heart to see her so upset. “I won’t ever disappear like that again.” She pulled back from her hug and closely searched my eyes for signs that I wasn’t telling the truth. She must have liked what she saw, because she only nodded.

“Get the hell out of my way,” Gram yelled, pushing her way to the front of the crowd. “Xavier Miguel Cruz, you’re lucky I don’t kick your ass up one side of this bowling alley and down the other. Just where the fuck have you been?”

“I missed you so much, Gram.” I pulled her into a hug and didn’t let go for several long minutes. I missed her seventieth birthday and I regretted it more than I could ever express to her with words. This was the woman who took me in and gave me a beautiful life beyond my wildest dreams. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered the words in her ear. “I’m home for good now.”

“Shh, Xavier.” She pulled back and placed a loving hand on the side of my face. “You’ve always been such a good boy. Everyone falls down and needs a hand up. Don’t think you’re taking this journey through life on your own. Okay, sweet boy?”

“Yes, Gram.” She wouldn’t be so proud of me if she learned the things I’d done. I couldn’t change any of it, but I could make sure history didn’t repeat itself. She patted my cheeks and stepped away.

“Let’s get this party started,” she whooped.

“Good to see you, son,” Lennie said. Lennie was Gram’s hotter-than-hell boyfriend. Even Gram referred to him as a DILF. He shook my hand and then wrapped his arm around Gram.

“Thanks, Lennie. It’s great to be home.” Truer words were never spoken.

“So, here’s what we’re going to do.” Chase thankfully pulled everyone’s attention away from me. I’d have to thank him for it later. “We’re going to play groom vs groom. My people versus Gray’s people.”

“They’ll be
our
people in a few weeks,” Gray reminded him. He blew air kisses at Chase that made me smile. The newness clearly had not worn off for these two. If anything, they’d only grown closer this past year.

“Well, until then we’re pitting them against one another,” Chase said. His competitive streak hadn’t lessened over the years. “The only exception being Ava. She isn’t allowed to bowl.”

“Said who? Not my doctor.” Ava pouted as she joined the group. I turned and saw the bump of her belly, a very pregnant belly. She turned to me and smiled brightly. “I go to the bathroom and miss all the excitement.” Ava threw her arms around my neck.

“You look beautiful,” I said into her blonde curls. “Congratulations on the baby.”

“Thank you.” She stepped back and looked into my eyes, searching just like Gram had. “I want Uncle Cruz to be a big part of the tadpole’s life.”

“Uncle Xavier won’t be missing a thing.” Her shrewd eyes narrowed when I corrected my name. I started going solely by my last name the moment I landed in California almost seven years ago. Ava knew there was more to me going by my first name again, but she chose not to call me on it.

I was grateful that everyone welcomed my re-emergence into their lives without question. I was relieved that I didn’t see any of the resentment and disappointment in their expressions that I had feared. My stomach had been a tangled knot these last few weeks as I made my final leg of my journey home. A sense of calm and peacefulness descended on me as I was surrounded by the people I loved most in the world. I was well and truly home where I belonged.

“Welcome home, Uncle Xavier.”

“Can we get teamed up and get started?” Chase asked impatiently.

“God, someone should have hired strippers for us for putting up with his tyrannical shit,” someone called out. I looked over at the source and found a handsome guy standing next to Gray with his arm around his shoulder. I’d met him once, but couldn’t remember his name. It started with M, or something.

“Shut up, Miller,” Chase tossed back at him.

That’s it. Miller. He was a handsome devil with twinkling blue eyes that were currently all over me. It would be no hardship getting to know Miller better. I glanced over in Ben’s direction and saw him talking to Ellie. The two of them looked to be in their own little world and I wondered again what was really going on between them. Ben pulled Ellie into a hug and held her head gently against his chest. The tenderness of his touch caused my chest to ache out of pure longing. The realization that I might never find someone to care about me like that sucked all of the happiness out of my return home. The jealousy that burned through me as I watched them share an intimate moment shamed me. So, Ben wasn’t for me, but couldn’t I at least drum up a little happiness for my sister that she could find someone like him?

Ben looked up at me and caught me staring. I quickly averted my gaze, but not before I missed the softness in his expression as he revealed the feelings he had for my sister. I also didn’t miss that his gray eyes had transformed to a lighter shade. He was one of those unlucky souls whose eye color gave away their moods; too bad I wouldn’t be learning what those colors meant.

We were quickly divided into two teams and lanes according to our relationships with the grooms. Some of the guests were co-workers of both Gray and Chase so they argued good-naturedly over them. As luck would have it, attainable Miller with the twinkling eyes was on Gray’s team and Ben, whom I wanted but would never have, was on my team.

We introduced ourselves to our opponents and I didn’t miss the way Miller’s hand lingered in mine when we shook hands. The spark I felt for him wasn’t as intense as with Ben, but I could probably make it work. I turned away to enter my name into the computer when Miller moved on to speak to Ben.

“It’s good to see you again,” Ben said to Miller. There was a tone in his voice that I couldn’t quite place.

“Ben, it’s always a pleasure.” Miller’s voice was friendly, but not gooey warm like it was when he spoke to me.

There was something between them, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. They weren’t awkward around each other or unfriendly, but there was something odd about the way they spoke to one another. It was stiff and very formal like you’d expect at a dinner meeting with a client. I wondered what the story was between them.

“Are you happy to be home?”

Once again, Ben’s voice spoken so close behind me gave me a start, but I didn’t let it show outwardly. It made me think of him pressing his chest to my back as he entered my body, saying my name once he was buried to the hilt. Would his voice be even deeper during sex? Would he fuck me hard or tender? Both? Would he like the way I reached back and fisted my hands in his silky, black hair while he made me his? I loved that he was half a foot taller than me and must’ve been pushing two hundred and ten pounds to my one hundred and fifty. I’d love to feel his weight pressing down on me.

“Yep,” I said casually, pretending I didn’t just think about having sex with my sister’s straight, almost-boyfriend. I took a deep, relaxing breath. I entered my name into the computer and stepped aside so the other guys on my team could do the same.

“I’m happy too.”

I’d been in the man’s presence less than thirty minutes and I had already been jealous over the fact that he wasn’t gay and had feelings for my sister, fantasized about having sex with him, and got all fuzzy inside when he said he was happy that I was home. It was more than a little scary all the things he made me feel, none of which was good for my recovery. Ben would never be mine. Even if he was gay, he’d never want someone with my baggage, so the sooner I accepted these facts the better. I had no room in my life for relationships at that moment anyway.

“Thank you.” I offered him a small smile and then picked up my bowling ball to take my first turn. I wished I had paid attention and not entered my name to go first. I took a deep breath, lined up the ball with the arrows on the lane, and let it fly. I’m not sure who was more surprised when I knocked all the pins down - Chase, Ben, or myself.

“I thought you said you sucked at bowling?” Ben looked at me suspiciously as he picked up his ball for his turn.

“I do,” I replied.

“He does,” Chase said at the same time.

“Maybe I bring you good luck.” My mind heard good fuck, but before I could say anything Ben turned and rolled the ball down the lane. He threw up his hands and whooped as he too bowled a strike. He held his hand up in the air for a high five and I smacked his hand with mine. I ignored the electric jolt that singed my hand where our skin touched.