Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (36 page)

It was everything I had ever hoped to hear from my father, but it felt like it was a bit too little too late for me. He asked me if I would give it some thought and if he could call sometime. I had agreed. So far, I hadn’t heard a peep from him and quite frankly it stung a little. I thought he had been sincere and I foolishly got my hopes up. Again.

“Well, I’m not sure why he showed up like he did, asked for forgiveness and permission to call, but then hasn’t called. Xavier thinks I should reach out to him since he took the first step, but fuck if I do that. I need for him to be the one to make the move.”

“The road runs both ways, bud. He made a really grand gesture and he’s probably afraid of rejection. I would be if I were in his shoes.” Van was always the voice of reason, which I sometimes hated and loved. The only time Van couldn’t be objective was when it came to love and relationships, but I figured someday he’d find the one who made him reconsider everything.

“I know, Van, and I will give it some thought.” He nodded his head as if mollified. I watched as he began to fidget a bit and shove his food around his plate rather than eat it. “Your turn to spill it.”

“God, this is awkward.” Van ran his hands through his hair and I stared at him. I’d never seen him look so uncertain. “I’m just going to say it; no beating around the bush.” He looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes. I couldn’t imagine what he was about to say. “I’m thinking about asking Ellie on a date.” Well, I certainly hadn’t expected that.

“Ellie, as in Xavier’s sister?” I think both of my eyebrows disappeared into my hairline.

“Yes, Xavier’s sister. Do you think he’d be upset if I ask her out?” Van sounded uncertain and nervous, which I had never heard before.

I tried to think about how Xavier would feel, but all I could think about was that Bevan wanted to go on a
date
. A real date. Had that even happened since college for him? “Why do you want to ask Ellie out? You know she’s due to have a baby in December and that her life is really complicated now. I don’t want to see her get hurt.” I was pretty sure that was what Xavier would say.

Van began bouncing his legs beneath the table. “Of course, I know all about her situation. I remember that disastrous make out slash stakeout that you and lover boy tried to conduct like a bunch of amateurs.” Van grinned at the memory, but I bet he was grinning over something completely different than I was. “Anyway, I’ve been helping El draw up legal papers to protect her and her unborn baby. It seems that Drake is perfectly happy signing off his parental rights as soon as she provides a DNA test that he’s the father. No child support and no obligations.”

“What a dick.”

“You have no idea how bad I want to smash that guy’s face in, Ben. He’s a fucking sleaze and I can’t believe someone as beautiful, smart, and kind as Ellie Cruz fell for his shit.”

“What about making sure she doesn’t get hurt? How are you planning to approach this? A dinner between friends or what?”

“Yes, probably. I just want to keep it light and see what happens.”

“I hate to keep pointing out the obvious here, Bevan, but she’s pregnant. I know you’re just talking dinner here but you’re a guy and she’s an attractive woman. Are you willing to take this to the physical level?”

“Jesus, Ben,” Van whispered harshly. I couldn’t help but notice the blush that spread across his cheeks. “Of course, I find her physically attractive, but I haven’t let myself go there. Damn, I just thought I’d ask her to dinner.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his discomfort. “I don’t think Xavier will have a problem with it. Ellie is almost forty years old. She’s been on her own for a very long time. If he thinks you will make her happy then he’ll be all for it. He just wouldn’t want her to get hurt.”

“Maybe I should talk to him first. I don’t want to fuck things up between the two of you.”

“We’re having our first cookout in our new house on Sunday. You can talk to him then and see how he feels about it. Ellie will be there and you can spend time with her in a pressure free environment and see how things feel. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect, Ben. Thank you.” Bevan got a shit-eating grin on his face. “So, what do I buy two gay men as a housewarming gift anyway?”

“SO,” I LEANED
close to Chase so that I wasn’t overheard, “guess who we saw coming out of your bathroom together readjusting their clothes at your July 4
th
party?”

“Gram and Lennie?” Chase laughed at his joke. “Who and why are you just now telling me? We already had the Labor Day pool party and you didn’t say anything then.” Chase was helping me load various cheeses and sandwich toppings onto a large platter, but stopped to put his hands on his hips in exasperation. I glanced back outside to see Gray and Ben still manning the grill, I quickly looked around to make sure no one would be able to listen in.

“JJ and Miller.” I knew I delivered the names with a gossipy gleam in my eyes.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up!”

We both turned and looked out the French doors at the same time. JJ and Miller were sitting at a table by themselves talking and drinking beers. They looked a lot more relaxed since I last saw them coming out of the bathroom. I hadn’t forgotten the look on JJ’s face when Miller walked away without a backward glance. Ben and I both believed that something more was going on between them.

“I’m serious. There was no mistaking what JJ and Miller had just done in your bathroom. Ben and I got the impression that this wasn’t the first time either.” Jesus, I nattered like a blue-haired church lady. I should’ve been ashamed, but I wasn’t. “JJ made a comment to Ben at the charity event that Miller wanted me and he always got everything he wanted. It was said as if JJ had personal knowledge of just how convincing Miller could be.”

“Ben ought to know,” Chase said with a smirk. His eyes bulged out of his head and he covered his mouth with both hands when he realized what he blurted out.

I laughed hysterically at his horrified expression, but quickly took pity on him. “I know all about Ben and Miller hooking up a few years ago. It doesn’t bother me. It was years before we met and it had no meaning. I get to see the side of Ben that no one else has and it’s fucking amazing.”

“That’s beautiful, Xavier.” Chase, my champion, my brother, and my best friend teared up as he looked around my first home – the home I shared with the man I loved. “To say I’m happy for you is not enough. I don’t think ecstatic even works. Gah! I’m so excited to see the sparkle back in your eyes, but they’ve never sparkled like that.” He pointed at my eyes for emphasis. “Miller and JJ, huh? Well, they have gotten closer since Gray and I met. They’re kind of thrown together at these things since they’re the only two with swinging dicks left. So, you get the impression that they’ve been screwing each a long time?” Chase and I turned to look at them again, but found empty chairs instead.

“Where’d they go?” I looked around the backyard, but didn’t see them anywhere. “Oh man. I bet they’re in here fucking.” I heard a loud thump followed by a laugh that was hushed by a deep voice. “That sounds like it’s coming from the hallway bathroom. What is with them and bathrooms? They better not leave their spunk all over my damn floor.”

“It’s better than your bedroom. Let’s confront them,” Chase said with a look of pure mischief in his eyes. “Those two are constantly ragging on us about our sappy relationships. It’s only fair we give some of that back. They’re lucky I don’t call our men in here to witness this with us.”
Our men. I liked it.

“Let’s do it.”

Chase and I tiptoed down the hallway, probably looking like a bad imitation of Shaggy and Scooby. I was obviously Scooby Doo. As we approached the door, the obvious sounds of sex echoed out into the hallway.

“
Ohhh, god that feels so fucking good, JJ.”

“You like that Miller? Right there?”

“Fuck yes, but harder, J. I need it harder.”

Sounds of a body being slammed repeatedly into the bathroom vanity ricocheted through the bathroom.

“J. Oh, fuck! Harder, baby.”

“Baby,” Chase and I mouthed at each other.

JJ let out a long groan and our eyes bugged out of our head as we fought not to laugh and give ourselves away. The bathroom door opened suddenly and two fully dressed grown men caught us with our heads practically pressed to the door.

“Caught you didn’t we, you little fuckers,” Miller said playfully and jabbed at Chase’s stomach with his fists.

“You little Gossip Gays were so busy yapping you didn’t hear us walk in. We stood there listening to you talking about us having sex.” JJ looked over at Miller then back to us. “What we are or aren’t doing is our business, ladies.”

JJ wrapped his arm around my neck in a headlock so fast that I didn’t have time to prepare myself. As soon as his arm hooked around me, I started to squirm and panic.

“What’s going on in here?” Gray’s voice was full of mischief.

“JJ and Miller are trying to talk us into a foursome,” Chase lied. “See, J is trying to pull X into the bathroom.”

Black dots danced across my vision and a full-on panic attack loomed near. I tried to remind myself that it was JJ, who cared about me and would never hurt me, but my brain screamed DANGER. I fought to breathe air into my lungs, but it felt like they had closed up.

“Let go of him, JJ.” Ben’s authoritative voice had JJ releasing me immediately. I gasped as soon as I was free from him, but I still struggled to pull air into my lungs. Ben immediately had me wrapped in his arms. “Can we have a private moment please?” Ben didn’t wait for a response before he pulled me into the bathroom and shut the door. “You’re okay, love. Breathe with me.” He placed my hand over his chest so I could feel the steady rhythm of his lungs working, moving air in and out, in and out. It didn’t take me long to calm down and breathe with him. He placed his hands gently on my neck, because he knew how much I loved for his touch to replace the bad memories.

“Ben,” I whispered brokenly. “I’m such a fucking mess.” I felt hot tears of humiliation burn the back of my eyes. “JJ was only playing around with me and look what happened.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Xavier. You survived a very abusive relationship and you are bound to have triggers.” Ben read a lot about drug addiction and domestic abuse recovery. It was one of the many reasons why I loved him so much. “I’ll go with you if you want to talk to a professional.” And he would, just like he had gone to quite a few of my NA meetings. “Anything you want, but please don’t put yourself down.”

“I love you so much, Ben.” I didn’t always feel deserving of his love, but I was getting better.

“And, I love you.” He held me close and kissed my face so sweetly. “Are you ready to return to the party?”

I nodded my head and we opened up the bathroom to leave and found JJ pacing the hallway. I was shocked at the level of concern I saw in his eyes. I’d never told him about my abusive relationship and I was certain no one else did either. The expression in his eyes gave away a secret from his past that I’d bet not even Chase knew.

JJ knew what it was like to suffer abuse. He must have recognized the signs in me and was feeling horrible that he triggered a response. “Xavier, I would never hurt you. I am so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay, J. It wasn’t your fault. You were only playing around with me and had no idea that would happen. Hell, I wouldn’t have thought it would happen either. I’m sorry I scared you.”

JJ pulled me into a gentle hug. “Don’t let the memories of the past ruin your future. Take it from someone who lives with regrets daily. Fight for what you have, squirt, because it’s worth it.” He dropped an innocent kiss on my forehead and walked away. His shoulders sagged from the weight of his heavy heart.

I knew he was talking about Chase and my heart broke for him. How fucking hard must it have been for him to watch Chase fall in love and marry Gray? It astonished me that he kept accepting invites, because it had to be emotional torture. But, Chase would be hurt if he didn’t show up and it was now crystal clear to me that JJ would do anything to make Chase happy, even at the expense of his own sanity.