Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (15 page)

“Take your time.” Ben kissed the top of my head tenderly.

“Damien started taking over little things for me in the guise of caring for me and making life easier on me. He made me feel cherished and adored.” I shook my head at my own stupidity, “I was completely blinded by the fact that he was slowly controlling every aspect of my life - from the people I could hang out with, to when and where I ate, and what I wore. It makes me sound so fucking stupid when I hear myself telling this story out loud, like how could I have been so fucking blind to not see what was happening? But, I’m being completely honest when I say that it was so gradual that it felt normal by the time I looked to him for every single thing.

“My relationship with my bandmates deteriorated during this same time frame, because I had broken our pact when I began dating Damien. It didn’t help that Damien constantly whispered in my ear that I was the standout performer and that he could help me rise above my smalltime fame and get me a record deal. Fuck, I stupidly believed him and my ego grew to epic proportions. The guys staged an intervention and I blamed it on their jealousy over my greatness rather than the genuine concern that it was. It completely alienated me from my band and that was exactly what he wanted.” Ben continued to rub my back, giving me the strength I sought and needed to continue.

“Then Damien started to show his true colors. Gone was the man who claimed to love me and in his place was a jealous, possessive man who only wanted to own me by any means necessary.” I felt myself stiffen with anger. “He became verbally abusive and somehow convinced me that he was the best I could hope to have and most of the time I didn’t deserve him.” I repeated the same words Damien used to tell me, even using the same venom in my voice that he would use on me.

“My only bright spot was Deacon, who was part of the security staff. He saw what was happening and befriended me when Damien wasn’t around, which became more and more frequent when he was convinced he had me under his thumb. I knew I had to get out and Deacon promised to help me. I knew it was divine intervention when Chase called to say he and Gray were coming out to LA for business and asked if he could get tickets to a show. I knew that once again Chase was going to rescue me and he did.”

“What made you go back?” Ben’s voice held no recrimination, just curiosity. His hands slid into my hair and began massaging my scalp in circles with the perfect amount of pressure.

“The band kept calling me and putting pressure on me to return. I heard tales of them facing financial ruin if they couldn’t meet their concert obligations, which was true. I didn’t think about them for one single second while I planned my exit strategy with Deacon. I was selfish and the guys didn’t deserve how I treated them, because none of it was their fault. They knew I had seen the light about Damien and they got him to promise that things would be different and he would accept that our personal relationship was over. I stupidly fell for that one too, I should have insisted that Damien be fired before I returned.

“I had just spent a few months with Mr. and Mr. Happily Ever After who made constant kissy faces at each other, and fuck if I didn’t want that for myself. I got depressed and despondent in LA when I realized that I had been duped by the band and Damien. It took me all of ten friggin’ minutes to realize that Damien had pulled them over to his side while I was away.”

“How?” Ben asked. “If they warned you away from him then why not just try and find a replacement for you? There had to be hundreds of guys willing to audition for the open spot. So why would they warn you away from him and then help him reel you back in?”

“Drugs,” I replied emotionlessly. “My bandmates, who had dabbled in a little bit of pot and alcohol, became addicted to Ecstasy while I was here trying to get my shit together.” I took a shallow, trembling breath and could feel Ben tense around me. “I started taking E to forget about my shitty life about a month after I got to LA. I took E to get high and then smoked pot to bring myself down.”

“Xavier.” Ben said my name tenderly, which encouraged me to continue.

“I hated myself off of the drugs and hated myself even more while taking them. Damien just waited for the right time to make his move and I stupidly let that man back in. He was so much more violent the second time around, where before he mostly yelled and threw things,” I started to feel myself shaking, the hatred I had towards Damien still affected me.

“I started looking into online counseling and tips on how to get sober and stay that way. I read every article I could find, because I knew there was no way I could escape Damien’s eagle eye to attend meetings or work with a sponsor in person, but I was lucky to find a sponsor online who befriended me and chatted with me.” I could feel Ben relax a little with my admission, his gentle massage started again on my scalp and back.

“I faked highs around the band and Damien while I weaned myself off the drugs. I put all of my focus on the natural high I got from working out instead of the artificial buzz I got from the drugs. It was working until Damien searched my phone, tablet, and laptop and saw my emails I sent back and forth to my sponsor, Kevin.

“Damien was waiting for me in my dressing room when I got done performing one night. He blindsided me with a violent attack and I ended up handcuffed to metal furniture that was bolted into the concrete floor. He told me how he was going to destroy Kevin’s life by convincing his wife that he was having an affair with me, because in his crazed mind that is what Kevin and I were doing.” I could feel the chill that I had felt that night start to seep through the heat of Ben’s body. I shivered before I could stop myself.

“He struck me in the face repeatedly while he yelled about how only he could have me. I knew I was going to die when he wrapped his hands around my neck and began to squeeze the life out of me. I felt my life slipping away and I welcomed it, Ben.”

“No. Please don’t say that, Xavier,” Ben whispered brokenly.

“I did, because I figured it was my only escape from him. Then members of the band kicked in the door after hearing Damien screaming about killing me. They saved my life and I used the damage to my face and neck as collateral to escape that bastard once and for all.”

“Did you go to the police?”

I shook my head. “I know it was wrong of me, Ben, but I was too ashamed, which is just how abusers want their victims to be – too embarrassed to talk. I just wanted to get away, but I documented my injuries and got statements from the witnesses. The other band members were willing to let him get away with a lot, but not murder. There was no doubt in any of our minds that I would have been dead had they not kicked in the door.”

Ben held me tighter, but didn’t say anything. It was then that I noticed we were both shivering, because the hot water had run out sometime during my confession. I was too lost in my memories to notice and Ben either didn’t notice or he didn’t want to interrupt me. “Let’s get dried off and dressed and then you can tell me the rest while I fix you something to eat.” Ben stepped out, handing me a towel before wrapping himself up in his own.

We dried off and dressed in silence, neither of us speaking until we were in his cozy kitchen. I watched as Ben calmly pulled ingredients out of his refrigerator and began to assemble the makings for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

“Soup?”

“Just a sandwich is fine,” I replied. “Thank you for doing this, Ben.” He paused and looked over his shoulder and offered a comforting smile. I was so relieved when I didn’t see disdain and censure in his beautiful gray eyes. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I already ate a few hours ago. You’re very welcome, Xavier.” Ben turned his focus back on cooking my sandwich and then asked, “Are you ready to tell me the rest of what happened?”

“Uh, Damien was finally subdued by the rest of the band and a few of our crew members drove me to my apartment and helped me pack up my stuff and checked me into a hotel about forty-five minutes away. One of them followed in Mistress so that I wouldn’t be stranded without a vehicle when I was ready to move on. They even brought me enough food and bottled water for the little hotel fridge so I could stay inside for a few days. I realized the next morning why they thought I might want to hide.

“I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror the next morning. My face was so battered, bruised, and swollen; my neck bore the ten angry fingerprints of the man who tried to love me to death.” A shiver racked my body as I remembered it all again so clearly. “I’ll never forget the sight of that blood-tinged water sliding over my body and washing down the drain in that hotel shower. I decided it was a symbol of washing away all the ugly and starting over clean. I convinced myself I would come out of the ordeal smarter and stronger.

“I stayed at the hotel for about a week and then I cleaned out my bank account and safety deposit box – that was the only part of my life that I wouldn’t let Damien control – and slowly began making my way back home while my body healed. I drove from the west coast to the east coast with both car windows down and let the wind blow the negativity away, or that was the plan. I still battle a lot of self-hatred and I’m finding it really hard to forgive myself, although I am trying.”

Warm hands slid over mine where I had them clasped tightly together on top of the kitchen table. I was so caught up in the memories that I didn’t realize that Ben had brought my sandwich to the table and sat in the chair across from me. I looked at those strong hands and remembered the feel of them on my body, both in passion and tenderness. I then looked into his expressive eyes that were damp with unshed tears and for the first time in so very long I felt something begin to bloom in my guarded heart. Hope.

Early the next morning, I heard the new melody in my dreams; it wasn’t the entire song, but it was several strands of music. I immediately sat up, turned on the lamp, and grabbed my notebook and pencil so I could record the chords as I heard them in my dream. Once I finished, I turned off the light and laid back down, but sleep eluded me.

I had been intimate with Ben on two occasions and both times I heard a part of the new melody that I suspected would transform into a beautiful song. I wanted to chalk it up to coincidence, but I had never bought into that theory. I was a firm believer that everything happened for a reason, both good and bad. Yet, my brain cautioned me against moving too fast and letting my guard down too soon. My heart, however, was beating to the new melody that I only heard after finding comfort with Ben. It became the rhythm of us.

“BEN, MRS. ST. CLAIRE
is here to see you.” Ian’s words drove a railroad spike through my brain. I could hear my assistant’s unspoken thoughts, because they were the same thoughts I had every time my mother came to my office for a visit. Neither of us were Beverly St. Claire fans. We’d commiserate with each over coffee as soon as she left.

Why the fuck was she bothering me at my office? “Tell her I’m in a meeting, that I’m out of town, or better yet you can tell her that I’m dead.”

“Um, sir . . .”

“I heard that, Bennett, and it’s no way to treat your mother.”