Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (12 page)

Later that night, I sat in the hotel restaurant and ate dinner by myself. I was irritated by how my day went and by the fact I hadn’t heard from Bevan yet. How fucking hard was it to find this Drake Anderson douche anyway? I gave Bevan his name, where he worked, and the place he and Ellie met, because I figured it was one of his typical haunts. Did I need to do his job for him too? Damn, I was in a rare foul mood.

I looked up from my phone again to find a raven-haired man with a pair of fuck-me blue eyes scoping me out. Things were suddenly starting to look up. If I couldn’t get any information out of my brother then I could at least get laid. The sexy stranger kept staring at my lips and I knew what he was thinking. I’ve been told plenty of times that men fantasized about how my lips would feel wrapped around their cocks. A memory of Xavier popped up in my mind as soon as the blow job thought crossed it. I didn’t owe Xavier my fidelity, because he made it clear he didn’t want to pursue anything with me. Try as I might, I could not get the memory of Xavier out of my head as he leaned against my door with his pants around his thighs and his beautiful cock buried in my throat. The memory was so tangible that I could almost feel Xavier’s fingers in my hair, taste him on my tongue.

I had a choice to make that night. I could fuck a nameless man who I’d forget a few hours later or I could take care of business myself and hope that I wasn’t alone in the bone-deep attraction I felt when I was with Xavier. It seemed as if there really wasn’t an option after all. I broke eye contact with the man and signaled for my check. I picked up the phone and called my brother so the guy wouldn’t get the impression that I was asking for my bill so I could leave with him.

“Have you ever been in love?” I asked Van when he answered the phone.

“I’m trailing a cheating wife, which is why I haven’t called you tonight with the information. Can I call you back?”

“Wait, is it our mother?”

Van laughed drily on the other end. “As if father gives a damn who she’s sleeping with as long as it’s not him.”

“True, and it’s not like he hasn’t had the same mistress for the past five years or longer. Hell, we could have other siblings,” I amended sarcastically. “Seriously, Van, have you ever been in love or do you think our parents have killed any possibility of us having a normal, healthy relationship?” I chewed on my lip while I waited for his answer. I wanted to believe that I could have what Chase and Gray had someday, but our primary example of what relationships looked like was seriously jacked up.

“I’ve never been in love and I don’t know if
I’m
capable of love, but I’m not sure the same can be said about
you
, Ben. Daniel and Beverly had less of an impact and power over you, because you refused to conform to their rules and demands. It’s not just them either.” Bevan blew out a frustrated breath. “Let’s not forget what I do for a living, bro. I’ve yet to investigate a suspected case of cheating that turns up as an honest misunderstanding between spouses. So, I doubt I could ever truly trust someone after witnessing the monstrosity of a marriage between our pathetic parents and all these cheating asshats.” I could always count on my brother to be honest even if I didn’t always like his answers. “Have you met someone special, Ben?”

How the fuck was I supposed to answer his question? Yes, I met someone who piqued my interest and I believed that he was special, but the fact remained that nothing might ever come out of it. I wasn’t a defeatist so I wasn’t giving up, but I’d be an idiot if I didn’t at least acknowledge that Xavier’s scars might run too deep for him to ever trust again. I wanted to be the one he leaned on and trusted with all of his secrets, but wanting and wishing wouldn’t make it so.

“It’s complicated, Bevan. I want him to be special to me, but I’m not sure he feels the same way.” My answer was honest, even though it hurt to admit out loud. It was good to talk to my brother about how I was feeling, because everyone else I could turn to also knew Xavier as a friend or brother.

“It sounds like you just need to give him some time and space,” Van answered when I was done talking. “Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Just be careful, okay? It sounds like this guy was into something pretty bad in LA and I don’t want you getting sucked into something that could cause you to end up hurt.” His big-brother concern made me smile. “Do you want me to do some looking around for you to put both of our minds at ease?”

“Jesus, not everyone is a fucking cheater or criminal.” I immediately regretted the defensive way I spoke to my brother when he was only looking out for me. I expelled a frustrated breath and lightened my tone when I said, “He’s a good guy, Van.”

“I’m not saying that he isn’t, Ben. There are a lot of good people who’ve made a bad decision or two and it’s caused them a lot of hurt. You’re the only family I have and I’m just asking you to be cautious. I’ll respect your wishes if you respect mine and be careful.”

It was the closest thing to a heart-to-heart conversation that Van and I have ever had. “I appreciate your brotherly concern and your advice. I promise to be careful and take things slow.”

Van and I talked about a few other things while I paid for dinner and made my way back to my hotel room. Alone. He ended the call when he reached his destination and needed to photograph the money shot. He promised to email the information on Drake Anderson to me later that night. I tossed my cellphone on my bed and took a long, hot shower while I mulled Van’s advice over in my head. I knew he was right to be cautious about Xavier. I had no clue what shit he’d gotten into, but there was no way I could walk away without trying. I wanted Xavier to be the one to tell me what happened; it would mean so much more than reading it in a report.

I checked my phone as soon as I had slipped on my lounging pants and a t-shirt. I had missed two calls from Xavier while I was in the shower, but he didn’t leave a message either time. My heart started to race, because I knew he wouldn’t have called me to chat – he made that clear during our conversation earlier that morning. I called him back and held my breath while I waited for him to answer.

“Hey, Ben,” he said in a whispered hush. “I’m sorry if I bothered you, but Ellie asked me to call you.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing now, but we had a little scare this evening. Ellie had some cramping and bleeding so I brought her to the ER. The doctor said she’s just fine and a little spotting and mild cramping is normal.” He sounded so relieved and tired. “We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat and it was the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard, Ben.” I could hear a hint of fear beneath the awe in his voice. I wished I had been there to provide him comfort or at least a shoulder to lean on, but we weren’t there
yet.

I smiled because it was the first unguarded thing he said to me. “I’m so glad you called and let me know what’s going on.” I felt a pearl of hope begin to form, but his next words obliterated my blossoming confidence.

“Ellie decided to take the remainder of the week off to rest and she didn’t want you to worry when you came to the office and found her absent.”

His emphasis that Ellie was the one who wanted him to call stung just a little bit, until I realized that Ellie could have easily called me in the morning to let me know what was going on. Was Ellie playing matchmaker by trying to push Xavier and I into communicating or was Xavier using her as an excuse to call me? I had hoped for the latter.

“Did you hear back from your brother yet?”

I smiled to myself, because I had my answer. “He was trailing a cheating spouse and said he’d email me the information tonight. I should be home tomorrow afternoon if you want to track this fucker down tomorrow night.”

“Should be home?” I told Xavier about my fucked up day and it felt so good to have someone to talk to about it. “You must be really angry then,” he stated once I finished recounting the meeting from hell. I tried to place the tone of his voice, it ranged somewhere between curious and timid.

“I was more disappointed than angry,” I answered honestly. “I hate getting embarrassed in front of clients by poor planning and execution.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Xavier asked softly, almost hesitantly.

I was certain there was more to Xavier’s question than what type of reprimand I had in mind for Drew. It felt more like a test than a question and I was desperate to pass. “Well, I’m going to be supervising his ad campaigns a lot closer and he won’t be permitted to pitch to clients on his own until he’s earned my trust again.”

“So, no yelling or cussing him out?”

“That’s not my style, Xavier.”

“It’s not your style in your professional life, but what about your personal life?” Someone really did a number on this beautiful man and fuck if I didn’t want to make it all better – by any means necessary.

“It’s not my style in any aspect of my life, Xavier.” I silently prayed that he could hear the sincerity in my voice. Somehow, earning his trust became the most important thing in my life.

“I’m not available tomorrow night, but I am the night after if you really want me to go with you. Just let me know what time to be ready.”

It was a small victory, but one that I would happily claim. We didn’t chat for much longer and our goodbyes seemed a little awkward, but I didn’t care. I was certain I had made progress and if I had looked in the mirror I knew I would have seen the goofiest grin on my face. That grin remained on my face as I watched SportsCenter, read through my emails, and even when I fell asleep. It probably stayed on my face throughout my dreams.

I DIDN’T HAVE
another nightmare, but the new melody didn’t pay me a visit in my sleep either, so I woke with mixed feelings. I was grateful for a peaceful night of sleep without Damien haunting me, but was disappointed about the lack of music. I was certain that something would’ve broken free inside me after all the hours I played the piano at Saint C’s the day before, but nothing.

I shoved the disappointment aside and focused on the positives I had going for me. It seemed that no one was disappointed with my choice to go out west, except me. It reasoned that I could move on with my life and be happy if I could just find a way to forgive myself. So, that was what I decided to do as I jogged through the neighborhood in the cool morning air. I formulated a plan to start forgiving myself little by little. I would fight for the life I wanted, even if that meant fighting myself.

Ellie looked like a whole new person when I returned back to her house an hour later. The ER doc prescribed an anti-vomiting medicine and it seemed to be working. She sat at the kitchen table eating her oatmeal while the sun shone through the window and bathed her with its brilliant beams. She smiled at me as I entered the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.

“You look so much better,” I told her while leaning against the counter. “Are the pills working?”

“They seem to be so far.” She got a faraway look in her eyes and smiled dreamily. “I’m going to be a mother,” she whispered as if it was just sinking in. “I knew I was pregnant, of course, but it didn’t seem real until I heard his or her heartbeat last night. I didn’t plan on ever having kids and didn’t think I wanted to be a mom until I thought I was having a miscarriage.” She focused her eyes back on mine and gave me a wobbly smile. “Thank you for being my rock last night, Xavier. I was scared out of my mind, but you gave me the strength I needed to stay calm.”

“You’ve always been my rock, Ellie, so I’m glad I was able to return the favor.” I walked to the table and dropped a kiss on the top of her crazy morning curls. “You’re going to be an amazing mother, Ellie. My little niece or nephew will be the luckiest baby to have you for a mom, because you were born to nurture and love. You’re not our parents nor will you ever be.”

“Thank you, Xavier. Maybe someday I will be saying these same words to you near the birth of your first child.”

“Who knows, maybe someday?” My words were said without conviction. It was hard for me to visualize a future with children in it. I had spent so much time on the road the last eight years that I didn’t give a family much consideration.
Was a family in my cards?
Only time would tell. “Do you need me to bring you home anything while I’m out? I’ll be gone most of the day, but I’ll have my phone near me at all times.”