Riding and Regrets (2 page)

“Not that they were ever around much to begin with.” Noel hugged his aunt, impulsively, tightly, burying his nose in her auburn hair. “You gave up years of your own life for us, living with Mom and Dad.”

Gertie slapped him on the butt, hard enough to surprise a squeak out of him. “Now don’t you even start that crap. I didn’t give up nothing. You kids mean everything to me. You know I can’t have kids, and I love ’em so much, that’s why I have the daycare. But you, Josie and River are the babies I never had myself. When Marcy asked me to move in after Josie was born and I saw the way she was with that baby, holding her like she was some kind of weird thing, I had to say yes. I’ve never regretted,” she said fervently. “Never.”

Noel knew that Gertie couldn’t have kids of her own, though he’d never asked why. It’d seemed rude to pry, and in the end, the reason didn’t matter. “I’m selfish, maybe, but I’m glad we had you.”

“You kids deserved better parents than you got, but I like to think I made a difference.” Gertie sniffled then smiled brightly. “Well now, that’s enough of the mushy business. Unless you’re going to give me names for the jerks I need to break in two, we’re going to drop the serious stuff and have a nice meal while I convince you to move here permanently.”

“I love you a lot, Aunt Gertie, but a town like this…” It wouldn’t be a place that took kindly to someone like him, out and proud and more than a little swishy, as his ex had called him. His ex was such a dick.

Gertie’s face lit up and she winked at him. “Oh, now, son. You don’t know this town or the people here. And there’s this ranch that hires from every spectrum of the rainbow. Take a seat at the table.”

Noel pulled out a chair and sat. “Are you sure you don’t need me to help?”

Bertie snorted at him.

“So you’re telling me there’s a ranch full of gay cowboys?” he asked instead as she set a large bowl of salad on the table.

“Not just gay,” Gertie corrected. “I told you, the whole rainbow. Now, I don’t go asking people if they’re gay or whatever. Never understood how anyone thought they had the right to that kinda information. I mean, no one goes up and asks people if they’re straight. Just stupid.” She added a platter of warm garlic bread to the table. Noel’s stomach growled.

“Hungry boy,” Gertie said. “You always loved food, and that’s not a bad thing.”

“I love it too much, which is most definitely a bad thing.” Noel cringed when he thought about those painful years when he’d been overweight. He knew first-hand how hateful people could be.

“It was a source of comfort.” Gertie added the pasta dish. “You want water, soda or milk?”

“Water, please. I don’t drink soda or milk.” Noel figured he was going to get a questioning look over that and he was right. “Soda’s all sugar and the diet stuff is bad, too. Milk has too many antibiotics that come through from the cows—I don’t care what anyone says, that stuff doesn’t just vanish from the milk. There’s those, and growth hormones, and who knows what else in it. Organic milk is expensive. It has too many calories, too. I drink low-cal almond milk when I want something like that.”

“Almond milk,” Gertie huffed. “You stayed in California longer than you should have.”

Noel laughed and as soon as Gertie took her seat, he dished them out some pasta while she put salad in smaller bowls for each of them. “So, about this ranch. Are you telling me there’s available men, then?”

“I’d think so,” Gertie answered. She forked some salad into her mouth and chewed it.

Noel wrinkled his nose at her. “Not sure I’m ready for another man.” There was a reason he’d invested in a Fleshlight, after all. It wasn’t just strictly for getting off, but hopefully for keeping him from doing something stupid, like turning to another man. For anything.

Gertie pointed her fork at him. “Now you stop that kind of thinking right there. You’re young. Heck, I’m only forty-five, and I’m young. Well, young enough. I haven’t given up on love and you ain’t going to, either.”

“If you say so,” Noel muttered. “You’ll find Mr Right, but I won’t.”

Gertie cocked her head and smirked. “Noel. Don’t matter to me if it’s Missus or Mister, as long as my heart trusts them. You get past that cynical stage, and you’ll find that you still need love, too.”

Gertie’s personal disclosure didn’t really surprise Noel, and as she’d said, making a big deal out of it was foolish. Noel let it pass along with her other claim that he’d get past the cynical stage. She’d left out the hurt, scared, and angry stages.

Noel wasn’t sure he’d ever move past all of those.

Chapter Two

His brain was going to explode and run out of his ears. Jody Bates tried everything he knew to calm the little girl down—his daughter, not some random kid.

But she may as well have been. He hadn’t known of her existence until the day before when someone from his past had shown up and handed the toddler over. Priscilla Bates. His
daughter.
And Jody had no memory of how that had come to be.

He shied away from trying to remember as Prissy wailed and kicked at him. “Baby girl, please. I don’t— Ooph!” Jody shifted her on his hip. “Dang it, I ain’t much more than a kid myself. I don’t know what to do here.”

Duke pushed his cowboy hat up an inch or so and eyed Jody and Prissy. “Well now, I’m not a kid wrangler, but maybe you oughta feed her something. And, you know”—he gestured in their direction—“wipe off that snot.”

For one split second, Jody almost reached for his own nose before it dawned on him that Duke was referring to Prissy. “Are you hungry?” Wow, she did have a mess going with snot and tears and slobber all over. Her face was red and blotchy, and her big blue eyes had taken on a glinty, demonic look.

Jody was terrified in a deep-down way that he hadn’t ever been before. Not even years ago when he’d woken up with his head a mess. That, at least, had only been his life. Now he had the responsibility of taking care of Priscilla. He didn’t know if he could do it.

“Here.” Duke handed him a damp paper towel. “You can’t just stand there any more than you would if she was a bellerin’ calf. Make her happy so she stops, and don’t you worry about your work until you figure this out.”

Oh, God, I’m gonna get fired.
Jody took the napkin and wiped, or tried to. Prissy hollered louder and batted at his hands. The toe of her shoe caught him in the groin and he squeaked like a rusty hinge.

“She’s gotta be scared as hell—er, heck,” Duke corrected. “You said you didn’t know a thing about her existence until that woman showed up yesterday and handed the kid over to you. Priscilla here ain’t ever been with you, and whoever had her plumb abandoned her, so she has every right to be upset.”

“I understand that,” Jody gritted out as he tried not to cry himself. “Just don’t know how to fix it.”

“Time’s all that can help. Time and love.” Duke gave him a two-fingered salute and left the kitchen.

Jody was afraid that Priscilla might just be up the creek. He didn’t know how to love anyone right. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna.” He sat her on the counter and managed to get most of the mess off her face while she fought him. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m probably being too rough and all. I don’t mean to scare you.”

Someone cleared their throat and Jody peered towards the doorway, seeking out the source of the noise. He saw Frankie scowling at him. “What?” he asked his sometime fuck buddy.

Frankie rolled his eyes and huffed like he’d been pumped plumb full of steam. “Don’t you know nothin’ about babies? They like to be sung to, and I heard Duke tellin’ you to feed her. Poor thang.”

Jody’s cheeks went hot with embarrassment. “I’m trying my best. When I try putting her down, she either runs off or throws herself on the floor, and last time she smacked her head. How’m I supposed to fix her food when I ain’t got a free hand to use?” His voice pitched up at the end as his frustration swelled.

Frankie strolled over, rolling those thin hips that Jody had spent many a night holding onto as he pounded away at Frankie’s little butt. “Please. Parents been doin’ this kinda stuff forever. It can’t be that hard.” He held his hands out to Prissy. “Come here and let Unca Frankie hold you for a bit. We’ll go out on the porch swing.”

“What about your chores?” Jody asked, hurt and relieved at the same time when Prissy went right to Frankie.
God, she already hates me
. How was it possible to have her break his heart so soon? He’d barely had her in his life for twelve hours!

“Chores can wait,” Frankie said airily as he made a goofy face at Prissy. “This baby girl needs some lovin’ and breakfast. Hop to it, man.”

Jody had as many cooking skills as most guys he knew. He could boil water for noodles and he could scramble eggs. Fortunately, he was saved from having to cook when Drake hollered out from the front room, announcing that he’d brought breakfast over.

“Oh thank God,” Jody whimpered, closing his eyes just for a heartbeat as he fought back the paralysing sense of being overwhelmed. “Thank you!”

“Not a problem, Jody,” Drake said as he walked into the kitchen. “Frankie and Priscilla are on the porch swing. I brought her a cup of chocolate milk to tide her over while we set the table. You bring her on over for meals from now on, okay?” Drake waited while Jody swallowed back a knot of pure relief and struggled not to lose his shit and bawl. When Jody made a sound of ascent, Drake continued. “Will went to town to get some kid stuff. High chair or booster seat, something for Priscilla here to sit at the table in. She ought not have to sit crammed between cowboys and cowgirls.” Drake beamed at the little girl as Frankie came in with her. “Princesses need their own thrones.”

Jody hurried about setting out plates as he eyed the platter Drake had brought over. Biscuits, bacon, sausage, eggs and hash browns. There was even a thingie of gravy, whatever those containers were called. Jody couldn’t remember, and he had more on his mind anyway. “Thanks for this, Drake, and Frankie, thanks for helping with Prissy.”

“Prissy, huh?” Drake tickled Prissy’s belly and got a wet giggle from her. “Well now that’s a pretty name for a pretty girl.” He cocked his head and studied her. “You know, she looks just like you, except for the teeth thing.”

“Should she have all her teeth?” Damn it, he was useless! What did he know about kids?

“I don’t think so. She isn’t quite three yet, right?” Drake asked as Frankie took a seat with Prissy on his lap. The little girl ignored the silverware and grabbed at the food with her hands. “Hungry little thing.”

“Yeah, I’m a shit dad.”

Drake turned and approached Jody. “You better get out of that whole self-pity stage right now. You have someone more important than yourself to think about. And how is it you didn’t know about her?”

Nausea twisted Jody’s belly and a dull buzz splintered through his panicked thoughts. “That’s not—”

“Ain’t really your business, is it?” Frankie said in a perky voice, saving Jody from possibly incurring Drake’s anger.

But Drake blanched and looked ashamed of himself. “Yeah, no, it isn’t. Sorry, man. I overstepped.”

“It’s fine.” No, it wasn’t, but Jody had already let the words slip out and couldn’t take them back.

“Carlos said for you to take a week off, he won’t dock your pay,” Drake informed him, which startled Jody to no end.

“He said what?” Jody hadn’t expected that kind of generosity.

Drake hummed for a second as he returned to the table and dished out food before continuing with his explanation. “Carlos and them are good guys. They know you have a lot going on all of a sudden. You’re to take those papers that woman gave you to the lawyer Carlos uses. You wanna argue about that, you can do it in a minute when Carlos gets here with Troy. They were heading over after doing…whatever.”

Jody could imagine what that meant. It made him flush warm with a slight tingle of arousal, but he ignored it. “I won’t argue. I’ll pay them back, though.”

He was relieved when Frankie insisted on keeping Prissy, saying that he missed his little sister something fierce. Jody dipped his head down and concentrated on eating. The last thing he wanted to think about were siblings.

When Carlos and Troy came in a short while later, Jody pushed his plate away. He hadn’t eaten as much as usual, but he couldn’t handle any more. “Boss,” Jody said as he started to stand up. Carlos waved him back to his chair.

“No need to make a big deal out of this,” Carlos said in that deep, rough voice of his. “You need help, and we’re gonna give it to you. You take them papers to the lawyer today, and spend the rest of the week making that little girl there comfortable in her new home. Maybe after a while we can get you two moved into a trailer here.”

“Wouldn’t want her to grow up in a bunkhouse,” Troy added, a soft look on his face as he watched Prissy. “Cow hands can be vulgar and rowdy, and she doesn’t need that.”

“She must feel like she’s been abandoned,” Carlos added. “Everyone and everything she knew all her little life, just gone, and new people, a new place just right there. Poor kid.”

Not him, they weren’t talking about him there. Jody was relieved. He didn’t want their pity. He had a hard enough time struggling with his own.

Troy lightly tapped Carlos’ arm. “Poor kid, nah. We’re gonna make this little lady feel so loved, she won’t remember nothing else.”

Carlos tipped his chin down and narrowed his eyes at Troy. “You… You want a kid, maybe?”

Troy’s startled expression quickly morphed into denial, then something more thoughtful.

“Will does,” Carlos said bluntly. “He might not have before, but he’s got that look like he’s hungry every time he talks about Priscilla here.”

“Ew,” Frankie said, wrinkling his nose at Carlos and Troy. “All y’all gonna be old fuddy-duddies instead of studs.”

Jody jerked his gaze to Frankie. Did that mean Frankie was going to view him that way, too? Frankie was older than him by two years!

The way Frankie avoided looking at him was answer enough for Jody. He pinched his lips together to keep from saying something harsh and hurtful back, something he might not even regret. Frankie and him had never been anywhere near serious, they’d just fucked around when they were both horny, but still, Jody had thought they were friends. He knew better now. Frankie didn’t give a shit about him.