Authors: C. J. Cherryh
went by that corridor doorway, whether NG had come on into quarters or not. She
might have passed out a while, she woke up and another vid was on and McKenzie
was snoring, so she got out of bed and went on up to the loft.
Somebody accosted her up there in the dark of the walkway past the bunks, big
man, a little rude, drunk and offering her a drink if she'd stop at his bunk,
so, what the hell, she did it with him, she didn't know why, she just wasn't
sleepy, and she wanted somebody to touch off what NG had last night and blow
holes in all her careful analysis.
He didn't. He didn't care, either, he was far too lost in his own space, but he
shared his bottle, she got herself wobbly-drunk, still found her bunk, got
undressed and went to bed in good order, out soon after her head hit the
mattress.
But she woke up part of the way through the night, disgusted and scared by what
she'd done, dropped off and woke up a second time with the alterdawn bell
ringing and people getting up to go to work.
Damn, she had no idea who the second man had been or what bunk she'd been in.
She wanted a shower. She wanted not to have done what she'd done, at least the
second one, for God's sake. That piece of gossip would make the rounds, damn
sure it would.
Fool stunt—no name, nothing—get blind drunk in a strange place, let herself get
talked into a bunk with some skuz as drunk as she was, God, she couldn't even
remember if one was all there had been, or how she'd gotten back to her own
bunk. She could've ended up a med case, no knowing what could have happened,
they were no shipmates of hers, not yet, not by a long way.
Only hope was, the drunk she'd slept with might be wondering who she was.
Damn, damn, damn! she was mad at NG Ramey, that was what, damn spook, damn
lunatic, she was crazy if she had to have him to set her off, it was a piece of
nonsense, a feeling bred of too many drinks and too many loose ends around her,
that was all, it was insecurity, and it was easier to worry about an effin'
spacecase than it was to worry about where the ship was and what kind of game
she was into and what she was going to do when Bernstein tried her on some
complicated something she couldn't fix.
She got her shower, she ate her breakfast, a few quick gulps of synth orange and
some salt to get her blood back in balance, piece of cracker, enough to cushion
her stomach and buffer a couple of pills for a sick hangover.
But she showed up in Engineering, first to sign in this time, clean sweater,
clean pants, never mind the red in her eyes and the pounding in her skull.
There was check to do, she grabbed the checklist off the wall-clip, and got
right to it, all enthusiastic efficiency, exactly the way Bernstein had said
first-in was expected to do.
NG showed up, walked over and took the board out of her hand.
"Good morning," she said.
"I'd better check it over," he said, and then started re running all the checks,
everything she'd just done, from the top.
"I'm right," she said indignantly, at his elbow, trying to keep it all quiet
from the mainday crew members that were still finishing up. "Dammit, I can write
down a damn number, Ramey!"
He nodded, and didn't even look at her, just walked on his rounds.
She couldn't do anything about him just then. The mainday chief was still there,
within earshot, and then Bernstein walked in with Musa. So she choked it down
and waited for Bernstein to put her on something.
Bernstein put her on a core-crawl with Musa, that was how the rest of the day
went—suited up and still freezing her ass off, a long, long misery of checking
joints and looking for leaks and all the while knowing, as Musa put it—
"I like to move a little fast on this. Different from any merchanter—if Loki had
to move right now, mate… we'd be in for one hell of a ride."
"How are we so lucky?" she asked, meaning alterday shift. They drifted, zero-G,
in the dark dizzy perspective of pipes a quarter kilometer long, half swing up
and over the pipes, half swing down under, like lacing, helmet-lamps and
hand-held spots throwing close pipe into light, losing itself down the long,
long fall Musa was talking about.
"Bernstein lost a bet," Musa said.
"You serious?"
"Crazier stuff goes on." A moment of silence, while the sniffer-lights ticked
away, blink-blink, blink-blink.
You had a tether you kept moving and clipping on as you moved. You hoped to hell
you never had to trust it. You never let yourself think up or down in a place
like this, or they might have to pry you loose from the girders.
Anybody in the Fleet knew all about long corridors and sudden moves. A carrier's
ring wasn't a ring, it was a cylinder with a few long, long corridors fore to
aft, and corridors zigged, precisely to break falls like that, but even those
could be a long, long drop if the engines cut in. You ran like hell when the
take-hold sounded, you set yourself into a nook, hoped you had a ringbolt close
you could clip your safety-belt to, you held onto the handholds as long as your
hands could stand and sometimes the push was too hard for that, you just hoped
it quit soon and concentrated on breathing. One time there'd been only a
three-second split between the take-hold siren and a push that became a whole
lot too much, a hundred twenty dead, that time, just couldn't get the clips
on—God, she remembered that, she dreamed about it sometimes, remembered bodies
falling right past her—and herself just lucky enough to have her back to a solid
wall.
You didn't look at a perspective like the core as down, no way, or you could
heave everything in your stomach.
Especially with a hangover.
Damn him.
"Musa."
"Yeah."
"You mind to tell me something?—Is anybody going to monitor us?"
"Not real likely. Can. What d'you want?"
"What's the story on NG?"
"Who you been talking to?"
"Muller."
Long silence, just the hiss of the airflow and the ping of the sniffer-readout.
Then: "What'd Muller say?"
"Just he was on the outs. That he had some bad shit with the crew, didn't say
what."
Another long silence. "He give you trouble?"
"No. What's his problem?"
"At-ti-tude, mate. I told him.—I tell him that now and again. What he did, he
killed a man."
"Law didn't get him?"
"Wasn't like that. Just wasn't where he was supposed to be, wasn't watching what
he was supposed to be watching. Damn pipe blew, killed a man, name of Cassel.
Good man. NG—just had that habit of ducking out when he wanted to, Cassel tried
to cover for him. That's how he paid Cassel."
"Hell of a tag."
"Not only the one thing that won it for him. I'm fair with him, I don't pick any
fights, I don't make trouble, and Bernstein's his last chance. Fitch had him up
on charges, last time he ducked out. Fitch was going to space him, no shit.
Those rules and rights in quarters?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't you believe 'em… And NG, he was done, but Bernstein got him off,
Bernstein threw a fit with the captain and said put him on alterday crew, and
move this other chap, he'd take him. Or NG'd have gone the walk, damn sure."
Lot to think about in that, she thought.
"He thank Bernstein?"
"I dunno. Maybe. Maybe not.—I tell you, I tell you something. That man's not
altogether here. But he never run out on duty again. Never gives Bernstein any
trouble, never gives me any. You just don't cross him." Another long silence,
Musa rising above the level of the pipe, arcing over toward her. Musa grabbed
her hand and pulled her close until their helmets touched. He cut his com off.
She understood that game and cut hers. "I tell you something else, Yeager."
Musa's voice came strange and distant. She could see his face inside the helmet,
underlit in the readout-glows. "I think one time this ship went jump and NG was
in the brig—I'm not real sure Fitch saw he got his trank. I'm not sure,
understand, but that time Bernstein got him off—maybe it was just one time too
often in the brig, maybe it was just that jump and looking that spacewalk in the
face—but I'm not real sure that didn't happen, just the way I said: Fitch hates
his guts, we had an emergency, we had to go for jump, NG was dead, the way Fitch
had to figure. But once Bernstein got him reprieved, the other side of jump—no
way was Fitch going to tell the captain what he'd done. Can't prove it. NG don't
talk. I'm not real sure all of him came back from that trip."
"God…"
"Not saying it's so, understand. No way to prove it. Don't even think about it.
We're legitimate now. We're Alliance. There's rights and there's laws, and the
captain's signed to 'em. But they aren't on this ship, woman, and you don't get
off this ship, no way you ever get a discharge from this crew, I hope you
figured that when you signed your name. You skip on a dockside, Fitch'll find
you, you go complain to station law, Fitch'll lie and get you back, and you'll
go a cold walk, that's sure. Fitch tell you that?"
"No. But I'm not real surprised."
"You got the right of it, then."
"NG a volunteer?"
"Dunno. Fitch gets 'em. NG never has said. Unless he told Cassel. Doesn't
matter. He's on this ship, he'll die on this ship, and so will all of us." Musa
pushed her adrift and turned his com back on. She flipped the switch on hers.
"Let's make a little time," Musa said, motioning along the ship spine with a
shine of his lamp. "I hate this effin' core-crawl, damn if I don't."
CHAPTER 11
« ^ »
She peeled the suit, she checked back with Bernstein along with Musa, a long,
long day, a chill set deep in the bones. "Just go on," Bernstein said. "Quiet
day, only an hour till shift end, NG's on and you're off, get."
She was willing to swear, then, that Bernstein was human. But she hung around
reading the duty sheet while Musa was already checking out, and she dropped by
NG's work-station on her way, while Musa was leaving and Bernstein was busy with
his back turned.
NG didn't turn his head, NG kept on with his keyboard and his readouts, and she
came up close and brushed her fingers across the back of NG's neck. "Want to see
you," she said. He swatted at the nuisance, and looked around at her with an
expression—
. Mad, maybe; disturbed, confused, scared—all of that in a second's blink, then
a scowl and a furious set of his jaw.
She said, "Where?"
He kept scowling at her.
"Front of the lockers?" she said cheerfully. " 'Bout 2100?"
"Shop-stowage," he said with no change of expression.
"You'll get us—" —spaced, she almost said, but that wasn't a good idea.
He didn't say anything. He didn't look happier, either.
"All right," she said, and walked on out before Bernstein could turn around and
notice anything.
So she picked up her laundry from Services, walked on up-ring to rec, sat down
on the bench and had a cup of tea with Musa during mainday shift's breakfast,
waiting on mainday crew to clear the showers, then very purposefully dawdled
through cleanup and through dinner—
Because McKenzie had more notions. She saw the look he gave her when he spotted
her, and she was dodging him. She took a seat close between two women, nodded a
pleasant hello to two stony silences, then paid absolute attention to the stew;
but McKenzie walked over and asked her how she was doing.
"Oh, fine," she said, thinking fast, "except I got to get Services straightened
out, damn screw-up with my laundry—"
"What about tonight?"
"I dunno," she said, in the friendliest possible way. She saw NG walk in, down
at the down-ring end of rec—dammit! And McKenzie could properly feel insulted if
a woman turned cold after a first-time sleepover… especially if man number two
from last night was going around telling how she'd left McKenzie and come up to
his bunk because McKenzie had given out. God!
So she smiled at McKenzie, wrinkled her nose in a sweet expression. "I tell you,
I really want to take you up on that." She got up with her tray in hand, tried
just to shake him, but at least the retreat moved McKenzie over where she could
talk to him without the two women in earshot. "I owe you the truth, Gabe. Fact
is, I got an appointment tonight—well, actually a couple of nights ahead, right
now, and I don't think I ought to do any different—but you're on my good-list,
you really are. I'm just not ready to go single, first off. Never been my
policy."
Damn man was entirely out of line, coming on her twice in a row like that,
putting her to it in public, making her defend herself when there was no wrong
on her side. Damn! she could pick them.
"After that," he said.
"Hey," she said, "I got to be politic, Gabe."
"Nothing you don't want," he said.
"Did you hear don't want? I didn't hear that. But I just got this bad feeling
about singularity first and right-off. Bad business. But I do make my favorites
after the new wears off." She patted him on the arm, chucked the dishes and the
tray, turned around and winked at him. "See you, luv."