Risking It All (10 page)

She held her breath and waited. She couldn’t be certain anymore which side she’d rather he tuck it on. The rational side of her brain wanted her best friend back, but butterflies tumbled in her stomach. When he tucked the flower behind her right ear, though, she couldn’t stop the disappointment that sank inside of her, but the subtle heat in his eyes didn’t escape her notice. It didn’t help that his fingers lingered a fraction of a second too long on her skin.

“Much better,” he murmured softly, his intense gaze holding her captive. His eyes darkened to the color of rain clouds, boring into her, and one finger brushed her earlobe as he pulled his hand away. By accident, or on purpose, she couldn’t be sure, but an answering shudder swept the length of her spine.

She couldn’t seem to make her brain work long enough to say something in return. What shocked and frightened her most was how badly she wanted to close the measly inches separating them and capture his mouth again.

The wind shifted then, bringing the acrid scent of smoke and the cooking meat from the grill in their direction. The smell turned her already queasy stomach. Pregnancy had made her extra sensitive to smells. Things that normally wouldn’t bother her turned her stomach on a dime. Like now. Bile rose up the back of her throat.

“Oh God. I think I’m going to be sick.” Cecelia jumped to her feet, clamped a hand over her mouth, and made a beeline for the house. “Excuse me.”

***

Kyle’s gut knotted as he watched Ceci disappear into the shadows of the house. That was the second time in less than twenty-four hours she’d run from him. Oh, logically, he knew it was likely morning sickness this time, but he couldn’t forget the confusion and uncertainty in her eyes right before she’d leapt from her seat. The sensation left a bad taste in his mouth.

He shouldn’t have touched her. Giving her that flower had been a spur-of-the-moment idea. Malia left a bowl of them on the kitchen table and casually mentioned that Ceci didn’t have one. He hadn’t been able to help himself. Giving her that flower was an excuse to talk to her. He’d called her several times last night, but she hadn’t returned any of them. He knew coming tonight things would be awkward between them, and he was right.

But damn, she looked so beautiful sitting there. The memory of their kiss the day before had him turned inside out. Letting his fingers linger on her skin wasn’t the smartest idea he’d ever had, but he had to touch her, to know how she’d react when he did. His body simply obeyed. Heck, these days, his body did whatever it wanted, and it wanted her. Badly.

“You should go check on her, Ky. She turned down a mai tai, earlier, and she loves them. She must be sick.”

Becca nudged his arm with an elbow, and he became aware of three pairs of eyes boring holes into his head. No way had they missed the exchange between him and Ceci. He didn’t have to wonder what they thought, either. As he straightened, glancing around the table, Becca cocked a playful brow, and Lila flashed a smug smile, like they’d figured out his and Ceci’s relationship had changed.

His mother smiled, soft but delighted all the same, like somehow she’d known all along. “Go check on her, sweetie. You might need to take her home.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He nodded, pivoted toward the house, and followed Ceci.

As he neared the bathroom door, the awful retching sounds coming from within confirmed his suspicions. In a weird sort of way, it was a relief. He hated that she was sick, but it meant, at least for the time being, that she hadn’t run from
him
. He’d caused her enough torment already.

He rapped a knuckle on the door. “Ceci? You okay?”

She sucked in a sharp breath, a sound not unlike someone who’d been underwater for too long, then let out a long groan. “Oh, peachy.”

His heart twisted. He leaned against the door frame. “Can I get you anything?”

The toilet flushed, followed seconds later by running water. When she finally yanked the door open, he jumped. She darted a glance around as if checking for eavesdroppers. “Crackers. I need crackers.”

He nodded in the direction of the kitchen, off to their right. “I think I know where to find some of those. Come on.”

Ceci fell in step beside him, an uncomfortable silence falling between them as they wound through the rooms to the kitchen. She held herself stiff, peering over at him every once in a while, then blushing when she caught him watching her.

Desperate to ease the tension, he shot her a soft smile as they rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. Luckily, the room was empty. Malia had brought the pineapple outside. Evan had followed her out carrying a fresh pitcher of mai tais. Which meant they were alone for the time being. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

If at all possible, she drew up straighter. “Evan’s like a brother to me, and Malia’s the big sister I never had. I’m here for them.”

As hard as he tried to ignore it, the hidden meaning in her words screamed and made his heart ache. Guilt shuddered inside of him. She had to feel betrayed.

“Has it really gotten that bad between us?” He crossed to the pantry and pulled open the door, scanning for a box of crackers.

She didn’t say anything for so long he finally turned to look at her. She stared at him, confusion shining from the depths of her eyes. He wanted to take her hands, beg her to talk to him, but wasn’t sure she’d let him anymore. He didn’t think he could stand it if she shrank away from him again.

She made the decision for him when she turned away, moving to another cabinet to pull out a small glass. “You didn’t tell them about the baby, did you?”

Her lack of response said more than if she’d actually answered the question. As misery washed over him, he let his shoulders slump. He’d made a mess of their relationship and hadn’t a clue how to fix it. Rewinding time and taking back the kiss wasn’t possible. Truth be told, he didn’t want to. He was sorry as hell for the turmoil he’d caused her, but he’d done a lot of thinking while lying in bed last night, staring at the ceiling, and he’d come to one conclusion. How could he ever be sorry for something that lodged inside of him as being so . . .
right
? No other woman he’d dated ever felt so right in his arms. Like she belonged there. And Ceci did. She belonged there every bit as much as his nose belonged on his face.

“No.” With a quiet sigh, he turned back to the pantry. “It’s not my place to tell them.”

“Thank you.” She crossed to the sink and filled the glass, then turned and leaned back against the counter. She lifted the glass to her lips but paused before taking a sip. “I haven’t decided what, when, or how to tell them.”

“What do you mean?” Scanning the pantry, he found a box of butter crackers but no saltines. “All they have is Ritz.”

“Anything’s fine.” She took a sip of water. “It’s just to help settle my stomach. And I meant what I said.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you almost sound scared.” He closed the pantry door and carried the crackers to her.

“I am scared.” She didn’t look at him but turned to the box in his hands and reached inside, pulling out a wax-paper-wrapped stack of crackers. Her voice came as a bare whisper.

“Why?” Deciding he had to do something to help ease her fears, he dared a step closer and leaned his hip against the counter beside her.

“If I tell them about the baby, I’ll have to tell them what happened with Jimmy.” She drew a deep breath and turned her back to him again, wrapping her arms around herself. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

The smallness of her voice, the pain and embarrassment so evident in her admission, made his heart twist. This time he didn’t hesitate to reach out to her. She needed him, as her best friend.

He set his hands on her shoulders, letting them rest there in a show of support. “Nobody’s going to judge you. God knows we’ve all made mistakes. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“This is a big mistake. I went and did exactly what Gran always warned me not to. I trusted the wrong person. Look where it got me.” She shook her head. “I’m just not ready to tell your family. Not yet.”

“Everybody here loves you.” Every bit as much as he did. “Despite what you may believe, you’re family. People make mistakes. Do you remember when Becca admitted she was divorcing Jackson? It took her weeks to drum up the courage, for exactly the same reason. She was embarrassed. She told me she felt like a failure. Look how that turned out. I guarantee nobody’s going to judge or blame you. We’ve all been there. I can almost guarantee you’ll have three very willing females to help you think of nasty things to say about Jimmy and, if I know Becca, an offer to beat him up.”

Ceci let out a quiet, breathless laugh that washed over him, filling the emptiness that had sank in his chest when she’d stormed from his apartment yesterday. It was a tiny thing, but it was a small step toward getting back what they’d lost.

The need to hold her became too strong to deny any longer. He slid his hands down her arms and looped them around her waist. Three years ago, before his feelings for her changed, he wouldn’t have hesitated and what they needed right now—what
she
needed—was to feel “normal” again. She needed to know he’d always be on her side.

To his complete surprise, she leaned back against him, her hands sliding along his arms, where they rested at her waist. The full press of her body against his was equal parts bliss and torment. She was exactly where he wanted her, where he needed her, with every delicious inch of her soft body pressed against him, from her backside against his pelvis down to her lean, taut thighs.

He gritted his teeth against the onslaught of sensation. Not trusting himself to leave it at that, he released his hold on her waist and gripped her shoulders instead, to help steady her as he stepped back. She turned to face him, a war raging in the depths of her eyes. Confusion and hurt, concern and a touch of curiosity that made his heart flip-flop. The pain and confusion struck like a blow to the stomach. He had to fix this, or die trying, because that look on her face made his chest ache.

Just that fast, the idea flitted through his mind. He’d have to make sacrifices, but it would give her the security she needed. The question was, could he do it? Yet even as he asked the silent question, the answer came just as easily. He had to try. Simply because he’d do anything for her, and this was such a small thing on his part. The question now was, would she accept?

He slipped his hands into his pockets. “So, let them think the baby’s mine.”

Cecelia’s feet rooted to their spot on the tiled floor as all the implications of Kyle’s offer flooded her mind. Shock settled into her system, leaving her unable to do much more than blink and process what he’d said to her. Tell his family the baby was his? Surely he wasn’t serious. She couldn’t do that. “Then they’d think we’d, that we’re . . .”

Heat flooded her face, and she let the sentence trail off into the uncomfortable silence that rose over the kitchen. The word she needed refused to leave her tongue.

Lovers
. The word alone brought with it the memory of his kiss the day before. How could she say that with him staring at her as if he’d merely asked how her day went? Like he hadn’t just turned her world upside down?

It didn’t help that tension radiated off Kyle. He held himself stiff and straight, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. The muscle in his jaw jumped. The implications of his offer had occurred to him as well.

An edgy, jittery nervousness crept into her limbs, and her left hand shot up into her hair, her fingers plying and twisting the ends. It was a nervous habit, one she knew darn well he saw right through, but she needed something to do or she’d go out of her mind. Images bombarded her faster than she could stop them, popping in vivid Technicolor before her mind’s eye. Naked bodies so entwined she couldn’t tell one from the other. Sweet nothings whispered in the dark while hands caressed, stroked, and teased. Mouths seeking every inch of bare skin. It would be a mutual exchange with him. Oh, no doubt Kyle made love slow, sweet, and sensual. Entirely too easily she could imagine making love to him. Because he’d gone and kissed her.

“Because they’d think we were lovers?” He spoke casually, as if he used the word every day to describe their relationship, with a tone so nonchalant she couldn’t help but turn to stare at him.

Oh God, he had to go and say it out loud. It didn’t help that his eyes filled with heat, soft and subtle, but potent all the same. They darkened, became more gray than blue, suggesting his mind had followed hers straight into the bedroom. She wasn’t sure what was worse, thinking of becoming so intimate with him, or that he did nothing to hide the desire in his eyes.

Tension hung in the air like a dense fog, and she wanted nothing more than to get away from these unwanted feelings.

She braced her hand against the kitchen counter beside her, the yellow tiles cool beneath her palms.
God, how did we get here?
She was so comfortable with him she’d spent the other night in his bed, in his arms. His kiss yesterday had shaken their foundation. Now, she had to face the very real possibility his feelings for her had changed, that hers had changed as well. The idea drew and repelled her simultaneously. She couldn’t deny that falling in love with him wouldn’t be a hardship. There was no man better than him, save his brothers. But acknowledging the attraction between them would change everything, and that meant the very real risk of losing what they had. She needed him. She didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have him in her life.

“Them thinking we’re lovers bothers you.” He stepped closer and leaned against the counter beside her, his well-muscled arm brushing her shoulder.

“Yes, it bothers me.” She reached a shaky hand into the package to pull out another cracker. For the first time in her life it disturbed her he could read her so well. Did it mean he saw her? Could he see the things she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him? “I can’t let them think the baby’s yours. That we’re . . .”

She shook her head and turned back to the window, biting down on the cracker. She still couldn’t say that word. Not without those images filling her mind.

“Lovers?” His voice was a low, husky rumble beside her, altogether too enticing, washing over her like a silken caress.

The edge in his tone made her shiver. If she didn’t know him better, she’d almost swear he was testing her. To make matters worse, the heat of his gaze seared into her, begging her to turn and look at him.

“Why not? If you don’t want to tell my family the truth, then don’t. Then you don’t have to tell them anything about Jimmy, because all they’ll be focusing on is that we’re together, or so we’ll let them think. The girls have had a wager going for years. It’ll make them positively giddy.”

“It’s a generous offer, Kyle, but I can’t. I can’t let them think the baby’s yours. It just wouldn’t be right.”

She couldn’t deny the truth of his words, though. She knew what the other girls thought because they bugged her about it all the time. When were she and Kyle going to get it together? Yesterday was the first time she hadn’t been able to laugh it off. The first time she wondered if all this time they’d seen something she hadn’t. Something that had been there all along. Which made her question their entire relationship.

To let them think the baby was his, that they’d made love, as if they’d hidden their relationship this whole time, only made her question exactly that. When
had
their relationship changed? How long had he felt this way? Suddenly Kyle stopped being her best friend. He was overwhelmingly male, with his broad shoulders and lean, deliciously hard muscle. Kyle kept himself in good shape, and every inch of her had noticed.

All the things her mind said she shouldn’t be thinking about in relation to him. Except the images and sensations wouldn’t leave her. She couldn’t ignore the fact that her body reacted to his. She wasn’t that experienced, but she knew desire when she felt it, and God, she wanted desperately to lean into him right then, for his arms to close around her again. She hadn’t experienced even half the passion with Jimmy that she had in Kyle’s kiss yesterday.

“It’s your choice.” Still holding himself stiff, he shrugged a shoulder and pushed away from the counter. “Tell them whatever you want. I’m simply offering you an out.”

Like the discussion had never happened, as if the tension sizzling between them didn’t exist, he moved toward the sliding glass doors with a stride so casual she wanted to scream. How could he act so damned unaffected? With one glance, one word, he sent liquid heat pumping hard and fast through her veins. He made her yearn to be in his arms and then turned away and pretended nothing had happened.

Just like yesterday.

“Why would you do that?” The question flew from her lips as a last resort as his hand reached for the handle on the sliding glass door. She had to know the answer.

“Why
wouldn’t
I?” He twisted at the waist to peer back at her, his expression frustratingly impassive. “That’s what friends do, right?”

With a nonchalant shrug, he pulled open the door and disappeared out onto the back deck.

As the door closed behind him, she resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a child. She should be glad he had the sense to keep walking away, but she wasn’t. He kept coming back, kept teasing and drawing her in, and it drove her insane. He left her so confused she didn’t know which end was up anymore. She needed to know if he had feelings for her, even if she didn’t like the answer she got. Which meant there was only one thing to do. She had to quit being such a chicken and put it out there.

It was time to confront him.

***

“Malia thinks Ceci’s pregnant.” Evan’s low voice drifted from Kyle’s left side.

Seated in a lounge chair on the back deck and flanked on both sides by his brothers, Kyle didn’t miss the hint of curiosity in Evan’s voice. Too busy watching the activity down in the yard, he merely grunted in answer.

Malia, as usual, provided the entertainment, in the form of hula dancing. The music wafted from speakers over his head, providing a gentle, throbbing beat that reminded him of waves breaking against the shore. All five women, along with Alana and Allie, stood side by side within the circle of the tiki torches, wearing knee-length dried grass skirts over their clothing. They followed Malia through the slow, flowing movements, as if dancing to the rhythm of the ocean.

Ceci moved with a fluid grace, her hips rocking in a smooth, gentle motion that heated his blood beyond the boiling point. Damned if he wasn’t tempted to slip behind her and trap her within his embrace, to feel her sway against him to the sensual rhythm.

To make matters worse, the muted flicker of the tiki torches cast shadows over her face, but her eyes bored into him, staring with a bold curiosity that captivated him and left him barely able to remember to breathe. He didn’t dare blink.

For a moment, he reveled in the fantasy. That’s what this was. Something his mind conjured, influenced by the tropical paradise his brother and sister-in-law had created. For this one frozen moment, he imagined heat playing in her eyes and that she danced for him.

“Yeah, what makes her say that?” He folded his hands over his stomach, pretending nonchalance at his brother’s inquiry. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that tonight, but nobody had asked outright yet.

The ice in Evan’s drink clinked as he lifted his glass to his lips. “Something she said to Malia in the kitchen earlier. Lia says she’s refused a drink three times, is insisting on sticking to water.”

“Becca thinks the baby’s yours.” From his other side, Chase nudged him with an elbow, humor lacing his tone. “Why do you suppose she’d think that?”

His brothers were getting a kick out of this. They were also fishing for information.

“Because she’s hoping too hard. Don’t think I don’t know about that bet they have going.” This particular piece of gossip seemed to tickle everyone, the women especially. He meant what he’d said, though. It was Ceci’s choice whether she told his family the truth about the baby or not. He’d support her decision no matter what, but even he had to admit a tiny part of him hoped she’d decide to let them think the baby was his. Even if only in pretense,
she’d
be his.

In an attempt to distract his brothers from their current line of questioning, he leaned toward Evan. “Hey, aren’t they supposed to be wearing coconuts?”

As soon as the question left his mouth, the image formed in his mind. Too well he remembered the luau they’d had last summer. Ceci wore a bikini top and a grass skirt, giving the impression she had on nothing else. He remembered thanking God for long shirts that night because his body betrayed his overwhelming reaction.

Evan grunted beside him. “Lia said it was too cold.”

Chase gave a
tsk
of disapproval. “We have to throw one of these in the summer next time. July. When it’s good and hot.”

“So, is it true?” Evan nudged his left arm with an elbow. “Is she pregnant?”

Kyle darted a glance at Evan, brow raised, and tossed his brother’s nosy question back at him. “Is Lia?”

Evan turned back to the yard, hiding his grin behind his glass as he sipped at his drink. “Touché.”

They stopped talking again as the tempo of the music picked up. The drums became a pounding beat, reminding him of surf slamming against a rocky shoreline. Ceci’s hips gyrated to a beat so fast it made his head spin. God almighty. How could he even remember what his name was when she did that? The way her hips shimmied sent his wicked mind straight into the gutter and made his jeans very uncomfortable.

Nope. The movement did
not
inspire thoughts of the ocean. Making love in the ocean, maybe. Which did nothing for the aloofness he attempted to keep toward her.

His mother was the first to drop out of the dance. She shook her head and laughed. As she strode for the deck, her lips moved, and although he was too far away to hear, his memory of previous luaus told him it was likely some form of, “I am too old for this.” Becca and Lila were next, collapsing to the ground in a fit of laughter. His nieces dropped alongside them, their arms out wide, little chests heaving. Ceci kept up for about a minute. Then she, too, joined the giggling, panting heap of girls on the ground, leaving only Malia. She finished the dance with a flourish, and as she took her bow, Evan and Chase pushed out of their seats, moving down the stairs leading into the yard to join the group.

Kyle couldn’t help watching Ceci. Out in the grass, they all laughed and joked, and Ceci was in the midst of it all. It was her expression that caught him, though. Her eyes lit up, her smile bright and filled with a joy that had an echoing grin curling at the corners of his mouth. Blood or no blood, she was a part of his family. The only thing she lacked was the Morgan name.

If that baby were his, he wouldn’t have hesitated to ask her to marry him. The need to give her exactly that swelled in his chest. To give the baby she carried a father, to give her the love she didn’t even know she deserved.

Except doing that meant he had to tell her everything. He could never be with her as long as he lied to her. To keep a secret from her as a friend already tied him in knots, made him feel as if he’d betrayed her. To become intimate with her on top of that felt wrong, as if he took advantage of the situation. Made him feel too much like his father, lying and cheating to get what he wanted.

The familiar ache of an oncoming headache seeped over him. It always came as a dull ache, not unlike a steel band tightening around his skull, and usually came with stress. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples. He was so far in over his head with Ceci he’d lost sight of the surface. The open curiosity and the attraction in her eyes she couldn’t quite hide could easily make him forget why he couldn’t have her. Why he shouldn’t lay his heart on the line and make her his.

“You’re rubbing your temples. Do you have another headache?” Ceci’s soft voice came quiet and shy, and Kyle pried open his eyes to find her standing before him. Her eyes searched his, timid and uncertain, but she smiled softly.

“Mmm.” It was the only acknowledgment he was capable of right then. His head began to throb, and her nearness had him longing to do everything he shouldn’t. Like bury his face in her belly and let her massage his skull in that way that was equal parts bliss and torment.

So, instead, he closed his eyes, shutting out the vision of her, and nodded.

Completely oblivious of the torment it wrought, her soft hands slid onto his shoulders, her fingers kneading the stiff muscles in the back of his neck. “You really should see a doctor about these. There are meds they can give you, you know.”