Risking It All (9 page)

Becca referred, of course, to the fact he had no life outside of work. He went out with the guys every once in a while, but he didn’t date often. He invariably ended up comparing every woman he went out with to Ceci. Sad to say, no other woman ever measured up. A year ago he quit trying when a date with a fellow officer went south. Halfway through their first date, she politely pointed out he’d spent the entire night talking about Ceci. Lucky for him, she took it with good humor. They were still friends.

After that, he decided it wasn’t fair to the women he went out with because, deep down, his heart wasn’t truly in it. For the past six months, he’d tried distancing himself from Ceci, hoping somehow he’d get over his infatuation with her. Up until she’d showed up on his doorstep last night, it had appeared to work.

“Hey, Becca.”

At the sound of her voice, he turned his head. Ceci stood at the edge of the kitchen, a brilliant smile on her face, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She’d dressed in the now-clean clothing she’d come over in yesterday.

“Hi, Allie.” Ceci waggled her fingers.

Allie rolled over on her tummy and smiled in return. “Hi, Ceci. I get to play with Uncle Kyle today.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.” Ceci darted a wary glance at him as she made her way through the kitchen and into the living room. Her back stiff and straight, she walked a wide path around him, as if afraid to come too close.

Watching her made his chest ache. Was she afraid he’d jump on her? The simple look said way too much and had a thick, palpable tension mounting in the air between them. Kissing her might have been a dream come true for him, but it appeared to have been a nightmare for her. He’d taken their relationship in a direction for which she obviously hadn’t been prepared.

Therein lay his problem. He’d had a taste of her, of the passion his poor, misguided heart told him could be between them. Now he had a vivid image to go with the fantasy. Now he knew the delicate flavor of her mouth and the soft little shudder she made the first time his tongue had caressed hers. The very thought tormented him. One kiss would never be enough. A hundred would never be enough. He almost wanted to laugh. How ironic. He’d been trying to distance himself from her, and in one moment of total insanity, he’d accomplished his task. Too bad he hadn’t anticipated how long and wide the distance between them would be.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m interrupting something?” Her brows raised, Becca darted a glance between them. A slow grin spread across her mouth.

He obviously wasn’t the only one who noticed the tension between him and Ceci. The women in his family had been waiting for the two of them to get together for years. Oh, they didn’t think he knew, but Chase and Evan had passed on the gossip at a barbecue last summer. Apparently they had a wager going about who’d kiss who first.

For a moment, he considered letting Becca think what she wanted. What happened between him and Ceci concerned no one else.

“You’re not.” Ceci smiled again, this one forced and awkward, and darted a glance at him. “I came to ask Kyle a favor, but I was just leaving.”

Seeing his opportunity to smooth things out, he took a step toward her. “Let me drive you.”

“No, but thank you.” She hiked her chin up a notch, folding her arms across her stomach. “I could use the fresh air.”

Tension flared once again between them, crackling in the air. Gone was the woman who felt so comfortable with him she climbed in his bed and draped herself over his chest. Her discomfort screamed at him from the stiff way she held herself, and his chest ached with the need to make their relationship right again.

Becca cleared her throat. “So, you guys are coming to Evan and Malia’s tomorrow, right?”

“What’s tomorrow?” Ceci furrowed her brow as she turned to Becca.

He opened his mouth to answer but shut it again when he realized she’d directed her question at his sister.

Allie jumped up off the floor and bounded at Ceci, her face beaming. “Uncle Evan and Aunt Lia are havin’ a luau.”

Ceci stiffened and darted an unsure glance at him, something Allie immediately caught.

“You have to come. You have to.” Allie latched onto the end of Ceci’s sweater and bounced, her eyes wide with excitement. “Say yes. Say yes.”

Ceci shrugged and shook her head. “I’m not making any promises, sweetie. I have a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Like what?” Becca chimed in. “Weed your perfect garden? You always have Sunday off.”

“Well, no. A-actually, I have laundry to do.” Ceci’s cheeks turned a bright pink, and her mouth curled into an uncomfortable smile. “And a house to clean. I’m afraid I’ve been neglecting it lately. The flower shop’s been really busy. With spring right around the corner, everybody’s coming in for the new blooms.”

When Ceci took a sudden interest in Allie’s baby doll, Becca turned her attention to him, a lone brow rising into her hairline. Her expression clearly said she didn’t buy a word of it. Moreover, he had a sinking feeling he knew why Ceci made excuses. She didn’t want to spend time with him, or maybe she didn’t trust him anymore.

He gave an imperceptible shake of his head, silently begging his sister not to push it. When the corners of her mouth curled into an understanding smile, he swallowed a sigh of relief.

“So, you’ll keep Allie then?” Becca raised her brows, the question in her eyes.

“Go do what you have to.” He shooed her with a wave of his hand. “She’s more than welcome to stay here and you well know it.”

More to the point, Allie would provide a much-needed distraction. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be spending his day off with his best friend. Sadly, until she’d showed up on his doorstep last night, he hadn’t planned on it, but now that she’d come, he’d hoped to spend time with her today. More than he ought to. Too much time had passed since they were even in the same room together, and he missed her. He missed the simple things, like sitting on her back porch, watching the trees lining the edge of her yard sway in the breeze as they sat and talked, discussing their days, their dreams, and their frustrations. Inane everyday things he took for granted once.

“Thanks, Ky. I owe you one.” Becca rose from the sofa and bent over Allie, holding her arms out. “Give me a hug, baby. I’m leaving.”

“’Bye, Mommy.” Allie wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck, apparently squeezing too tight, for Becca made a gagging sound and laughed.

Kyle turned his attention to Ceci. With Becca distracted by Allie, he and Ceci had some privacy. She’d moved to the front window and now stood with her back to him, quiet and still. He’d stood in the same spot a number of times, staring at the grassy area below, watching the neighbor kids play or people walk their dogs. The visual equivalent of “white noise,” it gave him something to look at while his mind tried to solve the day’s problems.

Despite knowing he ought to leave well enough alone, he couldn’t let her leave like this. He had to smooth things over. At the very least, he had to try. He couldn’t recall a time when she’d looked at him quite the way she had a few minutes ago, like she couldn’t stand being in the same room with him. He didn’t like the sick sensation that gave him.

As he approached her, he shoved his hands into his pockets and forced himself to stop a good foot behind her. He didn’t want to push. “Can we talk?”

She startled, her back stiffening. “Will you help me find my parents?”

He expelled a breath and let his shoulders slump. So they were back to this. “I can’t.”

“Then I’m sorry, but I have to go.” She inched around him, as if trying to avoid touching him, and made a beeline for the door. In her haste to get away, she left the door wide-open.

He could only shake his head at the situation. He might not regret kissing her, but it was a liberty he shouldn’t have taken. It had knocked their already shaky relationship off its foundation. God help him if she ever found out he’d lied to her about her parents’ whereabouts.

“It’s okay. I’ll give her a ride home.” Becca appeared at his side. The quiet, knowing tone of her voice said she’d figured out something was up.

“Thanks.”

“You guys okay? I don’t remember ever seeing her that upset with you.”

Kyle let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t know the answer. Moreover, he didn’t know if his decision to keep the secret from Ceci was the right one. Oh, he remembered why he did it. He reminded himself every day. He wanted to protect her sanity, her heart. The pain she felt now at the loss of her past in no way compared to what she’d feel when she discovered the truth about her parents. He prayed she never actually remembered it.

He also kept the truth from her because he’d made a dying old lady a promise. That day, Ceci’s grandmother had gripped his hand hard and begged him. At the time, he was certain he was doing the right thing. The research he’d done only solidified his decision. Now? Now he didn’t know anymore. Three years had passed, and Ceci’s reaction weighed heavily on him, blurring the lines. Did he really have the right to decide she wasn’t strong enough to deal with the information he’d uncovered? He didn’t know that anymore, either.

“You ever make a promise to someone, positive you were doing the right thing, then live to regret it?”

Beside him, Becca let out a short, cynical laugh. “You have no idea.”

The following evening, Cecelia paused at the edge of Evan and Malia’s kitchen. Nervous tension twisted in her stomach. Any other day, being there might have relaxed her. She adored the get-togethers, and the Morgans threw one for just about everything. They were always laid back and low-key, with lots of laughter and good food, and she could use a bit of both. But the thought of seeing Kyle had her stomach doing somersaults. After what happened between them, she had to face him, and she had to do it while telling his family she was pregnant. The thought of both scared her to death, because she didn’t know how to do either.

Luckily for her, Malia was the only one in the kitchen. She stood off to the right, in a blue halter top and a matching sarong skirt, chopping what looked to be pineapple. Her thick dark hair flowed to the middle of her back, and the rhythmic
thunk-thunk-thunk
of her knife hitting a wooden board filled the silence. From outside beyond the sliding glass doors some twenty feet in front of her, feminine laughter and the low hum of conversation drifted, along with children squealing and the luscious aroma of cooking meat.

Cecelia took a moment to draw a few cleansing breaths. Truth be told, she almost hadn’t come tonight. She didn’t know how she’d react to seeing Kyle after what happened the day before. Or how he would. She wasn’t sure she knew how to be around him anymore. A simple, albeit mind-blowing, kiss turned their entire relationship on its end. What did that tell her about him? Had his feelings for her changed? God, just the thought had her stomach flip-flopping again.

She’d come anyway, though, because, blood or not, these people were her family, too. Not only did they treat her like one of them, but they’d been through everything with her. Including Gran’s illness and death. Whatever they celebrated with this luau, she wanted to be there to support them.

“I hear you thinking back there, Ceci.” Malia turned, offering a warm smile, and waved a hand at her. “Why are you lingering? You don’t need an invitation to come in, sweetie.”

She offered an awkward smile and stepped into the space. “Hey, Lia. Just listening to see where everybody is. Has Kyle arrived yet?”

“Not yet.” Malia shook her head as she scooped the chunks of pineapple she’d chopped and deposited them into the hollowed-out rind. “So, you never told me why you two were fighting when I called last night. What’d he do now? He spout off about Jimmy again?”

At Malia’s innocent question, Cecelia’s heart skipped a panicky beat. Oh God. She’d irrationally hoped to avoid this conversation. She didn’t know what to tell anybody. There was no use denying it, though. One thing about the Morgans . . . they shared everything. It’s what she loved about them. Now, it meant she had to make up an excuse.

Deciding to stick close to the truth and go for the most obvious, she let out a heavy sigh. She’d have to tell them eventually. “Jimmy and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

Malia paused in her task and twisted at the waist to look back at her. Worry creased her brow. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. How come?”

Cecelia leaned back against the counter beside Malia. “Because he’s a jerk. Kyle was right.”

Malia pursed her lips and shook her head, going back to slicing up the pineapple.

“I told Kyle he needed to keep that to himself. It doesn’t help. Is that why you’re nervous? Waiting to see if he’s still mad? Evan likes to hold a grudge. He holds it in until he works it out in his head, but a kiss always melts his walls.” Malia shot a sassy wink over her shoulder.

Butterflies fluttered in Cecelia’s stomach as her mind flooded with thoughts of yesterday’s kiss. She quickly covered her reaction with a nervous laugh. “Oh my goodness! No. I’m not kissing Kyle. We’ll get over it. Don’t we always?”

She waved a dismissive hand, but she didn’t believe a word she’d said. That kiss was all she’d thought about yesterday, and she had no idea if they’d get over it. How could she forget kissing her best friend? How could she forget how right that kiss had been?

Ignoring the wayward direction of her thoughts, she peered over Malia’s shoulder. What she needed was a distraction. She needed something to do, anything to keep busy, or she’d come right out of her skin. Even if it was only cutting up fruit. “Can I help?”

“Thank you, sweetie, but no. Nothing left to do. I saved the fruit until last only because it’s better fresh cut.” Malia paused mid-slice and shot her a soft smile. “I’m glad you’re okay. What you need is a drink. Go out back and find Evan. I sent him out there with a pitcher of mai tais. Have a drink and relax.”

She shook her head. “No, but thanks. Evan’s mai tais are my favorite, but there won’t be any more drinking for me for a while. It’s not—”

Cecelia caught herself mid-sentence and stopped. She swallowed hard. God, she’d almost told Malia she couldn’t drink for the baby’s health. Except she hadn’t told them she was pregnant yet. She hadn’t figured out how.

Never one to miss anything, Malia’s gaze shot to hers, brows raised in surprise.

Cecelia’s face heated. To cover her slip, she plucked a piece of fruit from the mound on the cutting board. “I’ll go out back on one condition. You tell me what the big secret is.”

For sure there was one. The Morgan family had a tradition, one Malia had brought with her from Hawaii, where she and Evan met and eventually married. Evan had joined the air force when he turned eighteen. Ten years ago, they’d stationed him in Hawaii. He’d met Malia on a beach one morning. Since moving back to the mainland eight years ago, Malia insisted they celebrate good news with a traditional Hawaiian feast.

Which meant someone here tonight had something to share. Having spoken to Becca and Lila both last night—who’d both called in an effort to pry out of her why she and Kyle were fighting this time—nobody knew yet what they celebrated.

“I think she’s pregnant again.”

At the sound of her voice, Cecelia turned to her head in time to see Becca stepping in from the deck.

Becca closed the sliding glass door behind her and, catching Cecelia’s eye, gave a conspiratorial wink as she headed into the kitchen. “Her tummy’s already poochy.”

Cecelia breathed a sigh of relief as the atmosphere in the kitchen lightened. Becca sauntered in, a teasing gleam in her eye. Cecelia laughed as she eyed Malia’s small frame. She barely came up to Cecelia’s shoulder, and she weighed all of a hundred pounds soaking wet. As tiny as she was, she couldn’t hide her pregnancies for long. With each of her previous three, the whole family knew long before she and Evan made the big announcement.

“Out, both of you. I have work to do.” Malia set her knife on the counter and playfully bumped Cecelia aside with her hip. She kept her gaze downcast, but her cheeks flushed a soft pink.

“Somebody’s avoiding the issue.” Becca stepped around the counter separating the kitchen from the dining room, her voice singsong as she leaned back against the edge.

When Malia shot Becca a playful glare, Cecelia stifled a giggle, her nerves temporarily distracted by the warmth and playfulness pervading the room. Okay, so maybe she’d also come for the sense of closeness and affection she found here.

“Time for another batch of mai tais.” Evan’s deep voice preceded him into the kitchen. Wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt that matched Malia’s skirt, he stepped around Becca, an empty glass pitcher in one hand, winking as he passed her. “Bunch of lushes, the lot of you.”

Following him in, Becca mouthed off, but Cecelia’s mind wandered too far to focus on what she’d actually said. Instead, the two siblings, side by side, caught her attention. It amazed her how different, yet so much alike, they were. Evan and Chase, the oldest of the four, had the dark hair, a deep chestnut brown. Being a sandy blond, Becca had the lightest, which put Kyle’s golden brown in the middle. Though they all shared a prominent nose and some form of the bluish-gray eyes, Chase’s and Evan’s were grayer. Kyle’s and Becca’s were bluer. Cecelia wondered what their father looked like. Did they resemble him more than their mother, Georgia?

She put a hand to her stomach, imagining the tiny baby within. Seeing them also made her wonder what her baby would look like. She had no idea what genes she’d pass on to her child. Gran had had dark hair, but for all she knew, her child would end up with flaming red hair from a distant grandparent somewhere.

Determination swelled in her chest as she eyed Becca and Evan again. She had to find her parents, whatever the result. She wanted her child to have what these people had, what she’d missed growing up, a sense of roots. Even if it turned out Kyle was right and she didn’t like what she found, she’d still know, and maybe the emptiness inside would finally heal.

“You really are no fun, Evan.” Becca caught Cecelia’s eye and nodded in the direction of the sliding glass doors that led out onto the back deck. “Come on. We’re not getting anything out of these two.”

Cecelia followed Becca out onto the deck lining the back of the house, unable to help smiling at the sight that greeted her. Malia always went all out for these get-togethers. The place looked spectacular. Tiki torches created a glowing perimeter. Soft, mellow Hawaiian music wafted from speakers overhead. Fern fronds, loose flowers, and long, oblong green leaves Malia once told her were called ti leaves all covered the two picnic tables in the yard.

Cecelia and Becca joined the others seated at the round, wooden patio table on the left end of the deck. As Cecelia took a seat across from Lila, the sight of Georgia and Chase caught her. Georgia was a small woman with long, thin limbs. She had bright blue eyes, and her hair was all gray now, hanging down her back in a neat braid. Georgia had always said she was determined to grow old gracefully. Memory reminded Cecelia that her thick locks had originally been a medium brown shade, closer to Chase’s and Evan’s. She’d never seen any pictures of him, but Kyle and Becca obviously must have gotten their lighter coloring from their father.

Cecelia couldn’t help but wonder now. Did it bother Kyle to know he looked like a man he hated? Kyle was determined to be everything his father wasn’t. He’d gotten the attitude from Evan. Being a military man, Evan had a strict adherence to rules and a set way he thought the world should work. It made him dependable, a trait that had rubbed off on all the siblings over the years.

Chase’s wife, Lila, peered across the table at Becca, a mischievous gleam in her green eyes. “You get anything out of Malia?”

Becca shook her head as she took her seat. “Nope. They’ve both clammed up tight.”

Cecelia half listened to the two women as they discussed possibilities and Malia’s previous pregnancies, as her gaze fell on Chase. He sat on Lila’s other side, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes closed. The two had married a couple of years ago. Chase, like Kyle, had joined the police force as soon as he was old enough. He quit five years ago when his partner lost his life bringing down a dirty cop. Chase picked up private investigating instead. It was how he’d met Lila. From a wealthy family, she’d hired him to find her half sister.

If Kyle wouldn’t help her find the answers she needed, no doubt Chase would. She didn’t like the notion of having to ask him, though. It meant she had to give up on being able to depend on Kyle. But she’d take what she could get. Besides, Chase was good at his job.

Cecelia opened her mouth, the question forming on her tongue, but a low chuckle from the other end of the deck caught her attention and the words died in her throat. Kyle. His voice had haunted her dreams last night.

Her heart began a fierce, erratic beat as her eyes located the source of the deep, rich sound. He stood in the open sliding glass doors, talking to Malia, who greeted him by draping a lei around his neck.

“Oh Lord.” Becca’s voice shook with restrained laughter. “He had to wear that shirt.”

Cecelia couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped as she eyed the garment in question. Kyle’s choice of attire was an obnoxious Hawaiian-style shirt. It was sea-blue and covered in little tropical islands, ukuleles, and flower leis.

“Kyle’s contribution to the celebratory theme.” Eyeing him, Cecelia leaned forward to rest her chin in her hand.

He wore one like it for every luau Evan and Malia threw, and like every other time, the shirt suited his obvious mood. He always seemed more relaxed and playful around his family, the invisible wall he kept around himself gone. She liked him this way. He was irresistible, charming.

When his head turned in her direction, her pulse skipped a beat, and she jerked her gaze to the yard. Suddenly, she didn’t want to know how he’d react to seeing her today. Would he treat her like he always had? Kiss her cheek, say hello, sit down, and chat with the rest of them? Or would she see the same soft, subtle heat that had been in his eyes yesterday? She didn’t know if she could handle seeing the shared remembrance of their kiss written on his face, if only because she didn’t want to know how
she’d
react.

Moments later, a large shadow fell across her face. Her hands automatically began to tremble. She didn’t need to see him to know it was Kyle. His presence filled the surrounding air until all she could think or breathe was him.

“Hey, guys. Ceci.”

The low, rough timbre of his voice as he said her name sent her stomach into a riotous mass of butterflies. Rich and smooth, that voice went to her head in an exhilarating rush and made her feel every bit as drunk as one of Evan’s mai tais. In her dreams last night, Kyle had whispered sweet nothings to her in the dark . . .

She willed away the wicked thoughts and peered at him. She forced a smile and opened her mouth, but her tongue clogged in her dry throat. All she managed to squeak out was, “Hi.”

Holding her prisoner with an expression she couldn’t begin to interpret, he leaned over, resting his right hand on the table. He was so close his warm breath fanned her lips, and her gaze dropped to his mouth. She swallowed hard. God, if he kissed her right now, no way would she able to resist him.

“Malia said you needed one of these.” He pulled a small flower from behind his back. It was pink and white, and she knew from previous celebrations, they were meant to be tucked behind the ear. Each of the gals had one. According to the tradition Malia shared with them years ago, tucking it behind her right ear would mean he considered them friends. Behind her left would mean he laid claim to her heart.