River of Lies (11 page)

“Dylan is going to be with us for a lot longer now” she said smiling; she leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled back at her, placing my hand on her hand.

“Grandma, Sandra” I said as her smile grew even bigger. Tears filled her eyes, as she got into her car. I stood there watching them drive off down the road, Dad by my side, my hand on my belly.

Chapter Thirteen.

That morning as I got dressed my heart was heavy; it was like there was a dark cloud that hung over me and I couldn’t shake it away. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and my dreams were filled with Dylan, one minute he would be smiling or kissing me and then lying in that coffin, lifeless and cold. I shuddered at the thought. I hadn’t seen Tilly in days, I had no idea whether she was even going to bother turning up to the funeral or not.

Dad and I drove to the funeral home in silence, I didn’t have any words I could say, and every time I went to open my mouth to make small talk, nothing would come out.  The funeral home looked just as cold and uninviting during the day as it did at night.  They had moved the coffin into a different room as I watched people file in through the door and take a seat.  The same meek man from the night before came up beside me and asked if I wanted to see Dylan one more time, before the funeral, I shook my head as Dad took my hand. Everyone began to sit down and the conversations lowered, Sandra and Jessica came out behind a curtain; I could the meek man lower the lid of the coffin, before he pulled the curtain all the way back. I looked around the room and searched the faces to see if I could see Tilly, but she wasn’t there. Suddenly a familiar face caught my attention, right at the back of the room, tucked into the corner, almost invisible, it was Shelly. Anger raged through me and my hand tightened around Dad’s.  He turned to see what I was looking at. Dad leaned over to me and whispered into my ear to stay calm, for Sandra, Dylan and the baby’s sake. I snapped my head back straight in front of me, still seething underneath.  Sandra saw Dad and I standing in the second row, she came towards us, she wrapped her arms around us, her sobs the only sound to be heard. She took my hand led me into the front row, to sit with her and Jessica.

As I sat, with Dad on one side and Sandra on the other my own tears flowed down my cheeks. This was too final, it was too much. The meek funeral director, stood in front of the lectern and began to speak about Dylan, he told stories of when Dylan was a child and what he meant to everyone around him. I smiled as he talked of the caring loving heart Dylan had, and how he would do anything for anyone.  The meek man said how he would be missed by everyone. I thought not everyone; Tilly didn’t seem to be missing him too much. The man spoke directly to Sandra and Jessica; he told them that Dylan would be with them forever, in their hearts. We all stood as six men seemed to appear out of nowhere and hoist the coffin onto their shoulders. As they walked past us, Sandra, Jessica, Dad and I all followed the coffin through the doors.  I kept my head down at the ground, Dad held my hand; I only looked up to see Shelly, a tissue to her face, tears sliding down her cheeks. I stared at her as we walked through the doors, and gripped Dad’s hand tight, as I tried to quell any urge to punch her in the face. 

The sky was a bright blue, with only one single white fluffy cloud in sight.  The sun’s rays were warm but not too hot, as the men slid the coffin into the back of the black hearse. Sandra and Jessica climbed into the back seat of the hearse as Dad and I went and got in our car, to follow them to the cemetery. We all drove slowly with our lights on, the cars pulled up to a grassy hill. I looked around, the cemetery was smattered with trees and green grass surrounded the black and stone headstones. A mound of soft freshly dug dirt was piled next to an open hole.  The same six men carried the coffin to the hole, and placed it on the metal pulley that sat poised, ready to drop the coffin down into the earth.

The meek man said a few words about how death wasn’t the end, although it was the end of life, it wasn’t at the same time, and that Dylan would continue to live on in our hearts and our memories. And our baby, I thought, as I gingerly touched my belly. As they lowered the coffin into the ground, Sandra dropped a handful of dirt down, her sobs wracked through her body. She stood back and fell into Dad’s arms. I went over the hole, it seemed so far down.  Panic gripped my heart, this was the end, and I would never see his beautiful face, his eyes or touch his skin ever again. I dropped the single red rose that I had been clutching on to the top of the brown wooden coffin, and turned into my Dad’s free arm.  There we stood as a family, a broken family, as we said goodbye to a beautiful man, a man that was going to make everything better, and a man that brought us all together.

After the funeral we went back to Sandra’s house where her neighbours had prepared some finger foods and drinks for everyone. I sat in the lounge, with Jessica by my side.  She clutched hold of my hand, as if afraid to let it go.  Sandra seemed to be a in a zombie like state, she didn’t really talk to anyone, just sat in the kitchen and stared off into space. Dad would touch her shoulder and give it a squeeze every now and then, just to make sure she was alright.

Suddenly Sandra was by my side tapping my arm, I looked up and she gave me a little side nod with her head to ask me to follow her. I stood up and she took me into what was once Dylan’s room. It was filled with his things, and as soon as she opened the door, I took a deep breath; I could smell his scent still. It was as if he was right there, the air became heavy, I felt comfort, and I didn’t want to leave the room.

“After he died, I came in here to tidy up, just to put his clothes away, and snoop I guess” Sandra said to me as she sat down on his bed, patting for me to sit next to her.

I sat down, I wanted to lay my face in his pillow, and inhale the smell that was left behind from his head. Sandra reached into her pocket and pulled out a small jewellery box.

“I found this, when I was cleaning, snooping, I think you were meant to get it”

She handed me the box, and I gingerly opened it. Inside was a gold bracelet, with a single diamond in the centre. I took it out of the box and held it up, it was beautiful.

“How do you know it was for me though?” I asked.

Sandra reached out and turned the bracelet over so I could see the inside, I could see that there was an inscription there, squinting my eyes I could make out the words.

“Mon, Forever Mine, Dylan”

A fresh batch of tears started to flow down my face.

“I don’t know when he was going to give it to you, or even when he bought it, but it is meant for you” she said. “He loved you Mon, he told me that, he had asked me if you could come and live here, until he got a job, the day he was, well he asked me that day”

I smiled, he said he was going to work it out, he had made a plan. Sandra patted my leg, as she got up and left the room, she shut the door quietly.  I laid my head down on Dylan’s pillow, and took in his scent. I didn’t realise it but as I lay there I fell asleep, a heavy solid sleep. When I woke again, my shoes had been taken off and I was under the blanket. I had forgotten a time when I had slept so well. I looked over at the clock on the table next to the bed and saw that it was 10am. 

I climbed out of bed, and opened the wardrobe door, I wanted to see more of him, to touch his clothes, as the door swung open I saw stuck to the inside a photo.  It was from a photo booth at the shopping centre.  We had taken it on one of our last afternoons together, we had been to see ‘Silence of the lambs’ at the cinemas, and before we left we climbed into the photo booth. It had taken three photos, I had forgotten all about them, but there I stood looking at us smiling for the camera and kissing in the middle one, the final photo was of him giving me bunny ears, while I looked at him smiling. As I hadn’t heard the door open, nor had I heard Jessica come up beside me.

“You were his girlfriend, not Tilly”

I jumped with surprise, and let out a yelp, as I slammed the door shut of the cupboard.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you” Jessica said looking hurt.

I reached out and hugged her and let her know that I wasn’t mad. I led her out of the room, and found Sandra in the kitchen, with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.  As Jessica and I walked into the kitchen arm in arm, she looked up and smiled.

“Well hello there, sorry I didn’t wake you, you looked so peaceful and your Dad said it was first time he had seen you sleeping so solidly in a long time, so we chose to let you be”

I smiled and thanked her I told her that I had slept really well. She offered to make me a drink, but I refused and said that I had to get back home to Dad.  I promised that I would call back in the next day to spend some time with her and Jessica. As I left, Sandra gave me a hug, and touched the bracelet on my arm, smiling. I smiled back and walked with my head in the clouds all the way home.

Chapter Fourteen.

As I walked up the driveway, I could hear shouting coming from the house, I knew that the shouting was Tilly, but I couldn’t make out the other voice.  I slowly opened the door, and poked my head in.

“What was I supposed to fucking do?” I heard Tilly shout.

“Not be a complete psycho would have been a good start”

I worked out that the voice was Shelly’s and my anger went from zero to one hundred in no time at all. I thought about bursting in the through the door and punching her in the face, punching Tilly in the face, just punching everyone. But I felt like I was standing against an invisible shield and something was preventing me from going inside.

“You only care, because you were fucking him” Tilly shouted.

There was silence, and I could hear footsteps coming towards the front door, I was about to close the door and run down the driveway but I was too slow, suddenly the knob was snatched out of my hand and the door swung open. Shelly stood staring at me in shock. Her eyes sunken and her cheeks drawn in, we stood there staring each other down like an old Western dual. I wished I had the gun to pull out and shoot her.

“Mon” she said quietly, before she pushed me to one side and rushed down the driveway and up the road. 

I watched her run up the street, and as I turned around I saw Tilly standing in the hallway, all colour had gone from her face.

“What are you doing sneaking around listening to private conversations now?” she vehemently spat at me.

I frowned as my anger began to boil over.

“It was a bit hard not to hear your conversation, when you are shouting, I could hear you down the road” I said, as I found my feet and pushed her out of my way so I could go into my bedroom.  She was right behind me, and grabbed me by the hair, as she yanked my head backwards. I lost my footing and fell onto the floor with a squeal.

“You’re a bitch” she screamed in my face, her fist was raised and came down hard onto my cheek. I suddenly felt Tilly climb onto my waist and I covered my stomach. I tried to protect the baby, I cried out, and tried to reason with her, I tried to make her stop.

“You think because your pregnant you little slut that your so fucking special.  Your nothing but a slut, a whore, a filthy dog whore” she screamed as she slapped me hard in the face again.

I tried to move my hips to throw her off me, but she was too strong, I couldn’t move her. Panic had filled my entire body, I hardly felt the sting of her punches and slaps, and all I could envision was that I was going to lose what was left of Dylan and me. With one hand she held my hair in her fist every now and then she lifted my head to slam it against the floor.

“Dylan, Dad or Michael isn’t here to fucking protect you now. You’ve got fucking no one now, you cunt” she screamed.

Her fist came down hard into my face; I heard the crunch of my nose, before I felt the pain.  Suddenly everything went black. When I came to, I was still on the floor, the house was cold, and Tilly was no longer on top of me. My head pounded, and I could feel the blood that had crusted around my face. I couldn’t open my left eye and my mouth felt swollen and sore. I reached down to my stomach, and touched all around my tummy, as I felt my panic begin to rise again. I was unsure what Tilly had done to me. I rolled onto my side; every muscle felt like it was on fire. Slowly I got up onto my hands and knees and was able to push myself up to my feet. I saw a gold sparkle next to the wall, and picked up what was left of my bracelet, the chain shattered into pieces. At that moment I didn’t care if Tilly had read the inscription, part of me hoped she had. I felt dizzy at first and had to hold onto the wall for fear of falling, but I managed to make my way into the bathroom. 

The light was blindingly bright as it sparked to life I grabbed the towel off the rail and wet the edge of it. As I looked in the mirror I could see my left eye was completely swollen shut, I had a cut in the fleshy part just above my cheek under my eye, which stung like hell when I touched it with the wet towel. My top lip looked twice the size, and had a large split on it and my face was almost blue in colour. I gently dabbed the towel on my face, and washed off the blood, the pain caused me to wince with every touch. I was exhausted. And for the first time in my entire life, as I looked at my deformed face, I prayed to God, I prayed that he would just kill me and take me away from all of this life. I wanted to be with Dylan, I couldn’t take any more of this. My eyes were too sore to even cry. I heard the front door open; I ran and slammed the bathroom door shut, and leant up against it. I didn’t want to give Tilly another chance to finish the job she started.