River of Lies (7 page)

I walked into the hallway, just out of sight, and strained to hear what they were talking about. I could hear Tilly apologise through tears and sobs.  Dylan was telling her that it was alright and that he would come back. When I heard them moving around the lounge room, I quickly darted into my bedroom, so as not to be seen and heard their bedroom door shut.  My heart sunk, and I had to control the jealousy that was raging inside me. As much as I was glad that Dylan wasn’t leaving, I was furious that he could put his dick inside that poisonous bitch.  I flopped back down on my bed, and fell back into a deep sleep.

Chapter Eight.

When I woke the next morning, the house was silent. I quietly went into the kitchen and started making my breakfast; I hadn’t eaten properly for a few days, and was suddenly ravenous. As I sat scoffing my food, Dylan came into the kitchen behind me, he ran his hand across my back, and rested it on my shoulder. I shrugged his hand off with irritation, not looking at him.  I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the emotions that the previous days had brought with them.  I heard Tilly come into the kitchen behind me, and kiss Dylan sloppily, with sleepy sexual giggles. 

I shoved the food in my mouth violently, chewing loudly, to try and drown out the sound of their slobbering kisses.  They were still kissing when I stood up, and took my bowl to the sink. I shoved past them, and slammed my bowl into the empty tub, clenching my teeth tight, to stop the anger that was beginning to rise up.  Tilly completely ignored me and continued to kiss Dylan’s lips, but I could see Dylan watching me. As I walked from the room, I put my hand behind my back and stuck my middle finger up at him. I slammed my bedroom door hard enough to rattle the window, behind me. I knew I was being immature to feel so angry, after all Dylan, was Tilly’s boyfriend, and I was just his quick fuck on the side. But I had believed him when he told me he loved me. It had twisted every emotion and feeling I had inside me. I felt betrayed, but that just made me angry, because I had no right to feel that way. I wanted to scream and punch something, possibly even Dylan in the face, but I knew breaking my fist wasn’t going to fix the situation. So instead I threw myself onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow, biting into and screaming through clenched teeth.

It wasn’t long before the knock on the door came.  I sat on my bed with a sigh expecting to see Dylan’s face peer around the open door, it wasn’t Dylan, but my dad.  He poked his head around the corner tentatively, he looked unsure of whether he should come in. It occurred to me that he probably felt confused by what was going on as much as I did.  It appeared to me that he was trying to make an effort. But none of this revelation did anything to shift the anger that swelled up inside me.

“Mon” he said has he sat down on the end of my bed.

I rubbed my face, and could feel my breakfast dance in my stomach, as it threatened to come back up in a violent angry manner.

“I rang Dylan. I lost your mum, I can’t lose you too” he said bluntly. “When I told him what Tilly said to you, he agreed to come back to her”

I nodded; Tilly’s threats of death rang in my ears. I knew she probably would kill me, but she could hurt me, which made me think of the possibility of being pregnant. I groaned as I lay back on my bed.

“I know” I said, as the tears once again began to flow. I was getting fed up with the tears; they just seemed to always come now.

Dad reached over to me and pulled me to take me in his arms, he smoothed my hair.  Again I began to feel comfort in my dad’s embrace; I didn’t feel the repulsion I had previously. I felt that Dylan had betrayed me that his words of love meant nothing, and in that moment I felt stupid and resolved that I wouldn’t have anything more to do with him. Although I knew that he was doing it to protect me that feeling of betrayal was something I couldn’t shake.

Dad and I sat in my room, talking for the next couple of hours, we talked about mum, about what dad’s plans were, what my dreams were. There wasn’t a subject that we didn’t cover.  And for that brief time, with my dad, I could see the change, I could feel the change, and I felt like this man, my dad who I had grown to hate, might actually be the one man who would make a difference for the positive in my life.

“I’ve got to go out for a bit, but I’ll be back a little later and we will talk more” he said as he lightly pat my hand.

“Can I come with you?”

“No Mon, it’s not something I want you to be involved in” I sighed with disappointment as the crashing revelation revealed itself, he hadn’t changed, he was that same drug dealing scumbag that I had grown up with.

I kept my eyes down at the carpet as he left; he pulled the door quietly closed behind him.  Instinctively I felt my stomach, I still hadn’t got my period, and the nerves were starting to play havoc with me. But I didn’t know how I would tell Dylan, let alone Tilly. I was going to have to lie, but I wasn’t sure if I was able to do that.

I was lost in thought, when Dylan came into my room, and sat next to me. He didn’t say anything, just sat there looking off into the distance, he looked like he was searching for the right words to say. The anger that had swelled to boiling point subsided the minute I saw him, and felt his closeness. My heart was breaking into millions of tiny pieces, but I knew I had to do what was right.

“It’s ok Dylan, Dad told me that he rang you. Thank you for coming back, but you belong to Tilly, not me” I said, my voice wavering.

He reached over and took my hand, but I snatched it back.  He looked hurt, and I could see his eyes start to tear up, I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t see him cry, because it would make my tears start again and I didn’t want that, I didn’t want him to see that.

“Mon, I meant what I said. I love you. I just don’t know how to do this, you and me. I want you, I think of you always, you are the girl I want, I just don’t know how to have you” he rubbed his face; I could see how tired he was.

My emotions started to twist like a tornado, and they threatened to take me out. I didn’t know what to say, or how to even begin to respond. Whilst talking to Dad I had resolved that I was going to end it with Dylan, that I would help Dad find a new house and move with him, to leave Dylan as a vacant memory to remember years later. I opened my mouth to tell him that we just couldn’t be, when the movement of Tilly suddenly appearing in my door jolted me and made me slam my mouth closed.

“There you two are”. 

Tilly leapt onto the bed, between Dylan and me and put her arm around us both.

“My favourite man and you” she laughed. I smiled weakly, and stared down at the carpet, my mind and emotions were in turmoil.

“God, you’d think Dylan just broke up with you Mon, you’re so fucking mopey” she said, as she grabbed us both on the leg, “and after the fucking you got” she said as she looked over at Dylan “you should be ecstatic”. I could see the pained look on Dylan’s face as she spoke the words; it was the look of how I felt.

Tilly grabbed our hands as she jumped up off the bed, and pulled on our arms.

“Come on mopey and her highness, let’s go somewhere, I’m bored”

I sighed and let Tilly pull me up.

“Let’s go up the mountain” she said excitedly, “I haven’t been up there in ages”

Dylan and I looked over at each other.  He nodded and walked to the door, I went to follow, but Tilly stopped me, her grin, spreading across her face.

“Oh Mon, isn’t this great? We made love at least three times last night, I have never had so many orgasms in a row, I guess all the practicing he’s been getting came in handy” she whispered.

I tried to smile, but my heart was seething. Thankfully she was so self-consumed that she didn’t notice the pain that was all over my face, she just grabbed my hand and led me out of the room.  As we started off up the mountain, Tilly chattered away about every subject she could think about.  The beauty of Tilly is that she could talk the leg off an iron pot, and she didn’t expect anyone to give input into her conversations, so I was able to sit in my anger in the passenger seat.  While she sat, leaning against Dylan on the bench seat of the van, her hand on his leg, she looked up at him lovingly every now and then. The times that I did look at Dylan, he had a focused steely stare on the road.

“Oh this is great, like old times, my beautiful man” she cooed. 

Dylan gave her a wan smile. I turned back to the passenger window, and watched the world speed by, as buildings and houses, turned to tree lined mountain edges.

When we got to the top of the mountain, I got out and stood in front of the car, I watched as the white fluffy clouds slowly moved their way across the sky, the breeze was cool on my face.  It was the middle of March, the weather was still warm but not hot, the trees had started to change colour and the days were getting shorter. The sun’s rays warmed my body, as I stood stretched against the front of the car, I heard the car door open, and saw from the corner of my eye, Dylan move to stand next to me. I looked back over my shoulder, and saw Tilly pull the bong from her bag and start to stuff it with marijuana. I rolled my eyes, as I turned my attention back out over the city that was sprawled out in front of us.

“Three times I heard” I said, as I kept my eyes steadfastly ahead of me, but I could feel the tension.

“Mon, that’s not fair”

I felt instant regret for what I said, I knew that I hurt him, but I was too angry to let him know.  I purposely kept my face staring in front of me.  Dylan turned and punched the bonnet of the car, causing me to jump with fright; he stormed off down the carpark. I looked back at Tilly, but she was too busy sucking on the bong, that she didn’t seem to have noticed. I sighed as I shoved myself off front of the car, and followed Dylan.  I found him again at the viewing cameras near the gift shop.  He was sitting on a bench, his head in his hands.  I sat down next to him, and touched his leg with mine.

“I’m sorry” I said, while I kicked a pebble across the concrete.

He reached out and put his hand on my leg, and gave my knee a squeeze.

“I am too”

Dylan reached out and draped his arm around my shoulder; I leant into him, and rested my head on his chest.  He kissed the top of my head. We sat there in silence and watched the world pass by around us.

“You know we can’t keep going don’t you?” I said, as I looked up at him, he continued to stare out at the view as he nodded and squeezed my shoulder.

“Yeah I know” he said as he smiled cheekily at me “but by fuck it was fun” he winked at me, which caused a flutter through my body, and I couldn’t help but grin.

“It was definitely fun” I said, as I laughed and squeezed his leg.

When we went back to the car, Tilly was well and truly baked. She sat sprawled across the bench seat, her head thrown back, the bong, next to her, her eyes half closed. She didn’t even react when we opened the car doors.  Dylan moved her over, so he could get in. Tilly didn’t say a word as we drove home, while Dylan and I chatted wildly about school, and what we could do over the Easter holidays.  Tilly had started to come down, by the time we got home.

“I might go have a lie down I think” she said sleepily, as she climbed out of the car as if in slow motion.  Dylan held her arm, and led her to the bedroom where she flopped on to the bed.  I took her shoes off, while Dylan put her legs under the blanket, and shut the curtains.  In the dark, I could make out the condom wrappers on the bed side table.  My heart sunk, there were more than three, and the jealousy began to rise.  Dylan looked to where I stared, and quickly came over to me, as he led me out the door.

“Come on, we will let her sleep it off” he said as he guided me from the bedroom.

While we prepared dinner, dad came in through the front door. I could see Michael’s car drive off up the road, my dad smiled at me as he came through the lounge room and into the kitchen.

“Something smells good” he said.

“Roast beef tonight” Dylan said. 

Dad eyed me carefully, as if trying to read my thoughts and emotions.  I nodded my head at him, to let him know that I had called it quits, and he smiled at me. Dad moved over the counter, to where I stood and put his arm around my shoulders, as he kissed the top of my head and played with the loose strands of my hair that had fallen out of my knot.

“What have you two been up to?” Dad asked.

“Tilly, Dylan and I went up the mountain; Tilly got stoned, and is in bed now”

Dad, sighed, and dropped his arms off my shoulders, he looked down at the aging vinyl floor; he shook his head, and shuffled off into the lounge room. I looked over at Dylan, who gave me a wink. I knew that dad didn’t like us doing the drugs, and I knew that Tilly was trying to hide it from him somewhat, unsuccessfully, but trying to hide it all the same. But it felt good to get some revenge on her.

Tilly finally emerged from the bedroom, just as dinner was about to be served.  Her eyes were no longer blood shot, and she was walking more steadily.  I was helping Dylan in the kitchen to serve up the meat and vegetables; Dad was already sitting at the table, when she appeared in the doorway.  Dad stared at the table top, and fiddled with the salt shaker. Tilly looked at Dylan and I, then back to Dad, I could read the nervousness on her face.  When Dad did look up she smiled at him soberly. I saw the frown of disappointment on his face and had to hide my smile.