Rock My Bed (23 page)

A wide grin covers his face the moment he sees me. He looks amazing in his red t-shirt, faded jeans and boots. I practically leap at him and throw my arms around his neck. 

Strong arms wrap around my waist as he lifts me into the air. “God. I’ve missed you.”

The scent of him is amazing. It’s like some sort of spicy soap. “I can’t believe you’re here! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

My toes touch the ground as he sets me down. “I wanted to surprise you.”

I press my lips to his. “Well you succeeded. I’ve never been more surprised in my life.”

He laughs. “Then my mission is complete.”

I grab him by the hand after he lets me go and reaches down for his bag. “How did you manage this?”

We sit down on the couch with me practically on his lap. “Lanie’s been sick the last couple days and is having a hard time helping her mom after surgery. We cancelled some tour dates so Noel could fly to be with her, and I’m taking full advantage of my time off.”

I snuggle into his side. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been practically starving since you’ve been gone.”

He kisses the top of my head. “I know the feeling. I’ve been sexually frustrated since I saw you last.”

I smack his arm playfully. “I meant food, but I’ve been a little hungry in that department too.”

Zach threads his fingers into my hair and tilts my head up until we’re practically nose to nose. “I think I can fix that on both accounts.”

The firmness of his lips against mine is just as I remember. They’re assured and know exactly what they want and I find an odd comfort in that. My fingers wrap around the nape of his neck as I hold him against me. 

Our kisses deepen and Zach scoops me into his arms and carries me off into the bedroom where I’m sure one of my hungers is about to be thoroughly satisfied. 

****

After being locked away in my apartment for nearly twenty-four hours, we decide it’s time to come up for air. The bar a couple blocks away from apartment hosts a variety of patrons. There are the uptight suits along with the everyday working class heroes. 

Zach leads me inside the dimly lit establishment by the hand. A long bar fills most of the space and is the focal point of the room. People mill about with their drinks chatting amongst one another as we pass by. 

A couple women stare at Zach a little too long for my liking as we pass by them. I squeeze his hand a little tighter as he stays oblivious to their attentions. Deep down I know I need to get used to the idea of women lusting after my man. He is a famous rock star, after all, but it’s so easy to forget that when we spend most of our time alone in my tiny apartment. 

Zach walks up to the counter and orders us a couple beers while I take in our surroundings. The women that were checking Zach out earlier saunter over to us with their eyes focused on him. I might as well be invisible. 

The leggy brunette taps him on the shoulder. “You’re Riff, right?”

He gazes down at the two women and then turns his attention back to the bar. “Yeah, I am.”

The short blonde nudges her friend to speak again. “Can we get your autograph?”

“Sure,” he says without looking at them. “Do you have a pen?”

The blonde shakes her head. “Not on us. We were hoping you’d take us to your room so we can show you a little double fan appreciation.”

“Ew,” I say out loud and the girls whip their heads in my direction and nearly shoot daggers at me with their eyes.

Zach turns and rolls his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

The dark-haired girl whines, “What a letdown. I thought you slept with your fans. You’re famous for handing out fuck tickets.”

“Things change. I won’t be doing that shit anymore.” He glances at me and smiles. “I’m a one woman man kind of guy now.”

“Ugh. Come on, Trixie. We’ll find another rich playmate for the night,” Blondie says to her friend before linking their arms and sauntering off in their epically short skirts.

Zach hands me my beer. “Sorry about that. Sleeping around is kind of my trademark.”

I sigh. “I know. It’s why I originally agreed to our first night together, remember.”

He nods. “Ah, that’s right. I was supposed to be your last hoorah before you were going to settle down with someone like that fuck-stick of a boss of yours.”

I cringe as he correlates the idea of Isaac and me together. “You’re right about him, you know.”

He takes a sip of his drink. “What do you mean?”

“About Isaac…he did…does want something more with me,” I admit. “He’s told me so.”

“I told you. My fuck radar is never wrong. I could tell he wanted in your panties the minute he approached our table at the pizza place. He was practically drooling over you.”

I shrug. “Don’t worry. I told him we’re together.”

Zach furrows his brow. “He made another pass at you after I told him you were mine?” 

I nod. “He basically told me he’d be waiting for when we didn’t work out and that he wouldn’t hold dating you against me.”

Zach’s jaw muscle works under his skin. “I’m going to kill that motherfucker.”

I place my hand on his chest. “Forget him. He’s not worth getting angry about. Isaac and I will never happen.”

“What if I fuck things up? I can’t shake the feeling that deep down I don’t deserve you and I’m going to fuck us up somehow.”

I shake my head and cup his cheek, forcing him to look at me. “I know you won’t.”

“You don’t know that.” He stares into my eyes, searching for some kind of answer. 

My pulse pounds in my ears as I’m about to take a huge chance. “I do because I love you and I think you love me, too.”

Zach closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I wait anxiously on him to respond—to admit he feels the same way. Instead, he grabs my hand and leads us out of the bar back towards the apartment, never answering. My heart completely sinks and I get the distinct feeling I’ve pushed him away.

Chapter 20

RIFF

I lay awake and watch Kitten sleep. When she told me she loves me back at the bar I froze up. The logical thing would’ve been for me to admit that I think I feel that way, too, but instead I panicked and brought her back here where I could have sex and clear my head a little bit.

I mean, I know I feel something for her. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that, but I also know that I’m not ready for something so monumental. Telling someone you love them is huge. It changes things. I don’t want to say it then find myself knee-deep in groupies fucking their brains out a week later because I decide I’m not ready to be committed that fully. 

In order to be fair to her, I need to leave her alone while I sort out this fucked up mess in my head. Accepting someone’s love is just as big of a deal as admitting that you love them back. The last thing I want to do in this world is hurt this beautiful creature lying next to me. 

I move her arm off my chest and creep across the hardwood floor to my things. I dress quickly and toss all my stuff back into my bag. 

Aubrey rolls over in bed and I freeze. A few seconds later she snuggles back into her pillow and I know the coast is clear. I grab my boots and tip toe into the hall. 

I know I owe her more than sneaking out like we had a cheap one-night stand, but I can’t face her. I can’t admit that she deserves so much better than me.  

I close the door behind me and slip on my boots before riding the elevator to the lobby. Before I leave, I stop and instruct the door man to ring her apartment and let her know that I left her apartment door unlocked. I can’t in good faith leave her without knowing she’s safe. 

I slip the doorman a hundred dollar bill and slap on my ball cap before heading out into the rainy night. 

****

The calls start around midnight. I assume the doorman woke her up and now she’s freaking because she’s seen all my shits gone. Kitten dials my phone repeatedly and guilt washes through me as I shut the phone off while I wait to board the plane to Kentucky. Trip and Tyke are already at the place we share there while we’re on this break. 

I text Trip and tell him I’ll be there about two in the morning. 

Trip:
What the fuck, dude? Something happen between you and Aubrey?

Riff:
Explain later.

I type that in and hit send, knowing full well I have no intentions of explaining anything. Trip doesn’t need to know all my fucking business. 

Three hours later, I’m pulling my rental car up to my house. It’s nearly five thousand square foot and plenty big enough for me and the twins to live in. We each have our own wing with separate living rooms and bedrooms, so it’s like apartments with a communal kitchen and living area for parties. 

Eve, our grandmotherly, live-in housekeeper opens the front door as I shut off the headlights. She’s the best cook in the world, but the nosiest old woman I know, and we affectionately call her our housemother. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and head into the house. 

“Trip says you was comin’ home tonight. Says you’re having problems with some girl?” Eve questions in her thick southern accent as I give her a hug hello. 

I kiss the top of her gray head. “It’s nothing.”

“Sounded serious according to Trip. He’s done filled me in all about this Aubrey girl when I made supper last night.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course he did.”

“So tell me, sugar. You think this ‘en is the one?”

I sigh and sling my bag over my shoulder. “I think she is, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt her in the end, so I left before things get to serious.”

Eve frowns, deepening the wrinkles around her mouth. “Baby, you can’t let things like that hold you back from true love. If I’d been afraid of love, I would’ve never had forty long years with my Bernie. God rest his soul.”

I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but right now all I want to do is sleep. I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a gentle pat. “I’m going to hit the hay, Eve. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I walk back to my room and glance around. It’s just as I left it. My king-sized bed sits in the middle with a gray comforter and matching pillows. All my books and records neatly line the bookcase on the far end of the room by my computer. I don’t spend much time in here, so I haven’t really personalized it too much. The only picture I have in here is on my nightstand of Hailey and Mom. Up until now, they were the only people that mattered to me other than my bandmates. Aubrey has done a number of fucking with my head and stirring up emotions in me that I don’t like facing. 

I flop onto my bed and close my eyes and let sleep take me away from everything.

****

Trip kicks the edge of my bed. “Get up, jackass. I’m tired of you mopping around her like a lazy alcoholic. Eve’s says she’s not going to bring your meals in here anymore, so you better get up and get ready to be fucking social.”

I toss a pillow at him and pull the blankets over my head. “Fuck you, dude. Leave me alone.”

He yanks my covers off. “You’ve been locked up in here three days now drinking yourself into oblivion. You need to fix this shit.”

“I can’t!” Why doesn’t he let me be?

“You can! Here.” He tosses my cell onto the bed next to me. “Call her.”

“No.”

He folds his arms. “Do it or I’m dragging your ass into the shower myself and hosing that stink off you.”

“God!” I snatch the phone up and search out her number. “You’re annoying as fuck.”

Trip smirks but doesn’t make a move to leave until he hears Aubrey answer. 

“Hey,” I say. “It’s me.”

Satisfied with himself, Trip laughs as he shuts my door on his way out and I flip him the finger. 

“What happened to you? Did you leave because of what I said in the bar?”

“Yes,” I answer honestly. “I’m not ready for that.”

She sighs into the phone. “I get that. I really do, but you should’ve told me that instead of sneaking out in the middle of the night so you didn’t have to face me like a coward.”

She’s right. Leaving like that was the biggest pussy move in the world to pull. If I were man enough, I would’ve stayed and told her how I felt instead of doing what I did. 

“You’re right and I’m sorry for that. You deserve better. Actually you deserve better than me period. That’s why I left.”

“When you say shit like that it’s crazy. I hate when you talk down about yourself like this. Your parents fucked you up. You are capable of love, Zach. You have to open up and let me in. You can’t keep blaming yourself for your mom and sister’s death.”

“They have nothing to do with the way I feel about you,” I growl. “I’m no good for you.”

“Don’t say that,” she cries. 

“I’m not, Aubrey. I always ruin everything and hurt the people I love most. If I let myself love you, I’ll let you down. I know it, and that will fucking kill me. I’m barely holding on to a string as it is. I can’t take one more person that I love hating me. I don’t think I’ll make it.”

“That’ll never happen.”

I rub my forehead. She’s not going to give up unless I make her. “It already has.”

“What do you mean?” she questions.

“I’ve moved on, okay. I found a couple chicks last night and brought them back to my place so I can forget about you and how you fucked with my head.”

She’s quiet for a moment and then I hear her sniff on the other line. I pull the phone away from my mouth and stare up at the ceiling cursing myself for being an evil bastard and making her cry. 

“So, like I said. I’m no good. It’s best we split now before I actually feel something for you. We’re no good for each other.”

“Okay,” she answers with a shaky voice before she hangs up on me. I throw my cell against the wall, watching it shatter into a million tiny pieces, and hating every inch of myself.

AUBREY

The last few days I’ve thrown myself into my work. With Lanie gone I find myself working and sleeping with not much else in between. 

I have nothing else here in the city. Not even my long-distance rocker any more. I should’ve listened to my head instead of following my dumbass heart and falling in love with a man I knew was trouble right from the start.