ROCKED BY THE WAVES (20 page)

A TIMELESS PEACE

It was 1905 and May was coming to its end. Sam had left one year before and he had never written to me.

«You promised you’d go look for him», I said.

«Do you really want me to?»

«Why are you asking?»

«You might be disappointed».

What was he talking about?

«What are you...?»

«You must be prepared».

«I will come with you. Moon can take care of the kids».

He looked at me.

«I’ve had one year to think about this».

«Okay then».

«What about your job?»

«I resigned».

«What?»

«Two months ago. I wanted to be with you for as long as I could».

He turned pink.

«We’ll leave on Saturday», I replied.

We would use my father’s ship. It was not going to be a comfortable journey, but I didn’t care.

«We should start from Le Havre».

On Saturday, we got to Halifax. I was anxious and nervous.

We got on the ship. We would share the bathroom.

The beds were small and the only furniture was a desk.

«It’s not that bad», Keir said.

The sailors were not especially polite and they were not used to having a woman onboard.

«They are used to dealing with prostitutes, I believe», Keir said.

«What do you know about prostitutes?», I asked.

He turned pink. «Nothing».

When we left, I tried not to think of all the people I was leaving nor the only person I may end up not to find. I went to my bed and cried.

Keir joined me and he hugged me at once. He caressed my back.

«Do you think we’ll find him?»

«He will find us, when the time’s right». He took a deep breath. «I’ll go fetch something to eat».

The sailors spoke many languages and the time seemed surreal. The ocean was vast and the peace you could experience was sort of timeless. We needed to be in synch with the sailors, because we were the only passengers. We had three meals per day, which were light but good. I got lonely.the sea was huge and I was so small.

We ate alone, because we didn’t like tha sailors commenting on me.

During the night, I felt the waves gently rocking me. After three days, I was used to that.

On the tenth day, it was terribly hot. I was wearing a shirt and had decided to relax for a while.

I could hear the sea and I liked that. Keir’s hand caressed my belly. I opened my eyes and found him sitting on the floor, looking at me.

«You scared me. What are you doing here?»

He didn’t reply, but his hand caressed my body and touched my breasts. He opened my shirt and touched my skin. Then he stood up and kissed me. I hugged him and he took my shirt off.

«I love you»

I looked at him and kissed him. We made love. I didn’t know why I was doing that, maybe I needed someone to stay with me for a while.

On the morning after we were sleepy. We had hugged throughtout the whole night and Keir was still kissing me.

«What shall we do?», I asked after kissing him back.

He seemed to be happy. «My darling, you are mine now».

Yes, I knew that.

«I mean, what shall we do when we get to Paris?»

He didn’t reply and we made love once again.

He had wanted that for a long time and now I was his.

At lunch time, I was hungry.

«Do you want to eat?»

«I do».

«Me too. But you’re much better than any kind of food».

We got up.

«I’ll get dressed. Then we’ll have to talk», he said.

«Wait, I should use the toilet first...»

«I’ll wait for you outside, then».

«What?»

«I don’t like the idea of you being alone with all these sailors around».

«Are you jealous?»

He lowered his eyes and turned pink.

«Maybe».

«Oh, Keir...»

«I don’t like it, when men look at you».

«Keir, do you remember that we are on a trip to look for my husband?»

«You love him. I know that. But he is not your husband».

I was angry. I got dressed without a word.

«Claire!»

I didn’t reply.

He grabbed my waist and made me turn to him.

«I know you love him, but you’re in love with me as well».

Then he kissed me passionately.

«I nearly went mad for you. I can stand Sam, because he is a kind and brave man. But no one else, right?»

«Right. Now I really should use the toilet...»

I knew my life would get harder and harder. What shall we do in Paris? And in London? I couldn’t think of that.

I kissed Keir, then went to the toilet.

The following two weeks were a living hell. He was always checking on me and I kept telling him to give me some space.

«You can’t kiss me all day long. You can’t follow me everywhere I go... that’s way too much».

«But my darling, we’re on a small ship».

«Just be honest!»

«Okay. So what shall we do?»

«Let’s talk. Talk about anything. Sam and I were always talking».

He turned pink.

«So what do you want to talk about?»

«Do you think we’ll find him?»

«We’ve talked about that a million times. He will find us, if he wants to».

He wasn’t happy.

«Why shouldn’t he want to?»

He remained silent, as usual.

The journey was coming to its end, when we had a fight.

«So, Claire, tell me, but if he shows up. What will you do?»

I was stuck. I hadn’t thought about that.

«I don’t know».

«How can you not know? What will I do, then?»

«I don’t know».

He got angry and pushed me to the wall.

«I am not a past time. I won’t let you throw me away».

«You are scaring me and you never let me do anything on my own. You can’t control me like that».

He left.

«Where are you going?»

«Nowhere, but let me tell you this. You know why I don’t let you alone».

«Where do you want me to go, Keir?»

«In Paris? In London? You could go just about anywhere».

«I just need to talk to Sam».

He calmed down. We were always fighting, though. He wanted me to be his, but I just couldn’t. it was too much. Tension was in the air.

«What do you really know about Sam, Claire?»

I stared at him.

«Everything. Why are you asking?»

«Are you sure about that?»

I was confused.

«What do you mean?»

He remained silent.

«If I had lost you, like Alex has, I would have searched the whole planet until I found you. But I have been trained for such a thing. Sam bought new identities for you both... he has been checking on Alex... have you ever wondered why? Why has Sam taken you to Nova Scotia? Why Alex hasn’t found you yet? I have had training, he has powerful friends. We’re even».

I trust Sam, I did. But Keir was right.

«What are you...?»

«I’m telling you you know nothing about Sam».

I was stuck and scared. I sat.

«Remember that mission? I didn’t have to meet Wilson. I had to, but I also needed to... do something else»

«You tell me».

«Sam told you he has worked for Alex and that his father is Angus Mac Gregor?»

I shook my head.

«That’s a lie. He is a spy, but I don’t know who’s controlling him. He must be hiding something or must have been forced to work for them. Wilson had been having you followed for two years, this is true».

I was upset.

«Sam will find you and come to look for you. But you must know he’s not the man you think he is».

My head was hurting.

«We have a farm, a family... I can’t believe that!»

I was desperate.

«I think he has been working as a spy for much longer than you think. He must be into something... not quite legal. I think he left you because you were in some kind of danger».

I was crying. He came to me and hugged me.

«I had to tell you. Now you can choose. I’m not hiding anything from you. I just love you and don’t want us to be over...»

I didn’t sleep at all that night. I knew Sam wouldn’t come back with us to Nova Scotia. I had lost everything. I just didn’t know what to do.

I was thirty and needed to start all over again. I was hurting really bad. I had loved him much. He was the father of my beautiful sons. We were going to be parted not because he didn’t love me, but because we were in danger. What would I tell to the kids? And what about Keir?

IN PARIS

When we got to Paris, we found that the city was packed with artists: writers, philosophers, painters.

It was the belle époque. Factories were selling weapons, tension was in the air and politics was a crucial matter. But still, creativity and art were at their best.

Paris was the ville lumière, a city packed with marvellous buildings and rich gentlemen. They used to go hunting, to entertain and to support art.

It was altogether beautiful and fashionable. Mr Jackson turned out to be quite right: night life was pretty chaotic there. Cinemas, electricty, science... I was stuck.

Keir’s plan was pretty simple: we should go to the casino and meet with the upper class. We needed to catch people’s attention.

I was unsure whether this was a good idea or not. I had barely had a life in society, back in London, and I didn’t know if I could manage all that. He seemed to be quite sure, so I accepted anyway.

We used to fight a lot. He didn’t like the way I dressed. We had been shopping, but I had spent many years looking after the kids, so I had been completely unable to choose something appropriate. On the contrary, he was always perfectly dressed and young women seemed to notice him. I had picked flashy outfits, in the hope that they would catch people’s attention. On our first night, I wore a black dress that showed my cleavage. I didn’t do anything with my hair, it just fell in smooth curls over my shoulders.

«I won’t go out with you, unless you dress differently».

«I won’t change my outfit».

I knew I looked good. He was just not used to see me like that. We went out and many men tried to approach me. Keir didn’t appreciate it.

He was handsome, so many girls were always trying to catch his attention. He just didn’t seem to care about them.

«Mr Anderson! It is so nice to meet you here. You’re not alone...»

A French waitress had approached us.

«She’s my wife, actually», Keir replied.

«Of course she is. May I bring you anything?»

«Perhaps a bottle of champagne», he said kissing my hand.

She left.

«Anderson, then?»

He turned pink.

«That’s the way you get in touch with people, nowadays. And I don’t have fun, when I’m on a mission... just in case you are wondering».

I smiled at him. I knew what he was referring to.

«Claire... did you just hear me? Will you marry me?»

I turned pale.

«How can you ask such a thing in such a moment?»

He kissed my hand. «Eventually».

«I shall have to think about that».

«Well, then do it. Think about it. I want to marry you».

I looked at him.

«I want it to be a proper marriage».

«So what? Are you planning on killing Alex?»

He kissed me pasionately.

«No. You’ll ask him for a divorce. It is high time you did this».

I was taken aback.

«You mean I shall meet him? Have you gone insane? I can’t just drop by his house and ask him for a divorce after all these years».

He shook his head.

«You can keep hiding. That’s what I’m saying».

«Why? Because you want to marry me properly?»

«Yes. I have been taking care of you. I can do this forever».

Words failed me.

«I love you, Claire. I think you have known this for a long time. You should know by now that I won’t step back».

He was headstrong and I was on the edge of telling him that I just needed some space, when a thirty-year-old man came to us. He bended and asked me to dance.

«No», Keir replied.

«Sure», I said. I got up and got to the dancefloor. But Keir got there too and said: «My wife is pregnant and she needs me».

I said goodbye to the man.

«Keir, you’re suffocating me!»

He didn’t seem to care.

«Let’s go sit. We can play chemin de fer».

He smiled at me.

«I don’t want to play».

«Oh, come on... just have fun!»

«I’ll go to the hotel...»

«No. What if anything happened to you?»

I took a deep breath. Wise reply. He was right.

«One shot, that’s it».

«What’s this game, anyway?»

He kissed me on the cheek.

«It’s like Baccarà. You play it with cards. It takes eight people to play. And you score points. Maximum score is nine, but really... It’s all about luck».

I didn’t care about chemin de fer nor Baccarà, but I decided to smile and go sit next to him.

Seven people were sitting aroung a table. Keir and I took our seats and he introduced us.

«Good evening, gentlemen. I’m Keir Anderson and she’s Claire, my beloved wife».

Everyone replied politely. There were two couples from America, one from France, one from England and one from Austria. A Russian man and a German one completed the table.

We were in a big room. The walls were red and so were the curtains. They had golden embroideries all over them.

It looked more of a brotherl, than a casino. The spacious armchairs were just perfect for a couple who needed intimacy.

Waiters were always filling our glasses. Americans and English drank scotch, the French couple preferred cognac. Our German player asked for absinthe and as for the women, we were poured cherry.

I asked for champagne, though. I wondered what they all thought of us. We looked like a couple, even if we were not one. I was getting bored, but Keir seemed to be having fun.

It was late, when something awkward happened. The German man was playing with Keir, who seemed to be doing good. We hadn’t got much money left, though, so he needed to call the game off. The man insisted that Keir kept playing.

«Come on, we can always make a deal, you know».

Keir looked at him.

«A night with Mrs Claire. This would do», the German said.

I was speechless. Keir stood up and took my arm. We left at once. He was angry and I could see his face was red.

«I was about to punch him», he said.

«I just want to go back to the hotel, please».

I wanted to sound convincing, so I kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back.

On the following days, we had fun. We went to concerts and cafès, we met artists and visited many places.