ROCKED BY THE WAVES (21 page)

WORDS THAT HURT

We were at a concert and it was a very good night. I needed to go to the ladies’room, though, so I stood up and left. I came back three days later.

I was looking at myself in the mirror, when a lovely voice made me jump. It was Sam!

I hugged him at once and he kissed me.

«I missed you, Claire».

All my past fears and sadness had suddenly disappeared.

«Let’s go. We can’t stay here», he said.

I followed him.

«We’ll be able to spend some time together. I’ll take you somewhere safe», he whispered.

We went in the street and walked for a while. Then Sam turned left and showed me a small door. We got in and got to an apartment.

It was a small one, with a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom.

«What are we doing here?»

«It’s safe. And I have many things to explain to you».

I turned to him.

We hugged and sat on the bed.

«Well, I... I...», he started.

I caressed his hair.

«I know you’re a... spy. I don’t care».

«My name is not Sam Mac Gregor and I am not Scottish. I’m not English and I’m not French either. I was supposed to check on... some people and steal documents».

I listened to him without replying.

«I have fallen for you, Claire. I know I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to let you go... and I don’t want our kids to grow up without a father... but I just can’t come back to Nova Scotia».

I started crying.

«I will come back. Just not now. I have things to fix».

We stayed together for three days. It was marvellous. We made love and talked a lot. We had dinner together and enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t know when nor where I would see him again. I wanted to cherish our memories.

«Claire, now listen... there is going to be a war. Please, remain on our island. Now you should go meet Alex and ask him for a divorce. He needs to know Eddy is his son. He will leave him his money and his name. This is crucial, Claire».

I was shocked.

«Take Keir with you and tell Alex he is your lover. Tell him we have broken up and that you want to marry Keir. Alex will let you go. I know he will. And marry Keir».

I was upset.

«Just trust me, Claire. If I survive the war, I won’t be able to come back to you for a long time. He will look after you. He loves you and the kids like him. You need a husband, Claire».

I wanted to protest, but it was useless, I knew that.

«I come from an influent family, Claire. But my parents died when I was four. After a couple of days, I was found in the woods. I was alone and refused to talk to anybody. No one knew who I was. I was taken to a hospital first, and then to a convent. I met Angus Mac Gregor’s wife there and she looked after me. She taught me how to read and write. When I was thirteen, a man came to pick me. He said he was a relative of mine. We travelled a lot and we got Paris. He trained me as a spy, then I went on my first mission. After a while, I was asked to keep an eye on Alex. It seemed he was in a... sect or something like that. And I met you. He asked me to follow you around, and so I did. I couldn’t warn you, Claire. I’m sorry».

It was the first time he was completely sincere with me.

«I love you and I will always love you, but you need to marry Keir. I need you two to be safe. It won’t be like this forever, I promise. I will look after you and I will come back to you».

«I love you».

Keir and I had rented an apartment. Sam took me there. We hugged for a long time.

«I don’t want this...», he said.

I was about to cry, but decided that I would have the time to do it later. Much time.

I kissed him.

«I will do as you please, but I will wait for you».

He left and I started to cry. I got to the apartment.

«Claire!»

It was Keir.

I went to the bedroom and wanted to shut the door behind me, but he was quicker.

«I’ve been looking for you! I didn’t know what to do».

I just cried. I didn’t care about anything he could tell me. He hugged me, though. He must have understood it was a hard time for me.

«I’m sorry», I whispered after a while.

He kissed me.

«It’ll be all right».

He looked kinder than usual. He had grown up, somehow.

«I thought I had lost you forever».

«I’ll marry you», I said out of the blue.

«You don’t have to...»

«I have to. Do you still want to marry me?»

He hugged me and kissed me.

«Of course I do. Are you sure about that? I thought I’d have to ask you a billion times before you said yes», he smiled.

«I am. Now let’s take care of Alex...»

MILAMGYI TERDZOD

At the end of July, we got to London. It had been a nice journey, because Keir’s happiness had made me feel much better. Time had flown by and even if I missed Sam very much, I was feeling hopeful. We would be staying at my father’s.

«Won’t we upset your family?»

«Renny won’t care, if you come to my room at night».

He was uncomfortable with the idea of two separate bedrooms.

«Keir, it’s just for a few days...»

I knew Renny wouldn’t like that. Sam had been his closest friend for many years and Keir was a lot to cope with. I would have to tell Renny everything, though. I was making an effort to be happy, but my brother would know at once that I was not. When we arrived home, Renny stared at us in surprise.

«Claire! I knew you were coming, but...»

«Renny, dear. You already know Keir and you know we need to see Alex».

He sat on an armchair.

«Yes, but... why? You’ve been avoiding him, right? And now you’re looking for him?»

Right. But I needed to see him now.

«I’ll explain everything, I promise».

He was suspicious and nervous.

«Why isn’t Sam here? Why is Keir with you?»

Keir was standing on the doorway.

«Sam couldn’t come. He will... stay away for a while».

He looked at me.

«I can’t tell you. It’s something he needs to fix...»

Keir came to us. «You mustn’t hold Claire responsible for this. We just can’t say more for now».

Renny seemed to think about that for a while.

«I’ll make sure your rooms are shipshape and I’ll go to work».

He left.

«It didn’t go bad, right?», I said cheerfully.

«It did go bad. You didn’t tell him why we are here...»

He was right, but Renny was smart. He would figure that out, anyway. 

«I’ll talk to him. You wait here. I’ll be back».

I headed to the studio and heard Keir asking for tea to the maid.

When I shut the door behind me, I started talking and didn’t stop until everything had been said. We settled things over. I was to marry Keir.

Renny left the studio and went to meet Keir.

«I’m sorry, Keir. I’ve not been fair to you. Now I know everything...»

They shook hands.

«I know it is hard for everyone, but I love Claire».

«I know you will take care of her. Go to your room, both of you, and rest for a while...»

He said “both of you”. Keir got the message at once. He was allowed to sleep with me, now that things were all clear.

We got to our room. I opened the wardrobe and looked at my old clothes. Everything was there. Keir was looking at me. I smelt lavender in the air. It was familiar and reassuring. I hugged Keir.

«Things have changed so much, but this room is exactly as I recalled it. I miss my kids, you know», I said.

He caressed my back.

«I miss them too. We’ll be back soon».

«Do you really think so? I don’t know what to say to Alex...»

He kissed me.

«You’ll figure that out. He’s stubborn, but you will get the hang of it. You have my support».

I felt better.

«Would you like to see London?», I asked him.

He smiled.

«I would».

«Tomorrow I’ll take you to Hyde Park and to the British Museum».

Someone knocked on the door.

«Madame? A friend of yours is waiting for you downstairs».

Lizzie?

«Come on, Keir. Let’s go meet her».

We went downstairs and found Lizzie waiting for us. She was with a little girl.

We hugged.

«You haven’t changed a bit. You’re so charming, my dear Claire!»

We laughed and then I introduced Keir to her.

«This is a dear friend of mine... Keir Murphy».

They shook hands. Lizzie looked at him carefully.

«A dear friend, right?»

«Pleased to meet you, Madame».

«Your good taste hasn’t changed, Claire... how long have you been dating him?»

«Lizzie!»

«Oh, don’t get frantic... my husband is so normal».

«But I bet he’s rich».

We both laughed.

«But... what about... Alex?»

«I’ll figure something out».

It was then that James got in.

«James!»

We hugged. He was exactly as I recalled him.

«You are so beautiful, my dear Claire».

Keir came to us and introduced himself.

We talked and talked. They told me about their lives, their sons and their everyday routines.

«What about you, Claire?»

I was always avoiding that kind of questions. It made me lonely, to think of that. They had become more adults. James had a bit of a belly, Lizzie had some wrinkles. They were both very English, in some way.

When they left, I felt sad but relieved.

Life was about to change and I needed to cope with that. I was getting used to changes, anyway.

That nigh, in bed, we hugged.  I needed someone to hug me. I also needed to find something to tell Alex. We kissed and I felt asleep.

I dreamt of all the things that scared me. When I woke up, Keir was holding my hand.

«You were having a nightmare».

«I did...»

«In Tibet they have this kind of literature... It’s called Milamgyi Terdzod, which is the Treasure of All Dreams. They believe that the people that passed away can show us the right path. Now go to sleep... we’ll figure something out».

We hugged and I smiled. When I fell asleep, I didn’t dream of anything.

CINNAMON AND COPPER

On the day after, Robert came to see us.

«I’m so happy you are here, Claire».

We didn’t mention Sam.

We had a walk and I found myself eager to see London. I loved the British Museum and many other places. I had missed them.

We spent the day outdoors. When we got to the museum, I stopped in front of the Egyptian section. I was fascinated. There were many rings, statues, porcelains, netsukes and objects that I didn’t quite know how to use.

The museum was huge and we talked about his many treasures for a long time afterwards.

We went to Hyde Park and walked along the Serpentine Lake. I sat there for a while and noticed someone not far from us. It was a tall figure. A man. He was blond. He was walking to a young woman.

I stood still.

«What’s wrong?», Keir asked. «You can tell me, Claire».

I was unable to speak, let alone persuade Alex to divorce me.

He was approaching. He was talking to the woman and I noticed she was a brunette. I felt like I was about to faint.

They were laughing and I thought they must have been a couple. Maybe Alex wanted to marry her.

«Keir, give me a kiss. Now. I want Alex to notice us. He must know we have a relationship».

He looked at me.

«Are you sure of that?»

«It’s a try».

He started kissing me and kept on for a while. I heard people coughing and children screaming at us.

I heard Alex saying: «Michelle, will you excuse me? I must make sure of something».

Keir whispered me: «You have his full attention, I believe».

I smiled at Keir. Then I turned to Alex. He looked at me in amazement.

«Alex!»

He jumped.

«Claire… mon coeur. I thought I’d never see you again».

The brunette was looking at us. She knew who I was.

«I’ve been looking for you everywhere…»

«I know that. This is Keir».

«I can see you are very… intimate».

«He is the reason why I’m here».

«Which is?»

People were staring at us. Alex was aware of that and he was not pleased with the attention we were getting.

«I want to marry him».

Alex went pale. Then he turned red.

«Are you crazy? What about your other… flirt? Wasn’t he enough for you?»

«I was tired of him… as I was of you».

He approached me and he lifted his arm.

«Don’t you dare touch her», Keir said.

Alex shook his head.

«She’ll break your heart and you will love her anyway», he whispered.

«It is worth it».

«What is it that you want, Claire?»

«That you divorce me».

«This is not something that you can have in a couple of days…»

«Just stop it. I now you have friends… I know you can make this happen in about no time. When do you want to meet me?»

He was stuck.

«I can’t seem to recognize you, Claire».

«I’m not your Claire. Not anymore».

He stared at me.

«I’ll send you a note then».

«Alright».

I took Keir’s hand and left. When I was sure no one was looking at me anymore, I stopped and took a deep breath.  Keir hugged me.

«You’ve been great. Please, remember me not to fight with you», he smiled.

«I don’t know how I did it».

I shook my head.

«Do you think he will meet me?»

«He will».

«I didn’t get tired of Sam, you know that… but I won’t leave you».

«I know that. Let’s go meet Renny».

We walked home and as we did I understood how much I cared for him. I loved him, in a way.

At dinner, we didn’t tell Renny and Robert about our meeting with Alex.  They would know about it in a short time anyway.

When we got to our room, Keir opened his luggage.

«I’ll go straight to bed, I believe», he said. Then he went to the bathroom.

That was unusual. He was always looking forward to our nights together.

Maybe he was tired.

«Of course».

And so he did, without even kissing me good night. I was stuck. When I went into the bathroom, I found something. It was a beautiful shirt. It was black and transparent. I suddenly knew why Keir had got into bed at once. It was short, just like a baby-doll. I brushed my teeth and wore some perfume.

When I went back to our bedroom, Keir was reading a poetry book. The lights were low and he didn’t notice me until I was very close to him. He looked at me breathlessly. He wanted to make love to me, I could see that.

«So… you’re not going straight to bed, I suppose».

He took my hand.

«When did you buy this?»

«In Paris».

I got into the bed and we hugged. He caressed my bare skin and said: «I love you. Even if there will be a war, I will stand by you».

I felt his body all over mine.

«Will you marry me, Claire?»

«I will».

His hair was like cinnamon and copper. Many shades made it precious. I caressed it.

We kissed and then he asked me where I would like to get married.

«In New York».

He laughed.

«This is so Jackson Turner like».

It was. And so unlike me.

«Don’t worry. We can get married here. We can always go on a trip there».

He smiled and then we made love.

He was a jealous man. He really was. Much more than Sam. But he was caring and loving. He had always been there for me. He had been looking after the kids.

I was in love with Sam, but I was also in love with Keir.

He hugged me.

«You never told me you love me. You never call me names…»

I looked at him.

«We’ll talk about that tomorrow».

«I can’t wait until tomorrow».

I took I deep breath.

«You know I do…»

«Just tell me».

«How do you know, by the way?»

«You let me make love to you».

We kissed.

«I need time, Keir».

He kissed me once again.

«Alright, Claire».

«Alright, darling».