Rocked in the Light (10 page)

“Okay. Later.”

I hung up and then picked up the hotel phone to order a giant pot of coffee. I was going to need it. While I waited for it I finished getting dressed and started packing up my things.

By the time I completed that task and drank my coffee, I headed downstairs to meet the others. I thought about calling Rick but figured he needed some time alone and would be able to talk to him before we hit the road.

After putting my bags in the pile to be loaded in I said hello to everyone milling around, keeping an eye out for Rick.

Matthew was standing off by himself, typing at lightning speed on his phone when I walked over.

“Hey.”

He looked up and smiled. “Good morning.”

“Is it?”

“Morning? Definitely. Good? Maybe not. How are you?”

“Fine, but that was my line. How are you?”

He shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Trying not to stress too much.”

“That’s good.” I glanced around. “Rick still sleeping?”

Matthew cleared his throat and looked at me with something like panic in his eyes. “Uh, no.”

“Uh-oh. What happened?”

“He, uh, left.”

“What?” I asked way too loudly.

“Not like that. He showed up at my room in the middle of the night. Said he needed to clear his head. So he rented a car and drove down on his own.”

“That motherfucker.” I blinked back tears and turned away, not wanting him to see how hurt I was. Rick hadn’t told me about this. I thought we’d turned a corner in our relationship – whatever it was. But apparently I was wrong.

Matthew grabbed my arm before I could run away. “Julia, wait.”

“I gotta go.”

“No. Please, listen.”

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure I know where he’s going to be. And when we get into town you need to go find him.”

“Why?”

Matthew looked so sad. “He’s going to need you. And you need to understand him. This will help. I’ll text you the address.”

“Why are you being so cryptic?”

He sighed. “None of this is my story to tell. But everything else is falling apart and I don’t want that to happen to you two.”

The obvious pain and honestly in his words hit me and I nodded. “Okay, I’ll trust you.”

The drive down to San Diego took forever. I was nervous and restless. Normally I would have hung out with Janine and the rest of my backing band, but she apparently had had a bad night too, and was hiding in the back room.

So, I just sat up front, tuning out the guys and the movie they were watching. On the way I called my mother and asked her to handle getting my stuff to my room so I wouldn’t have to wait.

As soon as the bus stopped I ran to the front of the hotel and got in a taxi. I gave the driver the address Matthew had sent me and watched anxiously as we drove through the city. The cab wound through a rather rundown residential neighborhood. He stopped in front of a vacant lot. It looked like the house that had once been there had been torn down years ago, judging by the weeds.

“This is the address?”

“Yeah. Uh, this can’t be the place you’re looking for.”

“I don’t…” Then I saw something. Behind a dead tree, a familiar shape. “This is the place.”

“You sure, miss?”

“I am.” I shoved some money at him and climbed out. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Don’t you want me to wait?”

“No.”

“This ain’t the best neighborhood for a young girl all alone,” he said before shoving a business card at me. “Call me if you need a ride back.”

“I will. Thanks, again.”

I walked up the remains of the driveway and closer to Rick. He was leaning against the tree and just staring at nothing. As I approached him I saw there was tiny bag in his hand and panicked.

“Rick, what the hell are you doing?”

He closed his fingers around the bag and looked at me blankly. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit!” I ran up and grabbed his hand, planning to wrestle whatever it was from him. “No matter what’s going on it isn’t worth this. Give it to me.”

“Huh?”

“The drugs. Hand them over. You’re better than this. Stronger than this.”

He laughed humorlessly. “No I’m not.”

I twisted his wrist to open his fingers. His skin was so cold for sitting out in the hot sun for who knows how long. “Give them to me, Rick.”

He released his grip and I saw the bag wasn’t drugs at all. It was just a lump of melted olive green plastic.

“What is this?”

“Something I’ve had for a long time.”

I looked up at him, baffled. “Where are we?”

“My house.”

“What?”

“I used to live here. Grew up here.”

“Oh. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. I was just worried.”

“How’d you find me?”

“Matthew.”

“Of course. He’s a nosy little shit.”

“He cares about you. And so do I. Why’d you run off in the middle of the night? Have you been here the whole time?”

“Yeah. Got here right after the sun came up. Been just hanging. Thinking.”

“About what?”

He shoved the plastic thing into his pocket and took my hand. “I’ll show you.”

Rick led me down what would have once been the side of the house, to the backyard. There was a square of dirt that looked fresher than everything around it.

“What’s this?”

Rick stopped and looked down. “This was the pool.”

“Okay…”

“I was fourteen. My parents were out, somewhere. Don’t even remember now. I was supposed to be watching my little brother, but I was up in my room, practicing.” He turned and looked up, as if he could still see the house that had once been there. “The window in my room looked right out here. When I finished, I just happened to glance out. I hadn’t noticed it was too quiet. Hadn’t heard a thing.”

“What happened?” I whispered, sure I knew the answer.

“He had just turned nine. Loved swimming so much. And he was so good at diving. But my parents wouldn’t put a board in for him. Said the pool was too shallow. It wouldn’t be safe. He wasn’t allowed in the pool alone, but he was like me, you know? Didn’t listen. Did what he wanted to do. They said he hit his head, probably never felt a thing.”

“I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t look at me. “I called the police as soon as I saw him, but it was too late. I was too late.” Rick’s jaw tightened and released a few time before he continued. “After the funeral I didn’t touch my drums for months. Started skipping school, getting drunk, all that shit. My parents didn’t do anything. They were too broken to care. But then one day we had to go to the cemetery. For a ceremony to lay the headstone. When everyone else left I just sat with him for a long time. And I talked to him. Told him I was sorry. Promised to do better. To be better. I swore that I would protect my family, never let them down again.

“I couldn’t keep that promise as a kid. My folks broke up, lost the house, lost everything. Because of me. Because I failed.

“And then I found my guys. My band. My new family. And now I’ve let them down, too.”

My heart broke for him. His voice was so calm but I could feel the anguish in every word.

I put my hand on his chin, making him look at me. “Your brother’s death wasn’t your fault, and neither is what’s happening with Dream Defiled.”

“It is. I’m the one who is supposed to hold everything together.”

“No. No one can do that.” My voice broke a little and he flinched. “Rick, why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry this happened. It must have been terrible. And I understand losing someone you love. And I know the pressure of feeling like you have to take care of everyone. Of being responsible for things you can’t possibly control.”

“You do, don’t you.” He blinked rapidly.

“Yes. But you don’t have to do this alone. Not anymore. And neither do I.”

He didn’t scream or cry, but a shudder went through his body and he collapsed, knees giving out. I went down with him and wrapped my arms around his waist. We sat there on the ground for a very long time, not speaking, just holding on to each other tightly. It was communication and connection beyond words.

Finally, he started to talk. Telling me stories about his brother, growing up together. Silly things and sad things. Just babbling. For hours we stayed there. And, as the sun began to slide down behind the horizon, it was like a weight was lifted from Rick’s shoulders.

He looked at me and kissed me. “We should go.”

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. But I’m better. Because of you.”

I ran a finger down his cheek. “I’m not sure I believe in fate or anything, but I do think we were meant to meet, Rick.”

“You do? Why?”

“Because we’re the same. So different, and yet the same. And no one else can understand us.”

He nodded. “I think you’re right. If you weren’t here, I don’t know what would have happened today. But now I know what to do.”

“What’s that?”

“Find Joe. Figure this shit out, one way or the other.”

“And if he’s going for good?”

“Then we’ll deal. Somehow. I’ll survive. Hell, look at you. You were down and out and now you’re on top of the world.”

“Technically I’m on top of some dirt right now.”

He chuckled and tangled a hand in my hair. “I mean it. You said it, we’re the same. Fighters. And I’m not going to give up. On my guys or myself.”

“Good.”

“I’ll do everything I can to make it work. But if the band breaks up, I’ll follow your example. Start over again. I didn’t think I could handle that before, but I can now. I know I can.”

“What changed?”

“I found something else I can’t live without. And lost it over and over again.”

“What’s that?”

“You, dumbass.”

I blushed and smacked his arm. “Can’t live without me? That’s awfully sappy for a selfish asshole like you.”

“I know. But I don’t give a shit. You changed my life, Jules. Opened me up in ways I can’t even explain. I hate it, but I love it too. Does that even make sense?”

“It does. I feel the same way.”

“Of course you do. Because we’re the same.”

“Not exactly. I’m prettier.”

We shared a laugh. He kissed me again, deeper, probing.

“Much prettier. And smarter, too. But you’re also scrappy and driven and obnoxious and stubborn.”

“Right back at you, buddy.”

Rick stood up and held me close for a long moment. “Come on, then.”

“That’s it? You profess your undying love for me and then it’s just ‘come on?’”

“I didn’t say love. I never said love.”

I linked my arm with his as we walked back out towards the street. “You didn’t have to, you big softy. I got the subtext.”

“God, you’re infuriating, woman. Whatever you call it, you’re mine. And I’m yours. And if anyone can put my mess of a band back together it’s us.”

“Damn right. Let’s get to work.”

By the time we got back to the hotel, there was great news. Joe had finally shown up. Becca was in the lobby of the hotel talking to her boss Ryan. She ran over and hugged me before telling me the lead singer had returned.

“What happened?”

She shook her head. “Insanity. He got on a plane and flew to see Liss. Didn’t tell her until right before the plane took off.”

“So what’s he doing here?”

She giggled. “She met him at the airport and turned him right around. Told him he had to get on another plane and come back or she’d never speak to him again.”

Rick barked out a laugh. “I bet that pissed him off.”

“I’m sure. But, it worked. She called me and told me and I picked him up about an hour ago. He’s in his room now.”

“Well goddamn,” Rick said. “You women.”

I poked him in the side. “See? Liss just saved your ass, buddy.”

He nodded and smiled at me. “There’s a lot of that going around.”

We shared a long kiss until Ryan cleared his throat. “Jesus, really? You, too, Rick?”

My guy shrugged. “Sorry, man. Trust me, I’m more shocked than you are. But when a great thing falls in your lap you gotta hold onto it.”

I grinned. “That’s right. Now, let’s go save this tour.”

And together, in the last fading light of the day, we all headed upstairs to do just that.

The End