Rocked Under (22 page)

I seriously thought about turning around or hiding behind a bush but then scolded myself for being such a wimp. He hadn't spotted me yet so I had about ten seconds to get my face and body right before he noticed me. I raised my head slightly and pushed my shoulders back as I walked by him as casually as I could muster.

Out of my peripheral vision I noticed his body stiffen.

I quickened my pace but not too much, I didn't want him to think I was bothered by him at all.

Once I was about three metres passed, I let out a sigh and relaxed.

But it was short-lived. I felt a hand clamp around my wrist and he dragged into the building and then hauled into a utility closet just inside the double doors.

Once we were inside Scott shut the door, enveloping us in darkness.

"Hey!" I yanked my wrist away from him. "What do you think you're doing?" I couldn't see him, I couldn't see anything but the smell of bleach hit my nostrils along with a trace of alcohol. Scott had been drinking already?
 

"Would you turn the light on?" I kept a moody edge to my voice even though I didn't really feel it.

There was no answer and for a second I wondered if I was alone in here but I could hear his breathing.

"Scott?" I asked, a bit unsure now.

I heard movement and his slightly laboured breaths were closer. He was closing in on me and I had to keep it together. My body started involuntary trembling in anticipation. After not seeing him for so long I was pathetically desperate for him, his touch, his smell, just
him.

I gasped as a warm hand touched mine. I flinched away from the contact as scorching heat zinged up my arm and set my heart on fire. My breaths were shallow. 

I backed up until my back hit something cold and my hands went flat to the wall to stop myself from doing what I so wanted them to do.

"Stop it,” I tried to say it sternly but all that come out was a raspy whisper.

"Stop what, Emma?” he whispered back, closer to me than I thought he was.

I heard movement again and my skin tingled as well as shook as I could feel his body heat. He was standing right in front of me now, so close that I could feel his breaths on my face.

Shit! Have to get out of here.

"I'm not touching you.” His whispered voice came close to my ear and I shuddered as my breathing got deeper.

My skin sparked and I didn't trust myself with him so I had to leave quicklo lnd I y.

"I'm going." I announced and then tried to move sideways.

A loud smack hit the wall beside my head and I froze. He now had me caged within his arms.

"Did you miss me, babe?” he whispered close to my mouth. I shuddered again.

"Scott, please..." I rasped my plea.

"
Please?
" he mimicked, his voice not so steady as his hands cupped my face firmly. "I like hearing you say that, baby." 

Just then my knees almost buckled as I felt the tip of his tongue drag softly, slowly over my lips. A whimper escaped my throat, I tried so hard to keep my shaking under control. My heart was hammering so loud and hard that I could swear he could feel it through my skin.

He chuckled low in his throat, "You like that, baby?" 

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what, baby?" he dipped his head to my mouth again. This time he licked my lower lip in soft strokes that had me almost begging for his mouth to plunder mine deeply. On and on he teased me with strokes that were something and nothing until I was panting.

My hands flew off the wall and grabbed his belt loops on his jeans and pulled him closer.
 

Sense returned before I could pull all the way and I stilled, my head turned away from him and his tempting mouth.

We stayed like that for a minute, getting our breaths back.

"Why are you treating me like this? I thought you hated me."

"Who says I have to like you to want you? I don't like most the girls I let in my bed and you're no fuckin' different." I felt him shrug but his words cut me deeply.
 

My hands dropped from his hips and I shoved him away hard.
 

I heard him chuckle again.

"Stay the hell away from me, Scott."

"C'mon, you know you want it.”
 

Why was he being like this? He said he hated me but why would he torment me like this? If he wanted to be like this then fine, I fumed. Two could play this game, why should I even care what he thought of me now?

He knew I didn't just sleep with anyone yet he was treating me like a slut. How dare he? I hated him – I. Fucking. Hated. Him.

"No, I don't." I shoved him out of the way and made it to the door where I quickly felt for the handle and I was out.

Chapter Twenty-five

"Are you okay?" Ash came up looking flustered, eyes wide.o lndidth="0" I had been walking around in a daze since my run in with Scott this morning.

"Yeah, why?" I frowned. Obviously something had happened. 

She looked worried, "Come with me." She led me somewhere more private.

"What's wrong?" I didn't like the way she was acting.

"It's out. Everyone knows." 

It took me a second to wonder what she was going on about and then my hand flew to my mouth. "Oh my God!" I was stunned and I looked around me, people had been giving me odd looks all day. "How?" 

"Adam," She sneered.

"Shit." My stomach clenched.

"Look, don't worry. Go home early and I'll meet you there soon, okay?" She put her hand on my shoulder, "It's not that big a deal so don't panic."

I walked home like I was running on automatic. How could this happen now? I should've known better to believe that I could leave it all in the past. That my regrets wouldn't follow me over here. Thoughts of moving again crossed my mind but I couldn't and wouldn't run forever. It had been a stupid mistake, didn't everyone do something that they regretted?

I hadn't been home for five minutes when someone knocked on the door. I ignored it, I didn't want to see anyone. 

"Emma, I know you're in there."

Scott; the last person I wanted to see. "Go away!" I didn't want to see him right now, not after this morning.

"Please, Emma..." He banged again.

Something in his voice made me go to the door and open it.

He stood there in a mess. His hair was all over the place like he'd been pulling at it and he was pale.

"Have you come to—“

Scott caught me close to him and held me tightly.

I relaxed into him but then stilled as this morning came back. Why was he being like this now?  I tried to push him away.

"Get off of me, Scott!" 

"No, I won't let you go," he growled.

He was angry?
Good!
"Why not?" I continued to push him away, "You hate me, remember? You go out of your way to make me feel like shit and then a few hours later expect a hug?" I beat at his chest with my fists, "You don't get to fucking touch me! You don't even fucking know me so get your bloody hands off of me right now!" I pummelled him on and on and he took it. 

He wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug with my arms stuck to my sides, I struggled and struggled but he wouldn't let go. Eventually, after exhausting myself, my anger faded and I went limp. The silence stretched out between us and then he released me slowly and I stepped back.

He was watching me with pain across his face. I wanted to wipe it away, even after everything, I wanted to make him smile, see his face light up like it used to. I was such a sucker for him and I hated that part of myself.

"I'm sorry for what I did earlier," he put his hand through his hair, "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

I nodded and looked away. "I suppose you heard about me too."

"Yeah, that's why I'm here. I came to see if you're okay and obviously you're not."

"Did you watch it?" I looked down at my feet.

A finger lifted my chin until I was looking at him again. "Yeah, I watched it." His eyes were probing, searching for answers.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Is it bad?"

He frowned in surprise, "You haven't seen it?"

"No, I could never bring myself to."

"What happened?" 

"How much do you know?" I tried to lower my face again but he wouldn't let me.

"I know that you're filthy rich." He smiled and wiggled his brows.

A laugh escaped my lips, the sound surprising me. How could I laugh now? When was the last time I had
heard
my laugh?

"You can trust me, babe. I won't judge you. You said that I don't know you but that's not true. I know who you are now and, to me, that matters more. It's the person you are inside that counts and you're beautiful. You're beautiful outside too but that's not what's got to me." He put a hand over my heart, "This has."

I could see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his voice. My lips trembled. He saw it and moved his hand from my heart to rub his thumb along my bottom lip.
 

His eyes gazed into mine and the familiar heat rippled under my skin. My breaths became shallow. He moved his hand again and cupped the side of my face but he had that pained expression again and dropped his hand into my lap to curl around my hands. Disappointment had never been so cruel as it was then but I closed the lid on it. His words had touched me. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before and I suddenly realised that even though Scott and I don't always get on, he's always there when I need him.
 

He may not love me but he cared about me a great deal and that lifted my spirits to a high that was the last thing I expected right then.

"Baby, what happened?" He asked with gentleness, careful not to push too hard.

I looked down at our clasped hands. “The night that video was taken I had just found my dad in his apartment, sniffing coke in his underwear with some tart who was also in her underwear. She was closer to my age than his." I hesitated and looked up at Scott.

"Jesus. Go on, baby," he nudged.

"My dad is big news over there," I shook my head, "I'm not going into the boring details, but I was so angry that I wanted to hurt him like he'd hurt my mum and I. I–oh God!" my hands came up to my face. "I dont even want to say what I did.”

Scott pulled my hands away and turned me to look at him, "Emma, you saw your dad cheating on your mum. That’s something no son or daughter should have to go through so don't you dare hide your face, it's not you that should feel ashamed. He sounds like an asshole." His eyes burned into mine, conveying what he felt towards my father.

“My dad wasn’t always such a bastard. He used to be the best dad," I smiled faintly but it was bittersweet. "And I was his little princess. I remember a time when he used to be my hero and nobody could compare to him. He met my mum here, you know. They got married, had me, and my dad is British so he wanted to move back over there–"

"You were born here?" Scott seemed surprised.

"Yeah, didn't I tell you that?"
 

He shook his head.

"Anyway, we lived on the outskirts of London and everything was fine until he stopped coming home some nights and started to stay at his apartment in the city. I was ten so I didn't really think much of it but I remember that I missed him coming home, you know?"
 

Scott nodded.

"That went on for a couple of years and by the time my twelfth birthday come around, my parents were arguing all the time in private but in public we had to put on the perfect family act." My mouth curled at the memory of it. The only time my dad showed me and my mum affection was when we were at a party or a charity event.

"Mum got lonely and slipped into depression. As time went on, he stopped caring and coming home completely. Mum was a mess and stopped going out, she cried a lot and I was mad at him for doing it. Looking back, I realise that she must have known he was messing around for years before that night. But she loved him so she stayed, thinking that things would go back to the way they used to be. Dad would come home once in a blue moon and he would have his pictures taken in the papers with beautiful young women on his arm. When my mum would ask, he would get angry and say that she was looking into things too deeply."

"I wasn't the best daughter either. I left her almost every weekend once I turned sixteen to go out and get pissed." I looked down, "I couldn't stand to be around her like that and she wouldn't help herself. She loved him and loves him still. She stopped caring about me through her depression and I was basically on my own. I hated him for what he had done to her and I'd had enough of it."

"I drove to his apartment, to have it out with him but when I walked in I found them together, sniffing coke and drinking and, um..."
 

"You don't have to say it, babe."

"I remember the look on the woman’s face and I just ce 0000wanted to
kill
her." I closed my eyes and I felt Scott squeeze my hand in support.