Rocked Under (19 page)

I looked at Scott again briefly, he had his tongue down her throat now. Pain and jealousy created an overwhelming need to pull him away from her. I needed to get away. I wanted time alone to gather my thoughts. I went over to Ash and told her I had a headache and I was going home for an early night. I didn't say goodbye to Scott and I didn't look back at him again as I made my way to the exit.

My phone buzzed a text alert as I lay in bed hours later, unable to sleep. I reached for it blindly, too lazy to move my head.

Scott: R u ok? Ash said u have a headache.
 

No kiss on the end when I always send him one on the end of my texts. But that was Scott all over; no emotion. Just sex. I decided to ignore it
 
and then he might think I'm asleep. I hated this. I hated that I wanted him but was too afraid to have him. Why was nothing ever simple for me? Now I was feeling sorry for myself, I loathed self-pity.

Another buzz. Another text message.

Scott: I hope ur awake cos im comin down if u dont return my txt in 2 mins. Wanna know u got home safe!

Me: Im ok. In bed. C u 2moro.

I left out the kiss. He never gave them back to me anyway.

Scott: Sweet dreams!
 

I was sure he wouldn't be dreaming or getting much sleep at all tonight. Agitation gripped me in it's annoyingly firm hold and I turned onto my back to stare at the ceiling. I needed to stop thinking with my heart and start thinking about a practical way of avoiding falling for him completely because this wasn't me. I didn't let my heart get to me over guys, ever. Maybe I was only delaying the inevitable?
No!
My mind screamed.
Do not go there — do not give it to it.
But it was hard.
 

Scott had everything going for him, looks, sex appeal, charisma, he was kind, could be tender and gentle at times. He was protective, a great musician, a loyal friend, had great hair and eyes that a girl could look into forever. The list went on so I concentrated on his bad points. He slept around and was afraid of commitment, that was the two bad things that counted as six in two. He was moody at times, he… I was running out already. I needed a distraction. Something to set me on the right track again because loving Scott would be the worst mistake I could ever make.

Chapter Twenty-one

The next day things were almost back to normal. The rumour that Scott and I were having a thing had almost completely died with Scott flirting last night with everything that had boobs it was no great wonder. I say almost because I was now getting quite a few pity-looks from my fellow students.
Great!
I huffed and crossed my arms. I wasn't happy with Scott. I wasn't happy at all. But I would be okay, I told myself and I repeated it over and over. Even though Scott took over most of my waking thoughts I could still pull myself out of this, I still had time.

Half the day was over and I hadn't seen him all day but as I made my way to the cafeteria I knew that was about to end. It ended sooner than I thought as I neared the cafeteria and saw Scott with a girl. He had her against the wall outside the door with his head buried in her neck. My heart missed a beat as a heavy weight settled in my stomach. I met with the girls gaze, she grinned smugly at me and ran her fingers through his hair in a possessive way that rankled so much that my step faltered slightly and she giggled at my near fall.
 

I wanted to go right up to her smug face and bash the grin off of it but that would mean I cared so I smiled politely as I pushed the cafeteria door open.
 

"Hi, Scott," I flung over my shoulder in the most average voice I could just because she pissed me off. I pathetically high-fived myself inwardly as I saw Scott pull away from the girl at the sound of my voice. I knew it was childish but I didn't care. The bitch thought she was getting one over on me. 

"Hey, wait up.” Scott grabbed my arm to slow me down. He turned me toward him, "Are you feeling better?" He had a questioning frown on his face showing his concern.

"Yes, thank you.” I smiled up at him.

"You could've told me you were leaving early last night, I would've walked you back. Don't leave alone again."
 

He was telling me off now? Ordering me to
not
leave alone? Oh no — no way! 

My back stiffened. He had no right to speak to me like he owned me. No right at all and he needed to know that. This protective thing needed to stop. "Stop being so protective," my voice was sharper than usual. "You're my friend, you can advise, but you can't tell me what to do."

He frowned deeper into my eyes with his jaw tensing, "Sorry for caring."

"I don't belong to you. In fact,
no one
belongs to you," I sniped and then felt bad. Why didn't I know when to keep my mouth shut?

"Are you mad at me?" his eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Are you mad at me because I've done what you asked me to do and
gone back to flirty me?
"

"I–no!"
Yes!
But I would never let him know and I wasn't supposed to slip up like that.
Oh, me and my big mouth!
I looked away, willing my cheeks not to glow as I noticed we were getting odd looks from a few of the other students.

"You wanna know what I think, Emma?”

"Not here, Scott," I pleaded with my eyes.

He closed his mouth into a straight, tight line and grabbed my elbow to take me to our table which was empty at that moment.

We sat down and Scott studied me with a slight frown and his head lolling to the side slightly. 

"What?" I asked, he was studying me like something he had never seen before.

"Why're you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

Scott shook his head and looked down, "I don't get you, babe.”

We were interrupted then as Meg sat down.

"Hey, have you heard about the frat party?" Meg sat down excitedly. "I just spoke to Kyle Larson and he asked me to ask you," she looked at me pointedly, "to go!" She almost squealed.

Kyle Larson was a rich frat boy who I had noticed more and more hanging around lately. He seemed a nice enough guy but I had barely said two words to him in the time I had been here. 

"I barely know him. Why does he want me to go?”

"Isn't it obvious?" Scott's voice was harsh.
 

I frowned at him and he stood quickly, "I'm getting my lunch."

"Wow, what's up his cute ass?" Meg asked as she watched him walk away. "Anyway, back to Kyle; he likes you, dummy!" 

"Oh," I said as I looked down at my twiddling fingers. Kyle was a good looking guy. I looked over at Scott who was watching me with hooded eyes. I could feel him watching me like I always felt it, like a weird, messed up sixth sense or something. 

"
Oh?
" Meg mimicked. "Is that all you can say? He's smoking hot, Em! Are you
blind
? And he wants you to go so you're going, so I can go." She smiled sweetly whilst batting her eyelashes.

I chuckled in spite of my mood. "When is this party?" I asked, avoiding the subject of Kyle Larson completely for the moment, although I was girl enough to know he was handsome. He wasn't Scott but he was nice in a totally different way to Scott.
Stop comparing!

I looked over at Scott again and now he was talkow t but he wing to another girl. She was taking all his smiles and intense stares. Jealousy was a savage bitch and she was biting me in the ass.

"Tonight, Ash and Newton aren't going so please,
please
say you'll come with me."
 

Wow, there was nothing like feeling second best but then I suppose I could go. A bit of away time from Scott is what I needed and I would be going home for Christmas soon so if I could make it to the end of the term, or semester, as I should call it, then I would be okay.

“I’ll be ready for around eight." I told Meg and watched her bounce and clap in her seat. I frowned, knowing what she was up to."Who are you looking forward to seeing then? New crush, Meg?" I asked.

"Maybe," she hedged whilst examining her fingernails. 

Scott slipped back in his seat and put both elbows on the table.

"I persuaded her to go." Meg told Scott. "I would ask you too but I know you're at Macy's tonight aren't you?" 

Scott's mouth tightened as he nodded and shifted his eyes to me.

"You know Kyle's parents are rich. He's probably the richest guy here," she tried and failed to get me interested.
 

Kyle was probably a spoilt rich kid. I had known people like him all too well most of my life and knew that they were the worst sorts of people. I didn't want to stereotype but when you live around rich people, you realise that nothing is as it seems, friendships are usually fake and are purely to keep up appearances while they stab each other in the back.

"Hey, baby," my ears hurt as I heard the sickly sweet voice and looked up.
 

The same girl Scott had been snogging in the hall was putting herself between Scott's legs ready to dump herself onto his lap.
 

Scott looked at me and caught my scowl. He then put his hands on her hips and pushed her away. "Go the fuck away." He swatted her away as though she was an annoying insect buzzing around him.

The girls mouth opened and then closed, maybe she was trying to tell him what a dick he was but whatever she was about to say was swallowed as she changed her mind and then stomped off.

Scott looked at me, the surprise on my face must have shown. I couldn't believe he just turned her down.

I looked at Meg as she shook her head, "One day, Scott, you're going to fall in love and I hope she's the one to say no to you and makes you chase her forever. You're such a jerk sometimes."

Scott frowned and looked at me quickly before resting his gaze back on Meg. "She'd have to be some girl to make that happen."

I needed a plan. But it seemed that every time I had one I forgot it when I saw Scott. It was like all logic and intelligence went out the window and all I could see l I="#00000or think was him. If I felt like this about him now what would I feel like if I was actually with him? And how would I feel when he betrayed me which I knew would happen eventually with him. If I was anything like my mum, I would fall hard into a chasm of blankness and misery that would take years to climb out of. That wasn't going to happen to me,
no way.

“Emma!” I turned and saw Kyle jogging towards me after my last class. Almost black hair was cropped short and dark chocolate eyes sparkled with his smile. He stopped in front of me and I had to look up a good way to see his face. 

"Hi, Kyle, right?"

"Yeah, Emma?” he asked and then rolled his eyes at himself, "obviously you are because you turned when I called your name." He smiled and then actually blushed.

With his blush came my full attention. This wasn't what I was expecting at all. Usually, guys like him were sure of themselves and confident — conceited. I giggled at his floundering.

"I–uh... are you coming tonight?" Hope lit his features.
 

I looked at him and studied his expression trying to gauge his personality. He seemed genuine but so did Adam, p
roceed with caution
, I told myself. "Yes, thanks for inviting me along."
God,
I sounded so British.

"Great," his whole face relaxed with his easy smile and twinkling puppy eyes. "See you later, then."

I walked away with a faint grin on my face. He was really nice. He had a boyish quality about him that I found cute. An innocence that seemed so rare with rich kids. I would go tonight just to see where things went and at least have some fun.

Chapter Twenty-two

By the time we arrived, the party was already in full swing. The music blared out from speakers that were hanging from the ceiling and the house was wall-to-wall with people holding red plastic cups. Couples were making out on the stairs and slowly ascending towards the bedrooms.

We went to get a drink as soon as we got there. There were a few people I knew here from my classes but most were juniors or seniors. I hoped Adam wasn't here, if he was, I was leaving. This was my first frat party and I intended to relish it. We queued for our drinks and finally got one each. For the next hour we chatted, mingled and drank.

"Hi,” Kyle was behind me and whispering near my ear.

I spun round to look all the way up at him. He was as tall as Scott –
stop it, Emma.
"Hi, yourself," I grinned.

"Do you want to dance with me?" the way he asked so shyly had me saying yes instantly.

He put his arms around my waist and moved with me but kept a distance between us that not a lot of guys would do.

"You look amazing."

"How come yl I="font ou wanted me to come tonight?"
 

"I–I like you," he said simply. "You're different."

"Why didn't you ever talk to me then? You seem to talk to everyone else."

"I don't know," he looked away, "you seem so out of reach sometimes, you know, unattainable."