Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction (Goose Pimple Junction Mysteries Book 4) (7 page)

“Every day?” Caledonia repeated.

“Aw, shoot. I’m just making it worse. I’m gonna shut my mouth. You gals want some sweet tea?”

They nodded, and Willa Jean hurried off to get their tea.

“California, I’d slap the fire out of him if someone treated me that way, but I think Willa Jean’s right. If they were having an affair, they wouldn’t carry on in front of God and everyone. Besides, that woman can’t hold a candle to you. I shouldn’t talk poorly about anyone, but she’s awfully dowdy, don’t you think?”

“There are more ways than one to have an affair,” Caledonia said softly, looking over her shoulder and attempting to keep a smile on her face. Her teeth were clamped down so hard she was developing a headache. “Just seems to me a man’s wife should be his best friend, not another woman.”

“Here y’all go. One with and one without lemon.” Willa Jean set down the glasses of sweet tea. “This should cool ya right off.” She quickly added, “I mean on account of the heat. I didn’t mean because you might be mad.” Her eyes went from Paprika to Caledonia. “Oh, Lord. I keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I really don’t mean anything, Callie. You know me. My mama used to say I had an unfortunate way of phrasing things, and she was right.”

“Don’t worry about it, Alice.” Caledonia patted her arm. She’d chosen “Alice” for Willa Jean’s nickname after the TV show
Alice
about a waitress in a diner.

“What can I getcha?” she asked, pen at the ready.

Caledonia glanced toward her husband. “I’ll take a banana split.”

“For lunch?” Both women spoke at once in soprano tones.

“Yes. For lunch.” Caledonia’s tone suggested no argument.

Willa Jean’s eyes showed understanding. She regarded Paprika. “You too?”

“I can’t let her eat alone.” She nodded. “One for me too. Bring it on. I’ll just do fifty more crunches tonight.”

Phil and Dee Dee stood and walked toward the front of the diner. He gave a halfhearted wave to his wife as he passed by their booth.

Willa Jean started toward the kitchen but stopped briefly when she heard Caledonia call after her. “And two donuts, Alice.”

The waitress quickened her gait again and hollered, “Two houseboats and two life preservers.” Then more quietly she said, “A formidable pair.”

Clive heard her and asked, “Which ones? The food or the ladies?”

Willa Jean looked from the ladies back to Clive. “Both.”

Tess and Jack breezed into the diner, and Tess immediately saw Caledonia sitting in a back booth by herself. The southern heat and humidity had left Tess feeling like she was melting—hair, skin, and clothes. She felt like her whole body was merging into one big blob. Kind of the way Caledonia looked.

Tess turned to Jack. “Would you mind if I join Caledonia? She looks like she could use a friend.”

“Sure. You go ahead. I’ll sit here with the boys.”

Tess left Jack with Earl and Clive at the counter and headed for Caledonia’s booth. She hadn’t been paying attention to where she was going and accidentally ran into a chair on her way to see her friend.

“Did you know it’s the saddest people who usually smile the brightest?”

Caledonia jumped at the sound of Tess’s voice. She’d been staring into her glass of tea, deep in thought.

“Hey,—” She hesitated. “Darnit, I still can’t figure out a nickname for you. Spice Girl just left. Would you care to join me?”

“If you need someone to talk to, I have big ears . . . ” Tess let her sentence trail off.

“You do not,” Caledonia began and then stopped when she caught Tess’s meaning. She smiled ruefully. “Oh.”

Tess rubbed her aching thigh. “I don’t want to pry, Cal, just know that I’d be glad to listen if you need someone.”

“Tess, you’re a peach. Actually, you just might be the very person I
should
be talking to.”

Tess raised her eyebrows.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Absolutely.”

“Is it true that your ex-husband was cheating on you during your marriage?”

Tess let out a whole-body sigh. “Yes, it is.” She searched her friend’s face and then added softly, “You don’t think Philetus is cheating on you, do you?”

Caledonia only nodded.

“Oh, Caledonia.” Tess gripped her friend’s hand. “I’m so sorry. Are you sure?”

“No. Just woman’s intuition.” Caledonia twisted her wedding ring on her finger while she talked. “He’s just so indifferent and distant. And lately he’s getting more and more text messages. At all hours of the day—and night. Something ain’t right.”

“Uh-oh.”

Caledonia gave a weak smile. “Yeah. Uh-oh.”

“Have you gone through the phase of buying lingerie and dressing seductively?”

She gasped. “That’s a phase?”

“For most of us, it is. We tend to think there’s something wrong with us. That we’re not attractive enough, that we should do more . . . be more.”

“I’ve been there, done that, honey.”

“Listen to me, Caledonia.” Tess leaned toward her, gripping both her hands. “You are a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman. Don’t let this man make you feel differently. You deserve to love and be loved. And if that’s missing from a marriage . . . what’s left? If you choose to look the other way, your soul will wither and die. Don’t. Do. It.”

Caledonia teared up.

“The children—”

“The children will understand,” Tess said. “If it were reversed, would you want your children to stay married and be miserable just to please you? Wouldn’t you want them to do whatever it took to be happy?”

“They won’t look at it that way. It will be my happiness at the cost of theirs.” Tears filled her eyes.

“So your happiness isn’t important?” Tess gently asked.

She shook her head. “Children don’t see their mothers as people. They’ll never understand.”

“Sometimes mothers don’t see themselves as people. You’ll have to help them understand.”

Caledonia stared out the window but said nothing.

Just then Louetta swept through the door, spotted the ladies, and went straight for them, shushing Clive and Earl on her way past them.

“Just the ladies I’ve been looking for. Do you know what the day after tomorrow is, Tessie?”

“Um . . . Sunday?”

“And a year to the day when I hired you.” She clapped her hands together in excitement. “I say that calls for a party.”

“Ooh . . . a rip-roaring shindig type party or a cotillion type?” Caledonia sat up, excitement brightening her face.

“Call it whatever you want, but Sunday night at the bookstore there will be food, drink, and much merriment. Bring anyone and everyone you want.” She spun on her Easy Riders and rushed to the front of the diner, stopping to invite Clive, Earl, Jack, Willa Jean, Slick, and Junebug to the party before she hurried out the door.

“You know what this means, don’t you, Caledonia?”

“What?”

“It means we need to go shopping for something to wear to the party.”

Caledonia feigned seriousness. “I suppose it does. It’s the polite thing to do—be well-dressed.” The ladies laughed.

“My thought exactly.” Tess studied Caledonia’s face. “Cal, I have an idea. What if I play PI for a bit and follow Philetus? Maybe nothing’s going on at all. We can put your mind to rest.”

She held a fingernail to her teeth. “I think it would be good to know for sure.” She nodded once. “Okay. But on one condition.”

Tess cocked her head. “What’s that?”

“I play your wing man.”

A smile crept over Tess’s face. “Excellent idea.”

Caledonia looked triumphant. “I’ve got it. I know your nickname.” She pointed at Tess. “You’re gonna be my bodyguard. I can call you Betty; you can call me Al.” Caledonia sang the words in a bad version of Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al.”

“I don’t think that’s quite the way the song goes, but okay. I’ll call you Al.” The women got up and headed for the cash register while dancing an imitation of the two-steps-kick-front, two-steps-kick-back dance that Paul Simon and Chevy Chase did in the music video. When they got to the cash register, Caledonia used the counter as a bongo drum, and Tess danced the hands-to-elbows dance from the video. The women sang like they didn’t have a care in the world.

Mama always said . . . Beware, some people will sell you a dream and deliver a nightmare.

P
olice officer Hank Beanblossom sat at the counter watching a newcomer two seats away as Tess and Caledonia danced like fools behind him. The new woman was attractive in a kooky sort of way. He’d seen her taking a picture of the front of the diner, so he thought she must be a tourist. Her cat-eye glasses were unique, to say the least. She had on way too much makeup for his liking, but there was something about her that he did like. Her magenta-colored Farrah Fawcett-style hair hung down over her eyes from bangs that started at the top of her head. The color was obviously fake; he wondered what shade her hair really was.

“Caledonia, I thought you were gonna take up residence in that booth,” Willa Jean said, as Caledonia used the counter as a bongo drum.

The women finally stopped dancing and carrying on. They collapsed into each other, giggling. “Yes, we have some shopping to do,” Caledonia said, pushing her hair off her forehead.

“Oooh, you going to Miss Penny’s? She’s got some new stuff in, you know.”

“That’s our next stop,” Tess said.