Room at the Edge (12 page)

Following on the heels of that was a stab of envy. They’d both be walking around smiling, enjoying the afterglow, and he was sitting here with a rampant, raging hard-on—all because of Liam!—and forbidden to do anything about it. Even feigning a headache and going home, not that he’d do that, wouldn’t help, because Austin wasn’t allowed to get him off either.

“So fucking unfair,” he muttered and tossed his pen down. When Austin was suffering too, it didn’t matter as much, but now it was just Jay feeling frustrated and left out, and he hated that.

His dick was hard enough that he needed to adjust it to lie comfortably inside his jeans. Couldn’t do that here, where anyone might walk in. There was a men’s room in the hallway…

A minute later he was in a stall, his jeans pushed down, his dick in his hand. Felt so fucking good to touch himself freely, not holding back in case a too-hard rub of his fingers brought the genie out of the bottle.

He wasn’t breaking the rules. He was just catching up. If he’d still been at the house when they decided to get busy, he’d have gotten off with them, so this was a climax he was owed.

He watched the head of his dick disappear, then pop up again as he worked it with his hand, sliding along the shaft, his grip punishingly tight, just the way he liked it. With his other hand he reached up inside his shirt to torment a nipple, pinching and tweaking it. They were always tender and swollen. He played with them a lot, clamping them until they were all he could think about or getting Austin to suck and bite them.

If Austin were here now, Jay would fuck him hard. Put him up against the stall wall and slide into his hole with one long, firm shove, just the way Liam had. Maybe some of Liam’s cum would still be slicking Austin’s hole; maybe it would still be stretched from being used and he’d get so deep on that first thrust that Austin would arch and cry out, stammering his name, his body so open, so ready…

Jay came hard, pressing his lips together tightly to muffle the sounds of relief that escaped him. That morning he’d come with Liam’s hand on his dick; he shouldn’t have needed this again so soon, but he was starting to realize Liam was like a drug. The more he had of the man, the more he wanted. Just the thought of Austin and Liam together, Liam’s big cock fucking Austin open, made Jay’s spent dick twitch in his hand.

Jesus, he’d just jerked off at work. Hastily he grabbed a handful of toilet paper and wiped up the evidence, then put his clothes back in place. Thank God no one had walked into the bathroom while he was in the middle of his little fantasy; he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to stop.

Now he had to finish the punishment Liam had given him and prepare for another, because he’d have to confess that he’d come without permission. The thought of not admitting what he’d done barely crossed his mind. There was no point in any of this if they weren’t honest.

It turned into one of the longest workdays Jay could remember, even though the library’s hours were shorter on Saturdays and they were able to lock the doors at five o’clock. Jay winced as he got into his car—changing positions was hell when his ass was this bruised up, and at that point he wasn’t enjoying it anymore, just hoping it would heal fast so they could do it all over again.

“Hey, did you get my text?” Austin asked from the kitchen as he shut the front door, and Jay sighed.

“Yeah, I did. Sorry, I meant to text you back—”

“No, it’s okay; I’m not mad. I just wanted to make sure you got it.” Austin looked worried when he came to join Jay, who’d just kicked his shoes off.

“Oh, I got it,” Jay said grimly, throwing himself onto the couch without thinking and letting out a yelp. Spanked by the couch. “Fuck, that hurt!”

“Jay…” Austin sat beside him, very carefully not jostling him. “Want to soak in the tub; then I’ll put some more cream on it?”

“No. Yes.” Jay leaned his head back against the couch, feeling exhausted. “So you and Liam had sex?”

“Are you upset?” Austin’s face clouded over. “It just happened. We were in the basement talking about the renovations, and we kissed, and the next thing I knew we were heading upstairs.”

“I’m not upset about
that
,” Jay said, aware of how grumpy he sounded. “He’s our fucking boyfriend. It’d be horrible if we felt guilty about anything we did with him. You’re allowed to have sex with him when I’m not there, or get spanked, or anything else you want to do. It’s not like you waited for me to go, then jumped each other.”

Austin’s eyes went wide with shock. “It wasn’t anything like that! Jay, if you’d been there too, it would’ve been great. I wanted you there.”

“I know.” Jay rubbed his forehead, which ached as much as his ass. “Ignore me. I’m suffering from a terminal case of guilt and taking it out on you.” He heaved a sigh and blurted out the words fast. “I got that text when I was doing the lines for Liam. So I was turned on because, well, what I was writing was making me think about Liam, and I figured I was owed if you two had gotten off, so I…I, uh, jerked off in the men’s room. I broke the rules.”

Austin knew him too well not to have figured out something was wrong pretty fast, but Jay wanted to confess, not have it dragged out of him. This was the easy part. Austin would understand, even sympathize. Liam would be mad as hell.

“Shit.” Austin sounded genuinely upset, but Jay was pretty sure it was on his behalf. “Liam’s going to be pissed off. God, why
now
?”

That wasn’t the kind of understanding Jay had been expecting, and he found himself angry at Austin for making him feel worse. “Because I fucked up, okay? First with Liam, so I had to do that stupid punishment, and then again because I was jealous. No, not that you were having sex with him. That’s fine; I told you that. Because I didn’t get to be there. It was stupid, I know. I don’t need you to rub my nose in it.”

Austin looked stricken. “That’s not what I meant. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Come here.” Jay reached out and dragged Austin over to lean on him. “It was just a shitty day, and I feel guilty as hell. It’s not your fault.”

“Promise you aren’t mad? I wouldn’t have done it if I’d thought you would be.” Austin hugged him and stroked his side.

“I’m not mad at you or Liam, I promise,” Jay said. That was what Austin meant, after all. “Just at myself.”

“Well, don’t be. No one’s allowed to be mad at you.” Austin lifted his face for a kiss, and Jay gave it to him willingly, happily. He loved Austin so much, more than he’d ever have imagined he could love anyone. “Come keep me company while I finish making dinner. Do you want a glass of wine?”

“I want a bottle of wine,” Jay said. He got up, moving awkwardly, every shift in position tugging at the drum-tight skin of his ass, and followed Austin into the kitchen. “The question is, do I call Liam and tell him now? Or do I wait until after dinner?”

“It’s up to you,” Austin said.

Jay groaned. “I don’t want it to be up to me! I’m a freaking sub. I like being given orders.”

Austin snorted. “Liam wouldn’t agree with you. You fight him all the time.” He took a bottle of white wine out of the fridge and unscrewed the top. “Do you think when we move in, he’ll want us to always call him Sir?”

“I don’t know. It’d take some getting used to.” Jay tried to picture it, being in sub mode all the time. Exhausting or arousing? He couldn’t decide. He was certain he knew which Austin would choose.

“Kneeling whenever he comes into a room,” Austin said dreamily. “Only speaking when we’re spoken to… Hours naked or in bondage…”

“Oh God.” Jay took out two glasses from the cupboard, overwhelmed by the way his body was responding to that with a shiver of desire and fear. “I can’t imagine going that deep and then facing Monday morning and someone who’s returning a DVD with the disc missing and trying to say it was like that when he checked it out.”

“It’s going to take some adjusting to; you’re right,” Austin agreed, pouring them both big glasses of wine. “For Liam—for Sir too.”

The first cool, fresh gulp of wine tasted wonderful. “If it doesn’t work out and one of us decides it’s too much, will you mind?”

“It might be me deciding that,” Austin pointed out. “Fantasies aren’t always as much fun when they’re real.”

Jay drank more wine, feeling a buzz already because he was drinking it quickly. “Yeah. And I’ve decided. I’m eating first, then talking to Liam.”

Austin took the wineglass from his hand before he could reduce its contents still further. “Then you can save this. If he thinks you’re even halfway drunk, he won’t like it.”

“He’s not going to like it no matter what,” Jay said, but he didn’t argue when Austin put his wineglass in the fridge.

Forty minutes later, the pasta dish he’d eaten lying heavy in his stomach, he sat on the couch and called Liam, going to speakerphone as soon as Liam answered. Austin’s hand was warm in his, Austin’s expression both sympathetic and anxious.

If he was honest with himself, the part of Jay that loved to be subdued and disciplined was eagerly anticipating Liam’s reaction and the inevitable punishment coming his way. He got off on being punished, after all. But like an oil slick on water, polluting it, the sense that he’d failed Liam made him feel too ashamed to enjoy that anticipation. He’d agreed to Liam’s no-coming rule willingly, knowing Liam relished the idea of them being under his control even when he wasn’t with them. Needing permission to come made every climax more intense and meaningful. Being perpetually aroused and frustrated was a delicious torment he craved no matter how much he complained.

Mostly.

Bottom line, he’d spoiled the trust between himself and his Dom, and that was what was making his gut ache.

“Sir? It’s Jay. Can I talk to you?”

“I’m on the other line. Hold on a minute, and I’ll finish up that call.” Liam clicked back before Jay could agree to wait, leaving him hanging.

“Other line,” he whispered exaggeratedly to Austin, then remembered it was on speakerphone anyway. They both waited silently for much longer than the requested minute. Jay was starting to get irritated when the line clicked again.

“All right, I’m back,” Liam said. “I apologize—business thing, and I wanted to be able to give you my full attention, so I had to finish the call properly.”

“It’s okay.” Jay bit his lip, and as he opened his mouth again to confess, Liam broke in.

“Is this about earlier today?”

“Yes,” Jay said. “Um, no. Wait. What are you talking about?” He wasn’t unused to feeling thrown off balance, but he hadn’t expected it in this conversation.

“Austin and I. After you left. I’d assumed that was why you were calling.”

The whole sidestepped discussion slid back into place. “Oh. No. Well, a little bit, but only tangentially. I was actually calling to confess.”

“I’m not a priest, Jay,” Liam said. Now his voice was harder to read, like he was himself again instead of someone worrying about being in trouble. Which was interesting and an idea Jay would have to explore further. “What have you done?”

It was harder to tell Liam than he’d expected. Not being in the same room didn’t help; in fact, it made it worse. Jay liked being able to read Liam’s body language and tailor his responses to it, intuitively knowing when he was close to stepping over a firmly drawn line. Now he was flying blind, and it made his nervousness rise to the point where he seriously thought he was having one of Austin’s panic attacks.

“I jerked off.”

He’d planned to say more—explain, justify, apologize—but the three words slipped out before he could censor them.

“I see. I’m assuming you’re not going to offer a ‘dog ate my homework’ excuse like telling me you forgot you aren’t permitted to do that?”

Liam’s voice was measured, even calm, but Jay still winced. Austin’s grip on his fingers tightened to the point of pain. “No, Sir.”

“Talk me through it.” Implacable now. “Every thought leading up to disobeying me.”

“I was doing the lines at work,” Jay began. “It made me… I was hard. I didn’t plan on doing anything about it, I swear. I mean, God, I was at work.”

“You already said that.”

Liam’s terse reminder rasped Jay’s nerves raw. “Yeah, well, Austin texted me about what you’d done.”

“And that upset you?”

“No.” Jay huffed out a breath of sheer exasperation. How many times did he have to say it? “Why would it? Jesus. No.”

“If you swear at me again, Jay, you’ll discover what soap tastes like.”

There was one benefit to being across town from Liam; he could roll his eyes.

“Austin, did Jay just react to that in a way I’d find disrespectful?” Liam inquired, his tone mild enough to be a warning, because no one sounded that chilled when they were pissed.

Austin gave Jay an agonized look. “Uh, Sir—”

“Don’t put him in the middle,” Jay said sharply. “It’s not fair. I rolled my eyes, okay?” There was a long silence, expectant, patient, and he grudgingly added, “Sir.”

“Setting your attitude aside for now, go back to what happened.”

“It turned me on more thinking about the two of you,” Jay admitted after an inward struggle. “But mostly it made me think I was, uh, owed an orgasm? Austin got to come, so I figured I should too?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“I’m—” Jay bit his lip, savaging it with his teeth until Austin laid his fingers across Jay’s mouth to stop him. “I screwed up, Sir. I’m sorry. I’m really fuck— No, I didn’t mean that—” Tears, rare when he wasn’t in a scene, welled up, shocking him by their suddenness. He pushed the phone at Austin and turned his face into the cushions piled at the end of the couch, muffling the audible sounds of his distress before Liam heard him.

“Jay.” Austin’s hand settled on his back, more comforting than a simple touch should have been. “Liam, I think we’re going to need a minute here. No, Jay, come on.”

Jay found himself turned around and pulled into Austin’s embrace. He didn’t resist even though he was embarrassed. Instead he clung to Austin, hiding his face against Austin’s stomach. Stupid. Not like Liam could see him.

“Jay, can you hear me? Austin, can he?” Liam asked.