Room at the Edge (14 page)

“I…I could do something for you?” Austin offered hesitantly, licking his lips. He had the look of a puppy waiting to be kicked, but Liam must have seen it as easily as Jay did, because Liam’s answer was gentle.

“Not tonight, love. Much as I’d prefer to spend the evening with the two of you, I’ve got to work.” He sounded genuinely regretful, though right then Jay wasn’t sure he could stand to spend an evening with the man, not knowing what Liam was choosing to do to him. “Jay?”

“Yes, Sir?” Jay managed not to sound resentful. He hoped.

“Try to remember I’m doing this for you, not to you. It’s for your benefit; my enjoyment of it is a bonus, that’s all. I know you trust me; trust me that this is the right thing for you just now. All right?”

Jay sighed and looked at Liam. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” Liam stroked his face, turned to kiss Austin, then disentangled himself from them and stood. “Austin, I’m counting on you to keep an eye on him for me.”

“Yes, Sir. You know I will.” Austin followed Liam to the door, and Jay found himself on his feet, then his knees, holding on to Liam’s slacks. He didn’t know why, wasn’t sure what he was trying to accomplish. He just knew he needed something more before Liam left.

“Please,” he said.

Liam’s hand settled on his head. “You won’t convince me to change my mind.”

“I know. That’s not what I wanted.” Jay rubbed his face against Liam’s knee. “I need to tell you something.” The images on the videos he’d watched were burned into his brain, and at that moment he felt like if he shared them with Liam, if he had that to look forward to, he’d be able to get through the next however many days not being able to touch his dick.
God, please let it be days and not weeks.
He wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“Tell me,” Liam said.

“You said if there was something I wanted to try, you’d let me.”

“If it’s something I’d enjoy and not extreme to the point of being dangerous,” Liam agreed. “I’ve got a list of my own, but when I only have you two for a few hours a week…”

Jay blinked at the mingled frustration and yearning behind the words. It’d never occurred to him that Liam wanted more than he was getting. And Jay really wanted to know what was on Liam’s list. Breath play? Sensory deprivation? Role-playing? Liam as a severe principal with a cane to use on a pair of naughty students had a lot of appeal, and Jay could definitely get behind Liam as white-coated doctor with a set of sounds or a speculum. He pictured himself tied to an examination table, his feet in stirrups, spread open, utterly helpless, with Liam pulling on some latex gloves with a brisk
snap
. Jesus, he had to stop thinking like this. His dick was struggling to find space to harden and failing.

“What did you have in mind?” Liam prompted him.

Jay licked dry lips. “Fire play,” he said without preamble. He needed to say this, but he needed Liam gone so that he could pant and moan and cling to Austin for comfort. He was sweating, his hands shaking, unbearably worked up with no outlet. “It’s dramatic, and yeah, there’s a risk if it’s not done properly, but I trust you. I’ve been reading up about it, watching some vids… I could give you the links?”

“I’m not sure I feel qualified to do that,” Liam said slowly. It wasn’t a rejection, which was something, but it wasn’t the instant approval Jay had hoped for either. “And there isn’t a chance in hell that I’d do it until I felt capable of doing it safely.”

“But you’ll think about it? Please, Sir?” Jay pressed his mouth against Liam’s erection in a fervent and humble kiss, knowing he wasn’t being kind when Liam had to leave, but not caring much. Liam had time for a blowjob if he really wanted one; his cock was like steel, and he would’ve come within a few minutes. Turning them down was a subtle way of reminding them that he could control himself even if they couldn’t.

Not that Jay had any choice in the matter now, and God, that sucked.

“I’ll think about it,” Liam told him. “Which means exactly that—nothing more, nothing less. Don’t make any assumptions. I’ll probably have more questions for you before I have an answer. Now relax and get an early night. I think you need it.” Without another word Liam swept from the apartment and down the stairs, and after a few seconds Austin closed the door behind him.

Chapter Eight

Liam sighed and rubbed his eyes, which were feeling the strain of long hours at his computer. It wasn’t late enough to justify going to bed—and truthfully he wasn’t ready to—but it was most definitely time for a break in his self-imposed task.

He pushed his chair back and stood, stretching his arms above his head. The notepad where he’d been keeping track of the information he was gathering was flipped to the third page, and his job was nowhere near finished.

It wasn’t that the notion of fire play was so far removed from things he’d considered, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been surprised when Jay suggested it. Of course he ought to have expected something like it. Jay loved to push the boundaries of their sessions, to take things past mild pain and into a space that was darker and more serious. And Liam believed that he was personally capable of providing far more intensity for his sub than anything they’d done so far. Still, the thought of working with combustibles and live flame was disconcerting. It certainly wasn’t something he’d consider doing without first educating himself, and fortunately the Internet was a font of information.

There were many sites that focused on the kinkier aspects of BDSM. There were far fewer that provided the kind of safety detail Liam was looking for, and making his way to them had proved more time-consuming than he’d originally imagined.

He thought of Jay’s long, dark hair on fire and gave a convulsive shudder of revulsion, but he could see the appeal of that swift flash of heat and pain as the accelerant painted onto skin flared up for a brief second. He’d watched men and women lie quietly as it was done to them, deep inside sub space, calm and relaxed, their trust in their Doms absolute.

It’d be worth any amount of research and more to see Jay like that.

His head buzzing with too much new information, his neglected office work another source of guilt, Liam walked out into the hallway, intending to go upstairs and soak in the tub. Instead he found himself walking down into the basement.

What would it be like to have them here with him? He’d shied away from the idea at first, unsure of how solid their relationship was and unwilling to jeopardize it by rushing them. There’d also been a valid concern about what people would think. Liam was impatient of convention to a certain extent, but he wasn’t foolish enough to think that moving two young men into his home would go unnoticed by his neighbors. He’d already fielded some awkward questions now that Austin and Jay visited more often and sometimes spent the night.

It was amazing how nosy people could be, but he’d managed to quell their curiosity by being blandly polite and saying very little that mattered.

He was more concerned about his children. He couldn’t exactly throw Jay and Austin out into the street when his kids came to visit. If their apartment was indisputably separate and the two of them so clearly a couple—and Liam still seen as straight…

The punching bag he’d have to get rid of hung from the ceiling, swaying gently as he slapped it with his hand. The sound it made was very different to the sound of palm against skin, but the action was familiar enough.

He wondered if Jay had tried to remove the chastity device yet. The memory of the incredulous horror flashing through Jay’s eyes when he’d realized what had been done to him brought a grin to Liam’s face. Poor boy.

But God, how hot had it been to drive away with the key warm against his chest, hanging from a thin silver chain? He only had to think of Jay’s cock locked away like that for his own to swell urgently.

He’d intended to use the devices on both of them one weekend, but Jay had ruined that plan. Liam had felt a stab of annoyance over that, but Jay’s distress had soothed it away. There was no doubt that Jay was repenting his impulsive action.

“Owed an orgasm,” Liam said under his breath as he headed back upstairs. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Postponing his bath a little longer, he went back into his office, his decision made. He had some phone calls to make.

* * * *

Years had passed since Liam had used a library. He rarely had time to read for pleasure, and when he did, it was usually because he was on an airplane. All the books he’d read in the past five years had been either purchased at airport gift shops or been handed to him as wrapped presents.

This library—Jay’s library, as he’d come to think of it—wasn’t unlike most others he’d been inside. The walls were painted a soothing gray green, the tables and chairs looked sturdy, and everywhere the eye could see were tall rows of shelves covered with books. The far wall had a row of desks with computers on them; that was new. Liam paused near the front desk, where an older woman with short, curly hair and a pair of reading glasses hanging from a beaded chain around her neck was perched on a wooden stool.

“Can I help you?” she asked brightly as he stepped closer.

“I wanted to get a library card,” he said.

“Of course. I just need to take a little information and see your driver’s license?”

He produced his license and waited while she put on her glasses and typed up his information, then printed out a sticker and handed him his new card. “Now, fiction is on this floor, and the mysteries are in the back corner over there.” She pointed and looked at him thoughtfully. “You don’t look like a mystery sort of person, though. Nonfiction is upstairs, the children’s room is downstairs, and the DVDs are in that alcove. Is there anything I can help you find? We do close in about twenty minutes.”

“I was hoping for some books on home repairs and renovations, that sort of thing,” Liam said. “So those would be upstairs?”

“That’s right.” She turned to the side and tapped at a different keyboard. The screen of that computer was angled away from Liam, but he could glimpse a list of books. “Let me see. Can you narrow it down a little? It’s a wide field.”

“I’m remodeling my basement.”

“Ah!” She tapped some more, then gave him a bright smile, undimmed by the hours she’d undoubtedly spent doing this for dozens of people. “Then I can tell you exactly where to go: 643.5. Here, I’ll jot it down for you.”

He was more than capable of finding his way to that section, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Jay approaching, a book in his hand. Jay hadn’t seen him, and Liam took the opportunity to study his wayward sub, noting even from a distance that Jay looked tired. It showed in the slump of his shoulders and the scuff of his shoes against the carpet. Liam couldn’t imagine that sleeping on his stomach would’ve been comfortable for Jay, and he knew that was how Jay usually spent the night. He couldn’t resist giving Jay’s groin a glance, but as he’d promised, nothing was showing under Jay’s loose-fitting pants.

“It’s been quite a while since I was in a library,” he said, accepting the piece of paper with a smile. “Perhaps someone could help me since I don’t have much time before you close?”

“Of course! Jay, could you show this gentleman to the six hundreds? He’s doing some work in his basement.”

“Sure, let me just…” Jay’s words died away as he turned from shelving the book he held on a cart by the reception desk and saw Liam.

For a moment Liam felt guilty, as if he’d trespassed. There was no welcome in Jay’s eyes, just surprise at seeing Liam here, in his world. Then Jay smiled, the polite smile any library patron would’ve received.

“I’d be happy to help you, sir. If you’d follow me?”

The
sir
didn’t sound right, Liam decided, watching Jay’s backside as Jay began to walk toward the stairs, more life in his step now. Too pro forma. Jay probably had to call a lot of men
sir
during his work hours, and that made Liam feel fiercely possessive, though he was self-aware enough to laugh at himself for being ridiculous.

He caught up to Jay at the foot of the stairs. “You didn’t look happy to see me.”

“We’re always happy to have new patrons,” Jay told him with a downward glance at the card Liam was still holding. “We are closing soon, though, so I’d ask you to make your selections quickly.”

“Brat,” Liam said softly, recognizing what his father would’ve called “dumb insolence,” though he viewed it more as the start of an invigorating tussle of wills. One he intended to win, naturally. “How long did it take you to accept that it wouldn’t come off? One hour, two?”

It was Tuesday, so Jay had been seething with resentment for three days. Liam felt a deep sympathy for poor Austin, who’d probably suffered the most, not that Jay would see it that way.

Another sign that moving them in with him would be for the best. He had ways of handling bad moods that weren’t open to either of them. Still, he’d told them they’d do some trial runs first, and the renovations would take time. There was no immediate rush, after all.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jay said, which worried Liam until Jay met his gaze. “I have to be able to do my work. Any other time I’m yours. Not here.”

That was more than fair, so Liam nodded. “Let’s find those books, then, shall we?”

Jay led him up the stairs and passed another desk with a different woman sitting behind it, then to long rows of numbered stacks. “Down here,” Jay said, gesturing so that Liam could go first. “There are some on finishing basements, but that might be more basic than what you’re looking for? I mean, yours is finished already.”

“I don’t know,” Liam admitted. “I tried looking for some online, but it was too hard to tell which might have what I wanted in them. I thought if I could open them up, flip through them…”

“Yeah. Hm.” Jay put his hands on his hips and studied the row of books in the 640s. He pulled out three books seemingly at random. “Why don’t you take those over to one of those tables, and I’ll pull some more?” He thrust the books into Liam’s hands and crouched down to examine the shelved titles more closely, acting as if Liam would do as he’d suggested.