Room at the Edge (17 page)

“It feels like he’s going to keep me waiting forever.” Jay sounded so sad. “Not knowing if it’s ever going to happen…that’s what I can’t take.”

“I know.” Austin stroked Jay’s long, silky hair.

“Would you do it?” Jay sat up and gripped Austin’s hand, lifted it to his mouth, and kissed it. “We can do it on our own. We’ve done other stuff. Maybe, if we could just do it once, if I could get it out of my system before we move in, I’ll be so good for him, I really will—”

“You know you’ll just want more,” Austin protested. “Shh, come on. It’ll be okay. You have to trust that Liam will give us what we need.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Jay said, his voice sharp and almost angry. “You’d be happy if all he wanted was for you to clean his floors on your hands and knees for the rest of your life.” Jay’s face fell into miserable lines again. “Sorry. Jesus. I didn’t mean that.”

Austin kissed him because they both needed it, cradling Jay’s face between his hands. “I know. And you’re not totally wrong.” It still hurt, a little bit, but mostly it was an indication of how much Jay needed more than he was getting. And despite Austin’s encouragement that Jay trust Liam, chances were all Doms had a line they wouldn’t cross. Austin wasn’t sure if Liam’s was on the other side of fire play, not when it was so risky and the potential damage was so extreme. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s not a no. I guess it’s a maybe.”

Jay might have wanted more, but that was as far as Austin would go until he’d done some research of his own. He could see why Liam was dragging his feet.

* * * *

Gulping down a last mouthful of coffee, Austin headed for the door. “Jay, I’m going. Are you still in the shower?”

“No, I’m here.” Jay walked in, his wet hair hanging straight and heavy, his chest bare, a towel wrapped around his waist. “You’re heading off early.”

“Fridays are always busy, and I want to make sure I can get away early tonight.”

Jay scratched his ribs, drawing Austin’s gaze. Jay’s skin was flushed from the heat of the water, but in the cooler air of the room his nipples had tightened. “Got time to kiss me? Or am I too wet?”

Austin would’ve found time to kiss Jay if the building had been on fire when he asked like that, provocative and teasing on the surface, vulnerability peeking out. “Why do you think I told you I was leaving? Come here.”

Jay in his arms, warm and smelling of grapefruit shower gel, made breaking the kiss harder than usual. Austin couldn’t stop caressing Jay’s back, loving the way the dampness made his hands drag at the skin. Whatever Jay had been doing in the shower had gotten him horny as hell, his breath coming fast and shallow.

“Want to suck you before you go,” Jay murmured into his ear, rubbing up against Austin, as demanding as a hungry cat, the towel falling to the floor. Even though Liam had removed the cock cage after a week, the memory of it touching Austin’s thigh during a hug from Jay was vivid. Austin had flinched, stepped back, leaving Jay with hurt darkening his eyes. If Liam ever used it on him, Austin wasn’t sure he’d be able to bear it for more than a day. “All I can taste is mouthwash. Want to taste you. Please? Just for a minute?”

Austin was tempted, not least by the way the residue of the mouthwash would make his cock tingle, but stopping before he came got harder every time they did this.

“Really want to, even if it makes me late, but I can’t risk it.” He couldn’t stop petting Jay, though, straining toward him, his hardening cock craving contact with something—Jay’s thigh, his hand, anything.

His hands clamped on Jay’s ass, Austin bit Jay’s shoulder, moaning at the way Jay surged against him, wanton and needy. Jay would kneel for him with nothing more than Austin’s hand on his shoulder as a signal, open his mouth wide, take Austin’s cock, sucking and licking at it greedily…

The phone rang, the interruption sending a wave of adrenaline through Austin, his heart pounding as he pulled away from Jay and moved to answer it. “Hi, hello?” God, he sounded like an idiot; the apologetic glance he directed at Jay was for more than the fact that they’d been interrupted.

“Austin—good, I wasn’t sure if I’d catch you before you left.” It was Liam, impatient and hurried.

“I was just getting ready,” Austin told him. “Is everything okay?”

“Depends on who you ask.” Liam sighed. “I’m sorry. I have to cancel our plans tonight.”

Austin’s heart sank. “Okay.” It wasn’t okay, not by a long shot, but he could tell from Liam’s tone of voice that he wasn’t happy about it, either.

“It’s not. It’s completely unacceptable, but it’s also unavoidable. I’d get out of it if I could. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay. We understand.”

Jay wrapped the discarded towel around his waist and came closer, reading Austin’s distress like an expert. He slipped an arm around Austin’s waist and waited.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear it. Apologize to Jay for me? If I manage to get out of the office sooner than I think, I’ll phone you.”

“Okay. Bye.” Austin waited until he was sure the call had disconnected before throwing the phone onto the couch. “Tonight’s off.”

“Shit,” Jay said. “Why did we have to take up with a lawyer? We should have known better.”

“Little late for that now,” Austin said, running a hand through his hair. “He said he can’t help it. He’s really sorry. I’m sure he was looking forward to it as much as we were.”

“Yeah.” Hugging him, Jay said, “Well, whatever. We’ll do something tonight without him, right?”

“Right.” Austin kissed Jay and headed for the door. “Love you.”

It wasn’t until Austin was getting into the car that he realized when Jay said “something,” he meant fire play. Knowing there’d be no Liam that night made it tempting to give in, to do what Jay wanted, and by the time Austin arrived at work, he’d come close to making up his mind.

Austin had been at his job long enough that it was second nature. It was simple for him to compile paperwork and file insurance forms and answer the occasional phone call while thinking the whole time about fire play. He’d done a lot of reading, and he’d bought the things they’d need, including two new fire extinguishers. Every rule for how to play with fire safely had been committed to memory, repeated over and over again.

If they were going to do this, they were going to do it right. There was no way Austin would chance hurting Jay. Well, not in a way Jay didn’t want to be hurt, and the possibility there was a looming future in which Jay pushed further and harder was something Austin couldn’t contemplate just then.

He made his way home with his thoughts still focused wholly on Jay and was relieved the apartment was empty. Dealing with Jay’s wild anticipation would be too much. He had to be in the right head space for this. It gave him time to set the stage, though he didn’t plan to do anything until later. They usually went to Liam’s at eight; he’d stick to that time and frame the new experience with the familiar routine.

The small room that was technically his bedroom, only used when one of them was sick, seemed like a good place to do it. Austin stripped the bed to a single sheet and put the small fire extinguishers on either side of it. He’d bought a fire blanket from a camping store, and he spread it out on the bed. It was gray and scratchy, but he couldn’t see Jay caring about that.

Austin had decided to go with something really simple, hoping to satisfy Jay’s curiosity with as little risk as possible. He’d seen videos of hairstyling mousse spread on skin in a design and then ignited. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. He’d experimented in the bathroom, squirting the mousse out into the sink and lighting it with a match, a jug of water at hand just in case. The experiment had gone well, but he hadn’t felt the slightest desire to test it on his skin.

If Jay wanted more, he’d gotten a small bottle of 70 percent isopropyl alcohol. Like the mousse, that could be applied to skin, lit, then smothered with a wet towel, but Austin was hoping not to go that far.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head down. His stomach was tight with nerves. This wasn’t his fucking job; it was Liam’s. It felt all wrong for him to be standing in Liam’s place and doing this to Jay, but Jay wasn’t going to wait for Liam’s decision. Not when there was a possibility that Liam would decide he didn’t want to do it. Jay’s mood was still volatile, veering wildly between rebellion and ardent submission. The cancellation of the session had been the worst news possible.

The click and creak of Jay coming through the front door propelled Austin to his feet. He couldn’t let Jay see him stressing about this; it would fuck up the experience. Part of the session was about the Dom—or in this case the person standing in for the Dom—being in control so that the sub didn’t have to be. If the Dom’s confidence was lacking, the whole thing would be an exercise in futility.

Austin went down the short hallway toward the kitchen, where he could hear Jay opening the fridge. “Hi,” he said to Jay’s back, then, as Jay turned around holding a bottle of beer, “Um, no way. Not tonight.”

Jay’s face lit up like sunshine on water. “Does that mean yes?”

“It means yes,” Austin confirmed and was too late to fend off Jay’s rib-crushing hug. “Ow, hey! That bottle cap is sharp!”

“Sorry,” Jay said, backing off. “Sorry, I was just—”

“I know.”

Jay was grinning so widely that it had to hurt his face. His hands settled at Austin’s waist, tugging him closer. “God, I wish you could fuck me right now.”

There was no way Austin could do that without coming, and they both knew it. They’d just have to put everything they had into tonight’s session and wait until tomorrow night with Liam to come. “Me too. Let’s split a sandwich, okay? I don’t want to go into this on an empty stomach.”

“Okay.”

Jay washed lettuce leaves and sliced a tomato while Austin put mayo on multigrain bread and layered on turkey and ham. It was harder to choke down bites than Austin had imagined, but not just because he was stressed out. Now, infected by Jay’s excitement and enthusiasm, Austin was eager too.

“Get naked,” he told Jay as he put their plates into the dishwasher. “Leave all your clothes in the bedroom, and for God’s sake, tie your hair back.”

“Do you want me to shower first?”

Austin hesitated and cursed himself. Liam never did that. “Yes, but don’t use deodorant or body lotion or—”

“Since when do I use lotion?” Jay asked with a grin. “Do we even have any?”

“It just said not to on all the sites I visited, and I’ve memorized all the safety instructions,” Austin said. “I guess I’m more nervous about this than I should be.”

“Come into the shower with me,” Jay said, his hands on Austin’s shoulders. “It’s still early, and it’d relax you. We’ve got all night. There’s no rush now that I know it’s going to happen. I want to enjoy it.” He bit his lip. “I want you to enjoy it too. Are you really freaked by the idea?”

“Yeah, kind of, but I still want to do it for you,” Austin answered with enough truth to it that Jay looked satisfied. “I thought we could try the mousse.”

Jay nodded. “Yeah? It’s a good place to start. What design are you going to do? Where are you putting it? My back? My ass?”

I don’t know
, Austin wanted to scream at him.
I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to do this
. With an attempt at playfulness, he turned Jay around and swatted his ass lightly. “Less talk, more showering. If I’m in charge for the night—”

“Then you need to work on your English accent— Ow! That hurt.”

“It was supposed to,” Austin said. “Bedroom. Strip. I’ll start the shower.”

Jay joined him in the bathroom before the water was hot, naked and shifting his weight from one foot to the other as if eager for what was to come. He had goose bumps, and his hair was tied back as Austin had instructed. “Brr! Should have turned up the heat.”

“Let’s see if you’re still saying that in half an hour,” Austin told him. It was impossible not to be happy in the face of Jay’s happiness, and when it came right down to it, he’d read everything he’d been able to find. He was probably a lot better prepared for what they were about to try than most people.

“Can I get in? Come on, you get in too.” Jay didn’t wait for him, disappearing behind the shower curtain with a rustle of plastic.

Austin quickly shed his clothes and joined Jay. It felt so good to wrap his arms around Jay’s naked body and let the hot water beat down on them, but he started to get hard immediately.

“Let me suck you,” Jay murmured. “Just a little.”

“No. I wish I could.” He hated having to refuse Jay, but in another twenty-four hours Liam would almost certainly let them both come. They had to wait. “Turn around so I can wash your back.”

Austin worked the soap into a lather and applied it to Jay’s perfect skin, running his fingers over it. The thought of doing something that would scar Jay—even if Jay wouldn’t mind, and he probably wouldn’t—freaked him out and was the main reason he was hesitant. He couldn’t bear the thought of Jay’s beautiful body being marred by scar tissue he’d put on it.

“We have to be really careful,” he said.

“I know,” Jay told him. “We will. I’ll do everything you tell me.”

“If you don’t, it’s not happening. Because I love you, not because I don’t. You know?”

Jay nodded. “I’d be the same way with you. But what we’re doing is baby stuff.”

Austin leaned his head against Jay’s shoulder. “I’m putting something on you and setting it on fire. Not baby stuff.” He shivered reflexively, then realized his hands were clutching Jay’s upper arms too tightly to be comfortable. He eased off, conscience stricken by the red marks his fingers had left, though Jay hadn’t protested. Why would he? Liam did much worse, and Jay just begged for more. “Let’s get out.”

“Sure.”

They dried off, and Austin pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Jay stood naked, his eyes dreamy. Austin took two small towels from the linen cupboard outside the bathroom. “I’m going to soak these and wring them out. Can you take another towel in there that I can put them on so I don’t get the bed wet?”